VOL. DFXII, NO. 1SEPEMBER, 2013
Alex CurtisSave Dimpson
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THE JESTER OF COLUMBIA, ESTABLISHED 1901,IS COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY’S ONLY HUMOR MAGAZINE
Jester is published as many as our times a year and is distributed ree o charge to the Columbia University community. Please limit one copy perperson. Views, ideas, opinions, or unsavory epithets expressed in Jesterdo not necessarily reect those o Columbia University, its student body,or even the wise-ass college students who wrote them. Any similarities toactual people, places, or events are coincedental, or satirical in nature.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Welcome Letter.........Page 1able o Contents/Famous Residents.........Page 2Editaurus.........Page 3Policies (Fire Saety, Missing Student, Elevators).......Page 4 A History o the Dorms.........Page 5Fire Escape Plan...........Page 6Policies Cont. (Sound, Deocrations, Cleanliness).....Page 7Policies Cont. (Stamps, Quarters Faxes, Internet, Guests)....Page 8How to Use the Fitness Center......Page 9How to Decorate Your Room...........Page 10Dorm estimonials.....Page 11Exclusive Alumni Interview.....Page 12How to Cook/Roomate Etiquette.....Page 13
Eli GroberRyan MandelbaumKevin Hart
FAMOUS COLUMBIA RESIDENTS
Walt Lubich, John Jay, CC ‘22
Trew the bestdamn speakeasies.
Barack Obama,Ruggles, CC ‘83
Was a cool hall mateat rst, but laterturned out to be kindo a disappointment.
Sanjay Patel, Carman,CC ‘78
Held the rst “Carman Party,” a Dionysian uckest that would gounmatched in hedonism until theMcBain Hall “Cottage CheeseDance” o ‘83.
Karen Soller,Hartley, CC ‘87
Susan Li, Wien,SEAS ‘01
Dealt drugs,thus initiating anenhanced war on un.
Dirk Feddler, Wallach, CC ‘42
Ate a bunch o uranium inPupin while on an opiumbinge. Was then thrownrom a plane into Hiroshima,contrary to popular belie that it was a missile.