What have we done to marriage? The Ripple Effect:Something happened this weekend that got me to see again, how important marriage is toG-d, and how our society’s cavalier treatment of it, is affecting marriages of believers.When someone divorces, there is a ripple effect. It affects far more than just theimmediate family. When a pebble hits the water, you see the ripples move across thewater in an ever widening circle. Sometimes our actions are more like rocks, and theripples are larger. Sometimes, our actions are so big, they cause widespread effects byways of a tsunami.This really hit home this weekend, when my daughter Sarah shared what happened to oneof her friends thousands of miles away. She found out from her friend, that her friend’sparents, both believers as far as we know, had divorced and have already remarried. Now,I know none of the background or reasons behind the divorce. What I noticed was, eventhough that divorce was thousands of miles from us, we were indeed affected by it. Mydaughter travelled all the way from our home to theirs, for a visit. She was shocked andstunned to hear of the divorce and remarriage. It hurts even from far away, to hear thata marriage ended in divorce, especially one between believers. It got me thinking, andrealizing again, how valuable G-d sees marriage. He knew what He was doing when Hecreated the very special relationship. What man has done to marriage, is not onlydisheartening, but so harmful to everyone - those single, and those married. It remindsme why G-d ordained it as He has, and why we must fight to keep it as G-d desires.Divorce has spread like a disease into the lives of believers.A friend of mine several years ago, started coming to church. She accepted salvationthrough Yeshua, and began to walk with Him. Now this friend was married, but themarriage took place before either of them were believers. Shortly after starting herwalk with Yeshua, her marriage came under direct attack. Her husband had an affair, andas a result, the woman was expecting a baby. It almost broke that marriage. But aftercounseling from friends and from our pastor, the marriage survived the test, and theyrenewed their vows. This time, she renewed them as a believer. Her husband still had notcome to believe in Yeshua. In the counseling times, our pastor tried to help him realizehow much he needed Yeshua in his life.After awhile, they moved out of the area, and my friend for a time, willingly continued onthe path Yeshua set for her. She received godly help from a friend of mine, withcounseling and bible study. Her husband talked repeatedly to the husband, hoping to plantmore seeds. We were staying in touch throughout this time. My friend pulled furtherfrom the world, and we (her friends down here) thought this was fantastic. She seemedto be growing in Him-- until -- it got to the point where she had to choose to be either thewife/mother that He asked her to be, or go back to the world. Sadly, she chose theworld. Soon after she decided to go her own path, she stopped all contact with her old

by Fran M.

friends. She no longer called. She no longer wrote. It was as if we had never met in someways. We went out on very rare occasions, but when I couldn’t support the direction shewas choosing, all ties were cut off.A couple years later, I reached out to her once again. I wrote her a card, hoping to findout she was walking with Him again, and that she wanted to be friends again. She came toour home, and we caught up on what was going on in our lives. I was extremelydisappointed when she said she’d divorced her husband. She also explained that her oldestdaughter was wild, and was living with her boyfriend-- in the same house. My friend knewI would strongly disapprove of her allowing her daughter to do that. Her middle daughterwas beginning to show signs of choosing the rebellious route as well. The daughter bornfrom the affair, was still staying with my friend. Her father was nearby as was the birthmom. We’ve not had contact with her since. I pray for her, but our paths won’t crossagain until He says for me to open the door again.Now the ripples in her life were often more like tsunamis. They were affecting everyoneclose to her, and those not so close to her. Her daughters were continually affected by it.They were choosing the world, as their mom had, and saw no reason to change dangerousbehaviors. They didn’t see any benefits from walking with Yeshua. They dismissed it. Herex-husband had no reason now, to pursue this thing with salvation. The only reason helistened to her friends about Him, was to please her. Now he could just walk away. Moreripples. At the time, they had been living with his parents, in hopes of helping take care ofhis elderly parents. Well, with her gone, it sure affected their lives. The circle widened.Those ripples spread outward of that circle. It touched our family, and several families atchurch, who invested time, energy, love, etc into the situation. My kids were hit by someof the ripples. We helped care for the youngest one for several months, and the kidsplayed with her, read to her, loved her. She was now no longer in their lives. She was apart of our family for a time... not all day and night, but for long stretches of time duringthe days. Other families invested too. All were left hurt, disappointed, and a bitconfused at all that happened.In my own marriage, there was a time when I wondered if it would survive. We were notwalking His walk when we first got married. We knew of Him, knew some of His teachings,etc, but neither had really chosen to take salvation to our hearts, and live our lives forHim. To make a long story short, I grew up abused. Once in the safety of marriage, whereI knew I was loved, memories of my childhood came back. Ugly memories. Disgustingmemories of what happened to me at the hands of others. It affected our marriageespecially after our oldest was born. After receiving some counseling, we ended up havingto move back to Wisconsin due to a job loss. Things got tougher, and I reached out to abrother of mine for support. He gave it willingly, but continually reminded me that when Igot through facing my past, I would likely divorce Howard because I would be a different

person. At first, I paid no attention to what he said. But then, I noticed I was gettingmore and more frustrated with Howard, even though he was doing all he knew to do to helpme get through a very tough time. He was such a loving patient husband (still is) and tothink what I almost risked losing, is scary. I noticed my discontent grew when I talked tomy brother. Thankfully, even though I wasn’t completely walking with Yeshua, I listened toHim when He told me to stop sharing problems like that with my brother. I didn’t needthe seeds of discontent to grow, and I needed to pull out the weeds that had taken hold.If I had allowed those seeds to grow, it would eventually have cost me my marriage. Iwould have three girls living away from their father. Yes, they’d be like theircounterparts, but is that how G-d would want it? I wouldn’t have my son at all, likely. Ican’t imagine what my life...what their lives would have been if I had left their dad. I can’timagine the ripples in that one...would have been a couple tsunamis for sure!Instead, because I chose to stay with my husband, whether or not it’s the perfectmarriage, G-d has blessed me with such a loving man, loving kids.... there’s no way I can tellof all the positive ripples I’ve received for staying with this lovely man. The positiveripples allowed me to heal from an abusive past, to have a wonderful marriage, to havegreat kids, and to have a son that had I left my husband, wouldn’t have.Now, why is it so important to keep marriage what God intended? It’s a foundation that iskey to our society. It affects every aspect of our lives. When traditional marriagebecomes tainted and meaningless, cast aside as being old fashioned and obsolete.... thewhole society is harmed. The structure will crumble. When it becomes soiled with peoplewho want to live together without marriage, who want to marry someone of the same sex,it is such an abomination to what G-d intended marriage to be.So, why fight so hard for marriage if people in the world reject it? Because marriage isnot something of the world, not the way G-d designed it. Marriage is a covenant. It’s notsome mutual agreement of ‘I’ll stick by you until something better comes along”. Marriageneeds to be restored in some way, back to the godly covenant it is meant to be. In mylifetime, I’ve seen marriage deteriorate at an alarming rate. When I was in grade school,there weren’t any kids who came from broken homes. By high school, there were a fewfamilies. By the time my oldest went to kindergarten, there were maybe half the studentswho had both parents, in the home, married to each other. That’s an alarming change.There were no couples living together when I went to school.By the time I got to high school, having sex outside of marriage was still considered a badthing. It was assumed that you would wait until marriage, although even then, it waschanging. Sex was still seen as something between a married couple...male/female couple.Homosexuality was still something not completely understood, and very much in ‘thecloset’. We didn’t even have a health class, let alone a health class that showed how to usea condom. Saving oneself for marriage was not seen as an odd thing. Abstinence was