Ryan Gosling 1 Christopher tien tienc3@unlv.nevada.

edu

Ryan Gosling John's neighbor asks if John can take care of her cat while she goes away for a little while. She would take it to the kennel, she says, but she was going to be gone for a couple of weeks, probably. Also, she says something like her cat has had trouble in kennels before, so she doesn't want to take her cat to the kennel. John has heard his neighbor having sex in her apartment next to his. John thinks about this while she says something else about the cat. Yes, John tells his neighbor. I will take care of your cat. John's neighbor has given her cat a Japanese name. She named her cat Noboru Watanabe, which is the name of the cat in a story by Haruki Murakami. John remembers his neighbor smiling when she tells him this, probably because she thinks he is Japanese. John is not Japanese. John is halfKorean. It's a stupid name, John thinks to himself, and begins writing a blog in his head entitled, Top five list of worst names to give a cat. The cat doesn't stop screaming. All through the night it is screaming. John tries everything to placate the cat. Listen Noboru, John tells the cat. I have done everything that I can do to make you happy, you can't just sit here and keep screaming all night, you have to shut up, you have to let me sleep, John tells the cat. I have work in the morning Noboru, this is very important, John tells the cat.

Ryan Gosling 2 The cat screams at him. John dreams that he is on a spacecraft that has a malfunction and crashes on an empty alien planet. He is running across the surface of the planet trying to get to the emergency craft that was dropped just prior to the crash, except there is something wrong with his oxygen tank and he is running out of air. I am going to die alone, John thinks to himself. John wakes up and takes a moment to remember how to breathe. Breathing seems difficult, John thinks to himself. Noboru is asleep. John is unsure if he has heard the cat screaming in the apartment next to his before. John thinks that maybe he thought he was listening to his neighbor have sex in the apartment next to his but really it was the cat screaming. This is fucked, John mumbles to himself. John realizes, after having briefly thought something similar the night prior amidst trying to quiet Noboru, that he has entered a period of his life that would be almost entirely defined by selfloathing. John glances towards the mirror at a reflection of his semi-naked body with a general sense of disgust- although less towards his semi-naked body than the idea of himself in general, the choices that he has made, and what his life now seemed to be. John remembers an article he read online about being able to look at yourself in the mirror for a prolonged period of time, and actively tries to look at himself in the mirror, in an attempt to prove to himself whatever it was in the article was wrong, or at least didn't apply to him, but becomes, after a moment, aware of doing this, and then, thinking that it would be affirming the article's points by seeking out to disprove them, decides he would better prove his point by affirming what the article had said about not being able to look at yourself in the mirror for a prolonged period of time by not being able to look at himself in the mirror for a prolonged period of time, but with the awareness that he was doing it in affirmation of the article, and in an attempt not to try and disprove the article, which would only have served to greater confirm what the article had originally been trying to say, but rather mock it.

Ryan Gosling 3 Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely, John thinks to himself, cutting a bagel in half. Then, putting the two bagel halves in the toaster, yes it does. Leaning against the counter, John stares at the toaster, briefly, then buries his head in his hands, listening to the faint buzz of the toaster, thinking ok, his inner monologue seeming, to himself, severely depressed. The two halves of the bagel, coming together to form a whole but still feeling intensely aware of the bagel hole, seem to John to be an appropriate metaphor for relationships, because of his general feeling of incompleteness while alone, and the sense of something missing even when in a relationship, and also, probably mostly, he thinks, because you are what you eat slowly chewing the bagel, staring at the empty white space where his wall meets the ceiling and, in the dim light of the early morning, seemed to be a single white plane of existence, infinite, directionless. *** Later, Alan is smoking an anthropomorphic cigarette (an emotion of extreme sadness). Alan is smoking very casually at John's apartment. They are drinking beer. What's with the cat, Alan says. My neighbor said she was going somewhere, John says, She wanted me to take care of her cat. Alan makes a grin with his face. I think you are doing something wrong, Alan says. You'll never guess who I saw, Alan says. John makes no attempt to guess. Alan takes a drag from his cigarette. He carefully examines the ash at the tip before flicking it into the ashtray. Rachel, Alan says. John is thinking about breathing. Whatever happened with you two, Alan says. She said she wanted, John says. John hesitates some. To be alone, John says. John thinks about saying more. There are a lot of things that John

