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Practical Methods to Deal With LonelinessHumans And LonelinessHumans weren't made to be alone. God made it clear early in His dealings with Hisnewly created friends. "It is not good for man to be alone," He said, "I will makea helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18. Oh, how wonderful that would be for aperson who is lonely. To have God make a person suitable for them. "The questionis, "What do I do now in my particular lonely situation?" How do I cope with beingalone, and with the fear of isolation and abandonment slowly eating at my selfesteem and my self confidence. Yet, it is important to memorize a few importantaspects with regard to being alone that slips easily from one's mind. Although weweren't made to be alone, and being alone really becomes a severe trial for us,there is a measure of fulfillment we can enjoy while we wait on God to bring us tothe mate we long for, or to the group of friends that will love and support us.Yes, remember that all humans, although they were made to live with, and movethrough life with other humans, there is still a God-shaped vacuum in each person.Unless this vacuum is filled by the intimate presence of God, that person is notcompletely content, even though he or she is in a marriage or relationship, aloving family, or has a large social network around them.(Many people think that they will find happiness when they are married. The truthis, without God filling that deep, inner void, people never find the level ofhappiness they desire.)It isn't too difficult to pick up. Notice how people take each other for granted,how couples fight, or how there is gossip and back biting within a large socialgroup. Having people in and around your life is not the ultimate answer tohappiness. Having people in and around your life is a gift that God gives tocompliment the happiness that should come from Him first. Ultimate and perfecthappiness can only come from knowing God intimately. Once a person knows Godintimately, and they have that inner contentment, composure and confidence, thenthey are in the ideal position to enjoy the gifts that God gives in the form offamilies, relationships, marriage, and friendships with people around them.All People are Lonely in Some WayIn speaking to many people who are married, or in supportive families, they arestill lonely in many regards. Many people have deep inner conflicts which theycannot share with just anyone, not even their marriage partner, their parents, ortheir closest friends. There are hurts from the past, personal addictions orweaknesses, or deep inner conflicts, that a person just cannot trust anyone with.These "protected" or "sheltered" issues often isolate an individual and makes themfeel alone as they grapple with it, without anyone else involved. That is why itis so important for a person who is living by themselves, not to allow Satan touse their loneliness as something negative . . . not to allow Satan to use thepeople that are surrounded by other people, as something to be envied.Each person has a loneliness that only God can fill, (See picture above) eachperson has unspoken secrets that can only be revealed to God, and each person hasa missing component in their happiness that can only be experienced as they followGod. People who are alone need to be conscious of the fact that when they take thestep toward filling up this first and foremost need, experienced by all humans,
 
the lonely and those who aren't lonely, they will be blessed with a measure ofhappiness that not many people find. Here are practical ways to deal withloneliness, find this measure of happiness, and enjoy an excellent quality oflife:1. Put God First For HappinessWhen God created man, He gave him special, inherent tendencies that would bringhim ultimate happiness. Although God gave man the noble ability of reason, freedomof choice, and the ability to process thoughts and feel emotions, He still mademan with His own image and His basic makeup--to give and receive love with otherhumans, and with his Caring Creator. Man is not happy alone, man is not happy whenhe is cut off from contact with people around him, and man is not happy when he isnot in contact with the Generous God that made Him. But, God made the bonding withHimself the strongest force within man. Nothing can satisfy man the way the bondwith God can. People in the world, who don't know God, go on a constant search tofind happiness, without really finding a happiness that is complete, where theycan rest and remain for the rest of their lives. Some people pour their energiesinto their work, others live for their families, others pursue sporting endeavors,(see picture below) while others engage in excessive drinking, drugs andsocializing.All these people keep searching indefinitely, constantly striving for somethingelse, but not finding the level of happiness they want. In times gone by, Godoften drew men into isolation in order to get closer to Him. He led Moses into thewilderness for 40 years to get him ready to lead the people of Israel out ofEgypt. He allowed Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery in a distant, foreignland for many years, and then be in prison for 3 or more years after that. Davidtended sheep all alone in the pastures, and later went into hiding from Saul formany years. John the Baptist preached from the wilderness where he lived, andJesus himself worked alone for many years, and then had to spend 40 days alone inthe wilderness before he started