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Volume LXXXII, Number 8, August, 2009

God calls us to All Saints’ Episcopal Church, the oldest Episcopal Church in Oakland County (est.1837). Here, allwho seek the love of Christ are welcome. Here, we seek to deepen our spiritual livesthrough a rich heritage of worship and music. Here, we seek to serve the wider community, as He callsus to do, through ministry and service. Here, we look to our past for inspiration and to the future withanticipation

Adopted by the Vestry on September 15, 2008

We all need a good laughnow and again.From a book titled

Little Wonder

by MaryHollingsworth, enjoy this colorfulrendition of the Creation and Old andNew Testament tales.

One of our favorite jobs has been leadingjunior church. We try to do more thanbaby-sit our church's beloved little ankle-biters during their time in our specialjunior church facility. We aim to give thema solid background in biblical history. Atthe end of each year, we give them pencilsand paper and ask them to chronicle whatthey have learned. This assignment neverfails to elicit some intriguing responses.In case you're a little foggy on your biblicalhistory, let our junior church students helpyou with this complete overview of theBible, compiled from their essays:In the beginning, which occurred near thestart, there was nothing but God,darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,"The Lord thy God is one," but I think Hemust be a lot older than that. Anyway, Godsaid, "Give me a light!" and someone did.Then God made the world.He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam

and Eve were naked, but they weren'tembarrassed because mirrors hadn't beeninvented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed Godby eating one bad apple, so they weredriven from the Garden of Eden. Not surewhat they were driven in though, becausethey didn't have cars.Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hatedhis brother as long as he was Abel. Prettysoon all of the early people died off,except for Methuselah, who lived to belike a million or something.One of the next important people wasNoah, who was a good guy, but one of hiskids was kind of a ham. Noah built a largeboat and put his family and some animalson it. He asked some other people to joinhim, but they said they would have to takea rain check.After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, andJacob. Jacob was more famous than hisbrother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob hisbirthmark in exchange for some pot roast.Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore areally loud sports coat.Another important Bible guy is Moses,whose real name was Charlton Heston.Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt andaway from the evil Pharaoh after God sentten plagues on Pharaoh's people. Theseplagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels,and no cable. God fed the Israel Lightsevery day with manicotti. Then He gavethem His top tenCommandments. These include don't lie,cheat, smoke, dance, or covet yourneighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a badword for bottom that I'm not supposed tosay. But my Dad uses it sometimes when hetalks about the President). Oh, yeah, I justthought of one more: Humor they fatherand they mother.One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua whowas the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshuafought the battle of Geritol and the fencefell over on the town.After Joshua came David. He got to be kingby killing a giant with a slingshot.He had a sonnamed Solomon who had about 300 wivesand 500 porcupines. My teacher says hewas wise, but that doesn't sound very wiseto me. After Solomon there were a bunchof major league prophets. One of thesewas Jonah, who was swallowed by a bigwhale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor leagueprophets, but I guess we don't have toworry about them.After the Old Testament came the NewTestament. Jesus is the star of the NewTestament. He was born in Bethlehem in abarn. (I wish I had been born in a barn,too, because my Mom is always saying tome, "Close the door! Were you born in abarn" It would be nice to say, "As a matterof fact, I was.")During His life,Jesus had many arguments with sinnerslike the Pharisees and the Republicans.Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worstone was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evilthat they named a terrible vegetable afterhim.Jesus was a great man. He healed manyleopards and even preached to someGermans on the Mount. But theRepublicans and all those guys put Jesuson trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilotdidn't stick up for Jesus. He just washedhis hands instead.Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, thencame back to life again. He went up toHeaven but will be back at the end of theAluminum. His return is foretold in thebook of Revolution.

Vestry Highlights

The Vestry met on July 13

. Highlightsinclude:

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Resolved that the awarding of liveanimals or fish as prizes at parishfunctions is banned.

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The phone in the elevator is nowoperational and connects directly tothe Otis Elevator office

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A towing sign has been placed in theparking lot advising that cars will betowed at owner’s expenseA complete copy of the minutes for Julywill be posted on the bulletin board afterthey are accepted at the Vestry meeting inAugust.

ALL SAINTS’ MEN’S CLUB

WHO WE ARE

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We are the men of All Saints’. Allmale members of this congregationare automatically members of theclub. How you choose toparticipate is your individual choice.

WHAT WE ARE AND DO

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We are a group of men with manyskills. We will use these skills tofoster the spiritual and temporalwell being of our parish family, ourneighborhood and our community.

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