Even the people who never frown eventually breakdown.How can you understand me when I can't understand myself?I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being.It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely forsomething. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the worldwant's something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty?Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't? You look at me and think, 'she's so happy' but there's so much behindthis little smile that you will never know.Do you ever have those times you cry and you don't know why?People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just takeaway all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that I've tried hiding mysorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned isthat when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.Let no one think I gave in. The pain is there to remind me that I'm still alive.It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can't beweak, can't stand still, watch your back because no one else will. There's no excuse for the need to take your own life away, everyonepasses through some rough obstacles if life, just face them as theycome along, there's always a way to overcome those obstacles, andlearn from your experiences.If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem - it's reality. And sometimesreality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes thelongest to realize. But once it hits you in the face you'll never forget it.It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that is the bestway to look at it.It's funny the way you can get use to the tears and the pain.