Ryan Gosling 4 can say. John decides not to say anything. John and Alan sit in silence for a little while. The silence feels ok to John. That fucking cat doesn't shut up, does it, Alan says. John lets those words float in the air for a little bit. His name is Noboru Watanabe, John says. Alan puts out his cigarette. Alan grabs his jacket and begins to put it on. Let's go get something to eat, Alan says. I can't stand this fucking cat. Alan and John walk from John's apartment to a restaurant called Taiwan Kitchen. Taiwan Kitchen is mostly empty. There is only a man, who appears to John to be the owner, and a waitress. They both seem Chinese, John thinks. Alan orders in Chinese from the menu. The waitress turns to John, expecting him to also order in Chinese. I'll have what he's having, John says, and then, as if to answer the brief look of confusion in the waitress' face, niu rou mian, intonated, John felt, badly. Before she can take his menu he adds, as if an afterthought, also, tea. The waitress smiles. She takes Alan and John's menus. Alan has a cigarette in his hand that he uses to gesture with while he is talking. The cigarette is not lit. This is something that Alan does often, John thinks to himself. He must not feel comfortable making gestures without a cigarette in his hands. John tries to imagine Alan making gestures without having a cigarette in his hands. John has trouble picturing it. Do you remember Sergei, from when we were in Chengdu, Alan says. I don't know, John says. Russian, always took long showers in the morning because he said the hot water in his apartment was broken, his name was a bunch of stupid letters, Djklm, John says.

Ryan Gosling 5 Him, Alan says, anyway, now he works for NASA, and, You still talk to people from back then. I don't even remember the last time. I worked with Sergei in one of those things in Hong Kong, actually, Alan says. Anyway, but listen, Sergei works for NASA. He does the robot drilling arm thing for that new Mars space probe. Is that a remote control, John says. I feel like there would be so much delay that it wouldn't be worth even trying to control anything. I don't know. Maybe he just writes the software for the robot arm. All I know is that he works for NASA, and that his thing is the robot drilling arm for the Mars probe. Anyway, Sergei was telling me, lately, with all the stress at work with the whole thing, that he's been feeling sort of depressed, and the first thing, the very first thing to be affected was his sex life. He said that he felt like he couldn't please his wife anymore, that sometimes he was impotent, and, Sergei has a wife, John says. Yeah, I think you might have met her. She's half-Japanese, her name is Irina, I'm pretty sure we met her in Chengdu, or maybe Hong Kong. John tries to remember. He sees someone, vaguely, with dark hair, who definitely looked Japanese but there was something else about her, something that didn't quite fit in but that also made her extraordinarily beautiful, sort of like a name that doesn't really fit, like a Japanese girl named Irina. John thinks about Noboru Watanabe. It seems significant, John thinks to himself, that they seem similar. I remember, I think, John says. Anyway, so I tell Sergei to just talk to her about it, you know, just tell her that there's all this stress at work with the probe stuff and that'd she'd understand, like everyone has their ups and downs. The waitress brings over two bowls of noodles and a pot of tea and two teacups. Alan says

Ryan Gosling 6 thank you in Chinese to the waitress. Alan wipes the inside of his teacup clean with his napkin and pours himself a cup of tea, then pours John a cup of tea. Alan is continuing the story while he does this. So he tells her, you know, that he feels bad about all of it and that he really wants things to be better, all of that, and Irina sits there and listens to the whole thing, not saying a word, and then when he's finished, she says that it's ok, that she's never had an orgasm before, that it's not really a big deal, and not to worry about it. John is taking a sip of his tea. John says, what. Alan is cooling off his noodles by taking noodles in the broth out of the broth and blowing on them, then putting them back into the broth, then taking other noodles in the broth out of the broth and blowing on them, then putting them back into the broth, and repeating this process until he felt that they were cool enough to eat, in which he would interrupt it and take a bite. Obviously this just fucks with Sergei's head, which, I mean, wasn't even completely there to begin with. After that, Sergei becomes completely impotent, Alan says. I don't really blame him, you can't really, to have someone say something like that to you, I mean it must really fuck your confidence, as a man, really. After about a month, Sergei just snaps. He puts up an ad on craigslist, looking for some big dicked motherfucker to come fuck his wife. John is chewing a piece of beef from his noodles. He tells me about all the research that he had been doing, about the female anatomy, about the female orgasm, all of that, Alan says. I can just imagine somewhere in the NASA office was a whiteboard of all these calculations of the perfect penetration angle or curvature percentage or some shit like that, with all of these white-coated Sergei-looking fuckers crowding around trying to explain whatever theory that they had about it. I'm telling you though, Sergei was obsessed. He told me he got

