Main Theme 4: Transition to Adulthood Transition from Adolescence to Adulthood described the key informants responsibilities and their

struggles. This shift also mirrored a vivid view of their adapting mechanisms and judgment of ones own self. This theme branched out into four subthemes. Subtheme 1: Young Caretakers All of the participants in this study described having increased family responsibilities and felt obligations during early adulthood. Frequently, children of parents with mental illness demonstrate considerable skill in assisting their families, but regularly their contributions are devalued or go unrecognized (Harstone, Bergen & Sweetgrass, 2010). As with other studies (Aldridge, 2006; Knutsson-Medin et al., 2007) these study participants described having roles that included practical as well as emotional responsibilities. Emotional parentification is different from the role of a young carer. When parentification occurs a parent has abdicated their responsibility, which is then left to a child to fulfill. Parentification is typically characterized as role reversal between a child and a parent. These children and adolescents are often referred to as young carers. In North America, young carers are sometimes referred to as parentified children. The young carer definition assumes that young people take on a caring role as a result of their family circumstances (Charles, Stainton & Marshall, 2009). Fitzgerald, Schneider, Salstrom, Zinzow, Jackson & Fossel (2008) suggested that parentification often occurs within families that experience significant stress and family dysfunction as a result of parental mental illness, divorce and marital conflict. This theme also

discusses the responsibility and obligations of a young adult during his adulthood. Felt obligation is also described as different from filial obligation (p. 126), which is defined as the attitudes that adult children hold towards their responsibilities to their parents. Abraham and Stein (2010) explained felt obligation as being negotiated

commitments,which are felt by adult children and are applied within a family context, and are relevant across the life course, not only when a parent is elderly (Abraham & Stein, 2010). Through the experience of the key informants, different responses and reactions were shown. With this, they become Young Caretakers. Informant A stated, Its like, my sibling and I have matured at an early age, if not us, if not we, then who will?, (Parang kami ng kapatid ko, nagmature na lng kami at an early age na, kung hindi kami, kung hindi tayo, sino ang gagawa nun? ) Being the oldest, youll going to protect your sibling because hes a kid, then youll carry on your mothers responsibility because in my case, Ill take over on my fathers. ( Bilang panganay po, pinoprotektahan mo yung kapatid mo kasi bata yun, tapos iccarry over mo yung responsibility ng nanay mo kasi sa case ko,yung kay tatay iccarry over ko .)Then Informant B said that, First of all, I will be the one who will strengthen myself and be strong on the things that is happening to my mother, what will I gonna do. We are discussing with one another, more on my opinion, I share to them, if its ok with them, then its good. (Unang una ako yung magpapalakas ng loob tapos sa mga pangyayari kay nanay yung mga sitwasyon kung ano dapat gawin, naguusap usap kami more on my opinion , share ko sa kanila kapag ok sa kanila ok edi good), Im taking charge of her medications, ever since thats my obligation, to support the

studies of my siblings, until now, Im still the one, but now its not only my obligation, I now oblige them also. (Magpagamot sa kanya. Eversince ayun na yung naging obligasyon ko, magpaaral ng kapatid. Ayan sila. Basta ayan hanggang ngayon ako pa din, pero ngayon hindi na totally shoulder ko, ako inoobliga ko din sila ). Informant C emphasized how she became a young caretaker while having her schooling. The statement stated that, When I got home from school, I always look after what she is doing, where she is because when my sister has a work before they are always together with my Aunt, because my aunt has no husband, its like she grown up as our guide, like our second mother, Im looking after if shell do something, that is, you know, not normal so instead of playing with other kids, Im guiding, I am definitely at home because my aunt told me to watch over my mother, look after what she is doing. (Kapag dating ko sa bahay gaing school lagi kong tinitgnan kung anong ginagawa niya, kung asan na siya kasi si ate dati nung may work siya parang ang nakakasama lang nila sa bahay is si tita kasi si tita wala siyang husband parang lumaki siya na patnubay namin parang second mother kungbaga, so silang dalawa lang yung magkasama sa bahay kaya pagdating ko, tinutulongan na rin ako sa pag gabay sa mommy ko, tinitignan ko siya kung may gagawin siyang alam mo yun hindi normal so imbes na nakikipaglaro ako sa ibang bata sinusubaybayan, talagang nasa bahay lang ako kasi si tita sabi bantayan mo yung mama mo, tiganan mo yung mga ginagawa niya). Informant D shared what he can do to her mother to help and expresses willingness and said that, Maybe now, ah when she was diagnosed and now that I graduated, I am quite open with it, for example if my sister already got married, my mom will be my full responsibility so Im quite open to the fact that thats

what is going to happen. Ah, that I need to care for her ( Siguro kung ngayon, ano ah yung na diagnose siya tas parang siyempre graduate na ko medyo open na ko sa ganun na halimbawa nagasawa na yung kapatid ko kunwari sakin na mapupunta yung mama ko so parang medyo open na rin akong ganun yung mangyayari. Ah na kelangan ko siyang alagaan.) Informant E Of course were in the house, we just feed her, take care of her (Syempre kami nasa bahay, nagpapakain na lang sa kanya, nagaasikaso.), Difficulty has been always in my mind. Its like I became mature very early, maybe when I was 22 or 30. (Parang nakatatak na ba sa isip ko yung hirap, parang maaga nga akong nagmature eh, siguro nung mga 22 ako 30 na yung isip ko eh.) They all express that they matured early and was not prepared of the situation.

Subtheme 2: Conflict and Challenges In 2009, Presley stated that the children had difficulties with conflict resolution. Bandura (2006) suggested that among the mechanisms of human agency the most central is the core belief that one has the power to effect changes by their actions. Children who grow up with parental mental illness frequently experience unpredictability and chaos at home. Other children who are isolated and live in enmeshed families will experience a lack of control (Harstone, 2010).

Conflict is a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 2012) and challenge means

difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it. (Free dictionary,

2012). They did not always understand what was happening and they described experiencing conflicting emotions such as anger, fear, love and frustration. Moreover, having a supportive adult was considered by children as being reassuring, but not all children were willing or able to reach out. Children reported experiencing distress when they were unable to express their negative feelings (Mordoch & Hall, 2008).

