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Beware the “Guru Healer”: 10 Caring Principles to Empower Your Self Healing
If you are facing the daily trials of chronic illness, you have likely sought third personhealthcare providers to assist in relieving your more difficult experiences; obviously aphysician, maybe a specialist, a chiropractor, a rehabilitative therapist, health coach,or others. Most likely as well, you've already run in to your share of snake oilsalesmen touting all types of potions, treatments and healing programs – theinternet is afloat with them. As such, I would like to highlight a few crucial principlesfor you to keep readily accessible in your self healing toolbox.First, and most important:
YOU ARE your own best healing resource!
Period.You are the only person with first hand experience of daily symptoms – from theinside. Only you know when something is working for you . . . or not. Yet, there areall types of providers who will try to convince you they know what's best for you,that they are the health guru, the healer. Beware if you feel you are being “sold”;particularly, if what's being sold is made to sound like the next best thing sincepockets on shirts.Pay particular attention to whether you feel you are being heard or not! Rememberat all times, any health and wellness professional worth his/her salt will, first andforemost, be (not just a “good” listener), but a caring listener: That is the singlemost important skill that anyone can share with you if they are to truly be of benefitto you – heartfelt (i.e., sincere) caring . So, if you feel you are not being given thatfundamental courtesy, seek assistance elsewhere . . . with no turning back.As an example, my primary care physician referred me to a specialist with whom Ifollowed-up twice. Both times, my wait was over an hour, after which I was granteda 3 minute audience in which she read out my blood test results & handed me a newprescription; then off to the payment desk for me. No questions. No discussion.When I gave this feedback to my primary care provider – after he inquired of hisother patients' experiences with her – he changed his referral to a different, moreresponsive specialist. Remember, you are a human being: Never accept beingherded! Your “Whole Self” is being provided for, not your lab results.Just how can you tell if someone is “heartfelt”? First they will give you their time tounderstand you – their time is as important as their best educated resources fromwhich they draw to provide service to you. They will also ask you questions of yourexperience from within. As I said above, they will actively strive to hear you as aunique individual worthy of being honored.Obviously, be aware of potential conflicts of interest or ulterior motives: If there issubstantial money to be made on your assent to services, pay heed before you paycash.Please understand, I am not saying everyone trying to sell you a high cost healthcareservice is not sincere or caring; in fact, I would venture to say just the opposite –that most professionals I've met over the course of my clinical journey are sincere
 
and caring individuals. Indeed, it is precisely those qualities which allow them toserve you at a high level in spite of the day-to-day intensity of their clients'difficulties. I am just encouraging you to be above naïveté when seeking assistancefrom anyone trying to “sell” you anything (whether medical, financial, or to cover theroof of your home).One of the acquired traits (of those of us who have experienced chronic illness forsome time) is a deep sense of “trust” in healthcare providers. Consider how manytimes you have allowed a perfect stranger to stick you with a needle, poke you, orposition you in order to provide the best care. Consider the injections andmedications you've taken, yet may not be able to explain why that specific one waschosen nor how it acts in the body; and, all because you've entrusted a caringprofessional to deliver his/her best care to you. Now stop to recall the ultimate trust,the faith, you have given over to an anesthesiologist or surgeon – someone you'vemost likely never even met before or, perhaps, once at best.These are no small acts of trust! You have literally given-over your life to others,most likely on multiple occasions. That in itself is a remarkable quality about you!Be clear also, however, that because of your trusting nature, it is crucially importantfor you to know in your gut the
gift
of your trust is truly warranted! If something just doesn't feel “right” (even if you can't put it into words), you probably are right,and for good reason. Seek other opinions.Pay attention to the fact that a professional healthcare provider's primary role is toassist you to be more SELF-reliant &/or more capable. Service begins with an end insight. You should be able to measure your progress, relief or growth over areasonable period of time (e.g., weeks or a few months). Look at services as youwould a raft to assist you across a river: Once at the other side, the raft is of nofurther use – yet, you may certainly re-purpose the materials for a different use.Remember, seemingly never-ending service is no service at all!Before signing on for any program or service, spend time openly discussing yourdesired goals and measurable endpoints. Get clear on exactly how progress will bemeasured (e.g., perhaps some change on a 0 to 10 scale). Certainly, your progresswill depend on your input and active participation, but don't let that be an excuse torelieve your service provider of his/her responsibility. In fact, one of the measures Idiscuss with my clients at length is: You can only be responsible to the degree youare response-able; and we explore new response-able skills that would be helpful foryou to acquire. Achieving new response-abilities (i.e., practical, applied skills) can bea very good measure of your progress. Seek enhanced (and measurable) response-abilities.Finally, go into any service relationship with the awareness that this is indeed arelationship! As such, before you begin, take a reading of your sense-of-self, yourself-confidence (perhaps on a 0 to 10 scale). If during service provision, you noticeyour sense-of-self declining, waste no time in discussing this with your serviceprovider; perhaps even address his/her response with someone outside therelationship who you already trust. Remember, you are hiring services: The serviceprovider is your employee! That means s/he is to serve you toward some measure
 
of feeling/doing better, preferably sooner than later. That is done through the qualityof relationship you have together. Take notice how you feel as you relate to oneanother.Therefore before going into a contracted service with a healthcare provider, keep inmind:1.You are your own best guru (particularly concerning your health and well-being);
2.
A sincere provider will listen with caring and give you his/her time to fully hearyou;3.Your Whole-Self is being cared for (not just test results);4.Be above naivete regarding “what's in it for this provider?” (i.e., pay heedbefore you pay cash);5.Your ability to trust is a precious gift – respect it as such;6.Listen to your gut intuitions for the valid communications they do provide you;7.Discuss the end of service before beginning it (e.g., goals, desired results),and remember, never-ending service is no service at all;8.Discuss how these end points will be measured (e.g., your improved response-ability);9.The service provider is your employee – get second and third opinions asneeded to honor your Self;10.Your empowered sense of Self is one of the most important measures of thequality of your relationship – honor your Self first!I trust the above has provided you some new awakenings regarding your healthcarerelationships and provider response-abilities. These 10 principles will serve you wellas you move through the maze of your health and wellness care. If you have anyquestions or feedback, please feel free to contact me at :mdayton@CoachingSelfHealing.comDo take very good care of your health and wellness.I look forward to Coaching You WELL!Carinlgy,Malcolm
©2009byMFDayton,LPC,CHt
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Jeff Betman

Great. Well said. Amen.

reply08 / 05 / 2009
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