First Day

I knew this was a bad idea.You’d have to be pretty dim to ever think it a good idea - yet my family does.They surround me now. Chattering and laughter as if this is some great familyholiday. But there’s only one suitcase in the boot - mine.I sit on the back seat with my arms folded, gathering storm clouds, trying to makethem feel guilty. Of course I don’t have to go. I could refuse. Scream and shout and stompmy feet. But that would be childish and apparently I’m old enough to know better.Too soon the car pulls up at my destination. I scowl out the window at the eccentricgrey stone building. I’m not impressed, I’ve seen it before, but the younger ones are allwide-eyed. A rather tall, rather stern looking woman emerges from the grand entrance towelcome us. I should be more mature but instinctively hide behind my family. She seeksme out regardless.“You must be Olivia,” she says, voice like caster sugar, all floaty-light and sickening.She’s talking down to me, as if to a child.“Call me Libby,” I mumble.“Well, Libby. Welcome to St. Mary’s. I hope you’ll like it here.”I nod but don’t smile. Too early for smiles.She takes us upstairs to what is to be my new room. It’s pleasant enough. A littlebare but nothing a few knick-knacks wouldn’t solve. I glance across the landing and intothe room opposite. Unlike mine it looks well lived it. The rather tall, rather stern lookingwoman sees me looking and introduces me to Ann, its occupant, who smiles at me. A bigsmile. A smile filled with secrets and mischief. It’s a smile you can’t help but return. For thefirst time that day I feel a slight lift.My family don’t stay long. Whether they’re bored and just want to leave, or whether they truly believe it when they say, ‘We’d best leave you alone. Let you get settled in,’ I’mnot sure. Either way they’ve gone and I’m alone.I sit on the edge of my new bed in my new room, with my hands in my lap, chewingmy lower lip. What am I going to do here? There are classes of course, and activities. I’vegot a timetable right here. But I don’t want to look. Don't want to admit I’m here to stay.

“Hello,” says a voice.I turn to see Ann standing my new doorway. She’s dressed to the nines and waftssweet perfume into my new room.“Oh, hello,” I reply. I try to think of something to say. Something clever so she’ll thinkI’m worth knowing.“Nice dress,” I manage.She dips her head impatiently. “You want a tour?”I nod eagerly.“Good. Grab your coat.”I wonder why I need my coat to wander around indoors but I’m eager to please andfling it on anyway. I have to rush to keep up with Ann’s confident strides and as we passvarious doors and corridors she reels off names and places.“Mrs Merton’s Office. Nurse Hally’s room. Canteen. Laundry room. Ms Drake’soffice - don’t ever go there.”I struggle to take it all in and then suddenly Ann is pushing through double doorsmarked ‘Emergency Exit Only’ and we’re outside. I gasp at her recklessness but she either doesn’t hear or ignores me.It’s late Autumn so everything is really pretty but it’s also getting cold. I’m glad Ihave my coat.“Where are we going now?” I ask.“The place to be,” she smiles mysteriously.We’re crossing grass, ignoring the footpaths, and heading towards what thesignposts call ‘The Lake’. As we get closer I can see a grand white building, like amausoleum, nestled at the edge of a vast expanse of water. And closer still I see people.Male and female. Nerves flutter. More new people to meet.“Hello everybody.” Ann announces our arrival. “This is Libby. She’s new.”I blush and people nod, raise a hand or smile. There must be around twenty of them, just sitting back and relaxing. There are benches and people sit and chat or drink or smoke. I shift nervously. This is not my usual scene. Ann takes me by the arm and pullsme over to a bench where two people are already sat.“This is Gregory,” she purrs, wrapping herself around a well-dressed chap. He slipsan easy arm around her waist.“Oh,” I say, unsure how to react to such a public display of affection.She points across the bench. “And this is Rob. You can sit next to him.”I realise I’ve been keeping my head down and look up to see Rob for the first time.

I’m shocked at my reaction. My heart begins to flutter. He’s well tanned with laughter lines.Sparkling eyes and a strong jaw line. But if I think I’m smitten now, it’s nothing like how Ifeel when he smiles at me. Such as easy smile.He moves so I can sit. He’s smoking a long brown cigarette which I eye curiously.“Do you want one?” he asks.“Oh, no. No, thank you. I don’t smoke.”“Good for you,” smiles Ann, still locked in Gregory’s embrace. “I gave up last year.”“Oh, I’ve never smoked,” I smile shyly.Rob looks at me. A flash of disbelief. I feel stupid. I shouldn’t have said that. Nowthey all think I’m some goody-two-shoes.“I drink though,” I add and realise that makes me sound even stupider, desperate. Iwas not making a great first impression.“Good,” is all Gregory says before producing a hip flash and taking a healthy swig.Ann frowns then snatches the silver trinket out of his hand, only to take a swig herself.Gregory tries to take it back and they paw at each other.I turn away embarrassed and find myself staring at Rob.“So, where do you come from?” he asks.My instinct is to answer the question with a single word. The minimum requirement.But it’s not the answer he’s interested in. It’s just something to get the conversation goingand I’m useless at small talk. Besides I really don’t want to end up talking about my family.“Lanmouth.” I answer then quickly add, “If you were a colour of the rainbow whatcolor would you be?”He laughs. A good, deep down, hearty laugh. “Red.”“Why?” I smile.“It’s the colour of action, energy and passion.” He winks. I feel the said colour risingto my cheeks.“What about you?” he asks“Orange. Because it’s happy and vibrant but not too intense.”“And it’s also right next to red,” he smiles.“I’d be violet,” says Ann and I suddenly notice her and Gregory taking a very keeninterest in our conversation. Ann has a devilish glint in her eye, like a small child who’sspotted some unsupervised chocolate.“I would be grey,” declares Gregory.“That’s not in the rainbow, you daft old...” Ann is stopped by Gregory tickling her andmy sigh coincides with Rob’s.