MindGames

Short Fiction about Bizarre Mental Health Disorders

2nd EDITION

Sam Vaknin

Editing and Design: Lidija Rangelovska

A Narcissus Publications Imprint Skopje 2010 Not for Sale! Non co!!ercial edition"

 2009-2010 Copyright Lidija Rangelovska All rights reserved !his "ook# or any part thereo$# %ay not "e &sed or reprod&'ed in any %anner (itho&t (ritten per%ission $ro%: Lidija Rangelovska ) (rite to: pal%a*&net 'o% %k or to nar'issisti'pd*g%ail 'o%

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,-N.#N.S

Anton-s !rap Live .&rial !he Capgras ,hi$t /olie a 0l&sie&rs !he Con 1an Co%eth !he Elephant-s Call 2 3ear 4oi'es !he Last Days L&'id Drea%s 5ight !error A Drea% Co%e !r&e !he 6alatea o$ Cotard /&g&e ,e7so%nia .he 'uthor

MindGames

Short Fiction about Bizarre Mental Health Disorders

Anton's Trap
!he voi'e on the other end o$ the phone (as s(eaty !his is the kind o$ tre%or that %akes %e (ant to hang &p# '&rl a%ong so%e s%elly "lankets# and dose o$$ 2 like skeletal tones# dry# "rittle# de'isively $atalisti' 0eople (ho get straight to the point# %y point# their point# o&r point 2 ga8ed at the gri%y re'eiver 9Dete'tive Es'her:9 - he so&nded %&$$led# as tho&gh speaking thro&gh a 'oat 2 (aited 3e (ill 'o%e aro&nd 9!hey say yo& are the "est9 !his g&y is positively dangero&s 9Can (e %eet:9 2 tho&ght he-d never ask 9!he 4alen'ia9 - 2 said - 9Eight o-'lo'k .e sharp 2 (on-t (ait aro&nd9 9;h# 2 &nderstand# 2 (ill "e 9 2 h&ng &p on hi% and (iped %y $ingers in a &sed napkin !he 94alen'ia9 (as a'ross the street !hey served de'ent sand(i'hes and tolera"le tea in (orn silver %&gs 2 liked the pla'e# it de'o%posed gra'e$&lly 2t (as a 'risp evening# good $or a (alk ,o# 2 (alked .y the ti%e 2 got to the 4alen'ia it (as hal$ past eight 2 'o&ldn-t 'are less 2 al%ost (ished 2 had %issed hi%# "&t had no s&'h l&'k 3e (as there# $at $ingers and all .eady eyes glared at %e a''&singly# rolling in an avalan'he o$ 'orp&len'e 3is "ody looked disorgani8ed# like an a$tertho&ght 3e got &p# throttled "y the e$$ort

and e7tended a $leshy hand (hi'h 2 ignored 2$ he had sho&lders# he (o&ld have shr&gged the% 2nstead# he de$lated into the protesting %o'k-leather love seat and said: 92 never did this "e$ore 2t is %y $irst ti%e9 3e startled %e 3is voi'e (as as s%othered $a'e to $a'e as it had "een thro&gh the phone 2 'o&ldn-t $or'e %ysel$ to soothe hi% 2 rolled a 'igarette and ordered "eer and a 'orn "ee$ sand(i'h 2t (as al%ost gone "e$ore %y 'lient revived and p&shed a "rand ne( envelope a'ross the 'rooked /or%i'a 92t-s all here9 - he %&%"led# shi$ting &neasily# spraying %y $ood (ith perspiration - 9!he girl 9 - he le$t it hanging 2 s'ooped the envelope and lodged it in the inner po'ket o$ %y sha""y 'oat 2 'o&ld tell he (asn-t too i%pressed 2 g&lped do(n so%e "eer and 'a%e &p $or air 3e said: 9<hen do yo& plan on 9 3e had this &nnerving ha"it o$ dangling a"orted senten'es in %id-air 2 got &p# nodded pere%ptorily# and (alked a(ay 3e didn-t $ollo( %e "&t 2 'o&ld $eel his eyes spearing %y "a'k and 2 'o&ld sense his pani' that# %ay"e# j&st %ay"e# he (as had "een (rong 2t %&st have happened to hi% a lot# this pend&lar sel$-do&"ting

/" .he 0udge !he envelope 'ontained only a neatly $olded pie'e o$ paper (ith a na%e s'ra(led a'ross it (ith a "l&nt pen'il 2 al%ost t&rned aro&nd and shoved it "a'k in his 'as'ading $a'e "&t then 2 re%e%"ered his sten'h and gave &p 2nstead# 2 leaned against a la%ppost and s'r&tini8ed the toppling letters !hen 2 st&$$ed the envelope in %y "a'k po'ket and# $or so%e reason $elt like (histling A ne( lede (as like in$at&ation ,p&rts o$ adrenaline# 'olors spro&ting# (eightlessness# even the 'a'ophony o$ the streets is %&si' 2n %y %ind# 2 kept rehearsing not to $orget to get a (arrant 2 had the in'lination to overlook red tape and 'onstit&tional ni'eties 2 glan'ed at %y (at'h 2t (as too late $or =a'k and too early to ret&rn ho%e .&t 2 de'ided that an angry =a'k is pre$era"le to an e%pty tene%ent 2 headed north# along the river =a'k lived &phill and 2 had to 'li%" the (inding road that led to his "rass gate Distant "arks# r&stling leaves# lights t&rned on and o$$ in a''elerating s&''ession and there (as =a'k# holding the door ajar and glaring at %e "ale$&lly 9<hat do yo& (ant# Es'her:9 9A (arrant9 9At this ti%e o$ night:9 2 grinned: 9!he La( never rests 9 3e sighed and restrained his 'anine 'o%panion 9Co%e in#9 - he %&ttered - 9and tell %e all a"o&t it 9

2 did 1" .he 2irl =a'k es'orted %e# like in the good old days# (hen (e (ere partners# "e$ore he (ent to night la( s'hool# "e$ore he "e'a%e an attorney# then a j&dge# "e$ore he %arried one o$ his $or%er 'lients# a $a"&lo&sly (ealthy# plasti'ally-enhan'ed (ido( !he (arrant# signed# (as t&'ked sa$ely in an inside 'o%part%ent o$ his angora (ool ja'ket =a'k (as $la""y# "loated# o&t o$ shape# an o''l&ded $ront o$ grey &nder his s&ntanned skin "etraying his $atig&e >p one knoll (e 'li%"ed and &p another &ntil even 2 ran short o$ "reath 3er a"ode (as (ell-(orth the e$$ort# tho&gh: a greenho&se do%e# "esieged "y savage shr&""ery# 'asting lan'es o$ a?&a%arine light at the p&rple sky =a'k (histled and then 'o&ghed 'onv&lsively 9@&ite a sight9 - 2 'on'&rred .&t =a'k-s so'ial no&s $ar e7'eeded his aestheti' predile'tion !he o''&pant (as on his %ind# not the residen'e-s opti'al diversions 9Do yo& kno( (ho lives here:9 - he en?&ired a(hisper - 9!his is 6eorge Ashdo(n# the de$ense la(yerA 2 tho&ght her na%e rang $a%iliarA9 3e (o&ldn-t (ant to in$ringe on the t&r$ o$ a potential 'ontri"&tor to his 'a%paign (ar 'hest# 2 ass&%ed 2 shr&gged and pressed the ele'tri' "&88er long and hard !he door opened al%ost instantaneo&sly and a $e%inine silho&ette e%erged $ro% the pen&%"ral innards o$ the esta"lish%ent

