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Sashas Struggle

Sashas Struggle

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Published by Ron Brown

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Published by: Ron Brown on Jun 04, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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Sasha’s Struggle(A short story by: Ronald F. Brown 2/18/2007)Trying to hold focus on the long lonely drive home, Sasha kept the driver side window down to feel thebrisk air flowing across her face. The fall sky with silence of movement except for the full moonkeeping watch in the dark night with only faint twinkles of the stars which Sasha often wished upon asa young innocent girl in Odessa. No comfort do these stars bring her tonight for she must make herway stopping only for fuel and bathroom breaks. Sasha pulling the last of the clips from her hair whichalways held her trademark hair back shaking the shoulder length shimmering blonde hair loose. Hermind reviewing the events of only two days before when all was right with her life. Flashes of Leo’skiss still causing tingles down her spine. A horn blares past her as she realizes that her fantasyflashback of Leo’s tender hands upon her back and full lips connecting with hers kept her fromfocusing on the road. “Pull your shit together Sasha” she shouted slamming her palm against thesteering wheel. “Damn it Leo, my love for you is going to kill me yet!” she exclaimed turning up thevolume on her CD to try to divert her torrid affair from her mind like a cleansing wave. “I can’t losePeter!” she exclaimed with resolve gripping the wheel. “Damn it! I gotta take a nap or I’ll never makeit back home to Peter by morning alive.” Finding a rest stop on Route 78, she closes the windows andparks her car under a lamppost as she is traveling alone. Grabbing the blanket from the back seat,and neck pillow she had since she was 14 when her parents bought it for her while leaving theUkraine. Tilting her seat back she grabs and holds on to the pillow tightly, as it always reminded her of the things she left behind.As she turns her tiny five-foot frame to the side she recalled that after her mother had past her fatheralways called her his special gift. Her mother passed away giving birth to her. Her father was alwaysthere for her. As slumber starts to take hold of Sasha, she mumbles, “Oh papa, how I wish you werehere to help me now.” As slumber finds its way to Sasha, the sound of the sea reaching shore fills herears, and the voice of her very proud father holding her hand along the Black Sea when she was 13finds her focus. “Sasha, you bring life to me.” She smiles in her slumber recalling that special daywhen her dad told her that they would be leaving for the United States next year. But then her dreamtakes a turn. “Sasha, please sit down. I need to talk with you,” her father exclaimed. Wrinkling her farhead in her slumber as this part is not from her memory. “Sasha, I need to talk to you. Please sitdown” pointing to the bench facing the sea she found so much comfort from as a child. “Sasha, youknow that I have always loved you” his hand running along her hand as he always did to comfort her. “Yes papa. What is it?” Sasha said. “My joy is overflowing for all that you are, know this Sasha” hesaid assuring her. “But I am not here as a memory, I am here to help you. You know that I broughtyou to the United States when you were fourteen so we, you could have a better life.” “Yes, papa. Iknow” she replied. “When I died last year, I know you took it really hard” he said with his hand brushing her cheek thatshe felt on her cheek as she slept in the car. “Papa, how is it possible you are talking to me like this,now?” Sasha said with a voice so alarmed. “Sasha, I told you that when your mother was dying aftergiving birth to you that I promised her I would always make sure you were ok. Even though I passedfrom the world, I asked to be able to come to you now” he said. “Oh papa, I really screwed up.” Shegrabbed on to him and released her tears upon his brown jacket holding tightly to him. “Yes, I knowall about Leo Sasha. I have watched you every day since I passed. But I gave your hand to Peter twoyears ago at temple where you gave yourself only to him. On that day, I was so very proud of you. Myheart was full of such joy” he said. “I know papa. I know, I really screwed up.”  “My precious Sasha, we all make bad choices. And you driving to Vegas to shame your vows to Peterin that hotel room while Peter thinks you are at a conference for work. I have never been so ashamedto be your father” he continued. “I know papa, I know” she said through the angst in her tears. “You