This subtheme unleashes the obstacles and conflicts the informant undergone while living with a bipolar mother. Most of them, tackles their financial and time constraints and aggravation felt during the situation upon the diagnosis of their mothers. Informant A vocalized, So when my father doesnt send us money, I dont have a choice, Ill just be a working student, so i became a working student, work (So nung hindi nagapadala si papa, wala akong choice, magaano lang ako, mag tawag dito, magworking student ako, so nung nagworking student ako, trabaho) , Problem, financial. Its really financial. Its really hard in terms of financial aspect because you dont know where to go to borrow money for school (Problema, financial. Financial talaga. Mahirap financially kasi hindi mo alam kanino ka uutang para pumasok sa eskwelahan). Informant B also shared, Its very difficult. Its very difficult, financially, second the time, because my sibling are regular in their work, the time of my sister, instead of giving that to her child or in her family, of course she would share it to our mother because she seeks for attention, she strives for care because she thinks that she is not loved, so I texted my sibling if they have time. (Ang hirap ganun talaga ang hirap kasi nung una financial pangalawa oras kasi yung mga regular na, sila trabaho yung mga oras nila, yung time ng sister ko imbes na sa anak niya sa pamilya niya,

siyempre isshare din sa nanay ko gawa ng naghahanap ng atensyon, naghahanap siya ng paglalambing kasi iniisip niya hindi naman siya mahal kaya tinetxt ko yung mga kapatid ko na kapag may time sila). Informant C emphasized conflicts affecting her schooling caused by impaired guidance from her mother, stated that, When I have an assignment, I usually wait until my father came home to ask for help because I cannot depend on my mom, It seems that I am the mother in her situation, so its really difficult for me (Kapag may assignment ako, hihintayin ko pa makauwi si daddy para makapagpatulong kasi wala nga akong maasahan kay mommy ako pa yung talagang parang ako pa yung nanay niya sa ganuong situation niya so mahirap talaga para sa akin). Informant D shared future plans affected by financial reasons as well as

decreased focus due to anxiety levels, as follows, Ah, of course its like you cant focus in school, for example if theres depression, theres an attack your, then youll go to school then youll think that ah, what is happening is like before, its so not in order, so its like you cant concentrate on what you have to do, like in the office, when I go to the office, for example, my sister will text me then your mother, so of course youll think that it can spoil your focus but its not that serious, just more on like that, it just can somehow your attention.(Ah medyo, ah parang siyempre hindi ka makafocus sa school, pag ganun halimbawa pag merong depression may ganung klaseng attack yung ano mo, tapos papasok ka ng school mo parang iisipin mo ah parang ganito na naman yung nangyayari, ang gulo gulo na naman so parang sa studies di ka makapagconcentrate yung mga dapat mong gawin di mo masyadong magawa, ganun din sa office, pag pumapasok ako sa office, parang halimbawa magtetext yung kapatid ko tas ayun nga ayun na naman yung nanay mo, so siyempre maiisip mo na ah

nakakasira ng focus pero yung hindi naman pa ganun ka serious, mga more on ganun lang, ah nakakaano lang siya ng atensyon), Maybe because theres no one to support us, I need to choose a course that after I graduated I will be profitable. IT is my course, so I dont like it but that what I took because I know that there be a faster income after my studies (Ah siguro kasi parang dahil nga walang kasi diba walang nagsusupport samin ahm kelangan pumili ako ng course na dapat pagkagraduate ko may kikitaiin ako. So yun yung course ko hindi ko naman kasi ang course ko IT, so hindi ko naman siya gusto pero yun pinasok ko kasi alam kong doon, may mabilis yung income after kong magaral.) Informant E stated that, We dont know what we are going to do. We are only two back then, only the two of us have a job (Di ko na alam kung anong gagawin namin eh. Siyempre dalawa lang kami noon, kasi dalawa lang kaming may trabaho noon.),Only the two of us take care of buying her medicines, of course its hard. (Dalawa lang kaming nagaasikaso sa mga pagbili ng gamot, siyempre ang hirap kaya nun.) Although feel challenged and had difficulties, they are still determined to pass these tests of life.

Subtheme 3: Conformation Conformation means the process of changing to fit some purpose or situation. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 2012). Young adults reported coping in a variety of ways including escaping their family situation by participating in activities outside of the home, spending time with friends, and finding success at school. They also described talking with siblings, withdrawing and finding solace in some activities and prayer (Harstone, 2010).

Mordoch and Hall (2008) suggested the concept they called maintaining the frame, which focused on longer term goals of children living with parents with mental illness that seemed to be related to staying connected with a parent, while developing their sense of self over time. Young people described a need to have clear boundaries with their parents, so they could have lives of their own. Maintaining a connection to their parent was considered in the context of preserving myself and gauging. Some strategies used to preserve the self included getting away, flying solo and opting out. Physically getting away and spending time with friends or playing sports allows children some respite from their family situation. Children who had money to pay for activities or a family member that spent time with them had more opportunities than children without resources. Living life was also described by children as letting go of inappropriate responsibilities for their parents.

Specific coping strategies among children of parents with mental health problems may be linked to their adaptive functioning. Childrens constructive coping strategies are believed to buffer the effects of stressful experiences, and, consequently, foster psychological well-being. In general, active coping has been positively related to adjustment, whereas avoidant coping is negatively related (Compas et al., 2001). Maybery and colleagues (2005) found that children of parents with mental illness tend to use the coping strategies of withdrawing, avoiding, and distancing. In the coping literature, these strategies are commonly referred to as emotion-focused (Lazarus & Folkman, 1991) and are regularly labeled as unhealthy if maintained as long-term strategies.