9Can 2 help yo&:9 92 a% Dete'tive Es'her#9 - 2 vol&nteered - 9and this is =&dge .ayo& Can (e have a (ord (ith 9 2 $&%"led in %y po'kets and straightened the 'r&%pled note: 9Ashdo(n# Edna Ashdo(n 9 9!hat (o&ld "e %e 9 - ,he eyed &s (arily: 9<hat is it all a"o&t:9 90oli'e "&siness 9 - 2 tried to so&nd %ina'io&s and# j&dging "y =a'k-s re'oil# %ade a splendid jo" o$ it .&t# the girl (as i%pert&r"a"le: 9Can 2 see yo&r "adge# please:9 3aving dispensed (ith the poli'e pro'ed&ral $or%alities# she &shered &s in and o$$ered &s 9so%ething to drink 9 2 de'lined and so did =a'k as (e took in her $ig&re: e%a'iated# "rittle# $aded# and (ay yo&nger than (e tho&ght At her e7pli'it invitation (e sat do(n 91iss Ashdo(n#9 - 2 said - 9is it tr&e that yo& have (itnessed a %&rder re'ently:9 ,he averted her eyes# "&t there (as no alar% in the%# only an over(hel%ing e%"arrass%ent at having "een 'a&ght o&t a'ting real na&ghty: 9<ho says:9 =a'k %oved &neasily in his seat 2 pro'rastinated ,he %aintained her sang-$roid 9An in$or%ant ,ays yo& told hi% so 9 ,he s%iled and looked straight at %e:

92 told %any people# Dete'tive Es'her 2t (asn-t easy to s&''eed to %ake yo&r a'?&aintan'e# yo& kno( 9 2 stared at her# "e$&ddled 92 think 2 (ill have that drink no(# %a-a% ;range j&i'e# i$ it is no "other 9 - 2 $inally o$$ered - 92$ yo& (ere trying to attra't the attention o$ the La(# (hy not si%ply stroll into the nearest poli'e station and "e done (ith it:9 9;h# "&t 2 didA9 - !he (hole thing appeared to a%&se her "eyond %eas&re - 92 did# "&t no one (o&ld listen to %e# let alone "elieve %e !hey said that in the a"sen'e o$ a vi'ti%# there is no 'ri%e 9 - ,he giggled and then %ade a visi"le e$$ort to 'ontrol her %irth 9<itho&t a vi'ti%:9 - 2t (as =a'k-s t&rn to so&nd d&%"$o&nded 9A 'orpse# yo& kno( 9 - ,he el&'idated patiently 9!here-s no 'orpse 9

3" .he ,ri!e 9<hy don-t (e start $ro% the "eginning 9 - 2 $elt e7asperated: 9<ho %&rdered (ho%:9 91y $ather killed %y %other 9 =a'k shi$ted his position# s&"tly signaling %e 2 ignored hi% 9<hy: <hy did he do that:9 !he girl grinned in'ongr&o&sly: 93e (as do&"le-ti%ing her 3e had an a$$air <ith %e 9 =a'k so&nded as tho&gh he (ere 'hoking on his i'e '&"es 9<hen (as it:9 ,he tho&ght "a'k: 9;h# t(o# three days ago 2 haven-t e7ited the ho&se sin'e then# yo& kno( 9 93o( did he kill her:9 9Dete'tive Es'herA9 - =a'k-s voi'e (as stern and repri%anding - 9!hat-s eno&ghA9 3e t&rned to(ards %y interlo'&tor and advised her av&n'&larly: 9Bo& (ill pro"a"ly end &p "eing a s&spe't in this 'ase Everything yo& say %ay "e held against yo& in a 'o&rt o$ la( 2 strongly advise yo& to have a la(yer present d&ring this interrogation 9 92s this an interrogation:9 - ,he so&nded %ore %is'hievo&s than s&rprised ,he $i7ed %e (ith her ga8e 9An in$or%al one 9 - 2 str&ggled to re%ain tr&th$&l

,he la&ghed# tilting her head and eyeing %e# evidently entertained: 9Bo& have a (ay (ith (ords# Dete'tive Es'her Anyho(#9 - t&rning to =a'k no( - 92 don-t need# nor do 2 (ant a la(yer present 2 kno( (hat 2 sa( 2 a% here to help the La(# not to o"str&'t it 2 (ant j&sti'e $or %y late %other 9 =a'k nodded helplessly# shr&gged his padded sho&lders# and spra(led on the 'haise# his "ody lang&age "road'asting de$eat 2 took it $ro% there: 9.a'k to "asi's <here did he d&%p the "ody:9 ,he 'ringed 93o( did he kill her: <here did he "&ry her:9 - 2 repeated# a$ter a %o%ent o$ &nprod&'tive silen'e ,he sighed and rose $ro% her 'hair rel&'tantly: 9Co%e# 2 (ill sho( yo& 9 92 tho&ght yo& said there-s no 'orpseA9 - =a'k interje'ted 9!here is none#9 - she responded o$$-handedly - 9"&t %y $ather is here# &pstairs 3e (ill 'on$ess 3e (ill tell yo& everything 9

4" 'rrest 3er $ather didn-t 'on$ess ;n the 'ontrary# he vehe%ently denied having 'o%%itted any kind o$ in$ra'tion# let alone the alleged %&rder o$ his (i$e 3e lashed o&t at his da&ghter# 'alling her a liar and a''&sing her o$ deli"erate 'on$a"&lation# all (ith the intention o$ $ra%ing hi% &p 9<hy (o&ld she (ant to do that:9 - En?&ired =a'k 3e sat at the %assive oak desk# $a'ing the s&spe't: a di%in&tive# (i8ened# "&t 'haris%ati'ally i%posing $ig&re# 'lad in a silk go(n that over$lo(ed at his slippered $eet .right "l&e eyes peered o&t $ro% an et'hed net(ork o$ s&ntanned (rinkles a %ane o$ striking (hite hair# "r&shed# 3itler-style# to one side 9.e'a&se she hates %eA9 =a'k 'ontin&ed apa'e: 9Does she has a spe'ial reason to hate yo& to the point o$ potentially seeing yo& dead# i$ yo& are 'onvi'ted o$ the %&rder o$ yo&r (i$e:9 A de'isive 9BesA9 (as $ollo(ed "y the &nlikely tale that his (i$e is not dead# she le$t hi% %any years ago and he doesn-t kno( her (herea"o&ts 3is da&ghter sniggered: 9Bo& %&rdered herA 2 sa( yo& do itA9 !he $ather rose hal$ (ay $ro% his seat# his $a'e 'ontorted# "&t then tho&ght "etter o$ it and s&"sided# e%itting a rending sigh 9,ir#9 - said =a'k# his voi'e s%ooth and soli'ito&s -

9yo&r da&ghter a''&ses her o$ having had a se7&al liaison (ith her 5o(# yo& don-t have to ans(er any o$ o&r in?&iries Bo& have not "een arraigned $or ?&estioning# "&t yo& still %ay (ish to have a la(yer present 9 !he $ather (aived this 'a&tion a(ay i%patiently: 9Lies Da%n lies ,he has "een a liar ever sin'e she 'o&ld speak# %y viper da&ghter 9 3e 'ast a '&rio&s glan'e her (ay and lo(ered his eyes# al%ost a"ashedly 3is da&ghter grinned $ier'ely# ta&tly and then "&rst into tears A%idst this a(k(ard %o%ent# her $ather (hispered# al%ost ina&di"ly: 92 g&ess yo& have to take %e in 9 9Bes# (e do# ,ir#9 - %&ttered =a'k and $&rtively looked %y (ay !he $ather p&shed his orna%ented 'hair "a'k and stood &p: 9Allo( %e j&st to 'hange into so%ething %ore s&ita"le 9 =a'k le$t the roo% (ith the da&ghter in to( and# the $ather-s shriveled "ody no( 'lad in an i%pe''a"ly ironed three pie'e s&it# 2 prod&'ed the re?&isite paraphernalia# hand'&$$s and all 3e handed "oth hands# (rists &pt&rned# and (aited patiently as 2 'lasped the% 9,he is lying# yo& kno( Bo& (o&ld do (ell to ignore her 9 2 %anhandled hi% to(ards the door:

