Note:Anger of any type temporarily stops peace, happiness, fun, and joy. A true Christianshould be trying to eliminate the first six types of anger and only have the seventh one.“Where there is a will, there is a way.”
The Angry Marriage(by Barry R. Leventhal, Ph.D,
Two Becoming One)
There are a lot of angry marriages today. But is this really so surprising? We live in one of the
angriest times in the history of our culture. In fact, we are so angry that we have created a wholevocabulary of anger. Words like "anger management" and "road rage" have captured the ethos of our day. And of course, along with the new vocabulary has come a whole new range of escapeclauses, clever euphemisms designed to dodge personal responsibility for our outbursts of anger.So now we have, "I don't know what happened,
I just kind of lost it
." Or, "
I just flew off thehandle
." Or we hear, "Before I knew what I was doing,
I just went over the edge
." Another onewe hear is, "But it wasn't my fault.
She provoked me
." This kind of thinking forces us to ask some pertinent questions: Why are so many people angry today? And, in particular, why is thereso much rage, submerged or expressed, in so many Christian marriages? And, more important,what can we do about it?First, we must recognize the difference between
destructive anger
and
constructive anger
, for there is a real difference.
Destructive Anger
Of course, for most of us, the only kind of anger we actually know and express is a sinful kind of anger, a destructive anger. And the Word of God clearly condemns these kinds of angry attitudes,words, and actions. For example:
•
If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife
(Proverbs 30:32-33).
•
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
(Ecclesiastes7:9)
•
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every kind form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
(Ephesians 4:31-32)So, it is obvious that certain kinds of anger are wrong and sinful as well as destructive to boththose catching the fallout and the one who is actually expressing it.
Constructive Anger
But, on the other hand, many of us fail to recognize that there is such a thing as a good kind of anger, a constructive anger. If this were not so then God would be in sin. For the Bible clearlydescribes God as being angry at times, truly and righteously expressing anger. For example, attimes God the Father expresses His righteous anger at specific sinful persons and things. Acouple of examples are:
•
Come near, you nations, and listen; pay attention, you people! Let the earth hear, and all that is in it, the world, and all that comes out of it! The LORD is angry with all nations;
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