As expressed by Informant A, Before, I dont like, but i really dont have a choice, theres so much things in life that I didnt have a choice but to accept it (Dati ayoko, kaya lang wala talaga akong choice eh, maraming bagay sa buhay ko na wala akong choice, na I have to accept it.) Well go to school without money, but its fine because my sibling and I both wanted to be in school instead, because thats where we can express whats happening at home, its so stressful lets just stay at school then from grade 2 to grade 6 im in section 1. In high school im still in section 1 until i graduate, in college im still in section 1, my sibling is better because he have honors and i dont have any, so its like we get more appreciation in school, youre good, youre intelligent, and even win in the regionals, it feels good. (Papasok kami walang baon ok lang basta kami ng kapatid ko mas gusto naming sa eskwelahan eh, kasi doon kami nakakapagexpress na ang gulo sa bahay, nakakastress doon na lang tayo sa school tapos yan simula grade 2 ako hanggang grade 6 sec.1 highschool ako sec.1 hanggang grumaduate, nung college ako sec.1 pa din ako, yung kapatid ko mas magaling kasi my honor un eh ako wala kaya parang mas yung kungbaga yung appreciation nakukuha namin sa school. Ang galing mo, matalino ka tapos nananalo ka sa regional ang sarap ng feeling), another is, I do scapegoating sometimes, do always leave from home, I said yes when my mother is irritated, sometimes Ill go to my friends house, I wont go back. ( Minsan nagsscapegoating ka, Lagi ka bang umaalis sa inyo sabi ko Oo pagnaiinis yung mama ko, minsan pupunta ako sa kaibigan ko, hindi ako uuwi.) Informant B also vocalized adaptive mechanisms, You need a lot of patience, and a lot of understanding, even if you cant understand,

because there are times that you will be ashamed and feel hatred in her attitude because she insists what she wants and she doesnt care if its ok, like that, if that could help. If she wants us to her something, you need to buy that, just like this past days, watch, clothes. Wherever she is happy like foods, if she insist that you should buy her, and if you dont, she will be fret, and if you promise, your promise should not be broken, what will you do, she will never forget that what she wants, she will hate and be angry with you saying you promise, she will hate you, just a child-like attitude, if you do not give what she wants, she will have tantrums. However, if you give what she wants, shes so happy . (Pasensya lang talaga yung kailangan, at saka pagintindi kahit hindi mo alam kasi may time na maiinis ka sa ugali niya kasi iniinsist niya lang yung gusto niya parang wala siya pakialam na ok bayan, ganito bayan, makakatulong ba to. Kapag may gusto siya ipabili eh , kailangan bibilhin mo yun, nito mga nakaraan, relo, damit, aanhin mo naman siya kung saan siya masaya minsan gusto niya pagkain, talagang iinsist niya bili mo naman ako ganito, pag hindi mo bibili magagalit, magtatampo, pero kapag pinangako mo, kailangan yung pangako mo susundin mo, gagawin mo hndi niya kakalimutan yan basta gusto, naiinis siya, nagagalit siya sayo, nangako-ngako ka hindi mo naman sasabihin, nagtatampo, parang bata nga yung attitude niya parang bata pag hndi mo binigay yung gusto niya dun na sya magwawala, kapag binigay mo naman yung gusto niya ang saya.) Informant C also expressed the ways of diverting her attention to ease the situation, Of course when I see her, I feel sad eh, that she is not normal but you know, I tried to be happy because my daddy said that dont take your moms situation that tough. (Siyempre pagnakikita ko siya nalulungkot ako e, na hindi siya

normal e. pero alam mo yun, pinipilit ko naman na maging masaya kasi sabi ni daddy na wag mong masyadong dibdibin yung situation ng mama mo.) Sometimes in food, Im not fat but that, I eat what I want if I have a problem, ice cream, chocolate, thats not the solution but I take it to lighten up my feelings, its like that. (Minsan sa pagkain. hindi ako mataba, pero ayun kumakain ako ng gusto ko kapag namromroblema. ice cream, chocolate, hindi yun yung solusyon sa problem pero pampalubag loob lang. parang ganun) . Informant D shared the defense mechanism that is being used as stated, For me, I dont like involving myself in any chaos, I dont want to meddle because I tried it before, and I told them to stop, up to the point that I already yelled in front of them, and tore the chair or something but still nothing changed, shes still like that. So most of the time, what Ill do is that Ill go to a part of the house where I cant hear them or Ill leave even if I dont have anywhere to go. Ill go to school, or go to the office even if i dont have anything to do there. (Ano, ako kasi, ayoko ng pag may gulo ayoko ng nakikisali, ayoko ng ano, mangaawat ako kasi triny ko na yun before, na parang sinabi kong tigilan niyo na, parang to the point na sumigaw na ko sa harapan nila, nanira na ko ng upuan or something pero wala e ganun talaga siya, so ako most of the time ang ginagawa ko ano ah lilipat ako sa bahay na hindi ko sila maririnig o kaya aalis ako kahit wala akong pupuntahan, pupunta ko ng school, o kaya pupunta ko ng office kahit wala akong dapat gawin don.) Yes there is already, but sometimes, youll just sleep and play loud sounds so that you wont hear anything (Oo may ganun na pero minsan din yun tulog mo na lang tas patugtog ka na lang ng malakas para hind na marinig ganun.) Well, I really dont tell how I feel. I just keep it to myself and let her be. Sometimes we look for any

diversion, we read books, Ill go to school, or at the office (Ayun nga, hindi naman ako mahilig magvent out ng nararamdaman ko. Ahm sakin na lang, hinahayaan ko na lang sya. Minsan ano naghahanap kami ng diversion, nagbabasa kami ng libro, lalabas ako mamamasayal ako sa school, o kaya sa office, yun lang.) Informant E stated, Where can I get that if I dont have this? Its necessary to have a job. Sometimes, all I can do is cry. (San ka kukuha nun kung wala kang ganito? Syempre maghahanap buhay ka talaga. Minsan nga umiiyak na lang ako.) Just give her what she want (pagbigyan mo na lang yung gusto niya), I borrowed money, thats why I was deeply debted. (Ayun nangutang kaya ako, nabaon ako sa utang.) Some of them effectively adapted, while most of the informants have dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

Subtheme 4: Verdict Verdict means judgment of ones self. According to the University of Melbourne (2010), stigma involves stereotyped beliefs about the negative qualities of a particular group of people. The Mental Health America (2010) states that the most pervasive factor affecting parents' access to and participation in mental health services is the stigma accompanying mental illness. The stigma of mental illness is likely borne out of misconceptions of mental illness and exacerbated by disproportionate media misrepresentations of people with mental illnesses as violent or unfit. The stigma keeps many parents from seeking the help they need particularly in cases where they are afraid of losing custody of their children. The stigma of mental illness is more severe than that of other serious or chronic conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