95ot %y jo" <hy don-t (e let the DA# j&dge# and j&ry de'ide that: 6eorge Ashdo(n# 2 arrest yo& $or the $irst degree %&rder o$ yo&r (i$e# Ra'hel Ashdo(n# nee /ortna% 9 2 read hi% the 1iranda (arning 3e tre%"led and (ent ?&ite as (e des'ended the spiral stair'ase and joined =a'k and the da&ghter# no( attired in a hideo&s p&rple over'oat 9Let-s goA9 - ,aid =a'k and so (e did 5" .he .rial 2 (ill never $orget that day# the ti%e o$ her testi%ony# (hen %y 'areer ended !he %orning (as sleety and s%oggy !he $l&ores'ent-lit 'o&rtroo% $li'kered eerily !he o"ese# perspiring j&dge# the restless j&ry# the sto&t "aili$$ gloo%ily sh&$$led $eet and $olded and &n$olded ar%s 2 sat at the prose'&tion ta"le# having already testi$ied at the early stage o$ this s&rrealisti' spe'ta'le 9Bo&r honor# 'an (e approa'h the "en'h:9 !he j&dge %otioned the% regally and "oth lead prose'&tor and de$ense attorney r&shed to the 'o&nter A s&s&rro&s session ens&ed# at the end o$ (hi'h# the j&dge nodded his head gravely and (rote so%ething la"orio&sly !he attorneys hesitated and then departed rel&'tantly !he j&dge s&%%oned the "aili$$ in h&shed tones and 'onsorted (ith hi% 'onspiratorially 9<hat-s going on:9 - 2 leaned to(ards the lead prose'&tor 3e glared at %e: 9Bo& (ill soon $ind o&t# Dete'tive Es'her Bo& sho&ld have 'ond&'ted yo&r investigation %ore thoro&ghly# 2 a% a$raid 9 9!he %other: 2s it the %other: 2s she alive:9

9/ar (orse#9 - (as his %ysterio&s riposte !he "aili$$ nodded enth&siasti'ally# des'ended $ro% the podi&% and "egan to drag the (itness le'tern to the $arthest 'orner o$ the roo% 0anting# he rolled &p his sleeves and pla'ed t(o (ooden 'hairs on the path "et(een the t(o ro(s o$ spe'tators 3e then 'on'l&ded this %ani$estation o$ interior re-design "y &rging the prose'&tion and the de$ense tea% to s(it'h their positions !he j&dge instr&'ted one o$ the j&nior la(yers on the de$ense tea% to leave the roo% and (ait $or his re-entry in the da%p and dra$ty 'orridor !he j&dge e7ha&sted his gavel trying to ?&ell the inevita"le %&r%&rs: 9@&ietA ;rder in the 'o&rtroo%A <e (ill no( 'ond&'t an e7peri%ent !hro&gho&t it# 2 e7pe't everyone in this 'o&rtroo%# e7'ept %ysel$# to re%ain a"sol&tely silent# espe'ially so the de$ense# the prose'&tion# and the a&dien'e .aili$$# are (e ready to 'o%%en'e:9 !he "aili$$ nodded and opened the hall-s (ide doors# "ello(ing as he did so: 9Edna Ashdo(nA9 A petite $ig&re e%erged $ro% the gloo%y re'esses o$ the (itness (aiting roo% ,he hesitated on the threshold and then# head held high# eyes &n$lin'hingly a$$i7ed &pon the j&dge# she entered# 'on$idently striding $or(ard# &ntil she "&%ped into the $irst 'hair .a$$led# she stopped and e7tended her hand in the general dire'tion o$ this see%ingly &ne7pe'ted i%pedi%ent Everyone held his "reath as she negotiated a tort&o&s path aro&nd the $irst 'hair only to overt&rn the se'ond

!h&nderstr&'k# she $ro8e# her 'hest $l&ttering (ith shallo( "reath# her hands t(it'hing nervo&sly as she pl&'ked at a (hite ker'hie$ 96o on#9 - the j&dge en'o&raged her - 9(e haven-t got all dayA9 A(aking $ro% her st&por# she again res&%ed a sel$ass&red gait and headed straight to(ards the e%pty spa'e va'ated "y the no( re%oved (itness stand 92t is no longer there 9 - Co%%ented the j&dge so$tly 9Bo& %ay (ish to 'ons&lt yo&r de$ense attorney as to its (herea"o&ts 9 ,he t&rned aro&nd and $a'ed the prose'&tion: 91r .enoit#9 - she 'alled - 9(hat-s going on: <hy have yo& %oved all the $&rnit&re aro&nd:9 <hen her plea re%ained &nans(ered# her an7iety gre( dis'erni"ly: 91r .enoit: 1r <hit%ore:9 9.aili$$#9 - sonorated the j&dge - 9(ill yo& please ask 1r <hit%ore to join &s:9 ,tartled# Edna Ashdo(n took a step $or(ard and then 'ollapsed# &n'ons'io&s 6" +nveiled !here he (as# on the reinstated (itness stand# $at $ingers and all# %y snit'h .eady eyes rolling in an avalan'he o$ 'orp&len'e# $leshy hand (aving as he strove to %ake a point or disprove one 91edi'ally# she is 'o%pletely 'orti'ally "lind ,he

$ra't&red her sk&ll (hen she (as si7 and the $rag%ents 'a&sed severe "ilateral o''ipital da%age 9 9,he 'an-t see a thing:9 95ot a thing 9 9!hen she has "een lying to the dete'tives and the prose'&tion here:9 9;h# noA9 - 0rotested %y erst(hile snit'h - 9,he is 'onvin'ed that she 'an see as (ell as any o$ &s in this 'o&rtroo% ,he is not a(are that she has "e'o%e "lind As $ar as she is 'on'erned# her vis&al $a'&lties are inta't ,he vigoro&sly reje'ts any eviden'e to the 'ontrary ,he is s&$$ering $ro% the Anton-.a"insky ,yndro%e 9 !he prose'&tor lost patien'e: 9Do'tor# 'an yo& please %ake it si%ple $or &s poor lay%en: Did she or didn-t she (itness her %other-s %&rder:9 9;$ 'o&rse she didn-tA9 - !he (itness leaned $or(ard# perspiring pro$&sely - 9,he 'an-t see# 2 a% telling yo&A9 9!hen (hy (o&ld she invent so%ething like this a"o&t her o(n $ather:9 9Bo& have to ask a psy'hologistA 2 a% not ?&ali$ied to ans(er yo&r ?&estion 9 - 3e looked strangely tri&%phant 9,pe'&lateA9 - >rged hi% the prose'&tor !he de$ense o"je'ted# "&t the j&dge allo(ed it !he (itness took o$$ his horn-ri%%ed glasses and polished the% (ith a dainty 'loth he prod&'ed $ro% a