Ryan Gosling 7 a ton of responses to his craigslist ad, so many that he had to start filtering them, he started to ask each of them to send a picture of their dick. I mean not just that, but he's a complete professional about it too, like you know in those ransom movies they always take the picture of the person they kidnapped with the morning's newspaper? He does all of that shit, just to make sure that these pictures are real, and not some stock dick photo circulating the internet. Then he takes all of the pictures, lines them up, and tries to find, I quote, the perfect dick. John is poking at something in his bowl of noodles. So finally, he finds a dick that he thinks is good enough, and arranges to meet the guy. The guy is like, so what's the deal here, Alan says. He asks if Sergei wants to watch, if he's going to film it, or what, and Sergei just tells him no, I just want you to have sex with my wife and give her an orgasm. This dude is surprised, like really surprised. He says usually with this kind of thing there's like some kind of fetish involved, like the husband wants to watch, or wants them to film it so he can watch later, or something, like that's what gets them off, or whatever. Sergei says no, I just want you to have sex with my wife and give her an orgasm. Guy tells him not even to worry about it, like he's a pro, he's done this hundreds of times before. Dude even fucking says, 'my dick has the Midas touch.' No joke. Sergei told me that he literally said that. John tries to imagine how that would work. So the guy goes into the room with Irina, does his thing, comes back out, and says, 'you were right, that bitch just doesn't come.' Then Sergei pays the guy, the fucking idiot. Can you believe that? I just thought it was funny, Sergei works for NASA and he sits around all day drilling a goddam planet but can't drill his own fucking wife. Jesus. John and Alan finish eating their noodles. Alan lights his cigarette. John imagines that the time spent gesturing with the cigarette in Taiwan Kitchen was like cigarette foreplay. John thinks, a cigarette being smoked is the equivalent of cigarette sex. Seems bleak, John thinks.

Ryan Gosling 8 Listen, Alan says. I want you on this new project that I'm working on. Paul said he's got the whole 3d printing thing figured out, that he's miles ahead of everyone. He wants me to meet with these guys in Canada first, sell them the idea, and then go to Hong Kong to meet with the parts supplier for the control board. I want you in on this, John, I could really use you. I don't think I'm qualified to do that, John says. No, listen, Alan says. Paul put me in charge of this and he's paying me in big dicks, I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I want you in on this. John starts to say something, but Alan cuts him off. No, just listen, all you need to do is come with me to Toronto, help me write up the stupid proposals, work on the stupid slides, do the website shit, then we go to Hong Kong, it'll be just like, I have work, John says. You're wasting your life doing that shit, man. That bank shit, you spend your whole life doing it, you make a living, but then you retire and afterward you think, 'why the fuck wasn't I a sky-diving instructor or some shit like that. Listen to me, you could use this. You need this. I have to take care of Noboru, John says. Alan exhales smoke. You shit head, Alan says. He shakes his head a little and laughs to himself. Just think about it, ok, just give me that, Alan says. I don't leave for another week. John is looking down at his phone, googling sky-diving instructor salary,. John says, I make more than a sky-diving instructor. Alan leans over to look at John's phone. You can only do so many jumps too, I think, John says. If you do too many jumps you die. Is that how it works, Alan says. I'm pretty sure it does, John says. It's statistics, or something. John stares into an abstract distance. ***

