Mia Tanaki

Good story, just like "UNFORGETTABLE" (on this site)

finellafig

Oh and I love the graphics and formatting.

finellafig

This is not my kind of thing, but even I know good writing. Very well done. Crisp clean writing, with generous amounts of clever description. Good story line. How did you get inside the female head?

Airy*FairyCh!c94

I'm not gonna comment on paragraphs,words or such. Just wanna say a very interesting story. Is there more? I'd love to read it. So is Talmar going to end up being the hero? Though I didn't like the rude words mixed in really. A*FC94

Highsmyth

Is there any action in this story??

ahvelosa

It looks gorgeous, here. Will read it on my iPhone with the AirSharing application.

maritzavalencia

so cutie !!!!!!!♥♥♥

LynnViehl

I downloaded this because it's difficult for me to read off the Scribd screen. In Adobe Reader the pages look clear, easy to read and the antique/parchment background is a nice touch. The graphics were a bit blurry and I've had the same problem with some of my e-books, so you might consider either sharpening the image by boosting the resolution or scaling down the image. I would redo the maps, as colored pencil can look a bit like crayon on the screen -- maybe photoshop them with a cutout or antique filter that will make them look more like an actual map. I've not seen excerpt boxes (left sidebar) in a fiction novel, but they looked fine and I thought they were an interesting approach. I'd suggest keeping them consistent -- the first is in standard font and the next two are in italics; I'd make them all one or the other. Overall, nicely done. :)

jimnduncan1926

Jake, this is something of a test run. At the moment I'm still fine tuning this story and will be looking for traditional publication. If that doesn't work, it will likely end up getting put out in ebook form at the various places like scribd, kindle, etc. Thanks a bunch for the feedback. I appreciate it.

jdfreivald

Overall, it's very good. I don't know how nitpicky you want me to be, so I'll give you everything and you can ignore what you would like. :) For my taste, the paragraph indentation is too large. As I understand it, typesetters generally indent 1-3 ems, and my taste runs to the small side of that. The large indentations are a little much for me. You don't need the "pg" before the page number. The less ink you have there, the better, I think. On page 6 you have a fairly low-contrast column with green and brown. That might be a problem for color-blind people. Consider running it through a test such as the one found here: http://colorfilter.wickline.org/ Don't get me wrong, I really like the look (especially with the illustration as you did it on p.25), but I always want to watch out for others' handicaps. The orphan (or is it widow? I always mix them up) at the top of page 13 really stands out. (Pg. 21, too.) I'm not scanning the entire text, but you might want to be careful of places where the wrong quotation marks show up. For example, pg 14, "Why would I even--" has the second pair of quotes looking like sixes when they should look like nines, if you know what I mean. I usually can't really see them without zooming in, but that one stood out because of the em-dash. Definitely insert a page break before the "III" at the bottom of page 42. The overall look is good and easy to read. With the exceptions noted above, I'd say it's pretty much good to go. Is this an online-only publication, or will it be printed as well? Regards, Jake