velvet 'ase: 9Anton-.a"insky patients 'on$a"&late 9 9Bo& %ean lie:9 95o# 2 don-t %ean lieA !hese patients are not a(are that they are not telling the tr&th !heir "rain 'o%pensates $or their la'k o$ vision "y e%"roidering plots and 'on'o'ting stories# "y seeing o"je'ts and people (here there are none !his is their (ay o$ rendering their shattered (orld predi'ta"le# pla&si"le# 'o%prehensi"le# and sa$e again 9 !he prose'&tor looked th&nderstr&'k: 9Are yo& telling &s that these so-'alled patients 'an de'eive any n&%"er o$ people into "elieving that they are a't&ally not "lind and then 'onj&re and propagate intri'ate lies# i%pli'ating inno'ent people - and all the ti%e they don-t kno( (hat they are doing:9 9Bo& got that right 9 - 5odded the (itness A "rie$ silen'e and then: 9<hy did yo& 'onta't Dete'tive Es'her (ith the in$or%ation that led to the arrest o$ 6eorge Ashdo(n:9 1y snit'h s%iled r&e$&lly: 9Edna Ashdo(n is %y patient 2t is not easy to raise a 'hild a$$li'ted (ith Anton-.a"insky Bo& never kno( (here reality ends and $antasy intr&des Bo& never kno( (hat and (ho% to "elieve As she gre( older# her denial o$ her 'ondition gre( $ier'e !o avoid having to 'on$ront ne( o"je'ts and ne( people# she si%ply never le$t ho%e 2n that $a%iliar environ%ent# she 'o&ld go on pretending that she still had her sight 3er $ather gave in

to her 2t (as a kind o$ shared psy'hosis# the t(o o$ the%# a $olie-a-de&7 3e (o&ld never %ove $&rnit&re aro&nd# $or instan'e# al(ays 'are$&l to restore everything to its proper pla'e !hey never had g&ests !ogether# they %aintained the preten'e that she (as nor%al# that nothing has 'hanged 9 3e g&lped do(n so%e (ater# avoided %y searing stare and 'ontin&ed: 92n the last $e( years# tho&gh# there has "een a $&nda%ental trans$or%ation in her "ehavior ,he "e'a%e in'reasingly %ore del&sional and paranoid ,he "elieved that her $ather (as %olesting her $or'ing her to parti'ipate in orgies (ith his $riends !hen she (ent on to a''&se hi% o$ %&rdering his (i$e# her %other 9 9<here "y the (ay is her %other:9 - En?&ired the prose'&tor De$ense o"je'tion overr&led 9,he le$t# 2 g&ess ;ne day she (as there# the ne7t day she (as gone 5o one has heard $ro% her sin'e 9 9,o# 6eorge Ashdo(n %ight (ell have %&rdered her:9 !his ti%e the de$ense o"je'tion st&'k 92$ he did %&rder her# Edna de$initely 'o&ld not have (itnessed itA9 - Retorted the do'tor# his voi'e rising a"ove the t&%&lt <hen the stor% 'al%ed do(n: 92 'onta'ted Dete'tive Es'her "e'a&se 2 (anted it all o&t in the open "e$ore it es'alates dangero&sly 2 (anted it to "e esta"lished "eyond a do&"t and in a 'o&rt o$ la( that 6eorge Ashdo(n is inno'ent and that his da&ghter

is "lind 2 kne( that# ens'on'ed in her o(n 'o'oon# she (o&ld "e a"le $ool the Dete'tive into "elieving her and# 'onse?&ently# into arresting 6eorge Ashdo(n 9 9Bo& s&re did a good jo"# (asting the ta7payer-s %oney# do'tor <as 6eorge Ashdo(n in on it (ith yo&:9 92t (as 'o%pletely %y initiativeA9 - E7'lai%ed %y snit'h# his %&ltiple 'hins rever"erating - 91r Ashdo(n had nothing to do (ith itA9 2t (as a lost 'a&se 3aving (asted another ho&r on $ailed atte%pts to poke holes in the good do'tor-s 'redi"ility and version o$ the events# the prose'&tion dropped the 'harges 2t (as only a $or%ality !he j&dge dis%issed the 'ase and de'lared 6eorge Ashdo(n $ree 2 tr&ndled to(ards the pre'in't and (as assigned a desk jo" that very a$ternoon 1y 'areer as a dete'tive (as over and done (ith Edna sa( to it Edna and %y snit'h 7" Denoue!ent !he "ody o$ Ra'hel Ashdo(n (as dis'overed t(o years later 2t $or%ed part o$ a 'on'rete ra%part that s&rro&nded the Ashdo(n estate Edna %arried the do'tor and he %oved to live (ith her and (ith her $ather !he neigh"ors have "een 'o%plaining o$ le(d "ehavior ever sin'e# so%e even darkly hinting o$ an in'est&o&s 'onne'tion "et(een the three o''&pants Altho&gh the ne( eviden'e (as 'o%pelling# 6eorge Ashdo(n 'o&ld not "e apprehended and tried $or the %&rder o$ his (i$e 3e stood prote'ted "y the inviola"le legal prin'iple o$ do&"le jeopardy: having "een a'?&itted o$ it on'e# he 'o&ld not "e tried again $or the sa%e 'ri%e

2 still ride a desk in 4i'e /ro% ti%e to ti%e# 2 take a patrol 'ar and s(ing "y the Ashdo(n residen'e =&st to let the% kno( that the La( never rests# that (e are keeping o&r eyes peeled# j&st in 'ase ;n'e 2 sa( Edna# standing "y the (indo(# dark glasses on her eyes# her slender $ig&re en'ir'led "y a 'orp&lent and $la""y $orear% on one side and "y a (rinkled# s&ntanned hand on the other ,he (as s%iling# radiant and 'ontent !hen she (ithdre( inside and let do(n the '&rtain 2 drove on

Ret&rn

Live Burial
" e kno! o" not#in$ so a$oni%in$ upon &art# '' !e can dream o" not#in$ #al" so #ideous in t#e realms o" t#e net#ermost #ell(" )&d$ar Allen Poe* describin$ premature burial in #is s#ort stor+ "T#e ,ask o" Amontillado"!he %edi'al do'tor looked disting&ished and 'o%posed Clad in an e7pensive s&it# sporting (ire-$ra%ed glasses# i%%a'&late tie only i%per'epti"ly aske( 3is 'oi$$ed %ane o$ (hite hair %at'hed his 'are$&lly %ani'&red hands 3e patiently and i%pert&r"a"ly responded to the ?&estions h&rled at hi% "y the %e%"ers o$ the investigative 'o%%ittee: 92n his yo&th# the 0resident s&$$ered $ro% a "o&t o$ Landry As'ending 0aralysis !his %ay e7plain his taphepho"ia 9 - And $orestalling protest# "e$ore anyone 'o&ld 'hide hi% 'yni'ally $or his jargon-laden opening state%ent# he raised his $leshy (hite hand: 9.ear (ith %e# lady and gentle%en 2 (ill e7plain 2 &sed these %edi'al ter%s only to render the re'ord e7a't and 'o%prehensive 9 3e 'o&ghed into a %onogra%%ed ker'hie$ and settled "a'k into the s?&eaking leather 'hair: 9<hen in his early teens# the 0resident s&$$ered $ro% $l&-like sy%pto%s that persisted $or %onths and then vanished as they had er&pted: %ysterio&sly and s&ddenly <hen he (as 1C# 3e end&red an espe'ially perni'io&s atta'k that '&l%inated in a strange paralysis

