Breaking Up: How to Break Up With Someone
by Lee Wilson
Breaking up with someone is usually an awkward, painful and depressing event. Sure, sometimes itcan be refreshing but if we wanted the relationship to work and have come to realize that it won't itcan be a very sad time.Most of us don't want to hurt the other person when we break up with them. In fact sometimes weallow the relationship to go on longer than we feel we should because we don't want to hurt thatperson, especially if that person has strong feelings for us that are no longer reciprocated.So how might a Christian approach this difficult situation? It will come up for the majority of us,even if it is simply us deciding we don't want a third date. So we'd better be prepared. I've been onboth sides of this dramatic dance and have compiled this list to help walk you through the process if you decide you must break up with someone.
First:
Make sure you really want to break up. All relationships go through down times and you needto make sure this is not simply a temporary dip. Take your time and do your best to picture your lifewithout being in your current relationship with this person. Decide whether or not the issues thathave you wanting to break up are based on current circumstances or if they are permanent issuesthat cause you to feel the two of you are best served by going your separate ways.Sleep on your decision.
Second:
If you've gotten past the first part and know that you need to break up with this personthen you need to plan your words and timing carefully. Jesus said,
"So in everything, do to otherswhat you would have them do to you"
(Matthew 7:12). So your top priority needs to be ending yourdating status with this person with grace and love, even though it will not be romantic love. Youneed to break up with them "as you would have them" break up with you. No one wants to bedumped, but if it's going to happen there's certainly some ways that we would rather notexperience.Most of us don't want to hurt the other person when we break up with them. If we
do
want to hurtsomeone then we need to step back and evaluate our own spiritual health. It's going to hurt themno matter what, so it's best for us to try to hurt them as little as possible. Now is not the time forvengeance.The Bible tells us to treat others with care. So that means we don't break up with them in an emailor through the voice mail on their cell phone. We should give them respect and care by talking withthat person face to face. So choose to care and show compassion toward the person you're about tobreak up with.
Third:
Sometimes in an effort to show compassion, you might end up leading the other person on.That means that instead of ending the relationship as planned, you are talked into hanging on alittle longer because you don't want to hurt the other person. Usually this ends up causing morepain in the long run. So let me encourage you to refer back to the first rule and if you are certainyou want to break up then do nothing less. It's like ripping off a band aid. It certainly hurts but itisn't prolonging the pain by a timid series of attempts. So make a clean break if breaking up is whatyou want to do. It's better to allow the other person to start the healing process then to give themfalse hope.Tell that person that you care about them but want to break up. Use language that is clear and
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