Ryan Gosling 9 John decides to go to the market next to Taiwan Kitchen to get something that will help shut up Noboru. John passes by a roast duck. John looks at the roast duck. John thinks, roast duck. The woman at the counter says something to John in Chinese. John looks up. John shakes his head and says, no, sorry, wo bu shuo, in an apologetic tone. Can I have this duck, John says. The woman at the counter says, ok and gives him the roast duck. John decides that Noboru Watanabe is just lonely, or upset that John's neighbor, Noboru's owner, had left. This roast duck is enough, John thinks to himself. I don't need anything but this roast duck. Noboru Watanabe is still screaming at John's apartment. John tries to exhale all of the air out of his lungs. John tries not to think about breathing. John goes on google.com to search why Noboru Watanbe is screaming. Someone on the internet suggests that Noboru Watanabe might be in heat. It's a girl cat, John mumbles to himself, unsure. John takes off his clothes and sits in his bathtub. His laptop is playing an advertisement for a lawn fertilizer, in which a man, who could not yet be described as elderly but was beginning to venture into that territory, planted (what John assumed was) flowers in his yard to, presumably, John felt, create competition with the rose bushes in the background, in order to prevent the market (John vaguely felt that his use of this word was supposed to be, or should be, funny, but found, to something that felt a little bit like surprise, no amusement in it) from stagnating, as it seemed wont to do in a scenario involving a monopoly. This is good, John thinks to himself, and then, to the not-yet-elderly man in the commercial, plant those flowers, in a detached, yet somewhat sexual tone, as if John were telling a woman to do some seemingly mundane task, but slowly, with the inward, and also, sometimes, if asked about it, outward, justification of, this is what I'm into, or this is pleasing to me, but, ultimately, deriving no specific pleasure from it. After a little bit, John closes his eyes for a brief moment and tries to conjure severe feelings of complex depression, but instead found himself surrounded by a blankness, not only a blankness of vision but a complete blankness of feeling, to which

Ryan Gosling 10 John's only way of coping was to mumble, John felt severely depressed, with complex feelings of depression. John begins to play a pornographic video on his laptop. While John is watching the pornographic video, he decides to eat the roast duck that he bought. John eats the roast duck and watches the video and tries to make himself aroused. John is moderately successful. Several minutes pass, and Noboru Watanabe begins to scream again. John is annoyed. John searches online how to make a cat in heat stop screaming. Someone on the internet says that the easiest way involves a Q-tip, a simulation of cat mating, and a cat orgasm. Someone on the internet says you will know a cat orgasm when you see it. This is the easiest way to shut up a cat in heat. John looks at Noboru Watanabe. Noboru Watanabe had walked into the bathroom, as if she knew what John was reading on the internet and was interested in the prospect. Noboru Watanabe looks at John as if to say, It's ok, we are both sexual beings. John looks at Noboru Watanabe. Noboru Watanabe screams. Seems bleak, John mumbles to himself, getting out of the bathtub, as the video ends.

Guilllaume, 24, is staring at his MacBook, listening to a song. This sounds like something I

Ryan Gosling 11 listened to when I was seventeen, he thinks. He looks at the iTunes window on his MacBook. This is something I listened to when I was seventeen, Guillaume thinks, he says in a depressed monotone. Guillaume stares blankly at his laptop. The progress bar moves ~5mm. Guillaume tabs through the windows on his MacBook. One window is an email from Rachel. Rachel says, this is my story I hope you like it, in his email. In previous emails, Rachel has said that she really likes Guillaume's articles and also his poetry and that she would like to talk to Guillaume on gchat. Previously, Rachel and Guillaume have been on gchat at the same time, talking to each other. In the same window, there is a second tab open. The tab is Rachel's story. Rachel's story is about Rachel and Jordan. Jordan, 20, is also a writer. Jordan has published/is publishing a book of poetry in a small press. It is for sale on amazon.com. Guillaume had quickly closed the tab that had amazon.com open to Jordan's book. In Rachel's story, Rachel and Jordan weren't named Rachel and Jordan. Guillaume thinks, this story is about Rachel and Jordan, while reading the story. Another window is a gmail draft that says, in the middle of my nervous breakdown/ I will log onto rapgenius.com/ and attempt to annotate every line of every song/ that I feel like, and then/ I will shout obscenities at a family of ducks/ in WholeFoods looking at breads./ these are my breads, I will say/ in a moderately loud monotone/ before beginning to trail off,/ just let me have this bread,/ this is all I want, and all of everyone/ stares at my bed sitting,/ somewhat uncomfortably, in the aisle. Guillaume is staring at his bookshelf. Guillaume is looking at his copy of Molloy on his bookshelf, and is imagining the book is staring back at him in a judgmental kind of way. Guillaume wants to tear the book into pieces with his teeth. Guillaume feels comforted by this. Guillaume saves the gmail draft into his folder of unfinished emails. Guillaume is sitting on a couch. Guillaume looks at his MacBook and sees a message from Rachel on gchat. Rachel is saying over gchat something about going to Florida. She is saying

