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foreword
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As I finished reading the manuscript for this book, I sat down at mycomputer, eager to write about how each of us, in addition to havingourownspotof grace,functionsasacommunalreminderandrepos-itory of grace for everyone else. Just then, “Ding-dong! You’ve gotmail” sounded. Because I saw that the sender was a good friend, thedirectorof aservicenonprofitorganizationinLosAngeles,Ireadthemessage.Shedescribedtheorganization’sthree-dayBoardretreatthathadjust ended. Someone had been summoned away in the middle of theretreat by the news that her father was dying, and she had rushed tohisbedside.Someoneelsehadarrivedgrief-strickenbythenewsthatafriend’selderlymotherhadbeenhitbyacarasshecrossedthestreetthe day before and had died. Another person had hardly unpackedwhen urgent news from home required that she repack her bags andleave. And yet the tone of my friend’s email was reassuring. Sheended by saying, “I’m so glad we were all together. There was somuch grief in the room, and so much loss. Everyone had somethingto add to the conversation — something that had just happened, orsomethingtheywereremindedof.Itwasimpossibletonotnoticethe
 
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truthof howvulnerabletosufferingweallare,allthetime.Anditwasalso clear that being with people who will hear your story and tellyou their story makes suffering manageable. It renews courage.”Foronlythebriefestof moments—becauseIknewsomeof thepeople in my friend’s organization personally and I began to thinkabout phoning them — I was distracted from the message I hadmeant to write. Then I realized that the email I had received and theoneIwasplanningtosend—andallcommunications,really—werethe same message; there really is only one message. Life is complexand challenging and often confusing, but human beings have theunique ability to care about how they feel, about how the peoplewho are dear to them feel, and even about how people they don’tknow personally feel. Hearing a story puts into motion the desire toconnect.We are empathic animals. We are moved by suffering to the de-sire to console, and we are also moved by beauty and marvel to thedesiretocelebrate.Wesingalongwiththesingingwaiterswhohavebrought a birthday cake to the table next to ours in a restaurant,knowingthatwhateverthebirthdayperson’ssituationis,heorshehasmade it another year and is wishing for something good, just as wewould if it were our cake. We may despair when life seems too diffi-cult, but usually we want more of it. We hold out for the possibilityof happiness. So does everyone else.Over the years I have seen many variations of the line “Too badlifedidn’tcomewithaninstructionmanual.”Ithinkit
did 
comewithone. The instruction is, “Talk!” Tell your story. Report your experi-ence. We encourage and console and inspire ourselves and everyone
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