Being labeled with a psychiatric disorder can profoundly and negatively affect the experiences of parents and their family members, adults and children alike. Caregivers who are concerned about stigma sometimes isolate themselves from social contact and become depressed. Consequently, they may miss out on valuable sources of support and enjoyment. Children may fear that they will inherit the illness. Older children may fear that they may have to manage the care of their ill sibling as well as manage their own lives when their parents can no longer do the job. In any event, families need to learn to manage anxiety and to lead as fulfilling lives as possible. (Cowling, 2008)

As expressed by Informant A, Problems, scandal. Stigma. Because we are known at our entire street. Your mother is this and that (Problems, iskandalo. Stigma. Kasi sa buong street naming, kilala na kami eh. Kilala na kami dun eh. Yung nanay mo, ganyan ganyan.) Still stigma, because your neighbors will mock you. Youre such a pest, you should leave here. Then there will also be a barangayan (Stigma pa din, kasi mga kapit bahay mo, lait-laitin kang ganyan. Mga peste kayo dito, lumayas na kayo dito. Tapos barangayan effect pa.) Informant B shared the misconception of other people towards the mental illness as verbalized, No, because I think that they did not know what is the experience of my mother, they did not know whats the cause, because all events have there own cause, its not appropriate that my mother was born with that, right? Thats the only thing that I thinked of, I dont think about others. (Hindi kasi iniisip ko hindi niyo naman alam niyo bang karanasan nung nanay ko, yung hindi naman nila alam yung dahilan, kasi bawat pangyayari naman may dahilan. Hindi naman pwede

pinanganak yung nanay ko ng ganya, hindi naman diba? Ayun lagi yung iniisip ko, hindi ko iniisip ng ibang tao, panget hindi maganda ), I cant tell, its okay, a kind child, I dont build up that Im great maybe it is normal because when you had already a child the obligation is hard. The role of a woman, because I dont know anything, but the obligation is very hard, im not yet focus, you will also think of your self. (Hindi ko masabi, ok naman, matino naman na mabait na anak. Hindi ko bibuilp up na dakila, normal lang siguro yun. Siguro normal lang yung kasi kapag nagkaanak kana yung obligasyon mo ang hirap pala. Ang role ng isang babae kasi wala lang din ako alam, pero yung obligasyon sobrang hirap, hindi pa ko sobrang focus, ga nito ba talaga, iisipin mo pa din yung sarili mo.) On the other hand, Informant C vocalized, Maybe in terms of emotion, when I answered my mom sometimes I go to school with swollen eyes because of crying then theyll ask me what happened but I cant explain why, maybe that is, I dont tell them, I just stay quiet when they ask me I dont usually tell the reason, because when I was a child I dont know how to tell them, I dont want to tell them that my mommy is not normal, of course its not good in my background, so thats my reason why I dont because its not acceptable as much as possible I avoid to have groupings in our house because I dont want that situation I always tell them that my father doesnt want, my experienced before when its my birthday only my family was invited, Im not allowed to invite my friends in school because we avoid to let them know that there is something in us, so I never invited them. (Siguro lang in terms of emotions yung papasok ka sa school na kunwari ah nakasagutan mo siya minsan papasok ako ng school maga yung mata ko so parang tatanungin ako anung nangyari, bakit ganyan tapos di ko naman maexplain kung bakit so parang ganun siguro hindi ko sinasabi sa

kanila parang tumatahimik lang ako kapag tinatanung nila ako, di ko lagi sinasabi yung reason, kasi nga nung bata ako di ko pa alam kung paano ko sasabihn ayoko naman sabihin sa kanila na si mommy kasi ano, ano abnormal ayoko naman sabihin na ganun di ba? Siyempre pangit din yun sa parang sa background mo so ayun yung reason kung bakit kasi hindi nga sya acceptable as much as possible iniiwasan ko na kapag may grouping kami sa bahay namin kasi nga ayoko ng may ganun situation so lagi kong sinasabi hindi pwede o ayaw ni daddy, nung bday ko dati ang karansan ko family lang hindi ako pwede mag invite ng friends from school kasi nga iniiwasan nga naming na malaman na may ganun sa amin so ayun never ako nakapag invite ng classmates) Informant D also emphasized, Because its like a stigma when they knew, I feel that they will judge even more thats why I wasnt that close with my family because I escape. (Kasi diba parang stigma ayun kapag nalaman nga parang feeling ko ijujudge nila lalo e parang kaya nga ko hindi naging close dun sa family ko kasi ano nageescape nga ako dun.) Informant D also emphasized, Its like its scary when they say that your mother is like that, of course its like they will say that youre also like that. Or when your mother has done something wrong, its like they will also blame you, its like it is so scary to share or to mingle with other people because thats what I feel theyre thinking . (Ayun kasi nga parang nakakatakot na pag sinabi na ano ganito yung nanay mo, parang siyempre anong sasabihin nila na ganun ka din. O kaya pag may nagawang mali yung nanay mo, parang idadamay ka, sisishin ka, ganun parang nakakatakot magkwento o makisalamuha sa mga tao kasi feeling ko ganung yung iniisip nila.) The informants still have the fear of others knowing their family situation leading them to confusion and self-disgust.

Table 4 Summary of Significant Statements and Formulated Meaning: Transition to Adulthood Significant Statements Formulated Meaning Subtheme 1: Young Caretakers R5A22: Its like, my sibling and I have The key informants expressed early matured at an early age, if not us, if not maturity and taking responsibility and we, then who will? (Parang kami ng obligation at an early age. Providing more kapatid ko, nagmature na lng kami at an attention and support to the children of a early age na, kung hindi kami, kung psychiatrically ill parent is an important hindi tayo, sino ang gagawa nun?) consideration when treating the parent. Since four out of five respondents already lacked a father and no one to lean on, they R5A36:I dont have any choice, I have to initiate themselves to step up and to get take care of her. (Wala po talaga akong out of their comfort zone to care for their choice kailangan ko pong bantayan) mother, because if they dont, no one would. They exhibit early parentification R5A40: Being the oldest, youll going to and assume a caring role providing their protect your sibling because hes a kid, mothers physical, emotional and financial then youll carry on your mothers needs. responsibility because in my case, Ill take over on my fathers. (Bilang

panganay po, pinoprotektahan mo yung kapatid mo kasi bata yun, tapos iccarry

over mo yung responsibility ng nanay mo kasi sa case ko, yung kay tatay iccarry over ko.) Youll take care of your mother, of course you cant just dont mind her even if youre really irritated on her. (Alagaan mo ding yung nanay mo, syempre hindi mo siya pwedeng

pabayaan kahit iritang irita ka na sa kanya.)

