Screenplay

EXT. WAR ZONE - DAY - 2063 A war ravaged city street. Futuristic vehicles reduced to smoldering wreckage. And MORGAN FREEMAN, wearing an all white suit. MORGAN FREEMAN Good evening, Im Morgan Freeman. Fifty years ago, science started down a dangerous road. A road filled with unmaintained potholes, and bad drivers who dont turn off their high beams. Who knows, maybe theyre a little bit tipsy, or maybe theyre just in a rush. Anyway, what these finely crafted metaphors are of course describing is the road of de-extinction. Bringing back extinct species from the dead. As we know, it didnt end well. Its never a good idea to play God. I should know, Ive played him in 47 feature films. And though Ive still only won one Academy Award for my endless devotion to the cinema, Im not bitter. But I digress. The de-extinction process ended up wiping out nearly every human being on the face of the earth. Luckily my powers of naration have granted me immortality above you plebian mortals, but still, it was sad to see so many of you die. Not the type of sadness like when your puppy or something like that dies, more like getting clothes for Christmas sad. But my point is, we can no longer allow ourselves to be oppressed by things that should be turning into oil to fuel our SUVs. Join the Global Defense Against Things that Should be Dead Force today. Thank you. Im Morgan Freeman.

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INT. ARMY BASE - DAY Morgan Freemans inspirational speech plays on a large projection screen in front of SOLDIERS. It ends and the dimly lit room is lit up aain. A SEARENT comes to the front to address the soldiers. SEARGENT I hope that this video has inspired you boys, because tomorrow, youre all being shipped out! SOLDIER But, we just started basic training six hours ago. This was supposed to be a lesson in weapon mantenance. SEARGENT Six hours, six years. If youre not gonna learn fast, youre not gonna learn at all, son. SOLDIER #2 (O.S.) Can anyone tell me how to turn the safety off on my shooty stick? EXT. STREET - DAY A PLATOON, led by the Seargent, inches its way through the destroyed street, looking around warily as they go. SEARGENT (Whispering) Ok, men, were in close proximity to the enemy, so stay frosty. EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY The platoon stands in front of a brick wall. SEARGENT Ok, earplugs in. The men all put earplugs in. SEARGENT (contd) Lets go! They round the brick wall into the town square where they see... (CONTINUED)

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DODO BIRDS. Thousands of them. Some gigantic, some small. All turn their heads towards the troops simultaneousely. They two groups stare for a moment. DODO BUKAWWWW!! The dodo birds scramble forward, moving their legs in ridiculous ways. They make loud obnoxious sounds. SEARGENT FIRE! The troops open fire on the birds. The dodos continue their screeching. SOLDIER Oh God, theyre so annoying! Slow motion. Bullets fire. Feathers fly. The Seargent looks up as the shadow of something falling towards him slowly grows. SOLDIER (contd) Noooooo!! Still in slow motion, the soldier dives for the Seargent and knocks him out of the way, just as a huge glob of bird crap lands in the soldiers face. End slow motion. The birds are all dead. Morgan Freeman runs into the town square. MORGAN FREEMAN What have you done?! My dodos! SEARGENT Morgan Freeman?! You were commanding these ungodly beasts? MORGAN FREEMAN I was raising an army! I could have had humanity enslaved within the month! And youve ruined all that! SEARGENT Its time to put an end to your plans, Freeman. I may have loved your movies, but I sure dont love your ideaology. He raises his gun.

(CONTINUED)

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MORGAN FREEMAN Foolish mortal! Youre bullets can not hurt me! He shoots fire out of his hands and turns the seargent to ashes. MORGAN FREEMAN (contd) I could have been a god for real! I could have won that second Oscar! He incinerates the rest of the troops. He sighs. MORGAN FREEMAN (contd) Well, you know what they say. You either get busy livin, or you get busy trying to enslave humanity and install yourself as an omnipotent ruler of all sentient life on earth. END