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Moving On After A Break Up, Not To A New You, But For A Better You
by Candice Garcia
The lack of one, can be the worst part of any relationship. I have been there... alone in theroom in the aftermath of a break up, thinking why and how my relationship went all downhill. At some point in my life, I have waited and wasted precious time trying to get some closurefrom an ex who wasn't willing, if not, couldn't afford to give it.I've scoured libraries, the Internet and talked to experts searching for some guidance to helpdeal with the ambiguous end of a relationship, but most of what I learned didn't come fromany of those places. It came from experience. It came from my girl friends' experiences. Andit came from being the one left confused and broken-hearted. Whether it was a long drawn-out breakup or one that ended abruptly without warning, below are some tips on how tomove on to bigger and better things"specifically a new you.
Play it cool.
The first months after the end of a relationship is spent deconstructing,overanalyzing and explaining to every one you ever met what went wrong. Instead of  jumping straight to the trash talk about how he wasn't good in bed, try keeping mum on thesubject. This doesn't mean you need to praise him or avoid the topic altogether, but talking itto death will bore your friends and scare new guys away. Not only will staying tight-lipped onthe subject keep your name clear of drama, but it will baffle him as to why you aren't pouringwith distraught. Win-win.
Don't play the victim.
Women always tend to be the helpless and wounded in movies, andit's seemingly no different when it comes to relationships. According to the AmericanPsychological Association, women are twice as likely to develop depression than men. Don'tget me wrong, the sympathy is nice when we feel lost and lonely, but it only makes us thatmuch more vulnerable. Be strong and positive. Easier said than done of course, but thestronger-willed we are, the less likely we are to make bad decisions and be taken advantageof by the hard-to-resist rebound.
Work on you.
In the aftermath of a breakup, we often see ourselves wallowing in oursorrows. Wallowing is okay, in fact needed, but only for a certain period of time. Life has somuch to offer, you don't want to miss it, don't you?
Refocus your life.
Like any other problems in life... after all the wallowing, you need torefocus your life. Take a deep breath and set your priorities... your family, friends, career andyourself. If you feel you need some counseling, perhaps attend a retreat, do so. It will giveyou a lot of time to think things over, until you can finally sleep soundly.
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