R2A67: First of all, I will be the one who will strengthen myself and be strong on the things that is happening to my mother, what will I gonna do. We are discussing with one another, more on my opinion, I share to them, if its ok with them, then its good. (Unang una ako yung magpapalakas ng loob tapos sa mga pangyayari kay nanay yung mga sitwasyon kung ano dapat gawin, naguusap usap kami more on my opinion , share ko sa kanila kapag okay sa kanila ok edi good)

R2A76:

Im taking charge of her ever since thats my

medications,

obligation, to support the studies of my siblings, until now, Im still the one, but now its not only my obligation, I now oblige them. (Magpagamot sa kanya. Eversince ayun na yung naging

obligasyon ko, magpaaral ng kapatid. Ayan sila. Basta ayan hanggang ngayon ako pa din, pero ngayon hindi na totally shoulder ko, ako inoobliga ko din sila)

R2A63: How she will be cared and treated. I dont care about them, what I am prioritizing now is how she will be healed and I also think right now, us, my other siblings, how my mother will feel how much she is being cared and loved the way we supposed to let her feel, that she will feel that shes not alone, and then her exercise that simple activity, we do the basics for her, and we help

her make movements on her body so that It will not totally, so we really pary, if she wont strengthen herself, she will be like that always. (Kung paano siya mapagaling, wala ,wala ako pakialam sa kanila, ang iniintindi ko na lang yung nanay ko ayun na lang yung priority ko kung panu siya mapagaling tas iniisip ko kasi ngayon yung yung kami , tatlo yung

magkakapatid,

maramdaman niya yung pagmamahal namin yung mafeel niya, yung maisip niya na hindi siya nagiisa ganyan, tapos, yung pag-eexercise yung simple lang yung basic lang un ginagawa namin sa kanya pero tinutulungan din namin siya kung panu magalaw yung katawan niya para totally hindi maano para talaga, pray talaga yung ginagawa namin para sa kaniya , kung hindi talaga lalakas yung loob nya ganyan na lang siya diba, kasi ganito lang kung ganito yung utos sa atin , eh kung ikaw sa sarili

na parang ayaw mo na , naliligaw ka na, ang hirap diba kahit ano gawin mo pagpupush sa akin palakasin yung loob kung ako naman ganito na lang.)

R3A58: When I got home from school I always look after what she is doing, where she is because when my sister has a work before they are always together with my Aunt, because my aunt has no husband, its like she grown up as our guide, like our second mother, Im looking after if shell do something, that is, you know, not normal so instead of playing with other kids, Im guiding, I am definitely at home because my aunt told me to watch over my mother, look after what she is doing. (Kapag dating ko sa bahay galing school lagi kong tinitgnan kung anong ginagawa niya, kung asan na siya kasi si ate dati nung may work siya parang ang nakakasama lang nila sa bahay is si tita kasi si tita

wala siyang husband parang lumaki siya na patnubay namin parang second mother kungbaga, so silang dalawa lang yung magkasama sa bahay kaya

pagdating ko, tumutulong na rin ako sa pag gabay sa mommy ko, tinitignan ko siya kung may gagawin siyang alam mo yun hindi normal ako so sa imbes ibang na bata

nakikipaglaro

sinusubaybayan, talagang nasa bahay lang ako kasi si tita sabi bantayan mo yung mama mo, tiganan mo yung mga ginagawa niya)

R4A24: Of course its like uhmm, of course it like shes still your mother right, so ah, of course now that I am working, maybe thats just what I can offer, so financial support, but if I am, maybe I can take care of her (Siyempre ano parang uhmm, siyempre parang di ba nanay mo pa rin siya, so ah, siyempre pag ngayon siguro na

nakakawork na ko ayon,ayun lang siguro yung maooffer ko so financial support, pero kapag am ako yung, siguro pwede rin kunwari ako yung magaalaga sa kanya ganun.)

R4A30: Maybe now, ah when she was diagnosed and now that I graduated, I am quite open with it, for example if my sister already got married, my mom will be my full responsibility so Im quite open to the fact that thats what is going to happen. Ah, that I need to care for her (Siguro kung ngayon, ano ah yun na diagnose siya tas parang siyempre graduate na ko medyo open na ko sa ganun na halimbawa nagasawa na yung kapatid ko kunwari sakin na mapupunta yung mama ko so parang mejo open na rin akong ganun yung mangyayari. Ah na kelangan ko siyang alagaan.)

R5A7: Of course were in the house, we

just feed her, take care of her (Syempre kami nasa bahay, nagpapakain na lang sa kanya, nagaasikaso.)

R5A66: Difficulty has been lways in my mind. Its like I became mature very early, maybe when I was 22 or 30. (Parang nakatatak na ba sa isip ko yung hirap, parang maaga nga akong

nagmature eh, siguro nung mga 22 ako 30 na yung isip ko eh.)

R5A59: Of course we feed her, we remind her to take her medicines (Syempre pinapakain siya, pinapaalala namin ang pag-inom niya ng gamot.) Subtheme 2 : Conflicts and Challenges R1A8: I dont have a choice, I dont hava The informants mainly experienced a choice to look for, I mean I can have a financial constraints to support the helper, but where would I let him/her continued medications and assistance to stay. Im just a single parent, my their mother. Another informant also husband died. What happend to my life believed that before going in to a is really drastic, I dont know if, what? relationship, they should be financially When it rains, it pours hard? Push it to stable first. Since most of the informants

the limit right? (Eh wala naman akong dont have elderly siblings and father, they choice, wala akong choice para are the immediate absorber of the

maghanap ng, I mean pwede akong struggles and challenges. They also have magkaroon ng katulong, saan ko naman the inability to do the things that they can ittira. Single parent lang kasi ako, do before because they have to give more namatay yung husband ko. Sobrang time to their mother. These young adult drastic nga nung nangyari sa buhay ko, may also find it difficult to concentrate on a di ko na alam kung, ano ba?. When it task or on school work due to their anxiety rains, it pours talaga? Todo nyo na levels.

diba?) So when my father doesnt send us money, I dont have a choice, Ill just be a working student, so i became a working student, work (So nung hindi nagapadala si papa, wala akong choice, magaano lang ako, mag.. tawag dito, magworking student ako, so nung

nagworking student ako, trabaho)

R1A22: Problem, financial. Its really financial. Its really hard in terms of financial aspect because you dont know where to go to borrow money for school (Problema, financial. Financial talaga.

