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Abusive Relationships Dont Just Happen

Abusive Relationships Dont Just Happen

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Published by S. James Webb
Maybe you so often feel blindsided when it comes to abusive relationships. You do everything you can to find someone who is kind and considerate, only to end up with someone with monstrous behavior.

There IS hope, however...
Maybe you so often feel blindsided when it comes to abusive relationships. You do everything you can to find someone who is kind and considerate, only to end up with someone with monstrous behavior.

There IS hope, however...

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Published by: S. James Webb on Aug 07, 2009
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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02/06/2013

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But he wasnt like that when we were dating
Maybe you so often feel blindsided when it comes to abusive relationships. You doeverything you can to find someone who is kind and considerate, only to end upwith someone with monstrous behavior.The abuse can be emotional or physical or both, but if you manage to get out of anabusive relationship, you end up with a whole new string of them. Out of nowhere.I just dont have any luck with men.
Or worse, I must deserve it. And you make all kinds of other excuses for his
 behavior.Does this sound like you?Your family and friends are mystified when you walk away from good decent men andend up with another loser, but the fact is those so-called good and decent guysjust arent attractive to you. They arent sexy enough, or manly enough, or
 theres just something about them that just doesnt turn you on even if you really
 like them.Im not saying abuse turns you on. Quite the contrary. You hate it. So why do
 these princes that seemed so promising at first keep turning into toxic frogs inyour arms?Heres the good news: you didnt cause them to behave that way, no matter what
 they may tell you. But you did find each other like a couple of homing pigeons,because your vibrations matched. He recognized your victim vibration, and yourecognized his abusive vibration.Not consciously, of course, but heres what may have happened with you:
Your father, or a significant (usually) male figure in your early life was abusivein his relationship with your mother. Maybe he didnt hit her. He may not even
 have yelled at her. But their relationship was some version of woman, you are
 here to serve me, you have no right to a life or dreams of your own, and if I dosomething nice for you itll be when I feel like it, or when I feel guilty for
 treating you like I do.
It can be very subtle, but the effects are devastating. It dehumanizes the woman,no matter how much they both try to hide it.Sound familiar?We learn how to be in the world from our parents, our first teachers. And were
 pretty much wired within the first three to five years. So Mom become the modelfor how to be a woman. And Dad becomes the model for what a man is supposed to be.So if Mom was disrespected, if her dreams and desires didnt have the same weight
 as Dads then thats what it means to be a woman a woman is someone whose dreams
 and desires dont count.
Then youll find a man who believes the same thing so that you can be a woman:
 someone who also believes that thats what a real man does and if he doesnt fit
 the pattern, somehow he just doesnt turn you on.

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