broke a vow Sasha. One that you swore before God and Peter to be only with him. I never eventhought about other women after I made that same vow to your mother. Your mother was alwaysenough for me and all I could have ever asked to have in my life. Even when she passed, I kept mylove for her until we reunited after my death” he said in a tone of respect. “Sasha, I know all about Peter hitting you across the face. I saw your pain and tears that night. Iknow how drunk he was and that he had no right to hurt you like that my child” he said. “Papa, yousaw him do that?” she said holding on to him even tighter grasping on to his lapels as she continuedto say, “Papa he was so angry with me over nothing. I got three stitches on my cheek from that” shesaid. “I know my baby, I know” he replied holding her close to him. “He had no right to raise a handto you. I saw all the times you cried yourself to sleep after he hit you and it broke my heart. Sasha, Idon’t want you to live like that. I never would have agreed to you marrying such a man if I hadknown. I know you found Leo out of despair for your situation” he said with a voice of such power. “Papa, he hurts me so bad and Leo loves me and would never hurt me” Sasha said. “I know I do really know that. Leo was always around since we first moved to the states. I alwaysthought he was an honorable man. I was hoping he would be the man that would ask me for yourhand in marriage” he exclaimed much to Sasha’s surprise. “Then you forgive me for being with Leo?” she said with surprise. “No, Sasha. One should never violate the wedding vows that you have made.But Sasha, I know you think me old fashioned. But you needed to get Peter out of your life before youshould have ever reached out for Leo. I didn’t raise you to be a slut” he said firmly. “Papa, he helpedheal my broken heart!” she said pulling away from him. “Sasha, I didn’t raise you to be a whore. Iwant you to go back to Peter.” Sasha interrupting him said, “Papa, you want me to get hurt again” shesaid angrily to him. “Sasha, shut up and listen. I want you to go back to Peter when he is sober anddivorce him. Don’t you even go near Leo again until you resolve this with Peter. Promise me Sasha,you will not even see Leo until you are free to do so” he said much to Sasha’s surprise. “Papa, you willlet me leave Peter even though I made a vow to be with him forever?” “Sasha, I never wanted you tobe in pain. I promised your mother to always look out after you and I can not stand another day of you being hit and treated in a disgraceful way even one more day. But you can’t sleep with Leo andthink that this is ok! I never raised you to be such a deceitful person, did I?” he said. “No papa, youare right. God I miss you papa” she said embracing him tightly with a kiss on his cheek. “Sasha, I want you happy and honorable. I never wanted you to be treated or treat others in the wayyou both have done. But what he did caused me such pain even in the after life. Promise me you willfind a good lawyer who will allow you to have a clean break from Peter before you seek a chance to bewith Leo” he said. “I will papa, I will, thank you for loving me so” she said followed by a tender kiss onhis cheek like she had done hundreds of times before as a child. “Sasha, one more thing before youleave me. I want you to have something to remember I will always love you. When you open youreyes, look up and look to the sky just to the left of the moon. That bright star is me looking down onyou. I will always watch over you Sasha. Open your eyes now and remember you promised me to livewith the honor that I raised you to have in your life.” “I will papa, I will” Sasha said as she said this,her eyes opened. She was in her car and said “Wow. What a dream.” Her eyes looked upward and shesaw the most amazing thing, a twinkling star just to the left of the moon just like he said. A tearslowly moved down her face with great joy. “I love you papa, I love you.” Grabbing her cell phone, she quickly found the number to Leo, and told him, that she has decided todivorce Peter. She went on to tell him the experience she just had. Leo after hearing her go on aboutthis said, “Sasha, I do love you. I will wait for you. It will kill me to wait, but I have always loved you.And you tell that son of a bitch Peter, I’ll kill him for hurting you” Leo said. “Leo, No, please, Ipromised my father that you would stay out of my life until I am available. If you love me youwouldn’t go anywhere near Peter or me until I’m divorced” Sasha said. “Ok, but know this Sasha, I

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