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Spiritual Dating, Part 1
By CC TreadwayAh yes, we get to a certain level of evolution of our selves and we say, "No more of this 3-D stuff, Iwant a SOULMATE, or better yet a TWIN FLAME!!!" The quest for the ideal mate becomes a soulmission.If you have been doing your spiritual work, and you are over 30, you probably don't want to go to bars. You probably don't ever want to go on another date. You just want to meet the right person andmeditate together….forever (sigh). The idea of a soulmate sounds really good. So you begin your quest to find your spiritual partner.Some of the lucky ones meet someone right away. Good karma. Others find a whole new set of  problems that repeat themselves in the "spiritual dating scene" or lack of one. First off, for thewomen, "Where are all the freakin' men??" They are not at yoga, healing class, or your "feel your feelings" group. For the few men that do go to these events, "Look at all these open women, and Iam their only option!! Why choose just one, when I can sample them all!" Or, and I see this a lot,the monogamous and ready ones find someone very fast. And just like that they are gone.All the same, embarking on spiritual dating journey can be very fun. It's exciting to think of the possibilities, and bringing in a true partner to share your life is a worthwhile endeavor. It also can bea huge motivator for growth. But the more intense the connection, the more mature you have to beto create a sustained relationship. That means the more practical and down to earth you must be todeal with life's challenges together. At the end of the day a spiritual relationship is really just arelationship.
 
Pitfall #1
OVER-SPIRITUALIZING RELATIONSHIP
I once went out on a date with a very spiritual man. He took me to get falafel at the cheapestrestaurant on the block. He didn't pay for me. Then afterwards he took me to the corner store to goget a lottery ticket for himself, claiming he had almost become psychic enough to win the lottery.My spiritual ideals told me it was totally possible that he could develop this skill, but I kid you notmy ovaries retracted. I had a real biological rejection happen in that moment. This illustrates the basic problem with the first phase of spiritual dating….over-spiritualizing life while ignoring basicneeds.Lets face it, those of us that are connected to spirit really believe in it and feel it. In some ways theecstasy of connecting in this way does make the physical seem mundane and unimportant. After all,spirit provides. I do believe that, but there's a thin line between letting spirit provide and beingcaught in a delusional fantasy.Here's the classic setup of our time: Spiritual woman meets spiritual guy. He has no money, shedoes. She tries not to let this bother her, it does. He tries to make believe it doesn't bother him, itdoes. He won't work because he is exploring spirituality and he'd rather stick it to "the Man" than bethe man. She admires his spiritual fire, independent thinking and openness, but becomes stressedout because her body is telling her she cannot bring a child into the world without some security.She doesn't want to admit that. He has a hard time committing to her, because deep down he feelsno purpose, is emasculated by the fact that she is the provider and he'd like someone more feminine.He doesn't want to admit that.Instead of breaking up and bitching that he was a scrub, and that you have to find someone who hastheir shit together, or for the man, instead of concluding that you just aren't ready for amonogamous relationship because you have to find yourself, acknowledge that this situation is a potential evolutionary step. By getting in touch with your primal needs and working with them tointegrate with your spiritual work, you can enter a true bliss state only possible in the physical. Thetruth is, if you were actually at the vibratory level of bringing in a wealthy, evolved spiritual man, or an open, surrendered feminine woman, you would have. So work with what you got if at all possible. There is room for a lot of growth here. This leads us to number two.Pitfall#2
CONFUSING GENDER ROLES/FEMINIZING SPIRITUALITY
When I signed up for healing school many years ago, I was convinced I would meet my soulmatethere. But when I arrived, there were 10 women to every man. Can you feel me ladies? If you took out the gay ones, it pushed it to like 20:1. That really depressed me. I thought, "Why on earth is allthe marketing for this school done in shades of purple? Are they purposely trying to alienate men?"After four years in that school, brilliant as it was, I was convinced they didn't see this imbalancedratio as a problem and were fine with alienating men. I understand that at the time of the school'sinception, it was more important to make a space for women, but I wanted to meet my partner! Allthat purple and all those emotions constantly being expressed drove them away. I left the schoolsoulmate-less and single.I think this is a shadow issue with new age spirituality in general: over-feminizing the spiritual. Thismeans that spiritual men are expected to act more feminine when exploring spiritual territory, and
 
the masculine is considered unevolved. It is a reaction to the patriarchal system, not an evolvedspiritual state for men. The more they feminize, the less we want them and the less they want us!And many of us have ceased to recognize what is truly masculine. Even many men have forgotten.Men don't want to work or commit and women keep attracting these spiritual/feminine types because they are looking for a spiritual relationship and feminism has taught them that themasculine is wrong. Feminism has also taught them that they need to be the man. It's veryconfusing. I wouldn't trade feminism, but like all things, it's a step, not a destination. Luckily, brilliant work has been done on this subject. I won't repeat what these experts have said, only that aharmonious relationship requires an agreement of masculine/feminine roles that will blow our post-feminist beliefs out of the water.Read David Deida books or do some of his workshops. The information he presents is everyspiritual persons relationship dream they don't even know they are having. Then read books like"Getting to I Do" by Pat Allen and Sandra Harmon and a surprisingly practical ebook called "CatchHim and Keep Him," by Christian Carter. Cheezy titles, uncomfortable information, but lets face it,spiritual couples and singles need help. You can throw out whatever doesn't work for you in the books, but for me and for my clients, the information has been invaluable. All of these books saywhat ancient spiritual traditions say in western language. Native cultures understand the polarity of the sexes and work with them. This information alone could save a dying relationship.The few guys that were at healing school loved to all hang out and do guy stuff. They had their men's group, I was dying to know how it all worked for them, but it was forbidden. On the off hours, they did a lot of guy stuff, like compare penis sizes, look at Playboy and declare theevenings, "feelings-free." "How barbaric!" I thought, as I did anything I could to hang out withthem.Pitfall#3
PAST-LIFE PROJECTION
I actually dated one of the few healing school guys. He was beautiful, deep, spiritual, indecisive,non-committal and confused. Intoxicating. Many women in the school were "in love" with him.One by one they would somehow manage to tell him they had had a past life together and that's whytheir connection was so strong. This upset him. He didn't know who was really his friend, or whowas projecting. It didn't feel real. My attitude about past life loves is that they are exes, like anyother, not a green light to give it another go. Of course, he appreciated my practical attitude and pursued me. After a few weeks with him, we were both convinced we were soulmates, maybe eventwinflames, the one we had been waiting for, just like all the psychics said! A passionate, spiritualand dramatic love affair followed.After that ended in crushing heartbreak, I admitted that my spiritual ideals of what a relationshipshould like was a bunch of crap. I knew I was missing some basics. A good relationship can bemade with a soulmate, a twinflame or someone you have absolutely no history with at all. Iwouldn't get stuck on the soulmate part, I would aim for the good relationship with the mostcompatible partner. I would take some tips from people in regular ol' relationships who are makingit work.
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