Chapter 1-06/24/2008
So I’ve been having the dream again. The dream I always have, where I’ma kid, and I just have been given a kitten for my birthday. In the dream, I’mplaying with the kitten when it suddenly sinks its nails into me, and I throw itacross the room. I still to this day remember that sound, the sound of its headhitting the wall. The dull thudding sound it made, and then its eyes glaze over,and blood pours out its nose, not a gush like you would see with a humangetting hit, just a small little trickle of blood. After that, I continued to play withthe dead kitten for over an hour. I liked it better that way; it let me pet it, trycuddling, brushing it, almost anything you could want but better.Ever since that day, I’ve been fascinated with death. Fascinated with a need tosee those few seconds of the in between when crossed over from life to death. Tosee what they saw when they crossed over, and every time I kill one, sometimes Ithink, you know, I am just a little bit closer to seeing it, seeing through their eyeswhat comes next. I began to kill more animals to see what they saw as theycrossed over, being a licensed and well respected veterinarian in your field hasthat perk, and when an animal comes along that just might not make it, you get athat perk. Their eyes would have a dawning peace come over them then just cutout to blank after that. I’ve never told anyone about my fascination with death.Ever since my first kitten, and of course…her, I’ve always wanted to see whatthey saw as they crossed over; you know make sure there WAS somethingwaiting for them on the other side. Sometimes I just wanted to see their reactionto what came next to see what they saw. But, there is no thrill with animals, onpeace and sweet release.Last night I took it one step further.Luke and I had our usual date night in, where I agreed to cook and we would just spend the night in. I was reaching my three month limit him. That’s usuallywhen I let them go, because they start to get so close, to the truth about me. Ican’t let that happen. So, Luke was sitting on the couch while I was makingdinner and was talking about his parents. "You’ll really like them," He said,
Leave a Comment