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 H 
ave you ever felt that you walk the path of your life alone?That you are the only woman to ever make painful, stupidmistakes? To settle for less? To desperately desire love aboveallelse?Toyearnforarealpartnersomuchthatithurts?Haveyouever thought, “Why is every woman but me in a great relation-ship? Why can’t I be that happy?” Or found yourself rejectedby the person you love, and figured that something was wrongwith you?Whenthedevastatingbreakdownof myfifteen-yearrelation-shipstabbedme,attheageof thirty,likeawildboar’stuskrippingthroughmyheart,IwasconvincedthatIwastheonlywomanwhohad ever made such a complete mess of her life. I felt alone, re-jected, and furious that I had deceived myself for so long. That Ihadgivenupmy“self”tokeeptheloveof anotherforyears,onlyto be left with a heart torn to shreds. What I realized shortly afterthe initial blow of my relationship’s end was that I had failed to
PROLOGUE
Let’s Get to Know Each Other
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understandthat,aboveallelse,Ineededtohonorthemostimpor-tant relationship in my life first — the one with myself.This ending became a beginning for me, in which I learnedmany things. I finally got that I didn’t need to feel so damn aloneinmyexperiences—Ihadsistersonthecrazyandconfusingjour-neyof beingawoman.Forbetterorforworse,aswomenwehavemany of the same stories, heartbreaks, obstacles, and expecta-tions.Ialsolearnedthatwedon’thavetoremaincaptivetothelim-iting beliefs swirling in our psyches and in society, which keep usfar from our dreams. We
always
have a choice. Along life’s path,weallhavetheopportunitytogainwisdomfromourmistakes,theself-awarenessthatcomesfromhealingourwounds,andclaritybyclaiming our needs.If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power wehave to create our lives, we have a responsibility to share our sto-riesandinsightswithothers.Otherwise,thetruepowerof ourreal-izations is lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden thepossibilitiesthatliebeforeus.Throughsharing,weaswomencanprovidetheemotionalinspirationthatotherscanusetoeliminatethe “shoulds,” the “musts,” and the “cannots” that bar their wayto creating the kinds of lives and relationships they truly desire.I,too,reliedonthewisdomandsupportofmanywomen,someof them total strangers, to progress through my own “long, darknight of the soul.” By watching others and listening, I learned thattofullyandwholeheartedlyloveanotherIfirstneededtofullyandwholeheartedly embrace my “self.” This realization was a majorsource of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge andexperiences with other women through
Choosing ME before WE 
.The following pages take us on a journey together. In them,I share the wisdom I gained on my personal path as I went frombeingapersonIthoughtIknewandlovedtobeingoneIactually
CHOOSING
ME
before 
WE
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