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Why Men Leave? What Every Woman (and Man) Needs to Know

Why Men Leave? What Every Woman (and Man) Needs to Know

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Published by Jed Diamond
As a psychotherapist specializing in working with men and the women who love them, I'm constantly asked questions like why does he withdraw, why won't he talk to us, why does he say he loves me, but is not in love with me, why does he drink so much, why does he want to leave?

The question of why men leave is a critical question to have answered. Millions of women (and men) want to understand so they can get to the bottom of what destroys so many relationships.

Read this short piece for some unexpected answers.
As a psychotherapist specializing in working with men and the women who love them, I'm constantly asked questions like why does he withdraw, why won't he talk to us, why does he say he loves me, but is not in love with me, why does he drink so much, why does he want to leave?

The question of why men leave is a critical question to have answered. Millions of women (and men) want to understand so they can get to the bottom of what destroys so many relationships.

Read this short piece for some unexpected answers.

More info:

Published by: Jed Diamond on Aug 03, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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02/06/2013

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Chapter 19: Why Men Leave? What Every Woman Needs to Know.For information on my work, please contact Jed Diamond, Ph.D. at Jed@MenAlive.com  or visit me atwww.MenAlive.comto receive my free e-newsletter.
 Dear Dr. Jed,I was in my doctor’s waiting room and just so happened to read an article in the grapevine magazine about “The Irritable Male Syndrome.” This described my husband to a T. He’s started to take things out on my children getting very angry at them and bringing their confidence down. He would also degrade me about my weight and appearance and would call me names. He said that everything was my fault. I finallydecided to take my kids away for a week to get away from him. We had a great time and I began to find myself again.When I got back I felt a lot better about myself and I had more faith that we could work out our problems. It seemed things were going better for awhile, but his dark moods returned and one day he just announced that he was leaving. He got himself anapartment not far from here and he still comes around to see the kids, but he still bristleswhen I try and talk to him about us. He doesn’t seem happy. How do I get him to see
 
what he is doing? It seems so obvious to me and everybody else, but he is just not willing to listen and still thinks I am the problem.What makes it even harder is that I still love him and I think he loves me. I pray and hope we can get through this for each other and our children but I don't know what todo. If I wait until he comes to me he may never return. Every time I reach out to him hetells me I’m the problem. I wonder if I just have to move on with my life. Maybe myhusband has to figure things out for himself. But it doesn't seem fair that my childrenand I have to go through this pain. I just don't know what to do. You are my last hope.Can you help me, my husband and our family? JP.
Many people spend a good part of their lives worrying about whether a spouse mightleave. Some must actually deal with the consequences of a man’s moving out. Althoughthere are endless discussions and many books written about why men leave, few peopleget at the heart of the matter. For you to make the right decision you need to understandthe secret reasons, that even most men never come to learn, about why they leave.The first thing you need to know is that men are inherently more insecure thanwomen, though you wouldn’t know it by the way men posture their self-sufficiency. Butconsider these facts about male vulnerability:
More male than female embryos are conceived, possibly because the spermatozoacarrying the Y chromosome swim faster than those carry the X.
External maternal stress around the time of conception is associated with areduction in the male-to-female sex ratio, suggesting that the male embryo ismore vulnerable than the female.
 
The male fetus is at greatest risk of death or damage from almost all the obstetriccatastrophes that can happen before birth. Perinatal brain damage, cerebral palsy,congenital deformities of the genitalia and limbs, premature birth, and still birthare all more common in boys.
Boy’s brains are slower to develop. According to studies, a newborn girl is the physiological equivalent of a 4- to 6-week old boy.
According Dr. William S. Pollock in the Department of psychiatry at Harvardmedical school, “Although boys have the same emotional potential as girls, their emotional range is soon limited to a menu of three related feelings: rage, triumph,and lust.” Anything else and they risk being seen as a sissy, says Dr. Pollack.Male vulnerability and our need to act like men can be deadly. When asked if the American man was endangered species, Dr. Herb Goldberg, the author of 
The Hazards of Being Male
, replied, “Absolutely! The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine ‘privilege’ and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body. He is playing by the rules of the male game plan and with lemming-like purpose he is destroying himself—emotionally, psychologically, and physically.”The second thing you need to know about males is that we long to be touched,loved, and nurtured, but we are afraid of it as well. Why is that? A number of studiesshow that mothers talk to, cuddle, and breastfeed male infants significantly less thanfemale infants.So boys experience a nurturing deficit from the very beginning and long to makeup for what we didn’t get. However, as boys get older we are taught to be tough andnot to need the “tender loving care” that most girls more often get from their parents,

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