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Bless Birds, not Greedy Preachers

Bless Birds, not Greedy Preachers

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Published by Patricia Backora
Birds and animals are far more innocent and deserving of our charity than greedy preachers who mislead, spiritually harm and oppress poor, vulnerable Christians.
Birds and animals are far more innocent and deserving of our charity than greedy preachers who mislead, spiritually harm and oppress poor, vulnerable Christians.

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Published by: Patricia Backora on Aug 28, 2013
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12/02/2013

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Bless the Birds, Not Fat Cat Preacher$
By Patricia Backora
Just imagine if Jesus had run His services like today’s typicalfundamentalist church. On the goatskin wall to the far right of Jesus’ grass podium you’d see a giant scroll listing everything thecongregation needs to know to grow spiritually: all the dirt on tithesand offerings for this year and last year, and statistics on how manywarm bodies sat on straw mats listening to Jesus’ sermons both thisyear and last year. When I was a kid in church, I’d stare at thatwooden tote board on the wall and wonder why the amount thepreacher raked in enriched my personal relationship with the Lord.
 
If Jesus had acted like today’s typical televangelist, he would have toldhis disciples to hurry up and finish passing those big fish basketsaround so Judas could count all the bread they collected from thehungry crowd.Speaking of fish, there would have been no talk of feeding the poorfree of charge like left-wing radical hippie do-gooders in L.A. Instead,Jesus would have held a fundraiser fish fry, with Judas sellingparchment raffle tickets while Peter mans the charcoal grill, Jamesbakes the barley buns, and Matthew sits behind a flintstone cashregister to take payments for the takeout meals, which are served onpalm leaf platters. Unfortunately, the fare is pretty basic. Jameshollers: This ain’t Burger King, so you can’t have it your own way! Thefish sandwiches are seasoned with your imagination, since tartar sauceis still being developed in some secret laboratory.
 
The reason for the big fundraiser? To buy a Cadillac chariot and ateam of Hyundai horses for Jesus so he won’t have to borrow otherpeople’s donkeys anymore.

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