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Edwards Hate Letter to Charlie

Edwards Hate Letter to Charlie

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Published by kayla laird
well Bella was in Edwards room while Edward was hunting and found hate letter and reads them here is one letter i thought u should read - Edward never sent them
well Bella was in Edwards room while Edward was hunting and found hate letter and reads them here is one letter i thought u should read - Edward never sent them

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Published by: kayla laird on Jul 11, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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09/30/2012

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Charlie,I am writing to you to explain my annoyance towards you.Firstly; what is with your moustache? You may be bald but we can still tell you are going greyfrom that scraggy silver mess on your face. And seriously, the amount of stuff you get stuck inthere! I swear I once saw a mouse’s nest in there! Not to mention the bright yellow comb! A combwon’t work. A razor will.And the food! You got an entire plate of spaghetti stuck in there! You didn’t even realise and madeanother plate. Wait, I mean, you made Bella make you another plate.What is with you using her as a slave?! You are too much of a fat ass to make your own meals,so you use your own daughter as a slave?! Even when she is out, instead of using the smallamount of effort it would require to prepare your own meal, you order in pizza. That is not onlylazy, but selfish. Some poor coroner will have to examine your grease clogged arteries when youdie from a heart attack in the near future.Build a new bathroom. My love needs her privacy. Also, stop using her shampoo, I keep thinkingyou are her and following you to the fried chicken place out of town. Yeah, you thought that youcould keep that a secret, didn’t you? Well I know Charlie. I know.Your nosiness is very problematic for me. You check up on Bella at night and I am forced to fleethe room temporarily. I WILL SLEEP WITH HER/ STALK HER IF I WANT! By that I mean sleepbeside her, of course.You’re an idiot. Why don’t you turn off ESPN and onto CNN or The Discovery Channel once in awhile?You are fat. Do some exercise. It won’t kill you, it only feels that way when you are chasing downa criminal. By criminal I mean elderly lady who hasn’t paid her parking ticket.What is your occupation? Police Officer my ass! All you do is eat doughnuts. And a few childrenby the look of it. Bella always wanted a brother or a sister. Why did you have to eat them? Whydid you eat your children, you bastard?Do you have any friends? Any friends at all, and no the bird that sits outside your window doesnot count. Your only one seems to be Benefit Thief Billy. He’s not paralysed you idiot. HEDRIVES! You inspected that one very well. What’s a key skill to being a police officer again? Ohyeah, observation.And why am I not surprised that your favourite sport, fishing, is the only one where you sit on your ass doing nothing (doesn’t that feel like work all over again?) The only reason you started fishingwas because it was a sport you and Billy could both do, you couldn’t choose basketball or anything that involves the slightest flex of your muscles? And Billy had to keep up his image of being a paraplegic, just for you. YOU STARTED THIS LIE!Stop trying to tear Bella and myself apart. We are meant to be together, just like you andloneliness.You’re balding. Grow some hair, or buy a wig.You’re a hillbilly. Put the damn shotgun away. And no, don’t try to shoot me. It won’t work. Thatwould only take an idiot. Oh, wait, that’s you. And don’t pretend you don’t think about it, I knowyou do, every single time I touch Bella.
 
Could you make it any more obvious you hate Bella? You make her drive around in that hunk of  junk I prefer to call a death trap. And that was a gift? If it weren’t for my secret improvements tothe car’s engine during the nights when she snores, she would most likely be dead right now. Butyou would probably prefer that wouldn’t you? You make her eat at that greasy diner so often it’squite ridiculous neither of you have had a heart attack! Yet, that is. And like it’s not bad enoughyou want her to have a car crash of some sort, and you’ve sent her down a path of obesity andheart disease (thanks a fucking bunch for that by the way), you never talk to her or try to make aneffort! If it weren’t for me and my over-emotions she would have probably committed suicide bynow – just to see if you noticed.Either that or she’d be dating Mike Newton. *shudder* Does that make you feel better? She’dmost likely be sleeping with him, too. *double shudder* Yes, I mentioned it. SEX. Why are you sofucking uncomfortable about it? Yes, you may be surprised that I am talking this openly aboutsuch matters but that’s just because I like to brood and play piano and seem like a gentleman.You’re just a creep. And too awkward for words. Almost as awkward as Kristen Stewart.*TRIPLESHUDDER* I mean Bella. No I don’t, I mean Kristen. I’m confused now. ARE YOU FUCKINGHAPPY NOW YOU MORON? YOU’VE made ME confused! And my IQ is probably twenty timeswhat yours will ever be. Do me favour: FUCK OFF.You’re so fucking lonely and boring I would have , about 3 months ago, advised you to sign up for (if you don’t find love in six months, they’ll give you six months free! Think of the savings youcould make!). However, after seeing the deterioration of your condition, I would strongly adviseyou sign up for their sister-site (the one they pass you onto after or twelve months of nothing) : ;or maybe we should just sign you up for the worst one, to see how you’re coping (the site theypass you onto before rejecting you completely you are such an utter weirdo) :Stop giving Bella pepper spray cans and refills. I am not a sexual predator. I hardly feelcomfortable cuddling her.Find some way of not talking in your sleep. Bella may not be able to hear you, but I can. I know allabout that little voodoo doll of Phil you’ve got lying around.There is such a thing as deodorant. Just putting that one out there.If you ever feel like plucking your nose hairs, or maybe even your eyebrows, I will pay for you tohave it done.Next time you go to the shops, BUY SOME FUCKING AIR FRESHENER FOR THE BATHROOM!Can you please, once in a while, take the movie out of the player after you’ve finished. I’ve had tosee the credits of Brokeback Mountain one too many times for my liking. And one too many timesto be able to ever block it out of my head.Update your music collection. Vintage Madonna? So, 2006.You scare me to death. Why, you may ask? I found the drawings, Charlie; you know which ones Imean.You are the most dull, obnoxious, lazy, selfish, stupid and moronic person on the planet.No wonder Renee left you.Yours Hatefully,Edward Anthony Mason Cullen (aka Eddiekins)

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