Mahirap financially kasi hindi mo alam kanino ka uutang para pumasok sa eskwelahan)

R2A60: Its very difficult. Its very difficult, financially, second the time, because my sibling are regular in their work, the time of my sister, instead of giving that to her child or in her family, of course she would share it to our mother because she seeks for

attention, she strives for care because she thinks that she is not loved, so I texted my sibling if they have time. (Ang hirap ganun talaga . ang hirap kasi nung una financial pangalawa oras kasi yung mga regular na, sila trabaho yung mga oras nila, yung time ng sister ko imbes na sa anak niya sa pamilya niya, sympre isshare din sa nanay ko gawa ng naghahanap ng atensyon, naghahanap siya ng

paglalambing kasi iniisip niya hindi

naman siya mahal kaya tinitxt ko yung mga kapatid ko na kapag may time sila)

R3A58: When I have an assignment, I usually wait until my father came home to ask for help because I cannot depend on my mom, It seems that I am the mother in her situation, so its really difficult for me (Kapag may assignment ako, hihintayin ko pa makauwi si daddy para makapagpatulong kasi wala nga akong maasahan kay mommy ako pa yung talagang parang ako pa yung nanay nya sa ganuong situation niya so mahirap talaga para sa akin)

R4A13: Ah, of course its like you cant focus in school, for example if theres depression, theres an attack your, then youll go to school then youll think that ah, what is happening is like before, its so not in order, so its like you cant

concentrate on what you have to do, like in the office, when I go to the office, for example, my sister will text me then your mother, so of course youll think that it can spoil your focus but its not that serious, just more on like that, it just can somehow your attention. (Ah

medyo, ah parang syempre hindi ka makafocus sa school, pag ganun

halimbawa pag merong depression may ganung klaseng attack yung ano mo, tapos papasok ka ng school mo parang iisipin mo ah parang ganito na naman yung nangyayari, ang gulo gulo na naman so parang sa studies di ka makapagconcentrate yung mga dapat mong gawin di mo masyadong magawa, ganun din sa office, pag pumapasok ako sa office, parang halimbawa

magtetext yung kapatid ko tas ayun nga ayun na naman yung nanany mo, so syempre maiisip mo na ah nakakasira ng focus pero yung hindi naman pa

ganun kaserious, mga more on ganun lang, ah nakakaano lang sya ng

atensyon.

R4A14: Ah of course our neighbors, of course not all people can understand people like that, although they say it but its like they are scared of you as their neighbor or for example when we approached them, uhmm the people dont know our mothers history. They were also disturbed when there is an attack, maybe they are scared. So what happens is that they dont mingle with us much, lesser compared to a normal neighborhood (Ah yun syempre yung mga kapitbahay syempre hindi naman lahat ng tao nakakaintindi ng mga taong ganun, although hindi naman nila

sinasabi pero parang natatakot sila na ikaw yung maging kapitbahay nila or for example nung lumipat kami, ahm yung mga tao dyan hindi naman nila alam

yung history ng nanay namin yun pagnagkakaroon ng attack naaano rin sila nadidisturb din sila, siguro parang natatakot rin sila. So ang nagyayari hindi sila ganun kaano samin, nakikipag mingle, mas less sya kumpara sa normal na neighbourhood)

R4A37: Maybe because theres no one to support us, I need to choose a course that after I graduated I will be profitable. IT is my course, so I dont like it but that what I took because I know that there be a faster income after my studies (Ah siguro kasi parang dahil nga walang kasi diba walang nagsusupport samin ahm kelangan pumili ako ng course na dapat pagkagraduate ko may kikitaiin ako. So yun yung course ko hindi ko naman kasi ang course ko IT, so hindi ko naman siya gusto pero yun pinasok ko kasi alam kong doon, may mabilis yung income after kong magaral.)

R5A6: We dont know what we are going to do. We are only two back then, only the two of us have a job (Di ko na alam kung anong gagawin namin eh. Syempre dalawa lang kami noon, kasi dalawa lang kaming may trabaho noon.) Only the two of us take care of buying her medicines, of course its hard. (Dalawa lang kaming nagaasikaso sa mga pagbili ng gamut, syempre ang hirap kaya nun.)

R5A28: Its hard, like before, its hard to adjust, but youll have difficulty adjusting because, whatever she likes, youll just give it to her. (Mahirap, parang noon, mahirap ma adjust, pero mahihirapan ka mag adjust kasi, kung anong gusto niya bigay mo, bigay na lang) Subtheme 3: Conformation R1A8: If youll just not think of it, that its The informants adapt to their challenges from an ill person, When youll always through some positive and functional

take it seriously, thats how it is. It also coping mechanism. They also use several depends on how you accept it. Youll defense mechanisms or manner in which adapt to the change. So when you we behave or think in certain ways to already have adapted, it would be protect or defend ourselves. Some of easier for you to accept it. (Kung hindi these are reaction formation, the mo lang talaga iisipin, na galing lang sa converting of unwanted or dangerous may sakit na tao, pag dinibdib mo, lagi, thoughts, feelings or impulses into their ganon kasi un eh. Pag dinibdib mo, opposites; compensation, a process of parang magagaya ka na din sa kanya. psychologically counterbalancing Un ung thinking ko eh. Depende na din perceived weaknesses by emphasizing sa pag-accept mo. You adapt to the strength in other arenas; assertiveness, change kasi. So pag nakapag-adapt ka the emphasis of a persons needs or na, mas mdali mo ng matanggap.) thoughts in a manner that is respectful, Before, i dont like, but i really dont direct and firm; displacement, the have a choice, theres so much things in redirecting of thoughts feelings and life that I didnt have a choice but to impulses directed at one person or object, accept it (Dati ayoko, kaya lang wala but taken out upon another person or talaga akong choice eh, maraming object; intellectualization is the bagay sa buhay ko na wala akong overemphasis on thinking when confronted choice na I have to accept it.) with an unacceptable impulse, situation or behavior without employing any emotions R1A14: Well go to school without money, whatsoever to help mediate and place the but its fine because my sibling and I thoughts into an emotional, human context

