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 Awards for the Best of the Bestin the Second Millennium
By Sally Morem
 I took a highly scientific sampling of eight people,myself included, in the year 2000 to determine thesewinners for the Best of the Second Millennium List.Those answers getting two or more votes each havetheir vote totals posted in parentheses after that  particular answer. How would you vote? Enjoy!
Greatest Discovery
America (2), DNA, lysergic acid (like totally, dude), electricity (2),Q-tips (huh?). It’s America and electricity in a photo finish.
Most Important Invention
Printing press (4), silly putty (now that’s just silly), birth control,Exacto knife (a cutting edge invention to be sure), the automobile.The printing press blows away the competition with many copies.
 
Most Ominous Invention
Communism, nuclear power (2), atomic bomb, WYSE terminals(time to terminate ‘em), the gas chamber, dynamite. And thewinner is: nuclear power. And here I thought it was Communism.
Greatest Explorer
Columbus, Magellan (2), Jacques Cousteau, Amerigo Vespucci,Marco Polo (if you can). A lot of searching went on, but we’vedetermined Magellan is the winner.
Greatest Watershed Event
Galileo looking through his telescope, the American Revolution,one participant doesn’t watershed (party pooper), Vietnam War,the new general manager being hired for his company (Geez,what’s the color of his nose?), Theory of Relativity, Man on theMoon. An all-around tie, except for the party pooper who’s allwet.
Greatest Injustice
Slavery (3), the Holocaust (2), sweatshops/child labor, forcingChristianity on indigenous peoples, my paycheck (ouch!). Slaverywins, if you can call that winning.
Most Forward-Looking Thinker
Leonardo da Vinci (2), Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr, NevilleChamberlain (say what???), Buckminster Fuller, Jules Verne. AndLeonardo wins as far as we can determine from the da Vinci code!
 
Most Retro-Thinker
Karl Marx (2), Oliver Stone, any KKK member, Fibber McGee(not Molly?), Ronald Reagan. And Karl Marx“wins” for havingthe nerve to invent Communism.
Biggest Hoax
French Revolution-it did NOT lead to freedom, Communism,Death of Elvis (he’s alive and living at Donut World!), equalityand justice (presumably because they are imagined by political philosophers), the jackalope (I thought it was real!), Orson Welles’radiocast of the Martian invasion (I thought that was real!),religiosity. There is no winner. All of them are hoaxes.
Greatest Reversal of Fortune
Post-World War II Germany, the Soviet Union breaking up,Gandhi’s assassination, Native Americans, Cliff Clavin’s FinalJeopardy bet, Pete Rose, Napoleon. A tie. But I’ve gotta give thenod to Cliffie.
Most Influential Religious Figure
Thomas Aquinas, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr, TimothyLeary (???), Gandhi (2), Jesus, Jimmy Swaggert and Jim Bakker (???). After much meditation, I’ve determined that Gandhi is thewinner.
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