Lesbian Gay Parenting

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promoting lesbian and gay health and wellbeing

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Lesbian and Gay Parenting:Babes in arms or babes in the woods?Damian Mc Cann & Howard DelmonteAbstract

This paper will examine developments in parenting by lesbians and gay men.It will draw on available research evidence to address fundamental questionsposed about the impact of parenting by this particular group of parents on thechildren for whom they raise. The paper will also explore motivation androutes to parenthood and the specific arrangements lesbians and gay menhave evolved to make parenting a viable option in their lives. Dilemmas andchallenges faced by lesbian and gay parents will be explored and theimplications for practice will be considered.

Introduction

Lesbian and gay parenting is no longer a concept but a reality which societyas a whole is struggling to accept. According to Mallon (2004), “For the lasttwo decades a quiet revolution has been blooming in the gay malecommunity, more and more gay men from all walks of life are becomingparents.” (p.xi). For lesbians, the trajectory, in regard to parenting, has anequally long developmental cycle, but one that historically has also not beenproperly recognised or embraced. The secrecy in which lesbians and gay menas parents have had to conduct their lives has been perturbed by high profilecases challenging heterosexist beliefs and behaviours concerning theappropriateness or otherwise of lesbians and gay men as parents.This paper will examine developments in parenting by lesbians and gay men.The title has been deliberately chosen to reflect the ongoing struggle toendorse lesbian mothering and gay fathering, and in view of this, the availableresearch evidence will be invoked to answer the fundamental questions posedabout the impact of their parenting on the children for whom they care. As two

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gay men, one who is currently a parent, we are very aware of the issuesinvolved in writing such a paper, particularly for an audience who maycontinue to have doubts about the legitimacy of a homosexual lifestyle, letalone the question of such individuals raising children. Similarly, we are awareof the belief in the importance of a mother and father in a child’s life within thecontext of a heterosexual union, and to a large extent, will be challenging or,at least expanding the meaning of this particular frame of reference. In spite of the risks to ourselves, we feel strongly that the issues involved in lesbian andgay parenting need to be seriously addressed within the fields of counsellingand psychotherapy, and that, therapists themselves need to examine howdevelopments in this area are impacting on their practice.In writing this paper, our stance is that lesbians and gay men have much tooffer children. However, we also wish to highlight particular dilemmas inrelation to the decision by a number of lesbians and gay men to parentchildren, and at the same time, we will also be addressing some of theinherent difficulties lesbians and gay parents, their children and extendedfamilies experience in the interface with the outside world. Theoretically, weembrace both systemic and psychoanalytic principles and will also be drawingon lifecycle and developmental frameworks in considering the complexitiesfaced by lesbians and gay men as parents.Initially, we will explore the question of motivation and routes to parenthoodand the specific arrangements lesbians and gay men have evolved to makeparenting a viable option in their lives. This will then be followed by anexamination of the evidence base relating to lesbian and gay parenthood andthe particular dilemmas and challenges faced by this group of parents.Towards the end of the paper we will begin to engage with practice issues inregard to this particular population and again will consider what needs to be inplace for individual practitioners and services to provide appropriate andresponsive care for those lesbians and gay men who may present for treatment.

Motivation and routes to parenthood

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