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Chapter 7

Dealing
with
Conflict

McGraw-Hill/Irwin © 2008 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved

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Interpersonal Dynamics
Interpersonal dynamics – are the give and
take behavior between people during human
relations
Interpersonal dynamics grow increasingly

complex as more people interact

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Key Topics of Interpersonal

Dynamics

Transactional
Analysis

Assertiveness

Conflict
Management
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Transactional Analysis (TA)

Methodfor determining how people interact
When we interact, behavior can be:

passive

aggressive

assertive

 Performance is greater with this behavior

TA is a method of understanding behavior in
interpersonal dynamics
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TA: Ego States

Major ego states that affect our behavior or
the way we transact through communication:
Parent Ego State (P)
 Critical
parent
 Sympathetic parent

Child Ego State (C)

 Naturalchild
 Adapted child

Adult Ego State (A)

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TA: Types of Transactions

Withinego states there are three different
types of transactions:
Complementary Transactions
Crossed Transactions

Ulterior Transactions
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Complementary Transactions
Occur when the sender
of the message gets the
Supervisor Employee
intended response from
the receiver P P
 Generally result in more
effective communication A A

C C
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Crossed Transactions
Occur when the sender
of a message does not
Supervisor Employee
get the expected
response from the P P
receiver
 These result in surprise, A A
disappointment, and hurt
feelings for the sender of C C
the message
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Ulterior Transactions
Occur when the words seem to be coming
from one ego state, but in reality the words or
behaviors are coming from another
Sometimes when people don’t know what they
want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they
resort to ulterior transactions
Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they
tend to waste time
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Attitude toward Oneself TA: Life Positions

Positive
I’m OK – I’m OK –
You’re not OK You’re OK

Negative I’m not OK – I’m not OK –

You’re not OK You’re OK

Negative Positive

Attitude toward Others Exhibit 7.1

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TA: Stroking
Stroking – any behavior that implies
recognition of another’s presence
Positive– make people feel good about
themselves
Negative – can hurt people in some way

Giving praise (positive stroking) is a powerful

motivation technique
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Assertiveness
The process of expressing thoughts and
feelings while asking for what one wants in
an appropriate way
Present your message without falling into the
traps of being:
“too pushy” (aggressive)
“not tough enough” (nonassertive-passive)

Is becoming more global

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Behaviors when dealing with a

diversity of people:

Passive Aggressive
Behavior Behavior

Passive-Aggressive Assertive
Behavior Behavior
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Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive

Speakers:
Passive Use self-limiting qualifying
speakers: expressions without stating their
position / needs

Assertive State their position / needs

speakers: without violating the rights of
others

Aggressive State their position / needs while

speakers: violating the rights of others
using “you-messages” and
absolutes
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Assertive Behavior
Generally the most productive behavior
Usually the most effective method of getting

what you want while not taking advantage of

others
Being assertive can create a win-win

situation
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Assertiveness Steps
Step 1. Set an Objective:
Specify what you want to accomplish
Step 2. Determine how to create a win-win
situation:
Assess the situation in terms of meeting your
needs and the other person’s needs
Step 3. Develop an assertive phrase(s)
Step 4. Implement your plan persistently
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Anger and Violence in the Workplace

Human resources managers have reported
increased violence between employees
Women commit nearly 25 percent of all threats or
attacks
Violence between outsiders and employees
is increasing
1 million workers are assaulted every year

Anger can lead to violence

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Causes of Anger and Violence

Intrapersonal causes:
e.g., frustration, stress, and fear
Interpersonalunresolved conflicts
Physical work environment:

e.g., space to work, noise, odors, temperature,

ventilation, and color
Hostile work environment
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Dealing with Your Anger

Use rational thinking
Look for positives

Look for the humor in the situation to help

defuse the anger
Use assertive behavior

Develop a positive attitude about how you

deal with anger
Use an anger journal
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Dealing with Anger of Others (1 of 2)

Never make any type of putdown statement
Don’t respond to anger and threats with the

same behavior
Don’t give orders or ultimatums

Watch your nonverbal communication

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Dealing with Anger of Others (2 of 2)