Ryan Gosling 12 something about Jordan. Rachel doesn't mention her story. Rachel asks if she can come over. Rachel asks if Guillaume has any drugs. Guillaume types into gchat, I am going to write you a novel-length email that is mostly indecipherable. I don't know how I feel, Guillaume thinks. Guillaume imagines the couch pillow he is sitting on collapsing and falling into a black hole, and Guillaume falling, ass-first, into space. At first, Guillaume floats in place. Guillaume feels at once incredibly insignificant and at the same time like he is filling up all of space with his body. Guillaume tries to touch his face. Guillaume imagines being sucked into the black hole. After a few moments, another Guillaume covers the hole in the couch with another couch pillow. Then Guillaume 2.0, also 24, goes into the kitchen and eats a salad, then a piece of toast with peanut butter and flaxseed oil. He stares at his face in the microwave. Guillaume 2.0 comes back from the kitchen and gives couch pillow 2.0, 29, a high five. Together, Guillaume 2.0 and couch pillow 2.0 read the rest of Rachel's story. Guillaume watches Guillaume 2.0 and couch pillow 2.0 laugh at parts of Rachel's story that Guillaume hadn't thought were intentionally funny. They seem sinister, Guillaume thinks. They seem like evil twins. Guillaume feels judgmental. They seem fucked, Guillaume thinks. Guillaume feels nervous/anxious, Guillaume says to nobody. Guillaume goes into the kitchen to put his hands under the faucet. The water on his hands made Guillaume feel intensely connected to reality, Guillaume says to himself. He feels comforted by his own existence, by his not being Guillaume 2.0. I am a bad person, Guillaume says. He is looking into the window at the reflection of his face. You shit head, Guillaume says to his face. Guillaume goes back to his MacBook to see if Guillaume 2.0 had finished Rachel's story. Florida is a bad place, Guillaume tells Rachel over gchat.

Ryan Gosling 13 Just come over, Guillaume tells Rachel over gchat, we can eat drugs. Rachel, 23, says, What kind of name is Guillaume anyway, at the door of Guillaume's apartment. She is right, Guillaume thinks. Sorry, Guillaume says in a monotone. I can change my name, Guillaume says. It's ok, Rachel says. I don't think anyone will notice anyway. Rachel is looking at her phone. Let's get Thai food, Rachel says. I'm hungry. Rachel and Guillaume order Thai food from a take-out place. They order chicken Pad Thai. Rachel and Guillaume build a nest out of all of the blankets and pillows that Guillaume has. They build the nest on Guillaume's bed. Rachel and Guillaume are on Guillaume's bed, watching youtube videos on his MacBook, and drinking Thai iced tea. They take turns putting on youtube videos. They watch each other's youtube videos without judgment. This is ok, Guillaume thinks. I feel ok. Guillaume feels less sad and less desperate about his life. Guillaume tries to grin but he is reminded of Guillaume 2.0 and thinks that his face would look sinister. At the end of this video, Guillaume throws the blankets over Rachel, swallowing her up like some kind of blanket monster.

Ryan Gosling 14

Sext: we are at olive garden, you are touching a scallop's sexhole with your fork, the waiter leans in close and asks if you want more cheese, Guillaume sends in a text message. *** Sext: the waiter is Steve Buscemi, Rachel sends in a text message. *** Sext: you eat ten breadsticks at olive garden. Steve Buscemi whispers, carbs into your ears. You don't masturbate for ten days after, to punish yourself, Guillaume sends in a text message. *** How many shrimp can you fit on your arm, this is very important, I have to know, Rachel sends in a text message. *** I can fit at least 8 shrimp on my forearm, probably more if I stacked them on top of each other, Guillaume sends in a text message. *** Sext: I put ~8 shrimp on your forearm and think, endless shrimp buffet, Rachel sends in a text message.

