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Edwards Point of View on New Moon Leaving

Edwards Point of View on New Moon Leaving



|Views: 8,276|Likes:
Published by kayla laird
you remember new moon well here is edward point of view for my fans lol
you remember new moon well here is edward point of view for my fans lol

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Published by: kayla laird on Jun 23, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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"Come for a walk with me," I suggested, taking Bella's soft, warm hand in my own cold, icy one. Istruggled to keep all emotion out of my voice, as I fought back the other voices in my head tellingme to stop, telling me that I'd regret what I was doing. But I had to. I had to make sure Bellawould always be safe, that she would always be safe from me. I was the most dangerous,perilous thing to her, and she didn't deserve to be in danger every second of her life. I keptrepeating this to myself, even after seeing the growing panic in her eyes.I only walked a few steps; I couldn't will myself to go any further. So I leaned against a tree andgazed at her intently, taking in her overwhelming beauty. I couldn't understand how Bella could soeasily overlook the fact that she was beautiful and desirable. She fidgeted, shifting her weightfrom foot to foot and twirling a strand of her hair around her finger unconsciously."Okay, let's talk," She said brusquely, avoiding my eyes. I rocked back on my heels and took adeep breath."Bella, we're leaving." Had I meant to sound so harsh?She stared at me blankly for a second, and then sucked in a breath unsteadily. I scanned her eyes carefully, and only saw confusion. She didn't understand...yet. "Why now? Another year-""Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty; and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless," I watchedBella's face warily as I said this. If she hadn't understood before, she would understand now.Horror dawned on Bella's face, and inside, I shuddered guiltily. Before I could say more, shespoke."When you say we-" She managed to whisper. I cut her off again and gritted my teeth."I mean my family and myself," I spoke slowly, as if I were speaking to a small child. Her eyeswidened, and she began shaking her head back and forth, squeezing her eyes shut. I couldalmost, always almost, hear her thoughts. She still thought this wasn't about her, that I was onlyconcerned about my family.Finally, she spoke. "Okay, I'll come with you." I frowned at that; she was making it unnecessarilyharder for me."You can't, Bella. Where we're going... It's not the right place for you," I choose my wordscarefully, trying to let her down as easy as possible."Where you are is the right place for me," She shot back confidently. My cold, un-beating heartcouldn't argue with that, but I had to convince her of otherwise. She seemed to grow moredesperate now, the panic escalating in her eyes."I'm no good for you, Bella," Inside, I was aching all over. I could see in her eyes that she wasstarting to believe me. I wanted to yell at her, to shake her and demand why she was evenlistening to me, why she was even beginning to consider all the black hearted lies I was feedingher. Didn't she know the truth? Didn't she understand that I loved her and that nothing, absolutelynothing, could change that? Couldn't she see how much it hurt for me to have to say all of thesevile, fallacious things to her?"Don't be ridiculous," Bella tried to sound furious, but her troubled eyes gave her away. "You'rethe very best part of my life."Something inside of me yearned to reach out and hold onto her tightly, and never let go. I longedto protect her from anything that would ever try to harm her. I wanted Bella to be safe, and Iwanted to her to be happy, but I knew these two things could not be possible while I was present.I crushed my arms against my sides, hoping she wouldn't notice, and replied stiffly, "My world is
not for you.""What happened with Jasper that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She yelled at me hysterically.Yes; nothing, but everything at the same time. What if I had succumbed to the thirst that drove memad? Who would've stopped Jasper? Would I still be standing here with Bella? I shuddered at thethought of Bella; motionless, cold, silent for the rest of eternity. I vowed that this would never happen, and the thought permitted me to continue to deceive her."You're right," I allowed. "It was exactly what was to be expected.""You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay " She accused me indignantly,trying to find some way to make this work out."As long as that was best for you," I corrected her gently. She knew that I had never promisedher, we had argued about it before she was given medication. I already knew, that at that time, Icould not promise I would stay. I could not continually put her in danger after the horrible,unbearable incident with the revolting James."No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" Bella exploded, startling me. I was afraid she was really angrywith me, but the fear vanished soon after. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. Idon't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you it's yours already!" Her words left myhead spinning, and me, stunned into silence. I exhaled sharply and looked away from her distraught face.I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. Anything else I could say would just hurt her more in theend. I couldn't delay any longer; I had to say the words that would almost certainly make her believe me, though they were so untrue and it hurt for me to even think of them. I had to gothrough with it. I steeled myself, and carefully locked away my heart. I took a deep breath andprepared myself for the worst."Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I immediately wanted to take them back the momentafter I said them. The words felt foreign and unfamiliar coming from my lips, and I half-expectedher to laugh and accuse me of joking. When she didn't, I tried to look as cold and calculating aspossible, and I must have succeeded, because Bella instantly noticed a change in my goldeneyes and my face.It took Bella few minutes before she could utter a word. The meaning of my words finally sunk in,and her face crumpled. "You...don't...want me?" She seemed as bewildered as I had been, stillmanaging to choke out the words."No." I didn't trust myself to say anymore. She stared at me, her striking, heartbroken eyessearching my own for answers. I gave nothing away, gazing back at her coolly."Well, that changes things." I heard how calm her voice sounded, but quickly hid myastonishment. I couldn't afford to mess things up. If I broke down now, I would never be able tostay away. I needed to stay strong for my sake... for Bella's sake."Of course, I'll always love you..." I murmured broodingly, then hastily added, "In a way. But whathappened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm... tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back at Bella, and I couldsee she was listening to me intently, taking in every word I said. How I wished I were human, andlive a human life with Bella. Wishing wouldn't do me any good now, so I continued, "I've let this goon much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I wasn't sorry, though. I didn't regret spending time withBella, because I couldn't stand being away from her. Now that I had found her, she was the onlyreason why I continued to exist... Why I wanted to continue to exist. Nothing in my hundred yearsof walking upon the earth mattered as much as Bella did to me now. As she still did.
"Don't," Bella whispered, seemingly unable to speak any louder. She stumbled forward, butcaught herself. Realization was finally beginning to take hold of her, as she slowly absorbedeverything I had said. "Don't do this," She begged weakly, searching my eyes for any hint of hidden humor. She found none.All I could do was watch her, as my unmoving, un-beating heart shattered into pieces, and thensmaller pieces still. "You're not good for me, Bella," My voice broke upon saying her name, butshe hadn't seemed to notice. In her eyes, I saw that she truly believed she wasn't good enough,not good enough for me. That she truly believed I didn't want her anymore, which was the mostridiculous, foolish that that I have ever heard. The most ridiculous notion and Bella, the love of mylife, the reason for my existence, believed it.Bella opened her mouth for a few seconds, but nothing came out. She closed it again, and justgazed at me, brokenly."If...that's what you want," She finally managed. I only nodded. She seemed to freeze in time,unable to move."I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said cautiously. Hope flashedacross Bella's face, and I let down my guard for half a second. Emotions ran across my face,before I hardened my expression."Anything," Bella promised fervently, not even bothering to ask me what the favor was. She didn'teven care what I asked. She would promise me anything, when I could not do the same. Guiltily, Ilooked at Bella's face intensely."Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I commanded, still holding her gaze. "Do you understandwhat I'm saying?" Bella could only nod, as she swallowed a lump in her throat. Afraid that I hadgiven away too much, I carefully composed my face again before continuing, "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself for him." Even if I wasn't there... even if itwasn't my fault, I couldn't bear if Bella got hurt. I couldn't bear if she... if she killed herself in myabsence. I had to make her at least promise me that she wouldn't do anything irresponsible or thoughtless that could harm her in any way.She continued to move her head up and down numbly. "I will." I loosened myself with her promise, but I wasn't done."And I'll make you a promise in return," I said, my voice shaking just the tiniest bit. "I promise thatthis will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like thisagain. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." I finished strongly; my voice reverberated around us. Bella started to quiver, and thenfully tremble. I tried to smile at her. "Don't worry. You're human your memory is no more than asieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." I tried not to emphasize your kind. Bellaunconsciously took a step back, as if she'd been struck."And your memories?" She said, the words coming out of her throat half-strangled."Well," I was caught off guard, and had to swiftly come up with something to say. "I won't forget.But my kind...we're very easily distracted." At this, I smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile.I took a step back. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." In my haste, Iaccidentally let slip the plural. Realization lit up Bella's face."Alice isn't coming back," She mouthed. She must've been unable to speak, but I could stillunderstand her. I shook my head, still watching her uncertainly.

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