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WWW.absolutediscretion.net01691682124counselor@fsmail.net

Sexual Addiction

Am I an addict? – Am I in a relationship with an addict?Ask yourself Questionnaire for self-assessmentTwelve Steps of Sex Addicts AnonymousThe Twelve Traditions of Sex Addicts AnonymousWhat we Find Helpful in Working With ClientsAm I an addict? Am I in a relationship with an addict?

If you are reading this then you are likely to be concerned about yourself or about someone you are close to. Those who have experiencedobsessive compulsive urges to continue to pursue a level of sexual

behavior that is unsatisfying and leaves deep feelings of shame and fearof discovery will have asked themselves the first question. Those whohave been involved, as a partner, parent, friend or family member, with aperson who has problems with seemingly uncontrollable sexualbehaviour will have asked the second question.What we call Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices andcan be conducted by men, women or homosexual people. In some casesit involves criminal activity, and for both the person behaving in this wayand those close to them, the fear is always with them that the behaviourbe discovered, will escalate to a criminal act, will destroy their reputationand real relationships, or will lead to them or those close to themcontracting disease. The addict may have trouble with just one unwantedsort of behavior, sometimes with many, both sexual and non-sexual.Many sex addicts admit having had an excessive interest in sex for aslong as they can remember, saying that unhealthy use of sex has been aprogressive process. Often it will have begun with an addiction tomasturbation, pornography in books and magazines, pornographicvideos, and latterly with internet pornography, casual sexual affairs anduse of prostitution. Sometimes it begins within a relationship withanother sexually addicted person, sometimes with masturbation torelease stress, or with soft porn use but however it begins, as years passit can have progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors. There is a basic element in all addiction which involves a feeling of notbeing in control in some area of their life, with the addict going on toexperience powerlessness over their particular compulsive behaviorsuntil they find their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control, and while ‘having to’ act out their compulsions they experiencefear of discovery and tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. Manyaddicts wish to stop, and despite their best efforts find how difficult it isand repeatedly fail. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen inthe consequences. They damage and destroy relationships, causethemselves difficulties with work, have, financial troubles, suffer a loss of interest in the non- sexual and may even have run-ins with the law. Itoften begins with low self-esteem and ends in despair and destructionunless help is sought. The addict’s sexual preoccupations can occupy all their waking hoursand acting on their compulsions takes up most of their energy. It is arollercoaster increasing in speed and intensity involving sexual patternsof behavior (or rituals) usually leading to increasingly and dangerously‘acting out’ of their sexual addictions and fantasies. Acting out mayinvolve flirting inappropriately, using books and films, surfing the

internet for pornography, prostitutes, or driving to places where sexuallyarousing events are taking place such as voyeurism and dogging.Normally, for the non-addicted, sexual behaviour takes place within acaring relationship and is an expression of positive emotional feelingstowards a partner, but the addicts avoids this element and when theacting out happens they often are in denial of their feelings. Eachaddictive incident usually leads to a quick onset of despair and shame,or to feeling of hopelessness and confusion.

Ask Yourself Questionnaire for Self-Assessment

Ask yourself and answer truthfully these twelve questions which will helpassess if you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

Are you leading a double life by keeping secrets about your sexualor romantic activities from those important to you?

Have you been driven by your needs to have sex in ways, places orsituations or with people you (or someone like you) would notnormally choose?

Do you find yourself buying books and magazines containing stuff of a sexual nature and looking for sexually arousing articles orscenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?

Do your fantasies, romantic or sexual, interfere with your normalthinking process or interfere with your relationships or prevent youfrom facing problems?5.Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after havingsex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexualencounter?

Do you feel that you may be physically different from other people,or feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that youavoid looking at or touching your body or engaging in sexualrelationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings or that you are asexual?

Do you find that your behaviour means that every new relationshipfollows the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leavethe last relationship?

Do you find you seek novelty in that you need more variety andfrequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously tobring the same levels of excitement and relief?

Have you behaved in such a way as to have been arrested or haveput yourself in danger of being arrested because of your practicesof voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors,indecent phone calls, etc.?

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Absolute Discretion

A reader asks about the absolutediscretion section about sex addiction "how about to understand" "how about to stop". One thing we have to accept about the human condition is that we are sexual beings with all the implications this brings with it. Sex is the driving force for much that we call love and which we celebrate in establishing couples and bringing new children and families into existence

reply03 / 19 / 2010

Absolute Discretion

A reader asks about the absolutedisretion section about sex addiction "how about to understand" "how about to stop".

reply03 / 19 / 2010

sage_omid_mankoo

How about to understand?

reply03 / 05 / 2010

sage_omid_mankoo

to stop?

reply03 / 05 / 2010