• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • 1
    CommentGo Back
Download
 
The Woes of a 30+ Bachelor Much like Mrs. Bennet & Co. my family has had this opinion that a single man in goodhealth and wealth is in urgent need of a wife.My woes began a couple of years ago when I hit the dreaded 30 mark. With eachcousin/uncle/aunt/neighbour/carpenter etc expressing their opinion freely & frankly aboutit being high time I got married.Being the shrewd military strategist that I am, dealing with sundry cousins, aunts &uncles has been easy. Much in the manner of Napoleon and his military victories Itackled them on a one to one basis and never once did I allow them to gang up againstme. This strategy held me in good stead but then Napoleon too had his Waterloo didn’the?This happened a few months ago when all of us met in Hyderabad. I for once let myguard down and there I was amidst a cacophony of dear cousins, dearer uncles anddearest aunts.First started an assault from the Left Flank by a cousin. Let’s call him M. M wonderedwhy I was “mudiri poyina bendakaya laga unnavu” beginning to resemble an over ripeOkra and that it was high time for me to get married. It was now or never.Absolutely! Chimed in an uncle R, leading a sortie against my right flank. And look atyour hair. In a couple of years you will be as bald as a coot. Who will marry you then?You know it was my flowing locks that had swept your aunt off her feet. And what wasthreatening to become a longish account about their courtship, such as it was, wasinterrupted by M.M still with his “over-ripe okra” theme decided it needed a bit of a variation. The older you get the less chances of getting a “good” girl. You will have to make do with …..rejects. Aaah!! Now what is a reject? Who rejects who? What? Why? No clue but I said,“Yeah, sure”.An aunt G asked me, concern writ large on her face. “But, when you pass by goodlooking women, do you not want to look at them?” My reply was short, “No” I said in my best “butter wouldn’t melt in mouth” imitation. A white lie of course, I am the biggestlech this side of the equator.Then suddenly M got up and started to pace the floor excitedly. He obviously had hisEureka moment. “But why are you without even a girlfriend?” he asked. His eyes aglowwith naughty thoughts. “Well!” I spluttered, “You know how it is.” Actually I did not butwas obviously trying hard not having to answer that question correctly. After why wouldI want to admit that women do not er … ahem find me attractive enough and that too toM. “Work & travel and no time basically” I managed to say that.And almost before I finished out came the question – “Are you, you know ….er….ahem…like that? “Like what?” I asked all bewildered. You know do you like um…like… you know you don’t like girls…..”
 
Oh! God, things were going from bad to worse here. I figured out what he meant(obviously have slowed down due to age) B, a cousin who stays in Bangalore, started toguffaw at this interpretation and slowly all the snickers around the drawing room turnedto guffaws.And in the centre of all this stood M, resplendent in his draw-string faded black baggyBermuda. I had to do something about this and fast. I said,”Look guys I am not ….likethat. Just that I am asexual.”The guffaws/snickers stopped as though they had run into a solid wall. The family wentinto a huddle. As it always does in moments of extreme crises. Asexual. Asexual!!! Whatis asexual?!?!? Does it mean…er…what does it mean? Does it, you know….OH! MYGOD!!!! HE DOES NOT HAVE…………….. THEM.This was a killer cavalry charge that I was not prepared for. Well and truly into the firefrom the frying pan. I had to explain. Immediately. Boss, everything that needs to bethere is there. I should know, after all I check once a month. The snickers started again.Just when I thought the worst was over, in chimed B about
BPO Babes
and the fact that Navi Mumbai was awash with them. B, the certified cute guy of the Family, forgot hisvirtuous act for a while and began to instruct me in the art of wooing them
BPO Babes
.Realized that not one of the schemes was good enough as most of them seemed to requireme to stay up beyond 10.00 pm my sacred beddy-bye time.At this juncture Kindly K stepped in.
 Her take on the whole issue
:
Don’t get married just for your sake
.Eh!?!?!?! I needed enlightenment. K’s logic was, “Get married because it is the rightthing to do.” Yeah! Sure, like that logic is going to work with me.It was at this pain threshold that
THE IDEA
came to me.I got up and announced, loudly,“
YES
!
You guys have convinced me that my life is thoroughly meaningless and theonly way to rectify it is by getting married.”
I added for good measure that like good cousins/aunts/uncles it was up to them to get mea bride.I waited until the general torrent of relief, well meaning chaff, congratulations and other meaningless chatter came to an end. And then said,
“But…”
Interesting, the power a single word sometimes possesses. There was a sudden quiet inthe room. Having got their attention I continued, “But I will only marry a high profileMBA thing nothing less.”
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
12 / 01 / 2010<span class="translation_missing">en_US, this_document_made_it_onto_the</span>Rising List!
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...