At the age of 12 I started high school. The years to come wouldpractically go like this: Gossiping, forming groups, being a racist,occasionally disrespecting my parents and others that loved me.Dating girls, go clubbing, drinking alcohol and the list goes on. Iwas the most popular and handsome guy at school, but inside Imust have been the most depressing. I was missing something inlife, but I did not know what it was. I wore myself out and had nofear of life or death. Especially death was never on my mind. Inmy mind, life was forever.I wasn’t aware that my life could end at any moment. And whatwould happen if I died was never on my mind. I never knew atthat time how lucky I was. I had a loving family and a good life.At the age of 15 my parents didn’t know what to do with me. There was nothing stopping me. The only one who could stop thisself-destruction was me. One time my aunt, that hadn’t seen mefor 5 years, was shocked to see what I’ve become. She had a chatwith me to try to change my behavior. I acted as if I was listeningto her just to get her away from me as soon as possible. But therewas one thing I did catch and it struck me.She said ‘I will not and cannot change you, because society hasnothing to say against you and your behavior. All of the thingsyou’re doing are being promoted. You are the only one who canchange yourself and you should only do it for yourself. Youdeserve it’Such simple words and logic seemed very odd to hear. After sheleft I cried my heart out. I was hurting myself without knowing it. This was the moment I knew I had to change my life. The onlyproblem was I didn’t know where to begin.I noticed I started talking to God in my room before going to bed. That was strange, because I’ve always lived a life where Godwasn’t on my mind. This must be what people call ‘fitrah’.
Leave a Comment