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The Secret To Finding Your Ideal MateThis technique shouldn't be a secret. It's only a secret because not many people know about it. It shouldbe taught to all young people.In early adolescence we begin to overtly take notice of members of the opposite sex. Many kids havenoticed before that, but family and peer pressures forced them to be quiet. That's why many kids gothrough the "I hate girls/boys" phase, depending on the gender, right before adolescence hits. They feelclumsy, awkward, ignorant of what to do to get the attention of those they have noticed.As adolescence kicks in, hormones take over and the fact that kids don't know what they're doingmatters less. They all know very little (though some fraudulently claim to be experts in the locker roomor at sleepovers), but it doesn't matter because they are driven by nature to find partners. Nature says"It's time!" even if the kids don't have much idea about what to do.So they look, and look. Through high school they try to match up with the most attractive others theycan. The most popular kids get the most dates (and the most mates, judging by the bragging), even if they aren't the best looking.What kids this age never seem to be told is that the kids who are the most popular in high school tend tobecome socially lost after that. In the real world, the wider world outside of high school, they are moreaverage so they lose their following. And their narcissistic belief in themselves as social magnets.The most physically attractive ones may find others as attractive, but the ones who were most popularand most attractive in high school have very poor records for choosing mates they stay with for alifetime. In general, they have sad records on the happiness scale.The salient point here is that young people look for the best deal they can make in a mate. They want tofind "the one who is best for me." This may or may not result in love later, but that's not the point. It's aselfish, self-centred approach. Eventually, that wears thin with mates who have their own interests atheart and they separate.What young people don't realize is that they should be trying to make themselves as attractive aspossible to potential intimate friends. Dating should not be so much a matter of "What's the best I canget?" as "What do I have to offer to someone else?"Dating is a buyer's market. But when the deal is closed, both parties need to be happy with thearrangement. That means that someone looking for a new dating partner needs to have enough to offerto potential dates to make them worth the investment by the other.When kids look for the best they can get, the results usually reflect the self-centred approach. Thosewho make themselves attractive as mates will have the best chance at attracting the kind of partner theyhope to find. They have something to give rather than wanting to take something.Think of it this way. Walking through a parking lot, you likely wouldn't bend down to pick up a penny(unless you're superstitious). Some won't even bend down to pick up a quarter. Most everyone wouldreach down to grab a $10 bill. The $10 bill has a value far beyond that of the small coins.In the dating market, potential partners look for mates with the most value, with the greatest potential tofulfill as many of the items on their mate wish list as possible. The shiny quarters may look good, butthey usually get discarded after a while. Or they get cast off or traded in for something better, someonewith more personal value to them.Dating is a prelude to marriage for most people, according to the tradition of nature. In marriage wewant different things, seek different values, than we do when dating in high school.
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