Ryan Gosling 15 *** Sext: I am stacking as many shrimps on your forearms as I can, I have lost all control of myself, I am looking at the multitudes of shrimp on your arms as I come, Rachel sends in a text message. *** Guillaume looks away from his phone. The doors say, doors, closing, in a womanly, robotic voice. Guillaume is looking at his reflection in the window of the train. Is my face numb, Guillaume thinks. I don't know, Guillaume thinks. Guillaume thinks about touching his face. He decides not to. Guillaume tries to open the window while saying, windows, opening, in a womanly, robotic voice. The window doesn't/won't open. Stupid, Guillaume thinks. You shit head, Guillaume tells the window. Guillaume feels anxious. Guillaume imagines somewhere train voice girl looking at her reflection in a mirror. She is eating a muffin-thing that she stole from WholeFoods. She is saying to her reflection, I am eating this muffin-thing, I'm train voice girl, in her womanly, robotic voice. Guillaume feels comforted by this. Guillaume looks out the window of the train. Jordan had gone to Florida to do a reading. Rachel had said while Rachel and Guillaume were at Guillaume's apartment eating Thai food that she didn't really want to go to Florida. If you don't want to go, then don't go, Guilllaume had told Rachel. You shouldn't do things that you don't want to do. Rachel had gone to Florida. Are you disappointed, Rachel had asked in a text message. Yes, Guillaume had sent in a text message, ending a period in which Guillaume had decided to not talk to Rachel.

Ryan Gosling 16

May Kasahara, 17, takes a drag out of her last remaining cigarette while looking, blankly, out of the bathroom window of the two bedroom apartment that she rents just off of the university campus. It is 8:30 a.m. on the day of May Kasahara's Organic Chemistry final exam, which had started at 8:00 a.m. May Kasahara had been awake since 6:45 a.m., when her alarm had woken her up. May Kasahara glances down at a small red duffle bag that contains all of her possessions (well, not all, but the important ones, May Kasahara thinks) and gives it a little kick, although even qualified by little kick seems to be exaggerating, it seems more appropriate to have said that May Kasahara had given the bag a light tap with her foot, the first, the "little kick", conveying, perhaps, a sense of frustration, not necessarily at the bag but towards May Kasahara herself, or the situation, or even just the bag's presence in the bathroom, which didn't seem to be the case- it seemed more like May Kasahara was trying to confirm the existence of the bag, as if she were unsure that it was really there, and had needed some sort of tactile feedback to remind of her its "reality": that it was a real, corporeal object that existed in a concrete way in the universe. She stares at the bag, her cigarette now ignored and dwindling down, as if to further confirm the existence of the bag, aware that staring at the bag did not eliminate the possibility of the bag being a figment of her imagination, or a hallucination, but feeling comforted: by the space that it occupied in

Ryan Gosling 17 her field of vision, by the space that it took up on the linoleum floor of the bathroom, and by the perceived "weight" of the bag- not just the actual, physical weight of the bag as a bag being perceived in a "concrete reality" but also the metaphorical significance that she felt the bag held in this specific situation. May Kasahara thinks she hears a light knock on the door, which is generally followed by her roommate, usually politely, and somewhat meekly, asking her to not smoke in the bathroom, but doesn't hear her asking, leading May Kasahara to think that she had imagined the noise. After several moments, May Kasahara thinks about the possibilities of what could have happened, and their outcomes: 1. Her roommate had knocked on the door, but because May Kasahara had been in the bathroom for a significant amount of time. May Kasahara's roommate, knowing that this was the morning of May Kasahara's Organic Chemistry final exam, was concerned that May Kasahara hadn't gone to the final exam, and was knocking on the door to see if May Kasahara was ok, and May Kasahara could open the door, and her roommate would say, "are you alright," and May Kasahara could, wiping tears from her eyes, say, "yes," and grab her red duffle bag and leave the bathroom. 2. Her roommate had knocked on the door, but hadn't said anything after because she assumed that by now May Kasahara had known what the knock meant ie to please stop smoking in the bathroom. May Kasahara could put out her last cigarette, that, now thinking about it, she hadn't even really been smoking anyway, and open the door, and apologize to her roommate, and grab her red duffle bag and leave the bathroom. 3. Her roommate had not knocked on the door, but instead was still asleep. May Kasahara could open the door, and grab her red duffle bag, and leave the bathroom, trying to the leave the apartment in the quietest way possible so as to not wake her roommate up. 4. Her roommate had not knocked on the door, but wasn't asleep, and hadn't noticed that May

