Milkshakes sure ain’t what they used to be by J. Harold Johnson
M
odern purveyors of fast food have tried to pull a fast one, but I haven't beenfooled for a minute. Not for one bubbly, creamy, little chunks of ice cream, sip throughthe straw, malted milk minute.I'm talking about what they're passing off for "milkshakes" today. The modernmilkshake dribbles out of a machine. It clumps into a paper cup. It's a gritty mass thatmust be eaten with a spoon. Sometimes it's not even very cold.Some "milkshakes" have come so far from their origins that they're now labeled"non-dairy." It's time someone spoke up against this erosion of a vital element in our dietary heritage. As Ogden Nash once said, "Progress was all right once, but now it'sgone too far."Today's kids have probably been duped into thinking that the glumpy stuff theyget is a real "shake." They have my pity. They may be whiz-kids at the video games andthey probably know more about computers that I do, but I know what a milkshake is.First of all, a
real
milkshake has to have bubbles. The bubbles prove that the milk has been "shaken." Why do you think they call it a milkshake in the first place?A real milkshake must be mixed in a metal container. Into the container must go agenerous helping of ice cream, but not so much that the shake will be too thick to drink through a straw. The blending process is crucial and takes tender loving care. A little isadded at first. Additional amounts are added as the mixture is magically combined by themilkshake machine. This noble device was the centerpiece of many a drugstore sodafountain in the days of my youth.As the foamy froth spins and spumes, the metal can will become frost-covered.There will be a couple of streams of creamy nectar dribbling down the side.A real milkshake should be served straight from the can. Any soda-jerk worth hisshake will pour the first glass for you, and then leave the can for you to finish.There will be millions of bubbles in this milkshake. If a spoon is necessary, thereis probably something amiss. The only time you would possibly use a spoon is when a portion of the ice cream has not been thoroughly blended. Small chunks like these areacceptable. As you drink the shake, you can look forward to the little clumps of icecream as "desserts" that you can jab and mash with your straw.The milkshake should be ice cold. It should taste creamy and milky. I wouldalmost say that it should taste chocalaty, too, but I don't want to offend connoisseurs of
Leave a Comment