walked in front of hadn’t called the police
. Even New Orleans has its limits on weirdness.Well, not really, but Chilton would be pushing it.
I nodded. “Chilton.
Mr., uh, Nix.
How are your...” I paused.
seemed redundant. “
,” I finally said. “How are your
podmates adapting to Plaquemines Parish
?”“I must isolates my women,” he said, sounding petulant. English wasn’t Chilton’s
native tongue; his first language, I suspected, had
n’t been heard by human ears for a
couple of millennia. Maybe ever
regrets my wife Arago has frinked a merman.Mermens needs to leave, and I needs a new wife to replaces her
According to my research, nixes were polygamists to the Nth degree. However,finding him a new wife was not in my job description. At least not this week.
Then again, frinking might be illegal. “Exactly
merman did Arago frink?” I
stalled for time while doing a surreptitious search for
on the Elders’ website. I stared
at the illustrated entry in the Miriam Witchster Unabridged Dictionary of PreternaturalSpecies and Dialects. I turned my smartphone in different directions to see which endwas up, or down. Frinking involved reproductive organs, gills, and incredible flexibility.Holy crap.
“Was Arago injured?”
Chilton slumped into the chair facing my desk; his feet didn’t touch the floor. “I
. I doesn’t wants her anymore
. The mermans Rene said you could gets me anew wife since Arago has frinks his cousin and
I only has thirteen wives left.”
“Rene said that, did he?” I was relieved my buddy hadn’t done any frinking—
atleast none I had to investigate
—but he’d pay for this setup.
I motioned Chilton into a chair facing my desk and tried to force patience into myvoice when I really wanted to pull out his abundant hair.
Chilton, why do you needfourteen wives? Why not make do with thirteen? Or give Arago another chance?
Nothing against my own gender but that many wives is insane. That many
husbands would be insane. I wasn’t sure I even wanted one, especially another wizard. Or an elf. Definitely not an elf, but that’s another story.
The nix gave me a blank stare. “I need
wives so I can gets heirs,” he said.“Nixes has problems making sons. I has twenty daughters. I needs son.” He looked at me
with his strange, unblinking eyes, and a blue tear trailed down his cheek.Staring out the window with longing
at the CC’s C
offee sign, I poured myself acup of inadequate java from my cheap Walmart brewer as a stabbing pain began arhythmic throbbing in my right temple. Rene was going to buy me dinner. And a case of ibuprofen. Maybe a new car.I took a deep breath
Delachaise mer clan has been in Plaquemines a long
time, so I’m afraid y
’re the one who will
need to relocate. You should move back to
When I began talking, blue tears had begun trailing down his chubby, pinchedcheeks and into his beard. At the mention of the Beyond, the tears stopped and the eyesnarrowed.
a right to lives here now. Wizards cannot tells us where to livesanymore. Wizards needs to get us new wife and make mermens move
Jeez-Louise. I poured a third cup of coffee and hoped
Rene’s shrimp trawler
sprang a leak. I was going to have to find someone to take me out on the water inPlaquemines to oust this harem of nixes. Normally,
I’d ask Rene,
but Chilton might think he had an ulterior frinking motive.