Well, it finally happened.My XBox 360 died.I went to start it up and it whirred andmoaned a little before giving me the redring of death, signaling its transformationfrom a gaming console into a giant,useless paperweight. I had to send theconsole off to the magical place wheretrained Microsoft technicians will performsome complex repairs on it, like replacingthe fan with a bigger fan or soldering acouple of metal rods onto one of the circuitboards.We’re talking serious stuff here; solderingirons are hot.Lucky for me, the delicate procedure is completely covered by Microsoft as a way of saying “sorry our hardware was so unbelievably defective,” but I can’t help wondering why theydidn’t just include something like a bigger fan in the first place. After all, recalls areexpensive. They cost more than the pennies those cheap bastards must have saved whenthey cut corners building the damn thing.Where was I? Oh yeah: the Red Ring of Death.After complaining about this temporary inconvenience to everyone I know, I realized thatoutside of XBox 360 owners, avid gamers andPS3fanboys who won’t shut up about it, theRed Ring of Death isn’t a commonly known term. In fact, I’m pretty sure it meanssomething completely different to certain people. For all we know, it could have been theworking title for what eventually became Moscow’s Red Square.Think about it: perhaps Red Square was once envisioned as the Red Ring of Death — agiant communist circle where traitors would be placed in the centre and summarily executedby firing squad in the name of the motherland. Unfortunately, those plans were abandonedin favour of the line-up-against-wall method after some test executions revealed that thelaws of physics do not, in fact, heed to the will of the people and crossfire was going to be aserious problem.Or the Red Ring of Death could be the central theme of a third-rate Lord of the Rings rip-off that has a companion role-playing game enjoyed solely by guys who think World of Warcrafthas become too trendy.
After all, the Red Ring of Death might mean any number of things:▪the nickname of anSTD▪the fighting arena of some shadowyUFC-esque blood sport where the winner eats theflesh of his vanquished foe in order to gain his power▪what you call your asshole the day after a hot-wing benderBut for XBox 360 owners, all the Red Ring of Death means is you won’t be able to play Callof Duty for a couple weeks because Microsoft cared more about profit margins than productquality.