2t started in the e7tre%ities: his hands# then ar%s# and legs 2t progressed and as'ended to a$$e't the "reathing %&s'les and $inally his $a'e $ro8e in a gri%a'e and his vo'al 'ords (ere %ade &seless "y the a$$li'tion 3e re%ained spee'hless and %otionless $or a $e( (eeks# atta'hed to intraveno&s drips o$ ga%%a-glo"&lin !his (as an instan'e o$ Landry As'ending 0aralysis# pro"a"ly "ro&ght on "y 'onta%inated po&ltry he ate 9 !he do'tor sh&t his eyes# his "ro( $&rro(ed in the pro$o&nd pain o$ %e%ory: 9D&ring his prolonged in'apa'itation# visitors %istook hi% $or dead and 'rossed the%selves At least on'e# an orderly (rapped hi% &p in a "lanket and (as a"o&t to transport hi% to the %ort&ary Even pathologists (ere %isled "y his appearan'e and %&s'le tone 2t (as a very tra&%ati' e7perien'e $or everyone involved 3is $a%ily %o&nted a 2D ho&rs a day (at'h to prevent his pre%at&re intern%ent 9 9<ere yo& his pri%ary physi'ian then:9 9Bes# 1rs Chair(o%an 9 - Replied the do'tor a(k(ardly and %assaged his transl&'ent and veno&s te%ples 90ro'eed# please9 95ot s&rprisingly# (hen he re'overed# the patient developed a $ear o$ "eing "&ried alive 3e had re'&rring night%ares o$ (aking &p inside a 'o$$in (hose lid (as soldered# "eing thr&st into the "la8ing ori$i'e o$ a 're%atori&% oven 3e (o&ld (ake &p $lailing# his %o&th agape in a silent s'rea% and his li%"s set-to grotes?&ely 9

9Did he seek pro$essional help $or this pro"le%:9 !he do'tor shr&gged: 9!he night%ares soon 'eased# leaving "ehind only a tra'e o$ 'la&stropho"ia# a $ear o$ 'on$ined and dark spa'es 3e (as a"le to $&n'tion per$e'tly: to raise a $a%ily# per$or% aptly as a la(yer# and then get hi%sel$ ele'ted and re-ele'ted# "e'o%ing the 0resident (e have all kno(n and loved so %&'h 9 A %&r%&r o$ a'?&ies'en'e# a 'o%%iserating s&s&rration eng&l$ed the 'ha%"er 93is terror having s&"sided# he applied hi%sel$ to sel$lessly se'&ring and $&rthering the (el$are o$ his s&"je'ts 9 - !he do'tor adj&sted his deli'ate $ra%e in the 'hair and asked $or a glass o$ (ater# (hi'h (as pro%ptly delivered "y the "aili$$ 9As he gre( older and nearer o$ that (hi'h none o$ &s 'an evade# he again "e'a%e 'ons&%ed (ith $ear$&l $antasies 3is $avorite reading "e'a%e so%e tale "y Edgar Allen 0oe# in (hi'h an &n$ort&nate is i%%&red alive 3is "ed (as i%%ersed in n&%ero&s 6reek and Ro%an te7ts des'ri"ing (arriors and 'ons&ls (ho stood &p d&ring their o(n $&nerals to protest their i%p&ted %ortality 3e "egan o"sessing a"o&t the possi"ility o$ "eing interred (hile still "reathing 3e st&died 'r&%"ling %edi'al te7ts $ro% the 1Cth and 19th 'ent&ries (hi'h (arned against the perils o$ deathi%itating paralyses "ro&ght on "y 'holera# the plag&e# and typhoid $ever 3e (o&ld (ake &p s(eat-dren'hed# heart palpitating# and shriek in horror !he so&nd o$ his o(n voi'e see%ed to have soothed hi%# tho&gh 9 93o( $re?&ent (ere these episodes:9

!he do'tor re$le'ted and 'ons&lted his notes At length he ans(ered to a&di"le gasps o$ in'red&lity: 9;n'e or t(i'e a night# every se'ond night# in the last t(enty years or so o$ his li$e 9 !he dainty 'hair(o%an held a tre%"ling pal% to her lips: 9!hat is a($&lA9 - ,he e7'lai%ed - 9!he poor %anA 3o( (as he a"le to r&n this 'o&ntry at the sa%e ti%e:9 93e (as not alone 9 - Re%arked another %e%"er# a %&'h-respe'ted historian - 96eorge <ashington s&$$ered $ro% it# too 3e (as so terri$ied that he ordered that his "ody "e kept a"ove gro&nd $or three days "e$ore an event&al "&rial# j&st to %ake s&re that he (as# indeed# de'eased 3ans Christian Andersen posted 92 a% not dead9 signs ne7t to his hotel "ed to (ard o$$ eager &ndertakers 2n the 19th 'ent&ry# 6er%ans had Lei'henhE&ser# or -(aiting %ort&aries-# (here 'orpses (ere laid $or o"servation $or a $e( days "e$ore they (ere a't&ally 'o%%itted to the "&rial gro&nds 2n 1&ni'h# the $ingers and toes o$ &ne7pe'tedly stirring "odies (ere s&pposed to a'tivate a giant har%oni&% to (hi'h they (ere atta'hed and 'a&se it to play 9 A %&$$led (ave o$ sho'k and %&ted la&ghter having s&"sided# the historian e7po&nded $&rther: 9!hro&gho&t the 1Cth 'ent&ry# they had (hat they 'alled -se'&rity 'o$$ins- (ith $lags and "ells and (histles that the &n$ort&nate inha"itant 'o&ld &se to 'all $or help !hese 'ontraptions 'apitali8ed on not entirely &n$o&nded or irrational $ears: to this very day# people are %istaken $or dead in hospitals and %org&es a'ross the land 9 At length# as spirits have settled do(n# the %edi'al

do'tor 'ontin&ed his testi%ony: 9!he 0resident - $or he (as already 0resident "y that ti%e - dis?&ieted "y his reveries ordered a "&rial 'hapel to "e 'onstr&'ted &nder the 0residential 0ala'e 2t (as vast and $illed (ith provisions $or three %onths o$ s&rvival !hese (ere reg&larly repla'ed (ith $resh prod&'e# (ater# and %edi'ines All the doors leading into this 'rypt as (ell as separating its 'o%part%ents (ere e?&ipped (ith tinkles and ele'tri' "&88ers 3e had a !4 set installed and the latest %odel laptop (ith a 'onne'tion to the 2nternet 9 9<hat did he hope to a'hieve "y this "latant s?&andering o$ p&"li' $&nds:9 - 0ro%pted the sole opposition $ig&re on the panel !he do'tor (in'ed distaste$&lly: 90atien'e is a virt&e# ,ir Rest ass&red that yo&r '&riosity (ill "e satis$ied "y the ti%e 2 a% $inished (itho&t &nd&e interr&ptions 9 !he other %e%"ers s%irked and 'lapped and veno%o&sly eyed their disrespe't$&l 'olleag&e !he do'tor (ent on# %olli$ied "y their &nani%o&s and visi"le s&pport: 9!he 'hapel-s roo$ (as $itted (ith vents# letting $resh air $ro% the o&tside $lo( in 1egaphones# telephones# (ireless 'o%%&ni'ations devi'es# and piles o$ "atteries ens&red that the o''&pant o$ the 'hapel 'an alert the o&tside (orld to his &n$ort&nate predi'a%ent !o 'o%pensate $or the potential $ail&re o$ all these gadgets# holes (ere drilled into the (alls (ith t&"es leading to the s&r$a'e 9

