He Who Controls the Present, Remote-Controls Da Planesby Norman Ball
s being widely hailed both as a triumph ofbipartisan cooperation and unassailable evidencefor the existence of Congressional off-shore bankaccounts, t
USAF-al Qaeda Aerial Bombing
sailed through House andSenate chambers today as though borne aloft onthe wings of an F/A-18.A spokesman for the lobbying group spearheadingthe effort on Capitol Hill
the Project for a NewAmerican Abyss (PNAA)
could be heard pinching himself over the phone.
“As Straussians, we’re all aboutrunning the ball. So the direction doesn’t really matter.
Clearly this partnership offers a whole new vista forbold declarative statements and galvanizing events.
Military analysts were more divided, though one ventured a note of cautious optimism:
“It’s a shrewd
gambit, and the first time military assets have ever been shared with an adversary who dreams of ourcomplete and utter cessation. However i
f we’ve learned
anything in the last sixty years of permanent warfooting, it is that the rules of engagement
are continually changing. In short, it could work. If it doesn’t, we
can always initiate a conflict to degrade our loaned-out assets. As long as the world keeps rolling in agenerally bellicose direction, things should work out fine.
On Capitol Hill, Senator Porker Jowls, Republican sponsor of the bill and a frequent traveler to Qatar withlarge, empty satchels, struck a triumphant note:
crucial milestone would not have been possiblewithout
this great nation’s
Mach speed attention span. I call therefore on the remaining sharpest tacks inthe Great American Drawer to join the rest of us in forgetting so that we might all profitably moveforward.
Later, on a conference call, an al Qaeda spokesman expressed what can only be called polite wariness:
Given that our indigenous air force is devoid of conventional landing skills, this merger fills a strategicvoid. The prospect of repeated bombing runs and sorties in the same planes opens up an exciting newdimension to our airborne capabilities. Unfortunately we will be riffing our suicide-hijacker division. Wewish them well pursuing fresh nihilistic opportunities elsewhere.Did the erstwhile terrorist organization resent a late provision in the bill precluding its members from beingleft unsupervised in USAF cockpits?
We recognize the sensitivity. Fortunately w
e’re not str
angers to overcoming cockpit resistance.
time though. Today we choose to emphasize the positive asp
ects of this historic alliance.”