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Fleeting Dawn
Written by:
Joanna M.
============================================PREFACE.I stared at the mirror. I almost couldn’t believe I was here.I splashed my face with cold water and watched it drip down my chin, hitting the porcelain bowl of the sink in big fat drops. My face was a dark mask. A curtain pulledover the end of a theatric. Shadowy circles under my eyes gave my face a much harsher and paler expression then it was. The motel lighting didn’t help my ashen complexion.I heard him stir in the adjoining room and grabbed the towel. Drying my face I reachedfor my clothes to dress hurriedly; leaving the bathroom.Tiptoeing I moved past the large motel room bed, taking his truck keys, twenty dollarsand my shoes I slipped out the door and chucked the money in my back pocket.Only to turn back around.Silently crossing the room I stole a gentle kiss from the sleeping man on the bed, and breathed in deep, committing his fragrance to memory. As if it wasn’t there already.Squaring my shoulders I left, this time without looking back.In the truck I slumped against the steering wheel. Leaving him was the hardest thing Iwould ever do, but staying would never work. I would get over him in time.Ha! Who was I joking?But this just wasn’t – it
couldn’t 
work – I’d let it get out of hand – now I had to leave before it was too late to look back. Before I ruined his life.If only he wasn’t so perfect. If only he couldn’t have anything or anyone he wanted – if only he’d chosen me because he cared about me – instead of because I was there.If only – but if only’s never made reality.Putting the truck into first I left the cold motel parking lot as the gray dawn pricked a vastTexas sky. Feeling just as bleak and empty as the February day predicted.Ten minutes later I was back at the bar, where last night had started, I located my car inthe almost empty lot and parked his pick up truck beside it. Before leaving I let the
 
engine of my mustang idle to warm while I pulled out my cell phone and sent him a textmessage.“Your truck is at Beb’s.”Dialed his cell phone number by memory and punched the send button.I left the bar and turned right.Sitting at the red light I squeezed my eyes shut to forget about last night.How was I to know that last night would come back to me over and over in a way Inever even suspected?
CHAPTER 1.
“Jack, he won’t stop crying.” My sister’s voice echoed from the foot of the stairs.Groggily I swung my legs out of bed and stumbled out to the hall, she wasapproaching my room, “Here, I’ll take him now. Thanks for watching him.” I reached for my son my nap had certainly been cut short.Gage was only six months old but it felt like I hadn’t slept in three years.I cuddled him close and his tears subsided. I began crooning a lullaby to him out of habit. Pacing the hall I sang. He drifted off slowly. His weight getting heavier and heavier in my arms as he sagged against me.When he slept I laid him carefully on my bed and yawned. I wanted nothing more then tolay down again and cuddle up next to him and sleep for three hours. But a large stack of clean laundry was piled in the rocking chair, needing to be folded, and the dirty laundrywas scattered about the floor.I scooted them all into piles to be done after I straightened the room. My movementsslightly lethargic.Careful not to wake Gage up I made the bed and straightened the side tables. Theycollected a lot of junk somehow.With my mind elsewhere my hands moved restlessly from object to object, trying toconstitute some sort of order to my things. Gage had been teething worse lately and I wasat my wits end on soothing his gums. The medications from the drug store downtownweren’t providing him with much relief.My cell phone vibrated from somewhere on the dresser and I went in search of it.Surprised it hadn’t been shut off yet – I had been late with the payments for almost twoweeks.“Ello?” My voice was too tired to seem sparked.“Jack?” My best friend’s voice was bouncy and lively as ever, sending a stab of jealousyunder my skin. “The gang is headed out tonight for some party life – care to hang with
 
us?” She was excited, vaguely I wondered what was up, “Pleaseee.” She whined in her most convincing whine.I smiled despite myself, “Andy, you know I can’t.” I shrugged to myself.“Why not?” She was pouting now. “You’re always stuck in the prison. Gage isn’t likehandcuffs or anything. He
does
sleep.”“Umm.” I tried to sound agreeing. He certainly wasn’t doing much of the sleeping thinglately, but Andy didn’t need to be bothered with my problems – it wasn’t like she’d beenirresponsible and had a baby to tie her down. “Go ahead and y’all have fun tonight. I’ll bethinking about you.” I promised.“I won’t take no for an answer, Jack, tonight you’re going with us. I’ll arrange for a babysitter if you can’t get Lisa to do it.” Andy’s voice wasn’t pleading anymore, it wasdemanding.I sighed, I didn’t have the time to argue with her, “I’ll see what I can do.” I agreedvaguely.When she hung up she sounded confident I would comply, it was Lisa she should haveconsidered – where my sister was concerned, nothing was with confidence.I couldn’t have asked for a better aunt for my son, but when it came to me – we had our differences.As if called she appeared at the door, and looked in, her eyes darting to the bed, “Oh. Ithought I heard you talking. I was going to offer to get Gage his supper.”I glanced at her, her eyes were on Gage again, I might as well get it over with.“Lis – “ I paused, she looked to me, I tried to read the expression in her eyes, but her face was blank, I had no idea if she was in a good mood, “Andy was wanting me to goout with her tonight, for some girl bonding time. I was wondering if you would mind-”I sighed, “Mind babysitting Gage while I’m out. I’ll pay you.” I added hurriedly.Lisa’s eyes narrowed, her blank expression quickly shifting to scorn, “Sure, I’ll takegood care of your son while you go play.” She turned on her heel with a shrug and left theroom. 
Shoot. Why did she make me feel so guilty?
It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to get out of going. And I hadn’t been out with Andy in forever – I stopped there, whom was I tryingto convince? Myself? I had no one to make excuses to. The only one I was talking towasn’t going to listen. I had a very poor time of convincing myself of anything.Andy showed up not long after I’d fed and put Gage to bed for the night, this was myone night off of the week and I usually put it to good use by playing catch up on thingsI’d put off because I was too busy. A very average excuse.Her electrified mood was catchy and even Lisa’s dark glance didn’t make me stop tothink twice, I gave my sister a quick hug, to her surprise, and let Andy grab my hand,towing me out the front door.“Call me if Gage wakes up and gets cranky.” I called to Lisa over my shoulder.She didn’t answer.“No, don’t call. Deal with him yourself.” Andy’s laughing voice contradicted me. I rolledmy eyes but let her pull me through the door and out to her car parked on the curb.The SUV was packed with people. I recognized vaguely everyone but the guy in thefront seat.“Who’s that?” I nodded to the dark haired, suit-wearing misfit in the passenger seat, helooked out of place with the rest of the dressed down crowd.
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