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Dr Strabismus - Visit Report

Dr Strabismus - Visit Report

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Published by Andrew Carey

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Published by: Andrew Carey on Jul 22, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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08/14/2009

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Directors:Fluids:
Marshall Batleaf 
Geriatrics:
Wendy Pope
Mental Health:
Barnaby Rudge
Disability:
Gerald Knee
Administration:
Crisply Effective (Ms.)
West Dorset Primary Care TrustClaxton Puttock CourtWeston GobchytheDorset DT3 9FX
Tel: 01305 88712Patron: HRH The Prince of Wales
Assessment report:Client:
C***Y, A****w
Special Number
: PY 31729
DoB:
Not given
Date of visit
: 20/7/2009
Referred by:
Community Support
Assessor:
Dr. J. B. Strabismus
Background
I visited Client at his home as he had reported a number ofsite-specific symptoms and manifestations to his GP andreferrers and it seemed appropriate to check these out.Client’s home is fairly remote and I wondered whether Ishould have taken a priest or coracle with me.
Notes
Client was mowing when I arrived, although he had said onthe telephone that he might be moving. I queried this and hesaid it was probably a typographical error. I asked how hecould have made a typographical error on the telephone buthe dismissed my question as unduly pedantic. In fact, Client
 
was not mowing but was repairing or servicing his mower.He greeted me warmly enough and showed me what heclaimed were lengths of seaweed wrapped around hismower blade. I identified the weed as Bladder Wrack (
Fucusvesiculosus
), which has been used for centuries for itsantifungal and antibacterial properties.Although Client lives near the sea, his home (which he shareswith his lovely wife, who appears quite sane apart from afunny thing that happened with some dogslobber) is severalhundred feet above sea level and, therefore, not noticeablyawash with seaweed. On looking around, I saw a young oaktree nearby festooned with seaweed. When I asked how thishad happened he said something unclear about the Irish andmoved on.At my request, Client then showed me round his garden andpointed out a Scot’s Pine tree draped with multi-colouredwool and a large bonfire site surrounded by swarthy logs –one of which oozed pine sap all over my jacket. We also cameacross some deflated balloons on an old twig, two brightpink chairs and a bunch of twigs wrapped in more colouredwool. At this point I began to suspect that satanic ritualsmight have occurred (see below under ‘Big Chicken’). n.b. Ihad previously established that no minors were in residence.Client now enumerated a list of what he calledpolychromatic, kinaesthetic sensory experiences involvingother imaginary people and objects. For the record, theseincluded:
 
A red woman rolling with a large log and beckoningenthusiastically (this seemed simple enough to interpret).
A blue woman moving thoughtfully towards the compost,where she made herself at home and formed a tangiblerelationship with a very big chicken (voodoo connotationsseemed obvious).
A colourful young Norman bouncing off trees andapparently falling in love with life rather recklessly, beforesurrendering (again, sexual imagery seemed foremost).
A pink woman toppling, recovering and then explodingwith laughter on a wall, accompanied by tissues (theexplosive imagery, pinkness and tissues makeinterpretation unnecessary here).
A tree masquerading as a cross roads but serving as atemple to the intentions and travels of others (puzzling).
A sea of intentions, accompanied by a sprinkling of seedsand cushioned by numerous bodies, hearts and minds(more intensely fleshy imagery).
A strong presence coming down from the empty topcorner with questions and certainty paradoxicallyencompassed in the same movement (again puzzling).
An almost unpronounceably long woman with her feetwrapped in copious red strandiness and a tendency tofavour unusual wordy wanderings (mother complex).
An enormous pie and failed meringues (presumed sexualinadequacy).

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