his ministry. After Paul's dramatic conversion,he spent time alone in the desert of Arabia before he actively started hisministry. John was banished to the isle of Patmos, where all alone, he was giventhe book of Revelation. Being in a situation of isolation and being alone is notto be seen in a negative light. The need that God created inside of each person tobe in an intimate relationship with his or her Creator, should be fulfilled first.When this need is met, the person who is alone is at the best point to draw otherpeople towards themselves, to understand the needs of others, and to be contenteven if they only have a relationship with God alone. God places reminderseverywhere of His Supreme Creatorship. His signature is everywhere as a ceaselessreminder that by His Word He can speak miracles and marvelous wonders intoexistence.As was mentioned in the article on being "Alone or Lonely," so many people enterrelationships or marriage in order to find happiness. They put so much pressure onthat other person to make them happy, that they literally suck the energy andvitality from the other person--this is because they don't have the primary orfundamental happiness first before they enter any type of relationship. Thishappiness, as we said above, comes only from an intimate relationship with God.So, when a person is forced by circumstances out of their control, into beingalone, it would be helpful to take the first crucial step that all people need totake--to build an intimate, daily, committed relationship with God. Letting go ofthe automatic panic that follows these new circumstances of being alone, and
 
allowing God's still small voice to speak, to soothe, and to strengthen untilthere is a new tenacity and fervor to live a happy life irrespective of ourcircumstances.2. Put Others Next For HappinessWhen a person looks at themselves, at their circumstances, and at their possiblefuture, they only get discouraged. Most people will compare themselves with otherpeople that are more successful than they are and that have a life filled withsupportive friends and family. This "comparing" is a sure recipe for despair anddiscouragement. Once again, Satan will flash thoughts of hopelessness into aperson's mind and slowly chip away at their will to live and carry on. He showsthem how little they have, how pathetic their situation is, and how worthless theyare in offering other people anything good in a relationship or marriage. Thesethoughts can be dispelled in two powerful ways. Firstly, by practicallyimplementing 2 Corinthians 10:5 by praying this prayer to the Holy Spirit. "HolySpirit, take these negative thoughts captive, and make them obedient to Christ,through the precious blood of His crucifixion."The second very powerful way to dispel self pity by focusing too much on self, isto sit up and take note of the other people living in the world. The world is fullof lonely people. Satan attacks a person who lives alone to think that they arethe only one going through this agony. When a person who is alone steps out beyondtheir immediate small isolated world and looks a little further, they willencounter countless other people, more lonely than they are. Yes, somehowcircumstances causing loneliness and isolation have changed the lives of many manypeople out there. What happens when one person who is alone, finds another personwho is alone, and they become friends? The answer is, both people aren't lonelyanymore. So, together with becoming intimate friends with God, the other practicalway out of loneliness is to consciously go and find other lonely people.Retirement homes, hospitals, homes for the handicapped, prisons, orphanages, andyouth detention facilities are all filled with hurting, lonely people. Then thereare the singles web sites, and countless other people who live and work aroundpeople everyday, that are desperately lonely. The therapy found in helping someoneelse out of their desperate situation is remarkable. A person who is alone, whotakes on this mission in their lives, will not be lonely anymore. By making thedecision to get out and help others, the person who is alone will suddenly haveleft their life of loneliness behind forever.3. Become "Creator Aware"Whoever you are, and wherever you find yourself today, are you currently convincedand convicted constantly, as to the capability of the Creator to control yourlife? Every single aspect of your life? Or have you been tricked and tripped upby unseen powers to forget the Creator and lead a life independent of Him? Are youwrestling to be a better person, trying to reach the standard that people aroundyou or the church expects of you? Are you crushed by circumstances in yourpersonal life, facing either loneliness, a failing relationship, a rebelliouschild, a looming financial catastrophe, a recent death, or a fatal illness? Or areyou free of any of these trials, but you have no desire to meet with God or get toknow Him? Whatever your circumstances might be, you need to come face to face withthe reality of a Creator God that spoke everything around you in this world and inthe universe into existence. Your life will change when you call on the CreatorGod saying, “Lord, just say the word!” “Remember your Creator in the days of youryouth, before the days of trouble come . . .” Eccleciates 12:1. Yes, rememberingyour Creator before the days of trouble come will be a miraculous source ofstrength, security and stability. What is secure in this life? Nothing really.
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