both wanted to be in school instead, and undoing which is the attempt to take because thats where we can express back an unconscious behavior or thought whats happening at home, its so that is unacceptable or hurtful. The stressful lets just stay at school then informants exert their best effortto adjust from grade 2 to grade 6 im in section 1. with the life changes with their mother In high school im still in section 1 until i emphasizing the understanding of the graduate, in college im still in section 1, situation for the better and remaining or my sibling is better because he has an showing their mother that they are strong honor and me i dont, so its like we get and resilient despite of having difficulties. more appreciation in school, youre good, youre intelligent, and even win in the regionals, it feels good. (Papasok kami wlang baon ok lang basta kami ng kapatid ko mas gusto naming sa eskwelahan eh, kasi dun kami

nakakapagexpress na ang gulo sa bahay, nakakastress dun na lang tau sa school tapos yan simula grade 2 ako hanggang grade 6 sec.1 highschool ako sec.1 hanggang grumaduate, nung

college ako sec.1 pa din ako, ung kaptd ko mas magaling kasi my honor un eh ako wala kaya prng mas yung kungbaga

yung appreciation nakukuha namn sa school. Ang galing mo, matalino ka tapos nananalo ka sa regional ang sarap nga feeling)

R1A29: Initiative. It depends on you. My plan of action that time was to not be affected by my father, Ill be a working student. So for me, I plan ahead of time, one step ahead (Diskarte talagang malupit. Nasa sayo yan eh. Ang plan of action ko that time was to, kung hindi magpadala ung papa ko, magwworking student ako. So, parang sakin, nagpplan ahead ako eh, one step ahead.)

R1:

For

(Para

maka-survive

kami

kailangan maghanap ng income para hindi ako aasa sa mga tiyahin ko, eh nakakahiya, student assistant ako sa library, bente pesos isang oras)

R1: The key is dont take it seriously.

Huwag niyo masyadong dibdibin ang key dun)

R1: I do scapegoating sometimes, do always leave from home, I said yes when my mother is irritated, sometimes Ill go to my friends house, I wont go back (Minsan nagsscapegoating ka, Lagi ka bang umaalis sa inyo sabi ko Oo pagnaiinis yung mama ko, minsan pupunta ako sa kaibigan ko, hindi ako uuwi.

R1: Hindi ko na naiisip na sumpa, or what. ahmm Iniisip ko na lang for the better

R2A19: You need a lot of patience, and a lot of understanding, even if you cant understand, because there are times that you will be ashamed and feel hatred in her attitude because she insists what she wants and she doesnt

care if its ok, like that, if that could help. If she wants us to her something, you need to buy that, just like this past days, watch, clothes. Wherever she is happy like foods, if she insist that you should buy her, and if you dont, she will be fret, and if you promise, your promise should not be broken, what will you do, she will never forget that what she wants, she will hate and be angry with you saying you promise, she will hate you, just a child-like attitude, if you do not give what she wants, she will have tantrums. However, if you give what she wants, shes so happy. (Pasensya lang talaga yung kailangan, at saka pagintindi kahit hindi mo alam kasi may time na maiinis ka sa ugali niya kasi iniinsist niya lang yung gusto niya parang wala siya pakialam na ok bayan, ganito bayan, makakatulong ba to. Kapag may gusto siya ipabili eh , kailangan bibilhin mo yun, nito mga nakaraan, relo, damit,

aanhin mo naman siya kung saan siya masaya minsan gusto niya pagkaen, talagang iinsist nya bili mo naman ako ganito , pag hindi mo bibili magagalit, magtatampo, pero kapag pinangako mo, kailangan yung pangako mo

susundin mo, gagawin mo

hindi niya

kakalimutan yan basta gusto, naiinis siya, nagagalit siya sayo, nangakongako ka hindi mo naman sasabihin, nagtatampo, parang bata nga yung attitude niya parang bata pag hndi mo binigay yung gusto niya dun na sya magwawala, kapag binigay mo naman yung gusto niya ang saya-saya niya na.)

R2A92: And you have to take care of yourself, not always your baby. Its not advisable to think only of the problem of my mother. Im still needed by my child, although sometimes you feel weakened and discouraged, you must tell yourself that you can do this. (Hindi ko pwede

iano yung parang isipin yung problema lang ng nanay ko, na bukas hindi gaano. Kailangn pa ko ng anak ko, although minsan nakakaramdam ka ng panghihina, isipin mo kung makakaya mo pa to.)

R3A116: Of course when I see her, I feel sad eh, that she is not normal but you know, I tried to be happy because my daddy said that dont take your moms situation that tough(Syempre

pagnakikita ko siya nalulungkot ako e, na hindi siya normal e. pero alam mo yun, pinipilit ko naman na maging masaya kasi sabi ni daddy na wag mong masyadong dibdibin yung

situation ng mama mo.) R3A130: Sometimes in food, Im not fat but that, I eat what I want if I have a problem, ice cream, chocolate, thats not the solution but I take it to lighten up my feelings, its like that. (Minsan sa

pagkain. hindi ako mataba, pero ayun kumakain ako ng gusto ko kapag namromroblema. ice cream, chocolate, hindi yun yung solusyon sa problem pero pampalubag loob lang. parang ganun)

R4A15: For me, I dont like involving myself in any chaos, I dont want to meddle because I tried it before, and I told them to stop, up to the point that I already yelled in front of them, and tore the chair or something but still nothing changed, shes still like that. So most of the time, what Ill do is that Ill go to a part of the house where I cant hear them or Ill leave even if I dont have anywhere to go. Ill go to school, or go to the office even if i dont have anything to do there. (Ano, ako kasi, ayoko ng pag may gulo ayoko ng nakikisali, ayoko ng ano, mangaawat ako kasi triny ko na yun before, na parang sinabi kong

tigilan niyo na, parang to the point na sumigaw na ko sa harapan nila, nanira na ko ng upuan or something pero wala e ganun talaga siya, so ako most of the time ang ginagawa ko ano ah lilipat ako sa bahay na hindi ko sila maririnig o kaya aalis ako kahit wala akong

pupuntahan, pupunta ko ng school, o kaya pupunta ko ng office kahit wala akong dapat gawin don.

