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How to Communicate Better With Your Spouse
WATCH THOSE PHRASES!When discussing issues with someone, several key words and phrases should beavoided because they intensify already heated emotions, make the other persondefensive, and lead to further disagreement. Some of these are: "You always . .." "You never . . ." "Everybody . . ." "Anybody . . ."SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!Instead of attacking or blaming the other person, admit your own feelings andthoughts, and take responsibility for them by using "I feel" or "I think"statements. ("I feel angry . . .")Then, add "when" to describe the situation that upsets you, without attacking or judging the other person. ("I feel angry when you don't call to let me know youwill be late . . .")Finally, include "because" to describe your underlying feelings/thoughts. ("I feelangry when you don't call to let me know you'll be late, because I worry aboutyou.")Take the initiative to share YOUR feelings without making accusations of theother person. Speak for yourself!Remember, the goal of good communication is not to determine who is right andwho is wrong, but for both persons to share their feelings and thoughts and beunderstood and respected.REPEAT WHAT YOU HEAR!Listening effectively is a vital part of good communication. Let the speaker knowyou heard what he/she said by repeating back your interpretation of what wasspoken. ("I think I heard you say that you feel _____ when _____ because _____. Is that right?")Clear up any misunderstandings at this point, then continue your discussion.PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!Practice good communication skills by taking 15 to 30 minutes together,allowing each person to share three things that occurred that day. The speakershould practice being specific and direct. The listener should give constructivefeedback to show he/she has clearly understood.
For more articles on this subject go to:http://relevantlifesolutions.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=75&Itemid=85For more helpful articles, links and resources go to:http://relevantlifesolutions.org
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