Introduction: Sayadaw U Jotika (Autobiographical)
The need to express is very strong. It is very important for our growth. If youdonÕt have any opportunity to express, you lose creative thinking. Well, thatÕsanother attachment. I canÕt force myself to let go of it. Many times I picked upmy pen to write, and many times I put it down. Something hard to put into words is in my mind. Please donÕt think IÕm preaching. IÕm just expressing my personal point of view (feeling, observation) which seems true to me.I know that a lot of things IÕve said can easily be misconstrued. A person canuse them against me. I canÕt really make my points clear in a letter. Even to talk about them would be a very difficult task for me. Anyway I tried to express my views. The things IÕve said might not agree with the great books. I donÕt expect you to agree with me. They are not universal truths. Just my opinions as of October 1986. IÕm liable to change, as anything else. Excuse me for my mis-takes. IÕm a man who keeps himself upset all the time, believe it or not. One day IÕll be happy. Here is something about me. I was born into a Muslim family on 5 August 1947. I was educated at a Roman Catholic missionary school. I readabout most of the things in this universe. I was called a communist when I was young because I did not believe in any organised religion. Do I believe in organisedreligion now? Well, who knows? I thought of becoming a
bhikkhu
(monk) fromthe age of nineteen but instead I went to university, and found the education very unsatisfactory. I then educated myself. I found that almost everybody wasafter position, money, pleasure Ñ very superficial.So I decided education was not worth the trouble. I couldnÕt go on living forthe rest of my life like that. I left my family although I love my daughters very dearly. I have no place in this competitive society. Being a
bhikkhu
and living inthe forest is the best way of life for me; it suits my temperament. Yes, my grand-mother was Shan. She lived a long, peaceful life and died when she was abouteighty. I was fourteen then. We were very close. I think of her quite often.I like Shan people, too. They are very mellow. There are a lot of Shan peoplearound Maymyo; some living in Ye Chan Oh Village where we are. There isanother village called Yengwe where most of the villagers are Shan, and they speak the Shan language. Some old Shan ladies look like my grandmother Ñquiet, peaceful, loving, simple, patient, content, unimposing and very friendly.How unlikely to find such people in modern cities. People who are rich are very suspicious; they think people are after their money. You asked me about my relationship with my family. It was never good. The only person I love in my family is my elder sister. She loves me although she could not understand me. Yes, ÒIÕve never felt I belong to that familyÓ. I was like a stranger in my family. Maybe some day IÕll go and see my sister. My relationship with my par-
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