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The Breakthrough
"A friend is a present you give yourself."~ Robert Louis Stevenson
When I think back to all the friends I’ve made and had and left, I can’t help rememberingthe ones that got away. Those friends always seem to stand out strongest in my mind.Sometimes I envision them from my bunk next to the window. Dancing on the white walls of my cell, holding hands, we were singing, “Ring around the rosy! Pocket full of posies! Ashes!Ashes! We all fall down!” Their lancing silhouettes twitter like a Moscow ballet across thefogged window pane and down against the square glass viewing panel on the door. It’s like I’mthere again. Strange that I feel so close to them.It’s a sad thing, truly: to remember. These friends are especially important, Dr. Kyle says.He says it would be a good idea for me to focus on them. “Go ahead and try to think back,”Imagine his voice a dull drill coming out of a thick, white beard, “Think back to your childhoodand visit those friends for me. Can you do that, Brian?” I nodded. I knew if I nodded that hewould give me extra time outside, and I really liked the way the trees looked this time of year. Istood from my chair and began to pace the room.“Charlie was my first friend,” I managed through frowning brows and squinted eyes.“I’d heard rumors of him from my brother – you know, Eric? Yeah, well,” I swallowed, “Ericwould tell me these grand stories of their journeys through the forest behind our house. Charliewas a regular trailblazer! What a tough guy! Eric told me how they built a bridge over thestream together, caught fish at the lake, and hunted squirrels with their slingshots. He was thekind of kid I wanted to be my friend.”Dr. Kyle watched me very closely. I noticed that about him, and it always got under myskin - made me feel like bugs were crawling on me. He interrupted me, “What kind of things didyou do with Charlie?” I went silent. My brows remained in their downward thrust, and Imassaged my temples. It was hot in the doctor’s office. “I didn’t do anything with him.”“Anything?” Dr. Kyle asked.“No. We just….never really met. You see? We didn’t have time,” I began pacing again,letting myself get distracted by the ornate jars of colored sand lining the bookshelves. We madethose in Art Time last week. Mine didn’t look right – Ferris told me between mouthfuls of thestuff. He was crazy.All of a sudden I felt like I had to rush. “There just wasn’t any more time. For him – for me and him, together. You see? Life moves quick. You have to be on your toes – have to keepmoving forward,” I emphasized with my flailing arms. Dr. Kyle was still, as always, very still. Ihated him.“Did you have any other friends?” He asked. A tremor of anger made me shake. Myvoice quivered and I lashed out, “Of course, I had other friends! What do you take me for, somekind of wall-fly?” I took a breath, calming myself, and stared off through Dr. Kyle’s windows.
 
The first of the winter snows had fallen: a pure blanket of white. Everything was clear andendless – so beautiful. Talking like this will be worth it later, when I get extra time out there.“There was Sarah.”“Sarah?” Dr. Kyle invited. I knew his tricks by now, but it didn’t really matter. “Yes,Sarah. She lived on the other side of the street. Played with the neighborhood boys – football,soccer, hockey. They never saw her coming, either! She would just come in their game andsmash everybody. The best, that girl. The best athlete around,” I smiled in my reverie, but Ididn’t tell everything to Dr. Kyle.“So you two got along well?” Dr. Kyle interrupted again. That rising feeling of anger returned. It was so strange. “No,” I whispered, “we didn’t get a chance to introduceourselves...you know, the regular way.” Dr. Kyle lifted his eyebrows, “The regular way?” Hesuspiciously looked pleased about something.“Yea. Um, face-to-face, and all that.” I mumbled, glancing down at the sides of my pants.“Well, how did you meet?” He asked.“I just. Kind of…used my power, and..”“Yes?”My thoughts started to slow down, and that anger slacked into a cold hard pellet. It grewin my stomach, and I’d noticed it before – other times. I could feel it happening, now.Something was happening to me. The doctor was doing something to me! I shook myself andresumed my pacing, but this time the feeling stayed. Maybe the extra time outside wasn’t worthit. I slashed my hands apart, “Nevermind, nevermind! This isn’t what I want. I don’t want to gooutside, anyway. I’m done talking, Dr. Kyle! Take me back to my room.”Dr. Kyle stared at me, keeping very still. Then he faced the writing pad on his lap andsighed. I felt a joy leap up inside my heart. I was going to leave!Then everything changed.“Brian,” he blew out the word like a long breath. “Can you tell me about Dan?” Heasked.The word rocketed against my chest, and I squirmed. A fleeting jolt of panic snappedaround me, and I felt squeezed. This wasn’t how I wanted things to go. “Dan? My friend,Dan?” Dr. Kyle nodded. I pinioned my neck and felt sweat on my forehead. “Just another friend – like Sarah and Charlie. Really popular with the girls. He said all the right things,looked the right ways. He always had some kind of date – lots of girlfriends. Casanova, thatone,” I explained with pride. Some clutching force was dragging it out of me, though, because Isure as hell didn’t want to tell Dr. Kyle.“Dan was your friend in high school, wasn’t he?”
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