How to Treat a woman1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her onher toes, and girls love that.2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what astrong man you are).3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs;they love to be roughed up.4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be."Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs someimprovement.6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping,steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies.7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "F**K you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks it's going to bereally special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket, because then youmight get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop complaining aboutthe cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way toget warm is with fear.12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (theyalways do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I alwaysfind stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jumpup and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for moreimportant things (like basketball).16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, thenyou can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else thatcomes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she'snot hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneousguy.20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexycologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Tenminutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objectsaren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take itand tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leavethe trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can.26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that youwill call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone.Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be reallyexcited, then don't call.27. After you have made love, say "listen toots, put your knickers back on and go makeme a cup of tea". If she laughs, is not out of the bed within 3 seconds, is not back within3.5 minutes, or the tea is crap/does not come with decent biscuits (or any combination of the above) tell her that it's over until she learns to make better cups of tea; a Woman lovesto better herself - give her the chance to do so.