WANCHORS Episode One by Tom Gran and Martin Woolley

FADE IN: EXT. BOTTOM OF THE SEA - EVENING A sea mine floats in the murky depths, held in place by dozens of rusty weights and anchors. Booming 80s rap echoes from within. INT. MINE, LIVING ROOM - CONTD Music blares from a boom box sat on top of a treasure chest. The damp interior of the mine has been crudely decorated with old rugs and salvaged bits of furniture. Band posters and photos of girls torn from magazines partially cover the many warning signs stuck around the mines explosive core. In the middle of the room, SHRIMP and PRESTON hold CHAD upside-down as he chugs beer from a keg through a snorkel. PRESTON CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! SHRIMP CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

CHAD finishes the keg. They flip him onto his feet, cheering and exchanging high-fives. PRESTON Man, Im pumped. He karate chops a table -- it remains unbroken. SHRIMP You better be! I dunno how you suckers do it on the surface but you aint seen nothin til youve partied at 20,000 leagues. Tonight, youre both gonna be joining the mile deep club -know what Im sayin? CHAD and PRESTON exchange looks of wild-eyed excitement. CHAD Come on, b-bags! Lets book! He staggers towards the front door, pulling on an old diving helmet. WHAM! He slips on a discarded dumbbell and face-plants into the wall of the mine. The glass front of the helmet shatters and CHAD reels round, blood dripping from his shard-studded face. PRESTON and SHRIMP guffaw.

2. PRESTON Hey Chad, think fast! He yanks a rug out from under CHADs feet -- WHAM! He slams his face against the edge a mini-fridge. They laugh louder, SHRIMP slamming his webbed fist against the table. EXT. UNDER THE SEA - CONTD SHRIMP leads the way towards the surface, PRESTON and CHAD follow, dressed in scuba gear. CHAD pulls a shard of glass from his forehead. CHAD You guys are total dick holes! You owe me like thirty bucks for that mini-fridge. Plus another ten for the beers inside cause that junks gonna be warm by the time we get back and if you think Im gonna drink warm beer youPRESTON cuts him off. PRESTON Yo, Shrimp, are we there yet? SHRIMP comes to a stop. SHRIMP Hang on, lemme check the address. He pulls out a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket. It immediately disintegrates. SHRIMP watches, blank faced. Hey, are surface? party in goin to CHAD we headed for the I thought we were gonna the depths. Why are we the surface?

SHRIMP Cause you went and cut your dumbass face and now were bein followed by fuckin sharks. He gestures behind them. A gaggle of sharks in glam-rock biker gear pursue them, following the trail of CHADs blood. SHARK Hey, my brothers, come chill with us.

3. SHARK 2 Were gonna do something really 80s. SHRIMP turns away from them. SHRIMP But my bro Ray is throwin a primo blow out on his yacht. Dont worry, dudes, your boy Shrimps gonna hook you up. EXT. OCEAN SURFACE - CONTD The trio emerge from the water, CHAD and PRESTON pulling off their helmets. They look up -- a huge luxury yacht decorated with balloons and party banners looms over them. Wild music echoes from on deck. SHRIMP You hear that? This is my jam! Nice. PRESTON

CHAD So how do we get up there? PRESTON I got an idea. Put on your helmet. As CHAD does so, PRESTON sneakily removes the tube from CHADs oxygen tank, puts the end against his ass and lets rip. CHAD AAGH! DUDE! SHRIMP and PRESTON laugh. CHAD yanks off his stinky helmet. PRESTON Hahaha ok, ok, sorry, man. Put it back on lets do this. CHAD slots it back on his head. PFRRRT! PRESTON farts down the tube again. PRESTON (CONTD) Hahaha! CHAD DUDE! WEAK! COME ON! CHAD pulls off his helmet and throws it aside as the others continue to laugh. Hahahaha! SHRIMP

4. CHAD (CONTD) I swear you guys, Im gonna fuckin lose it if youPRESTON Haha, chill, dude, Im just messin with you. Come on. PRESTON pulls on his helmet. CHAD eyes him sceptically before retrieving his own and jamming it onto his head. FEWP! SHRIMP farts down the tube. CHAD AAAGH! MAN! ITS ALL FISHY! IM GONNA BARF! DUDE! SHRIMP and PRESTON laugh even harder. PRESTON Hahahaha. Ok. Ok. Lets just use that ladder. He points to a ladder on the side of the yacht. CHAD scowls. SRIMP Pft. Ladders are for zeeks. Check it! KA-DOOSH! SHRIMP leaps from the sea like a majestic salmon. Word! PRESTON

He attempts to propel himself out of the water and slams head first into the hull of the boat. EXT. YACHT DECK - CONTD Music plays. A swarm of kids sit in front of a stage, transfixed. A clown dances back and forth behind an upturned top hat on a table. He approaches the hat, waving his hands mysteriously, ready to conjure something from within. CLOWN Ok, birthday boy, make a wishSHRIMP lands on deck, flattening the top hat and table and landing on his ass. The kids scream. The CLOWN screams. SHRIMP screams at the CLOWN. The CLOWN screams back. SHRIMP slips over and falls into the kids. The kids scream again.

5. The kids flee, running to the edge of the yacht. They skid to a stop as they come face to face with CHAD and PRESTON, bloodied, mad-eyed and draped in seaweed pulling themselves onto the deck. The kids scream louder. CHAD turns and vomits onto PRESTON. PRESTON Dude, dont ralph on me! He punches CHAD in the face -- CHADs head whips round, spraying the screaming kids with puke. SHRIMP runs towards them, slips on the vomit and collides with a huge, extravagant birthday cake. WHAM! The cabin door flies open and a man in glasses and a NUMBER ONE DAD t-shirt emerges, a cocktail glass in one hand. SHARK! DAD

He points at SHRIMP, who flops on the floor like a beached flounder. Say what?! SHRIMP

NUMBER ONE DAD throws aside the glass and grabs a shotgun. DAD BOYS! GET DOWN! The kids hit the deck as the DAD fires wildly, blasting a hole clean through the yachts floor. The DAD shouts as he repeatedly reloads and fires. DAD (CONTD) NO! SHARKS! AT! MY! SONS! BIRTHDAY! EXTRAVAGANZA! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! He continues to fire, taking out decorations, windows and the CLOWN. The terrified kids continue to scream as the ship lurches downwards. The DAD stops firing and looks down -- hes up to his knees in sea water. DAD (CONTD) NO WATER ON MY BOAT! He cocks his gun and fires at the water. The floor gives way under him and he disappears into the drink.

6. EXT. UNDER THE SEA - CONTD The yacht plummets toward the bottom of the sea. PRESTON and CHAD scream silently from inside, their faces pressed up against a porthole as the boat collides with the sea bed. DOONK DOONK! A fishy hand knocks on the outside of the porthole -- PRESTON and CHAD stop screaming and look up. SHRIMP, standing casually outside the wrecked ship gestures to the right. We pan across -- a second wrecked yacht is embedded in the sea floor right next to them, booming music and flashing neon lights emanating from the banging party within. CHAD and PRESTON grin and thumbs-up each other. EXT. UNDER THE SEA - LATER The three of them party hard on the deck of the sunken yacht. SHRIMP and CHAD high-five. SHRIMP See I told you I get us to a phat party! PRESTON downs a beer and crushes the can on his forehead. He looks up and catches his reflection in CHADs helmet. PRESTON Hey guys. Wheres my scubagear?

FADE OUT.