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THE
WEDDING
CRASHERS
by
Steve
Faber
&
Bob Fiber
August
1,2003
 
INT.LAW
FIRM OF
BECKWITH
AND
KLEIN
-
DAYA
small Boston law firm.
A
few lawyers and clients
mill
about. Wezero in on one door with
a
plaque that reads "JohnBeckwith."
JOHN
BECKWITH,
an attorney, early thirties,
is
sitting at his desk in a well appointed office talking on thephone angrily.
JOHN
Oh bullshit! You saw thesurveillance videotape. Yourclient's slip and 'fall was thebiggest acting job since
I
tookthe stage in eighth grade asOthello. And
I
blew!(beat)Never gonna happen. Maybe aquarter of that. Maybe.
1'11
talkto the insurer.John's attention
is
captured by
a
hot secretary walking by.
JOHN
(continuing)Great. Talk to your ciient.(beat)Yeah, next Friday.
I
got goodseats. Bring that girl, yourfriend
...
ith the hair? Yeah. Okay.John hangs up the phone and puts his feet up on the desk.
INT.
LAW
FIRM OF
BECKWITH
AND
KLEIN
-
CONTINUOUSJEREMY
KLEIN,
a Divorce lawyer, early 301s,
sits
at a deskwith
a
WOMAN,
also in her thirties.
His
eyes wander to thesame hot secretary now walking by his office.
WOMAN
Eight years of marriage all shotto hell.
JEREMY
(eyes following thesecretary's ass)Had
I
known you eight years ago
I
would have advised you to
avoid
the wedding.
WOMAN
But
I
do believe in the
institution
of marriage.Jeremy's attention
is
jolted
back
to the woman.
 
.-
JEREMY
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you say the"institution?" No, no. The Boston
Red
Sox
are
an
institution.Pastrami on rye
is
an institution.
Yr.
Rogers
is
an institution.Marriage
is
a curse. Ourpunishment for original sin.The woman
is
taken aback.JEREMY(continuing)Do you understand the ugliness
I
see
here every day? The sheertorment? The absolute hell? Justbecause people like you
...
nd Godbless your innocent heart, reallybelieve in the "institution" ofmarriage!
WOMAN
Myparents were happily married.JEREMYNo. They really weren't. You
think
they were. But they' really weren't.
WOMAN
They weren't?Jeremy shakes his head.
WOMAN
(continuing: beat)Momdid drink
...q
uite a lot.JEREMY
Of
course she did. They all do.(ushering the womanout)Don't worry, we'll go for thejugular.
He
shakes her hand and the woman exits. He sees John down thehall and motions for him to come by. John enters and plopsdown on the couch.
JOHN
So
what's
up?
Jeremy reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a bottle
of
\.
single malt scotch with a ribbon around
it
and hands
it
toJohn.
of 00

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