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Diary of a Psychopath-‘Isabelle’s Story’3
rd
Draft- three chapterscompleted3-16-2009
Written by- Brianne Hawks
 
Chapter 1-06/24/2008
So I’ve been having the dream again. The dream I always have, where I’ma kid, and I just have been given a kitten for my birthday. In the dream, I’mplaying with the kitten when it suddenly sinks its nails into me, and I throw itacross the room. I still to this day remember that sound, the sound of its headhitting the wall. The dull thudding sound it made, and then its eyes glaze over,and blood pours out its nose, not a gush like you would see with a humangetting hit, just a small little trickle of blood. After that, I continued to play withthe dead kitten for over an hour. I liked it better that way; it let me pet it, trycuddling, brushing it, almost anything you could want but better.Ever since that day, I’ve been fascinated with death. Fascinated with a need tosee those few seconds of the in between when crossed over from life to death. Tosee what they saw when they crossed over, and every time I kill one, sometimes Ithink, you know, I am just a little bit closer to seeing it, seeing through their eyeswhat comes next. I began to kill more animals to see what they saw as theycrossed over, being a licensed and well respected veterinarian in your field hasthat perk, and when an animal comes along that just might not make it, you get athat perk. Their eyes would have a dawning peace come over them then just cutout to blank after that. I’ve never told anyone about my fascination with death.Ever since my first kitten, and of course…her, I’ve always wanted to see whatthey saw as they crossed over; you know make sure there WAS somethingwaiting for them on the other side. Sometimes I just wanted to see their reactionto what came next to see what they saw. But, there is no thrill with animals, onpeace and sweet release.Last night I took it one step further.Luke and I had our usual date night in, where I agreed to cook and we would just spend the night in. I was reaching my three month limit him. That’s usuallywhen I let them go, because they start to get so close, to the truth about me. Ican’t let that happen. So, Luke was sitting on the couch while I was makingdinner and was talking about his parents. "You’ll really like them," He said,
 
"They’re really laid back and love animals, so you’ll get along really well."‘Yuck,’ I thought to myself as I contemplated meeting his parents. ‘Guess I’vereached the fight or flight moment.’ I had finished with making the salad andstarted to reheat the soup I had made earlier. ‘I just wish there was an easier wayto do this.’I thought with distance as I stirred the soup. ‘I can’t meet his parents; parentshave built in radar to detect things in people. If I try to use my mask on them, I’ll just end up being called a faker by them. I thought while furrowing my brow inthought. Jason was still on the couch just yammering away. Really he hadbecome a nuisance, and meeting his parents were just like the straw that brokethe camel’s back. ‘Decision made’ I thought as I nodded my head quickly andwalked over to the pantry for my spice to add. I opened the pantry in my smalllittle kitchen and reached down to the bottom shelf, way in the back, for myspecial spice. It was in an un-marked, brown clay jug and was sealed with a corklid. I brought it over to the pot of soup and pulled out some of the stalks andflowers that were in the jug. I know there was a time I would need these, and therainy day had come. Grabbing up my large chopping knife I give them a runthrough and carefully wash the milky white substance that came out of thestalks, off my hands and the knife. ‘Really one must be careful!’ I smiled tomyself, he would never know what was coming and I would get to see a uniquesight for the first time in my life.I placed the bowls onto the table and told Luke that dinner was ready, in a voicethat I could muster as calmly as possible. We sat in relative silence as he began toeat the soup. He didn’t even notice I was just sitting there watching him eat, nottouching mine at all.He ate the whole soup, without complaint; in fact he actually made sounds thatmeant he liked it!"What are these, he asked holding up the secret ingredient. I smiled back at himand said with a laugh, "I thought you would recognize leeks by now honey." Hescrunched up his face for second longer looking at them then shrugged and atethem quickly. Soon his bowl was empty."That was delicious Isabelle! What was that, a veggie recipe you got off the foodnetwork?"He said looking down the table at my bowl. "Actually it’s an old family recipe," Istarted and met his eyes as he gave me a questioning look, "And I didn’t eatbecause I’ve had terrible heartburn all day, I thought it would’ve dispersed bynow but it’s not let up even a little bit." I grimaced and held my chest as I saidthis and he smiled and just said, "Well then, do you mind if I have yours?" Icouldn’t believe my ears, HE WANTED MORE!?!?!?! I tried to keep my smileinnocent but it came out devious I know.
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