The ProducersA Musical Comedy ByMel Brooks and Thomas MeehanCopyright 2005Universal Pictures
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT1959. The lights and marquees flashing. The cars are drivingunderneath. From behind the tall buildings appear in giantletters: "THE PRODUCERS"DISSOLVE TO:EXT. SCHUBERT THEATRE - NIGHTCars are honking loudly. Homeless people walk around, palmsoutstretched. The marquee on the theatre reads "MaxBialystock Presents Funny Boy. A Musical Version of Hamlet.Opening Night"USHERETTES (O.C.)
Opening Night. Opening Night. It’sopening night.
The two usherettes rush out the theatre, holding flashlightsand programs.USHERETTES
It’s Max Bialystock’s latest show. Will it flop or will it go? Thecast is taking its final bow. Herecomes the audience now. The doorsare opening, they’re on their way.Let’s hear what they have to say.
Some audience members rush out of the theatre, running overthe usherettes in the process. They look extremely happy.AUDIENCE MEMBERS
He’s done it again. He’s done itagain. Max Bialystock has done itagain. We can’t believe it. Youcan’t conceive it.
MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER
How did he achieve it?
AUDIENCE MEMBERS
It’s the worst show in town.
The usherettes start to sob at the poor reception.FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS
We sat there sighing. Groaning andcrying. There’s no denying, it’sthe worst show in town.
A carpenter walks near the marquee and places down a ladder.(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Oh, we wanted to stand up andhiss...
MALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS
..."We’ve seen shit, but never likethis!"
AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Max Bialystock has done it again!Oh, the book was rotten. The songswere stinkin’. What he did toShakespeare, Booth did to Lincoln.
The carpenter stands at the top of the ladder, next to themarquee.CARPENTERWe had this especially made up forMax Bialystock.The carpenter pulls on the lever and "Opening Night" isswitched to "Closing Night." The audience members laugh.AUDIENCE MEMBER COUPLE(hailing a cab)
Oh, we couldn’t leave faster.
USHERETTES(upset)
What a disaster.
The audience members walk near a man hidden behind anewspaper.AUDIENCE MEMBERS
We are still in shock. Who producedthis schlock? Why that slimy,sleazy Max Bialystock! What a bum!
The man puts down the newspaper angrily, uncovering hisface. He is MAX BIALYSTOCK, 50s, slightly balding, a tadpudgy. He wears his suit with cape and a "producer’s hat."The audience members laugh and then leave. The usheretteswalk up to him, crying.MAXYou know, the reviews come out alot faster, when the critics leaveduring intermission.The usherettes walk away, still tearing into theirhandkerchiefs.(CONTINUED)
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