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DAY ONE – THE CONTRACT FROM HELLMine is the tale of an IT Contractor and Webmaster that is tired of working and is aboutto retire. I really did not want this latest contract so I did everything imaginable to killthe deal. First of all, when I was contacted by the client I did not return the phone call.Cool, done deal, except she followed up and I didn’t check caller ID before I answeredthe call. Then I told her I was not available for any of the date/times she wanted me tocome in to discuss the project. She persisted until I finally agreed so I could get off thephone to watch a re-run of ‘What Not to Wear”. I showed up at the interview latewearing old tennis shoes, shorts and an Obama for President tee shirt; a sure dealbreaker. Sigh, she asked me in…

I half-ass listened to the details of the assignment while loudly chewing gum. Ianswered questions with a sarcastic ‘yea’ and ‘u-huh’, while slouching in my chair. Shetold me I was the man for the job! Then the bombshell, I would have to WORK IN ANOFFICE!!! So she asked my rate. I jacked my hourly fee by 25% and my mileageallotment from .52 to .73 cents a mile, she said “Great!”

On the first day of the assignment I arrived late at the job site; an aerospace firm, andwas promptly issued an ID badge and directed to my freakin’ CUBE-icle. Afterunloading my laptop and briefcase I took an hour-long coffee break; I really don’t likeshitty office coffee but they had a TV in the break room and “The View” was on.

Then I went to my project coordinator and told her “No way was I commuting toEllington Air Force Base from Kingwood every day no matter…how much f@#kingmoney they paid me for my mileage!” She was very understanding and told me I couldwork out of the Richmond office in Houston. AARRGGHH! So I worked a half day,charged them another hour to eat my lunch in front of the TV in the break room whileflirting inappropriately with a couple of married women. I packed up me gear andtried to cut out without anyone seeing me only to be cornered by the Project Manager.He told me I was doing “a bang-up job!” and looked forward to working with me. Ishrugged and said “later” and left for the day.

I will be getting up way too early tomorrow to try to find the office on Richmond. Ihope they have a TV in the break room.

DAY TWO – THE WORK DAY HAD BEGUNWaking with the sun (I didn’t know it showed itself so early), I drove 45 miles inHouston rush hour traffic and found the nondescript brown office building at 9990Richmond. As I walked in I could smell cheap office furniture, over-cooked coffee and9 to 5 desperation. I walked up to the perky receptionist; way too much energy for thistime of day if you ask me, and she said “Put on a happy face! How may I help you?” Iimmediately turned around and was almost out the door when I heard someone elseask “Mr. Meredith, is that you?” Sigh, I turned around to find a young chap in ‘casual’business attire smiling. “Yes, you caught me” I replied half serious…“I see you have your ID Badge already, so let me show you to your ‘office’.” The cubewas far from what I would call an office, not even a window to remind me of the realworld. I asked “…does your break room have a television?” He looked puzzled so I letit drop. “Well, I will let you get settled in and will be back in 30 minutes to introduceyou to your ‘team members’.” Team members??? What the F#@K! Had I stumbled intoa rugby team

scrummage

by mistake??? I noticed that the only Ethernet drop wouldhave put me in a position where the enemy could sneak up from behind and see that Iwas permanently logged onto Facebook, so I began immediately to rearrange thelayout. I took out a screwdriver from my briefcase and dissembled the desk, loudlybanging, and grunting, moving it so that I would be able to see any intruders wellbefore they got close enough for the kill. I then took out the section of the cubicle’sBerlin wall behind me so I had a window view. Satisfied that I would get my dailyallotment of vitamin D, I went in search of the break room. I followed my nose, hot onthe trail of cheap perfume and bad coffee. As I got closer I could hear a TV! YES!!I poured a huge cup of Joe; a 64 ounce plastic monstrosity with “Big Gulp” printed on itthat I found in the dish rack, and then headed back to my refurbished ‘office’. Just thenmy ‘TEAM’ arrived, six neatly dressed and manicured youngsters all bright-eyed andbushy tailed. I instantly became nauseous and poured my coffee into the trash can nextto my desk. It leaked out onto the carpet… my work day had begun!

THE OBJECTIVE

Objective

I am looking for an opportunity where I can use my technical and interpersonal skills aspart of a team. I enjoy working for companies that have a culture where innovation isencouraged. I maintain a high level of expertise in all aspects of Information Technologywith a specialty in Web Design and Testing. I am willing to relocate at my own expense forthe right opportunity and am a road warrior.

Objective

I am looking for an opportunity where I can use my technical and interpersonal skills. Ienjoy working for companies that have a culture where innovation is encouraged. Imaintain a high level of expertise in all aspects of Information Technology with a specialtyin Web Design and Testing.

Objective

I am looking for an opportunity where I can use my technical and interpersonal skills. Ienjoy working for companiesthat have a culture where innovation is encouraged. Imaintain a high level of expertise in all aspects of Information Technology with a specialtyin Web Design and Testing.

Objective

I am looking for an opportunity with a culture where innovation is encouraged. I maintain ahigh level of expertise in all aspects of Information Technology with a specialty in WebDesign and Testing.

Objective