92t is there that his "ody (as $o&nd:9 - En?&ired the historian 9Bes 9 - Con$ir%ed the do'tor - 93e (as dead a $e( ho&rs (hen (e $o&nd hi% ,trangely# he hasn-t 'alled $or help# hasn-t to&'hed the $ood or (ater# hasn-t %ade an atte%pt to es'ape 2t see%s as tho&gh he (ent there deli"erately 9 9.&t# (hy:9 - Cried the ang&ished Chair(o%an# (ho (as r&%ored to have had a $ling (ith the 0resident in their no( re%ote yo&th 92t strikes one as a s&i'ide 9 - ,neered the oppositioner !he other %e%"ers stared at hi% aghast 9,o%eti%es the only (ay to 'on?&er o&r $ears is to 'on$ront the% head on 9 - ,aid the do'tor - 92 "elieve that this is (hat he did >na"le to $a'e the %o&nting dread# the &nre?&ited nights# the 'losing reali8ation o$ his inevita"le de%ise# he pre$erred to 'ontrol his de%ons rather than give in to the% 3e dressed elegantly# des'ended to the "&rial 'hapel (hose every detail he inti%ately designed and there he ended his li$e# his honor and dignity inta't Ad%inistering his o(n death (as the only (ay o$ %aking s&re that he is not "&ried alive <e %&st respe't his 'hoi'e and his 'o&rage 9 92ndeed# (e %&st 9 - Con'l&ded the Chair(o%an and dis'reetly (iped an errant tear Ret&rn

T#e ,ap$ras S#i"t

.( T#e Sinkin$ 1y %arriage a"orted# %y private pra'ti'e still"orn# 2 pa'ked stale possessions in t(o $la""y s&it'ases and "ade %y sterile apart%ent a tearless good"ye ;n the sp&r o$ the %o%ent# 2 had applied a $ortnight "e$ore to a govern%ent post and# to %y 'onsternation# had (on it handily 2 (as pro"a"ly the only appli'ant 2t (as an odd sort o$ jo" !he state a&thorities had j&st $inished s&"%erging D to(ns# F 'e%eteries# and n&%ero&s $ar%s &nder the still# "la'k (aters o$ a ne( da%%ed reservoir o$ drinking (ater !he pro'ess (as dra(n o&t and tra&%ati' !ight-knit 'o%%&nities &nraveled# $a%ilies s'attered# "&sinesses r&ined !he govern%ent &ndertook to provide the $or%er inha"itants (ith psy'hologi'al s&pport: an on-site therapist Gthat-s %eH# so'ial (orkers# even a s&i'ide line 2 had to relo'ate# hen'e %y hapha8ard depart&re 2 took the "&s to the nearest "ig 'ity and hit'hhiked $ro% there !he $are j&st a"o&t a%orti8ed %y travel allo(an'e $or the entire (eek 2 had to tr&dge in %&d the last t(o or three kilo%eters only to $ind %ysel$ in a disorienting# night%arish lands'ape: isled roo$tops and 'h&r'h spires p&n't&ring the a"nor%ally still s&r$a'e o$ a giant %an%ade lake 2 (aded ashore# a%idst dis'arded $&rnit&re and toys and 'onte%plated the "&ried devastation 1y 'lini'# 2 dis'overed# (as a ra%sha'kle "arra'k# replete (ith a dereli't tiny la(n# stre(n (ith r&sting h&lks o$ ho&sehold goods 2 (as sho(n "y a s&rly s&perintendent into a tiny en'los&re: %y $lat Cra%%ed

into a '&"i'le (ere a $olding %etal "ed# %ilitary-iss&e "lankets# and a depleted pillo( ,till# 2 slept like a "a"y and (oke &p re$reshed !he $irst thing that str&'k %e (as the silen'e# p&n't&ated "y a revving-thr&%%ing engine no( and then: not a t(itter# not a h&%# not a h&%an voi'e !here (as no hot (ater# so 2 %erely (ashed %y ar%pits# %y $a'e and hands and $eet and 'o%"ed %y hair the "est 2 'o&ld# (hi'h (asn-t %&'h "y anyone-s standards 2 (as pl&nged into the %aelstro% straighta(ay 1y $irst patients# an elderly 'o&ple# their disintegrating %arriage and 'r&%"ling health %irrored "y the (ithering o$ their ha"itat !he days passed# 'ons&%ed "y endless pro'essions o$ j&venile delin?&ents# losers# the old# the si'kly# the orphaned# the &ne%ployed# and the a"andoned# the detrit&s o$ h&%an settle%ents no( %ade to vanish at the "otto% o$ a lake 2t (as a verita"le %akeshi$t re$&gee 'a%p and 2 $o&nd %ysel$ i%%ersed in the (oes and 'o%plaints o$ %is$its (ho lost their sense o$ 'o%%&nity and %eans o$ livelihood and so&ght %eaning in their 'r&el individ&al tragedies# "&t in vain ;n the !&esday o$ the se'ond (eek o$ (hat (as $ast "e'o%ing a s&rrealisti' ?&ag%ire# 2 %et 2sa"el ,he (as the very last in a long list o$ appoint%ents and 2 kept praying that she (o&ld not keep hers# as %any o$ the% (ere (ont to do .&t she did and p&n't&ally so 2 (as str&'k "y her regal "earing# her poise# her 'oi$$ed hair# and her da88ling "&t taste$&l je(elry 3er e?&ine $a'e and a?&iline nose %eshed (ell (ith j&st a hint o$ the oriental slant and 'heek"ones to render her e7oti' ,he sat &n"idden and (at'hed %e intently# "enignly

ignoring %y rhetori'al ?&estion: 9Bo& are 2sa"el Iidlington# aren-t yo&:9 ;$ 'o&rse she (as !hree 'ent&ries ago# her $a%ily esta"lished an epony%o&s to(n# no( s&nken "eneath the 'al% s&r$a'e o$ the lake ;&r $irst %eeting ended $rostily and &nprod&'tively "&t# in the $&llness o$ ti%e# as she opened &p to %e# 2 $o&nd %ysel$ looking $or(ard to o&r en'o&nters 2 al(ays s'hed&led her last# so that 2 'o&ld e7'eed the DJ %in&tes straightja'ket o$ the 'lassi' therapy session ,he (as the $irst person in a long ti%e - (ho a% 2 kidding: the $irst person ever - (ho really listened to (hat 2 had to say ,he rarely spoke# "&t# (hen she did# it (as (ith the t(in a&thority o$ age and (isdo% 2 g&ess 2 gre( to love and respe't her 2 (asn-t s&re (hy 2sa"el so&ght %y %eager servi'es ,he possessed eno&gh 'o%%on sense and $ortit&de to p&t to sha%e any therapist 2 kne( ,he never asked $or %y advi'e or shared her pro"le%s (ith %e ,he j&st %ade an appearan'e at the appointed ti%e and sat there# "a'k ere't# hands resting in her lap# her "est ear $or(ard# the "etter to 'apt&re %y (hining litany and to 'o%%iserate ;ne day# tho&gh# she entered %y 'r&de o$$i'e and re%ained standing 92sa"el#9 - 2 en?&ired - 9is everything alright:9 9Bo& kno( that 2 have "een provided (ith a residen'e on El% ,treet# no( that %y $a%ily ho%e is &nder(ater 9 !he 9residen'e9 (as an i%posing %ansion# (ith an

