• Embed Doc
  • Copy Link
  • Readcast
  • Collections
  • CommentGo Back
Download
 
  The first 48 hours: Shock and Denial
 
In a familiar conference room with people I knew as friends I had worked withfor thousands of days, I was being told goodbye. They all had their game faceson - the HR look of detached concern, the stolid manager who didn't want to bethere, the expert demeanor of the benefits analyst. My face was glassy eyed,quizzical, disbelieving. I could only manage stunned silence at first, thenlamely searched for a way to respond before finally picking myself up like a kid with a bloody nose in a schoolyard and smiling weakly as I was escorted out of the lobby for the last time as an employee.
 
I drove in silence, radio off, returning along the familiar route home except it was mid-morning when traffic was light and the sun high in the sky. Thethoughts kept piling up on top of each other: what to say to my wife; should Icall her now; it was nice that I got some vacation in first; what about my carpayments; can I protect my kids from this; do I have to call my dad; I shouldget a new job before the severance runs out; what do I do tomorrow morning;they must all know by now at the office; why didn't I see it coming?
 
My career in IT spans the era of the Internet. Most of that time at onecompany, which meant suddenly more than a dozen years of personal contactsended in that conference room. By 10 o'clock Monday morning the manyfriendships, associations, habits, familiar routines and casual acquaintancesvanished. My E-mail, phone and Blackberry, windows to my workday, wereshut down and left behind on the desk. To enforce the separation, I could onlyreturn to get my belongings after hours, when no coworkers might see me. Thesilence was deafening.
 
 That night I still couldn't process what had happened and kept running theconference room scene over and over in my mind. I was in shock, struggling todeal with the constant loop of disbelief and anger that spiraled around me. Ispent a sleepless night trying to figure out what this felt like. I hadn't hadmany experiences like it to compare. We signed legal paperwork and there werethe legal divisions of property; a settlement had been reached. It felt like adivorce. In its finality it was exactly like a divorce, with the surreal prospect of never again seeing people I had grown to love.
of 00

Leave a Comment

You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...
You must be to leave a comment.
Submit
Characters: ...