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Things We Don't Need to See in Rom Coms Anymore

Things We Don't Need to See in Rom Coms Anymore

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We love rom coms. We really do. But there are some things that just REALLY get on our nerves. Bestselling author, Mhairi McFarlane, has hit the nail on the head we think.
We love rom coms. We really do. But there are some things that just REALLY get on our nerves. Bestselling author, Mhairi McFarlane, has hit the nail on the head we think.

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Published by: HarperCollinsPublishersUK on Nov 27, 2013
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12/14/2013

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Things We Don’t Need To See in Rom Coms Anymore
By Mhairi McFarlane
I love rom coms.After being inspired by
Drive
, I even worked up my own treatment for a film called
Human Man
, where Ryan Gosling is a human man. It’s a bit sketchy on plot but there are roles for Emma tone, a longhaired kitten and fleeting willy.!owever, too often, myself and fellow genre enthusiasts find ourselves in "ineworld foyer bellowing, what in all that is holy was #!A#$ #he same misconceptions about %what women find fun’ crop up continually, and I think it’s time to resolve some confusion.And yes, umner Redstone, holding on &ine 'ne, I will take your call to talk about
Human Man
 further. Right after my nap. 
 You’re Good At Your o!" Good #uc$ With That Se% You Were &lanning 'n (a)ing* +)er,
(hen was the meeting held that agreed %professionally efficacious ) frigid’$ If you’re remotely competent, it’s a given you’ll be seeing no action whatsoever.'r if you are, it’s with a pin*striped +r (rong who we see in an early montage where they’re both standing up during breakfast and talking on their cell phones,  uggling cups of filter coffee and eating croissants, because we all know that’s how !itler got started.In
The Proposal
, andra -ullock is on e&illo’s literary agent, but has become so power*addled penis*repelling she has to blackmail men to marry her. 'bviously, she must stay by a lake with people who wear plaid and be told her values are warped./0-1 2ragrant lady*obs, such as florist, pediatrician or curator at +'+A, may not turn your uterus into a stingray, according to latest findings in #he &ancet.3(hen a woman becomes more successful during the film, she must also be told her values have warped. In
The Devil Wears Prada
, Anne !athaway’s maga4ine internship costs her the relationship with 0ew 5ork chef boyfriend, Adrian Grenier.(oah, wait 6 rewind$ 5es, those notoriously time*rich, short*order cooks in #he "ity #hat 0ever leeps. !ow unfortunate for ambitious Anne that her boyo got a  ob in #he Restaurant #hat "loses At 7pm o 5ou "an Go And -e 8ious (ith 5our 8artner.
 
It’s 9agat rated. #ry the horseballs. 
’Tis &ity She’s A &or$er
+emo 2o: earchlight, et al1 seeing sensationally attractive women heckled about their appearance is not reassuring or enoyable as schadenfreude. It’s depressing and bewildering.+artine +c"utcheon being sent up for phantom lardarsery in
Love Actually 
 was a noteworthy low.In
She’s All That 
, bonsai supermodel Rachael &eigh "ook is rendered the nuclear option in schoolyard games of %would you rather’ simply because she’s arty and wears dungarees.All of which makes us feel that if we could climb into this universe, we’d have the effect of #he carecrow in
Batman Begins
, when the psychotropic gas pumps out and all you see is a screaming sack with wormy eyes.
The +ighth (a!it '- (ighly +--ecti)e Females. Telling Their &aymaster To &iss /0 A Ro0e
As plot devices go, this is pretty sci*fi. !eroine flies kamika4e mission with her salary and comes out on top, as she is so pure that she sees and speaks truth with a child’s innocence. #rans1 it’s only '; to get the great ob if you win it by default by acting like a bit of a div.E:tra points in busting the bogus*o*meter if the unlikely promotion is awarded by a crumbly Emperor 8alpatine of a "E' in a spotty bow*tie, who suddenly magically transforms from a ruthless capitalist into a benign grandpa with his favourite granddaughter.%+y God, +atilda 8erspicacity, you’re RIG!#, I A+ a massive wanker. I see now how you stole my nephew’s heart, by telling him he’s a bit of a wanker too. I’m firing all these sycophantic fools and making you !ead of Everything.’"ue ;aty 8erry’s 2irework and shareholders doing a conga round the boardroom with #ampa: 8earls sticking out of ears.
(e’s !een no!!ing someone else" This is a 1a$eu0 call2 T' #''3 T'  Y'/R 'WN C'ND/CT2
 
+entions here for
He’s Just ot That !nto "ou
 and
Se# and the $ity %&
'bviously, A#" < was a human rights atrocity of considerable proportions and I can’t say much while all our legal proceedings remain active. !owever.+iranda’s husband was scuttling a waitress, and the whole tenor of the storyline was that it was her fault for being too much of a shrew while uggling parenthood and a ob that ran the family’s lifestyle.Alfred, fetch me my gun. 0o, the larger one.
Bitch Gotta Ma$e Rent There 4s No Way Bitch 4s Ma$ing
In
Sliding Doors
, Gwyneth 8altrow was footing what looked like a ;nightsbridge pied*
=
*terre and supporting a wastrel novelist boyfriend 6 by flogging lunchtime sandwiches. (hat were her price points on those baguettes, and was she selling them to concussed audi princes$In
$on'essions o' a Shopaholic
, -ecky -loomwood’s freakonomics saw a staff  ournalist amass a designer wardrobe a ;ardashian would deem %a bit vulgar’, then sell it second*hand in an auction and clear her debt with ease.(ho knew that garish "lown 8orn rags were a canny investment$ #hat’s why we’ve seen so little of u 8ollard lately> he’s in "ap 2errat, drinking champagne out of a ewelled conch shell. 
'- Course 4’m An /nholy T1at. My Dead Gay Aunt 'nly (as 'ne #eg,
(herein our hero gets enriched, or e:cused, due to a ecret 8ain. ?ust write us a sympathetic character@ there’s no need for this econd Act, Get 'ut 'f ?ail 2ree revelation. 'r if there is, maybe ask selves why.2or e:ample, in the otherwise*great
(riends )ith Bene'its
, ?ustin #imberlake’s preppy shagger acuires sudden depth because his dad has !ollywood Al4heimer’s.A gentler variant of dementia, !ollywood Al4heimer’s does not cause you to take a shit in a shopping centre or shout %Are you an Arab$’ at the district nurse.!ollywood Al4heimer sufferers bark the odd non*seuitur but drift into lucidity long enough to deliver homilies about finding your one true love, and to help their sons nail +ila ;unis. In
The *gly Truth
, we discover Gerard -utler had to be a raving chauvinist  ebend because a woman once broke up with him first, or something.

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