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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are theproduct of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance toactual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirelycoincidental.
 Neither a Borrower 
© 2008 luke t. bergeronCover Photo © 2009 luke t. bergeronCover Design by Angela Sels
 Neither a Borrower 
is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 license. This means that the work can befreely shared and distributed, but cannot be sold, attributed to parties other than theauthor, altered, transformed, or built upon without the express written permissionof the author. For more information about this license, go tohttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/ . The author can be reached at valentineclouds@gmail.com. 
 
 
Neither a Borrower
A Novellaluke t. bergeron

Neither a Borrower

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vclouds

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amileft a comment

You have an original concept and that is great! Your writing style is clear and I enjoy reading it. I would make one note for you to incorporate more internal struggles within Sacha that she is fighting. Perhaps a struggle within and without where she is overcoming, but fails or tries and fails. Or thinking about a way out...
10 / 04 / 2009
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vcloudsleft a comment

@ Tim: Thanks for the comment. You're correct. Sacha is slow to act and although I'd like to say that it's all because of her character (which is partly true - she is someone who does more "reacting" than acting), I am still learning about how to shape a story. Getting to the action faster is something I'm still learning. Any tips on how to get to the action faster?
07 / 22 / 2009
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bonalibro replied:

******* the guy who does the dosing, like her friend does, might be a good place to start. Wherever that leads you start solving the problems, but making it a woman in peril plot, with the deus ex machina ending won't sell.
10 / 15 / 2009

bonalibroleft a comment

Luke, You write very clear clean prose and that is more than I expected, but I got through the first thirty pages or so and Sacha has yet to do anything about her situation. At what point will she act? Tim Chambers
07 / 21 / 2009
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