enor%o&s drive(ay# an English# s'&lpted garden# and a series o$ (orking $o&ntains 2sa"el rented the pla'e $ro% a .ritish-Canadian %og&l o$ sorts# as she disdain$&lly in$or%ed %e a (hile "a'k 92t-s "een invaded "y strangers 9 - ,he %ade a dra%ati' anno&n'e%ent 2 looked at her# not 'o%prehending: 9Bo& %ean "&rglars: ,?&atters: <ho are these strangers: <hy don-t yo& 'all the 0oli'e to evi't the%: 2t 'o&ld "e dangero&s# yo& kno(A9 ,he (aved a(ay %y 'on'erned pleas i%patiently: 92 'an-t 'all the poli'e to evi't the% "e'a&se they have ass&%ed the "odies o$ %y $a%ily %e%"ers 9 <hen she sa( the "a$$le%ent in %y eyes# she reiterated slo(ly# as i$ ai%ing to get thro&gh to a slo(-(itted# yet 'herished# interlo'&tor: 9!hese invaders - they look like %y h&s"and and %y son .&t they are not !hey are do&"les !hey are so%eho( (rong# $ake# ersat8# i$ yo& kno( (hat 2 %ean 9 2 didn-t 92 love %y real relatives "&t not the '&rrent o''&pants o$ their 'orporeal re%ains 2 keep %y door lo'ked at nightA9 ,he %ade it so&nd like an &npre'edented event 92sa"el# sit do(n# please 9 - 2 said and she did# (hitejointed hands 'len'hed and veno&s 2 de'ided not to

'on$ront her illogi' "&t rather to leverage it to e7pose the a"s&rdity o$ her assertions 9<hy (o&ld these "ody-snat'hers go to all this tro&"le:9 9Don-t "e sillyA9 - ,he snapped - 91oney# o$ 'o&rseA !hey are a$ter %y $ort&neA !hese look-alikes are planning to %&rder %e and a"s'ond (ith %y 'onsidera"le $ort&ne !hey are all in %y (ill# yo& see# and they kno( itA .&t they 'an-t (ait their t&rn# they are an7io&s to lay their dirty pa(s on %y 'he'k"ookA !hey are a$raid that 2 (ill 'hange %y %indA9 9Bo& so&nd like yo& are re$erring to yo&r tr&e relatives 9 - 2 pointed o&t ,he re'oiled: 9!hese 'ri%inals that took over %y $a%ily# 2 (ant the% goneA 2 (ant %y h&s"and "a'k and %y sonA9!hen (hy don-t yo& si%ply alter yo&r (ill and let the% kno( a"o&t it: Anno&n'e the 'hanges in a $a%ily gatheringA !hat (ay they (ill lose all interest in yo& and %ove on to their ne7t vi'ti%A !hat (ay# all in'entives to %&rder yo& (ill "e re%oved# yo& see 9 ,he glan'ed at %e d&%"$o&nded: 9!hat-s a (onder$&l idea# dearA Bo& are so 'lever# yo& are so ast&te (hen yo& p&t yo&r %ind to itA !hank yo&A Bo& 'an-t i%agine (hat a relie$ it is to strike &pon the sol&tion to s&'h an i%possi"le sit&ationA9 ,he sprang $ro% the 'reaky ar%'hair and e7tended her hand to $ondle %y 'heek:

9!hank yo&# honey Bo& %ade %e pro&d 9 2 $elt like a %illion dollars /( T#e S+ndrome 1ilton-s eyeglasses glinted &nsettlingly as he took in %y 'r&%pled 'lothes and &nr&ly hair: 9,o# yo& traveled all night# "y yo&rsel$# in a hired 'ar# to ask %e this: ,he %&st %ean all the (orld to yo&A9 3e hasn-t 'hanged: 'her&"i'# le'hero&s# "ald# and 'lad in $ading d&ngarees and ,ellotaped# stapled sandals 1ilton s%elled o$ 'o$$ee gro&nds and in'ense 3e laid a hirs&te hand on %y sho&lder and 2 retreated inadvertently and then apologi8ed 3e s%iled %is'hievo&sly: 9Bo& are tired Let-s go to %y o$$i'e Bo& 'an re$resh yo&rsel$ there and 2 (ill tell yo& everything yo& ever (anted to kno( a"o&t the Capgras ,yndro%e and never dared to ask 9 9Capgras ,yndro%e:::9 9Co$$ee $irstA9 - 1ilton prono&n'ed and (heeled %e $or(ard KKKKK Ens'on'ed in an an'ient ar%'hair# stea%y li"ation in hand# 2 listened intently# a"sor"ing every (ord that 'a%e o&t o$ the %o&th o$ arg&a"ly the (orld-s greatest e7pert on del&sions 92t-s nothing ne( 9 - ,aid 1ilton# 'he(ing on an an'ient# ashen 'lay pipe - 92t (as $irst des'ri"ed "y t(o

/ren'h psy'hiatrists in 192L Elderly people "elieve that their relatives have "een repla'ed "y %ali'io&s# 'onspiring do&"les !hey lo'k the%selves in# "&y g&ns# 'hange their (ills# 'o%plain to the a&thorities 2$ not 'he'ked (ith antipsy'hoti' %edi'ation# they "e'o%e violent @&ite a $e( 'ases o$ %&rder# resisting arrest# that sort o$ thing 9 9<hat goes (rong (ith these people:9 1ilton shr&gged and tapped the e%pty i%ple%ent on a %&'h-tort&red edge o$ his desk: 9Lots o$ spe'&lation aro&nd# "&t nothing de$inite ,o%e say it-s a pro"le% (ith $a'e re'ognition Bo& heard o$ prosopagnosia: 0atients $ail to identi$y their nearest and dearest# even tho&gh they rea't e%otionally (hen they see the% Capgras is the %irror i%age# 2 g&ess: a $ail&re to rea't e%otionally to $a%iliar $a'es .&t g&ess is (hat (e have all "een doing in the last# oh# eight de'ades 9 3e 'on'l&ded (ith &ndisg&ised disg&st 92 need help (ith this 'lient# 1ilton#9 - 2 interje'ted 9and yo& are not helping %e at all 9 3e 'h&'kled sar'asti'ally: 93o( o$ten do 2 hear it $ro% %y patients:9 9,he is not paranoid# yo& kno( 3er %ind is sharp and 'rystal-'lear and "alan'ed 9 3e nodded (earily: 9!hat-s (hat 'on$o&nds &s (ith this syndro%e !he patients are -nor%al- "y any de$inition o$ this (ord that yo& 'are to adopt !hey are only 'onvin'ed that $a%ily %e%"ers# $riends# even neigh"ors are "eing s&"stit&ted

$or - and# o$ 'o&rse# they are not 9 3e 'ro&'hed ne7t to %y seat: 9,oon# she (ill "egin to do&"t yo& and then hersel$ 5e7t ti%e she 'at'hes her o(n re$le'tion in a %irror or a (indo(# she (ill start to ?&estion her o(n identity ,he (ill insist that she has "een repla'ed "y an entity $ro% o&ter spa'e or so%ething ,he is "ad ne(s !he literat&re des'ri"es the 'ase o$ a (o%an (ho $le( into jealo&s rages at the sight o$ her o(n re$le'tion "e'a&se she tho&ght it (as another (o%an trying to sed&'e her h&s"and 9 1ilton (as evidently agitated# the $irst 2 have seen hi% this (ay As %y tea'her and %entor# he kept a sti$$ &pper lip in the $a'e o$ the %ost o&tlandish disorders and the %ost all-pervasive ignoran'e And in the $a'e o$ o&r "&dding# dead end love 9<hat do yo& advise %e to do:9 - 2 %&%"led al%ost ina&di"ly 92$ she re$&ses anti-psy'hoti' %edi'ation# "ail o&t Co%%it her ,he is a danger "oth to hersel$ and to others# not the least o$ (ho%# to yo& 9 92 'an-t do that to her 9 - 2 protested - 92 a% the only person she tr&sts in the (hole (orld ,he is so s'ared# it "reaks %y heart And j&st i%agine (hat the $a%ily is going thro&gh: she even (ants to 'hange her (ill to disinherit the% 9 1ilton-s pained e7pression deepened: 9!hen yo& are $a'ed (ith only one alternative: psy'hodra%a !o save her# yo& %&st enter her (orld# as