Ryan Gosling 18 Kasahara was there, or in the bathroom smoking a cigarette. May Kasahara could open the door, grab her red duffle bag, leave the bathroom, and try to leave the apartment until getting towards the door where, upon seeing May Kasahara starting to leave, her roommate would say something like "I didn't know you were here," and then "wasn't your Organic Chemistry final this morning," to which May Kasahara could reply "yes, I overslept, I'm on my way right now," with her roommate staring at the red duffle bag with all of May Kasahara's possession inside. 5. Her roommate had not knocked on the door, wasn't alseep, or even in the apartment. May Kasahara tried hard to remember if she had seen her roommate sleeping as she walked by to get to the bathroom, but couldn't, and May Kasahara could open the bathroom door, grab her red duffle bag, and leave the bathroom, all without knowing for sure the presence, or lack of presence, of her roommate, and to, while walking towards the door of the apartment with every possibility in mind, see the inside of her roommate's room, empty, and the alarm clock on her bedside table silently blinking, and feel quietly and unjustifiably annoyed at her roommate, and then immediately guilty, and then intensely negative to herself, as she left the apartment and went downstairs to the taxi waiting to take her to the bus station. *** You shouldn't smoke in here, Irina, 33, tells May Kasahara, her younger sister, who was smoking a cigarette in the bathroom while taking a bath. I don't know why, but everyone is always telling me that, May Kasahara says. You shouldn't be smoking at all, Irina says. May Kasahara looks at Irina blankly, takes a drag from her cigarette, and says, neither should you. Irina ignores her. Dad called looking for you. I told him you weren't here, Irina says. Ok, May Kasahara says.

Ryan Gosling 19 What name are you using now, Irina asks. May Kasahara. They sit silently for a little bit. Irina reaches out for May Kasahara's cigarette. May Kasahara hands Irina the cigarette, who takes a drag and hands it back. What are you doing, May, Irina asks. May Kasahara. Irina looks at May Kasahara. What do you expect me to do, May Kasahara says. Outside the bathroom, there is the noise of the front door opening, and closing, and someone walking into the house. Irina takes another drag from May Kasahara's cigarette, stares blankly ahead for several seconds, says, You have to do something, May, and leaves the bathroom. She takes the cigarette with her.

Are you sure you don't want to read anything, Rachel asks Guillaume. Yes, Guillaume says. Rachel walks away. ***

Ryan Gosling 20 Someone is broadcasting over the internet on a laptop. Guillaume goes to the laptop. He recognizes several people watching on the internet talking in the chat. They type, hi Guillaume, in the chatbox. Someone asks if Guillaume is reading anything. Guillaume types, i forgot that you could see me, in the chatbox. Guillaume types, I am not reading, and I am going to dominate this reading via not reading, and I'm dominating, i'm dominating, im unstoppable. Someone jumps on Guillaume's back. The internet chat go crazy, typing Walt in all capital letters. Walt, 25, talks very excitedly at the laptop, while Guillaume tries his best to maintain grinning at insane levels, his mouth slowly opening, then he carries Walt off, away from the laptop, away from the reading, and into the street, where he trips and they both fall onto the asphalt. Guillaume says, I'm dominating, almost out of breath, in a tone that Guillaume thinks, after hearing it come from his mouth, sounds sexually depleted, like he had just finished masturbating in a room full of blown up copies of pornographic images. Walt jumps up quickly, and yells, I'm fucked up. Guillaume sits down next to May Kasahara, whom he had been emailing with greater frequency for the past few days. As Walt gets up to read, May Kasahara rests her head on Guillaume's shoulder. Walt reads: John, dear, John, please put your scarf on, John's mother tells John when she sees John going outside. You'll catch a chill. Fuck the chief of police, John thinks to himself. He puts on his scarf. John takes his scooter out to a steep hill. John rides his scooter down the steep hill. John thinks, I must be going at least 35 mph. John thinks, hashtag yolo to himself in an excited tone. John thinks hashtag yolo to himself at least 8 more times in intervals of 5 seconds as he rides down the hill on his scooter. John's scooter hits a bump in the road. John falls off his scooter. John hits the asphalt. The impact breaks John's arm. John jumps back up very quickly.

Ryan Gosling 21 John yells, I'm fucked up, in a triumphant tone and tries to raise his arms in celebration. John can't because his arm is broken and it hurts. John starts to run back up the hill. John knocks on a house's door. Fannie Brawne opens the door. I'm in love, John says to Fannie Brawne. Fannie Brawne notices the blood on John's face, and his broken arm. Fannie Brawne wants to take John to the hospital. John says no. John says he is fucked up and in love. John says he is in love and he is ready to die. Fannie Brawne's mother passes by to see what the commotion is about. She sees John. Fannie Brawne and Fannie Brawne's mother take John to the hospital. But wait: John's scooter, dented from the impact, stares sadly alone and abandoned and anthropomorphic on the sidewalk.