Realize that anger is natural and encourage
people to vent in appropriate ways
Acknowledge the person’s feelings

Get away from the person if necessary

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Signs of Potential Violence

Take verbal threats • Watch for indications
seriously of alcohol and drug
Watch nonverbal use
communication • Include the isolated
Watch for stalking and employee
harassment • Look for the presence
Watch for damage to of weapons or objects
property that might be used as
weapons
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Organizational Prevention of
Violence (1 of 2)
Trainall employees to deal with anger and
prevent violence
Awritten policy addressing workplace violence
Best preventive policy is a zero-tolerance policy

Quick disciplinary action against

employees who are violent at work
Managers need to avoid using

aggression at work
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Organizational Prevention of
Violence (2 of 2)
 Organizations can screen job
applicants for past or potential violence
 Develop a good work environment that

addresses the issues as causes of

violence
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Individual Prevention of Violence

Look for escalating frustration and anger to
defuse the situation before it becomes violent
Never be alone with a potentially violent

person
Neverstand between the person and the exit
Know when to get away from the person

Be aware of the organization’s policy for

calling in security help
Report any troubling incidents to security

staff
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Conflict
Exists whenever two or more parties are in
disagreement
Is inherent in an organizational system

Can increase as the workforce becomes

more diverse
Dealing with it is part of emotional

intelligence
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Reasons for Conflict

Communications problems or conflicts arise
for three primary reasons:
1. We fail to make our expectations known to
other parties
2. We fail to find out the expectations of other
parties
3. We assume that the other parties have the
same expectations that we have
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Conflict Has Benefits

Conflict can be beneficial
A balance of conflict is essential to all
organizations
Too little or too much conflict is usually
considered a sign of management’s
unwillingness or inability to adapt to a
diversified environment
Conflict can lead to improved performance,
for example:
Challenging present methods
Presenting innovative change
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Conflict Management Styles

Exhibit 7.4
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Summary of Conflict Management

Styles

Forcing Conflict User attempts to resolve conflict by

Style: using aggressive behavior
Avoiding Conflict User attempts to passively ignore the
Style: conflict rather than resolve it
Accommodating User attempts to resolve conflict by
Conflict Style: passively giving in to the other party
Compromising User attempts to resolve the conflict
Conflict Style: through assertive give-and-take
concessions
Collaborating User assertively attempts to jointly
Conflict Style: resolve the conflict with the best
solution agreeable to all parties.
The problem-solving style
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Roles in Conflict Resolution

Initiator

Responder

Mediator
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Initiating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Plan to maintain ownership of the
problem using the XYZ model
Step 2. Implement your plan persistently
Step 3. Make an agreement for change
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The XYZ Model

The XYZ model describes a problem in
terms of behavior, consequences, and
feelings:

“When you do X (behavior),

Y (consequences) happens,
and I have Z (feelings).”
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Responding to Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Listen to and paraphrase the problem
using the XYZ model
Step 2. Agree with some aspect of the
complaint
Step 3. Ask for, and / or give, alternative
solutions
Step 4. Make an agreement for change
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Mediating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Have each party state his or her
complaint using the XYZ model
Step 2. Agree on the problem(s)
Step 3. Develop alternative solutions
Step 4. Make an agreement for change and
follow up
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Interpersonal Dynamics Styles

Exhibit 7.6
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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (1 of 3)
People with the same personality type tend
to get along better and have less conflict than
those with different personality types
If you have a high surgency personality –

watch your use of the critical parent ego state

be sure to give lots of positive strokes to help

human relations
be careful not to use aggressive behavior to get

what you want

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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (2 of 3)
Ifyou have a high agreeableness
personality,
you tend to get along well with others
be careful not to use the sympathetic parent ego

state
watch the appropriate use of the child ego state

Adjustment – is about how well you deal

with your emotions
especially anger
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Your Personality and Interpersonal

Dynamics (3 of 3)
There is a relationship between adjustment
and openness to experience
If you are not well adjusted, you are probably not
open to experience
Ifyou are a high conscientious personality,
you can still transact from the parent or child
ego state