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So the initial intentions of my daily trip into the darknessthat is Indiana was the conservation of resources. Since thelaws make all resources common, they had become thePlanets as well. The two satellites had been launched, and thePlanet had the luxury of being a stay at home mother. I cameto notice however, in that rather rustic and isolated enclave onthe banks of Big Lake Michigan, that there were two kinds of family organizations. The ones were the mothers stayed athome, with all the inherent horrors that that implied to thePlanet, and those that were two career families, and couldafford or had the family near by to afford them the piece of mind, and freedom that child care can bring to the situation. The stay at home moms would look down on the workingmoms as shirking their maternal responsibilities, while thecareer women would smirk and disdain the stay at home forbeing drones and hopelessly oppressed by their domesticsituations. By being good wifeys and mummsies they wereviewed as leading less of an enriched life than these drivencareer birds of prey. The planets polarity was torn. Thesolution was in how the realities were viewed in the largercontext.Polarities within the family, polarities within individuals.What do you get when you have no dreams and the other hasmany dreams. What if the influences of feeling you have tokeep up with the Jones's's next door is not realistic with thepresent cash flow. While the Planet was thoroughly ensconcedin the day to day surroundings at one end of the South Shoreline, I was in a struggle with pain, fatigue and the trying tomaintain a career that, like so many things in my life up untilthen just seemed to happen.What I had set out to do, on thesurface I had invariably done. I had much help, but then Istarted to feel and reject those who had helped. I was nowthroughly in the Planets gravitational pull. She was my reality.But what reality had the planet embraced. I knew what Ithought I knew, but I realize now I did not know, and thePlanet wasn't talking. I was talking but not apparently gettingthrough. My presentation was ineffective and harmful tosensibilities I really didn't understand. What bothered me Ivocalized, but apparently not in a language or a style that wasbeing received by the Planet.
 
We all have different needs. Since I really didn't know ordidn't admit to myself mine invariably made me unable tounderstand and supply the Planets. Planetary needs whereplenty, and the drive of the Planet were never ending, and tome unfathomable. The Planets spinning was ceaseless, andapparently unable to gain the traction necessary to producethe desired result. I suspect now that result was an income forthe Planet for the Planet to move on. A decision that would notbe revealed to me until years later, and much hemorrhagin of finances and resources. Financial prosperity was spewing intothe universe at amazing speed, and I was unable, or unwillingto plug the holes. I never knew where they where or wherethey would materialize next. Life was a never ending fire drill. Icould fool myself that at least on paper, because of a boomingstock, economy, and real estate markets we were actuallystaying ahead of the game. I was wrong, as I started to beconsistently wrong about almost everything. You have to puteverything in place as if you are already successful or you willnot be able to achieve what you want, sayeth the Planet, out of the pages of her many self help books. Worse yet I started toread them. When your major influence in life is yourrelationship with the Planet, you start thinking with in thesame spheres. But I knew not what the grand planetary design was at the time. I would just get brief exposure at times, andonly when there was no time for discussion. From now on Imake my own time, because it is to costly not to.Also Sprach The Planet There we were. The planet and I were locked in eachothers gravitational pull. each dependent on each other, theinevitable exchange of energies both expressed andunexpressed. Communications continue on all levels of existence, aware and unaware. Things are communicated andexchanged always, over distances vast and small. Effects arecaused and visa versa. The use of resources are expends them, does replacementever really keep up. The important question should always beare they being squandered, or wisely used for enhancement of the sojourn. Just as natural resources can be expended indecades while taking millions of years to create, so leveragingfutures of satellites for the Planets and my goals can make thebalance show a negative flow. But then was paying attention
 
to the net loss flow creating more of the same. Was notacknowledging it going to change that trend? When do youstop throwing good energy after failed outcomes? When youstart looking at the world and begin to feel total connectednessof all things many things become apparent. I wasn't looking,feeling, so nothing was apparent. S for my present hindsight?Delusion , deduction, or dementia? But whilst in thegravitational pull of the Planet , either needy, selfish, or on amission, and not yet aware of the total interconnectedness of things,one only feels drained.Yet as merged as we both unknowingly were, lookingback on things that you can never change much becomesapparent. Or so it seems now. The Planet and I were wearingeach other out. Hopefully some of that energy was transferredto the satellites. Because they were just that. Open andreceptive little sponges soaking in all around them. Bless thelittle sputniks hearts. While the Planet and I were draining allour energies in some sort of gravitational fracas, just as theearth from a distance may appear the calm blue marblespinning in the vastness of open space while on ground levelthe dirt is full of rot, decay, and festering malignancies, so allapperared serene on the surface of our existence. But fromsuch things birth comes forth.As the unchanging landscape of the bleak andeconomically depressed South Shore panorama snaked bydailey, these were the thoughts that would fill my brain. I feltless and less connected to the world of business, more andmore drawn to the world created in the depths of Indiana. Myheart was drawn to what I really cared about. The Planet andthe satellites. The next eye candy moving picture show tohawk and maintain market share of the newest snake oil ormust have widget that must be possessed for fulfillment andprosperity was losing it's importance to my existence. But thecash flow this generated did not. Twenty years of success, which felt effortless, had lulled me into to a false sense of security. But our DNA demands competitiveness. It also givesus awareness of damage being done to it's structures. Thepain the demands had given me had made me numb to what was living with a chronic infection. Only I could address thepain because it was mine. Each step was being and counted.Measurements were taken on the necessity and the benefiteach step would produce. But the seeping festering woundsmust be cauterized.
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