R4A66:

Yes

there

is

already,

but

sometimes, youll just sleep and play loud sounds so that you wont hear anything (Oo may ganun na pero minsan din yun tulog mo na lang tas patugtog ka na lang ng malakas para hindi na marinig ganun.) R4A70: Well, I really dont tell how I feel. I just keep it to myself and let her be. Sometimes we look for any diversion, we read books, Ill go to school, or at the office (Ayun nga, hindi naman ako

mahilig magvent out ng nararamdaman ko. Ahm sakin na lang, hinahayaan ko na lang siya. Minsan ano naghahanap kami ng diversion, nagbabasa kami ng libro, lalabas ako mamamasayal ako sa school, o kaya sa office, yun lang.)

R5A6: Where can I get that if I dont have this? Its necessary to have a job. Sometimes, all I can do is cry. (San ka kukuha nun kung wala kang ganito? Syempre maghahanap buhay ka talaga. Minsan nga umiiyak na lang ako.) R5A27: Just give her what she want (pagbigyan mo na lang yung gusto niya) R5A41: I borrowed money, thats why I was deeply debted. (Ayun nangutang kaya ako, nabaon ako sa utang) Subtheme 4: Verdict scandal. Stigma. The informants experienced social stigma.

R1:

Problems,

Because we are known at our entire Stigmatized people are those that do not street. Your mother is this, that have full social acceptance and are

(Problems, iskandalo. Stigma. Kasi sa constantly striving to adjust their social

buong street naming, kilala na kami eh. identities. But even though so many Kilala na kami dun eh. Ung nanay mo, people are affected, there is a strong ganyan ganyan.) social stigma attached to mental ill health, and people with mental health problems R1: Still stigma, because your neighbors can experience discrimination in all will mock you. Youre such a pest, you aspects of their live. This mistaken belief should leave here. Then there will also causes them to avoid discussing the be a barangayan (Stigma pa din, kasi problems they are experiencing due to mga kapit bahay mo, lait-laitin kang feelings of confusion, guilt, or selfganyan. Mga peste kayo dito, lumayas disgust. Theyre afraid of how others will na kayo dito. Tapos barangayan effect judge them for this. They fear rejection by pa.) family, friends, co-workers or society in general. R2A90: No, because I think that they did not know what is the experience of my mother, they did not know whats the cause, because all events have there own cause, its not appropriate that my mother was born with that, right? Thats the only thing that I thinked of, I dont think about others. (Hindi kasi iniisip ko hindi niyo naman alam niyo bang karanasan nung nanay

ko, yung hindi naman nila alam yung dahilan, kasi bawat pangyayari naman may dahilan. Hindi naman pwede

pinanganak yung nanay ko ng ganya, hindi naman diba? Ayun lagi yung iniisip ko, hindi ko iniisip ng ibang tao, panget hindi maganda) R2A88: I cant tell, its okay, a kind child, I dont build up that Im great maybe it is normal because when you had already a child the obligation is hard. The role of a woman, because I dont know

anything, but the obligation is very hard, im not yet focus, you will also think of your self. (Hindi ko masabi, ok naman, matino naman na mabait na anak. Hindi ko bibuilp up na dakila, normal lang siguro yun. kasi kapag Siguro normal lang yung nagkaanak kana yung

obligasyon mo ang hirap pala. Ang role ng isang babae kasi wala lang din ako alam, pero yung obligasyon sobrang hirap, hindi pa ko sobrang focus, ga nito

ba talaga, iisipin mo pa din yung sarili mo.)

R3A82: Maybe in terms of emotion, when I answered my mom sometimes I go to school with swollen eyes because of crying then theyll ask me what

happened but I cant explain why, maybe that is, I dont tell them, I just stay quiet when they ask me I dont usually tell the reason, because when I was a child I dont know how to tell them, I dont want to tell them that my mommy is not normal, of course its not good in my background, so thats my reason why I dont because its not acceptable as much as possible I avoid to have groupings in our house because I dont want that situation I always tell them that my father doesnt want, my experienced before when its my

birthday only my family was invited, Im not allowed to invite my friends in school

because we avoid to let them know that there is something in us, so I never invited them (Siguro lang in terms of emotions yung papasok ka sa school na kunwari ah nakasagutan mo siya

minsan papasok ako ng school maga yung mata ko so parang tatanungin ako anung nangyari, bakit ganyan tapos di ko naman maexplain kung bakit so parang ganun siguro hindi ko sinasabi sa kanila parang tumatahimik lang ako kapag tinatanung nila ako, di ko lagi sinasabi yung reason, kasi nga nung bata ako di ko pa alam kung paano ko sasabihn ayoko naman sabihin sa kanila na si mommy kasi ano ano abnormal ayoko naman sabihin na ganun di ba? Syempre pangit din yun sa parang sa background mo so ayun yung reason kung bakit kasi hindi nga siya acceptable as much as possible

iniiwasan ko na kapag may grouping kami sa bahay namin kasi nga ayoko ng

may ganun situation so lagi kong sinasabi hindi pwede o ayaw ni daddy, nung bday ko dati ang karansan ko family lang hindi ako pwede mag invite ng friends from school kasi nga

iniiwasan nga naming na malaman na may ganun sa amin so ayun never ako nakapag invite ng classmates)

R4A21: Because its like a stigma when they knew, I feel that they will judge even more thats why I wasnt that close with my family because I escape. (Kasi diba parang stigma ayun kapag

nalaman nga parang feeling ko ijujudge nila lalo e parang kaya nga ko hindi naging close dun sa family ko kasi ano nageescape nga ako dun.)

R4A43: Its like its scary when they say that your mother is like that, of course its like they will say that youre also like that. Or when your mother has done

something wrong, its like they will also blame you, its like it is so scary to share or to mingle with other people because thats what I feel theyre thinking (Ayun kasi nga parang nakakatakot na pag sinabi na anon a ganito yung nanay mo, parang syempre anong sasabihin nila na ganun ka din. O kaya pag may nagawang mali yung nanay mo, parang idadamay ka, sisishin ka, ganun parang nakakatakot magkwento o

makisalamuha sa mga tao kasi feeling ko ganung yung iniisip nila.)

R4A21: Its like a stigma that if they know about my mothers disease, they will judge me. (Yung nga yung parang stigma na kapag ganung yung nalaman nila, sayo.) nagiging iba na yung tingin nila