'onvin'ingly as yo& 'an 0lay her ga%e# as it (ere 0retend that yo& "elieve in her l&nati' del&sions A't the part 9 0( 1inner 9<ill yo&:9 - Enth&sed 2sa"el - 9!hat-s %ighty $ine o$ yo&A 2 have arranged $or everyone to join %e $or dinner to%orro( evening 2t-s a ,at&rday# so people don-t have to go to (ork the ne7t day 9 93o( very 'onsiderate 9 - 2 sta%%ered and 2sa"el la&ghed throatily: 9Don-t "e so distrait 2t (on-t "e as a(k(ard as yo& $ear ,it ne7t to %e and (at'h the sho( as 2 e7pose these $ra&dsters and $r&strate their plansA9 A"o&t to e7it# she t&rned aro&nd# her (rinkled $a'e s&ddenly s%ooth and "e'al%ed: 92 (ill "e e7pe'ting yo& .e there Bo& %&st "e present /or yo&r o(n sake as %&'h as $or %ine 9 And she le$t the door ajar as she s(ooshed do(n the hall and o&t the "&ilding# into the $laking sno( KKKK 2sa"el never looked %ore i%posing as she sat at the head o$ the elongated ta"le# attired in a sleeveless (hite 'hi$$on dress# no hint o$ %ake-&p on her i%perio&s# 'o%%anding $a'e A "eetle-shaped "roo'h 'o%ple%ented a lavish pearl ne'kla'e that e%phasi8ed the 'onto&rs o$ her tr&ly deli'ate ne'k ,he (as very ani%ated# la&ghed a lot# and ad%inistered light to&'hes o$ $a%iliarity and a$$e'tion to her h&s"and and son# (ho $lanked her

3er spo&se# a r&"i'&nd %o&nt o$ a %an# $a'e vari'ose and hairy hands resting on his $olded napkin# (as 'learly still s%itten (ith his (i$e# paying 'lose and ostentatio&s attention to her %in&test (ishes and &tteran'es 3is enor%o&s girth t(it'hed and t&rned to(ards her# like a plant 'raving the s&n 3is deep "l&e eyes glittered every ti%e she h&%ored hi% or rearranged his '&tlery !he son (as %ore rel&'tant# 'onte%plating his %other (ith s&spi'ion and his $ather (ith an ill-disg&ised hint o$ 'onte%pt 3e (as lanky# (ith a "alding pate# and sported a $ailed atte%pt at a %o&sta'he# ine7pertly da&"ed on his $re'kled $a'e 3e (as also %yopi' and his hands $l&ttered restlessly thro&gho&t the evening 2 $o&nd hi% %ost disagreea"le !here (as a third person at the ta"le: a %o&sy# in'onse?&ential thing (ith an e7'r&'iatingly "ad sartorial taste ,he stared at everyone thro&gh a pair o$ dead# "la'k# enor%o&s pools that passed $or eyes 3er hands (ere sine(y and 'ontorted and she kept $idgeting# 'lasping and &n'lasping an an'ient p&rse G9a gi$t $ro% %other9H# and rearranging a stray '&rl that kept o"s'&ring her vie( 5o one introd&'ed &s and she %ade it a point to avoid %e# so 2 let it go !he dishes 'leared# 2sa"el 'a%e to the pain$&l point: 9Dears#9 - she de'lared - 92 s&%%oned yo& today to %ake an i%portant anno&n'e%ent As yo& (ell kno(# %y previo&s (ill and testa%ent le$t everything to yo&# the t(o e7'l&sive loves o$ %y li$e 9 - A hiss o$ (ithdra(n "reaths (el'o%ed the (ord 9previo&s9 93o(ever# in the last 'o&ple o$ (eeks# 2 have had reason to s&spe't $o&l play 9

!hey stared at her# not 'o%prehending 92 a% 'onvin'ed that yo& are not (ho yo& p&rport to "e Bo& look like %y dearest "&t yo& are a't&ally i%postors# do&"les# hired "y the perpetrators o$ a %ali'io&s operation# "ent o$ a"s'onding (ith %y inheritan'e 9 !he silen'e (as palpa"le as her kin# ja(s dropped in dis"elie$# listened to the &n$olding spee'h (ith gro(ing horror 92 don-t kno( yet (hat yo& have done (ith %y real relatives "&t# rest ass&red# 2 intend to $ind o&t ,till# 2 a% "eing told "y one and s&ndry that 2 %ay "e (rong or# $rankly# that 2 a% o$$ %y ro'ker# as they say 9 93ear# hearA9 - 2nterje'ted her son and rose $ro% his seat# as tho&gh to leave the ta"le 9,it do(nA9 - ,napped 2sa"el and he did# %eekly# tho&gh 'learly resent$&l 92 have devised a test ,ho&ld yo& pass it# 2 (ill o$$er yo& all %y %ost prostrate apologies and hope $or yo&r $orgiveness 2$ yo& $ail# his shall "e proo$ o$ the s&"ter$&ge 2 a% then "ent on altering %y (ill to e7'l&de all o$ yo& $ro% it and "esto( %y entire estate on %y good 'o%panion here 9 - And she pointed at a %orti$ied %e !hey all t&rned in their 'hairs and st&died the intr&der at length !he son-s lips %oved $&rio&sly "&t he re%ained ina&di"le !he h&s"and %erely shr&gged and reverted to $a'e his tor%entor ;nly the third g&est protested "y e7tending a pinkish tong&e in %y dire'tion# 'are$&l to re%ain &no"served "y her hostess

92 (ill ask ea'h one o$ yo& three ?&estions 9 - 0ro'eeded %y ne( "ene$a'tor# &npert&r"ed - 9Bo& 'an take as %&'h ti%e as yo& need to respond to the% ;n'e yo& have given yo&r ans(ers# there is no going "a'k# no se'ond 'han'e ,o# think 'are$&lly Bo&r entire pe'&niary $&t&re depends on it !hese are the ter%s that 2 a% setting Bo& are $ree to leave the roo% no(# i$ yo& (ish ;$ 'o&rse# "y doing so# yo& (ill have $or$eited yo&r share o$ %y ri'hes 9 - ,he sneered &npleasantly 5o one %ade a %ove 92 take it then that (e are all agreed 9 - 2sa"el pro'eeded and t&rned to(ard her h&s"and: 9=ohn# or (hoever yo& are#9 - 3e re'oiled as i$ str&'k (ith a $ist - 9(hat (as the 'olor o$ the '&rtains in the s%all hotel (here (e have 'ons&%%ated o&r love $or the $irst ti%e:9 91&st 2 go thro&gh this in p&"li'# in $ront o$ %y son and this 'o%plete stranger:9 - 3e "ello(ed# his %onstro&s $ra%e to(ering over her .&t she re%ained &nda&nted and &n%oved and $inally# he settled "a'k in his 'reaking 'hair and resignedly %&%"led: 9!he roo% had no '&rtains Bo& 'o%plained all %orning "e'a&se the s&nlight shone straight on yo&r $a'e and (o&ldn-t let yo& $all asleep 9 3is visage (as trans$or%ed "y the %e%ory# radiant and gentle no(# as he re-lived the %o%ent 9!r&e Bo& have 'learly done yo&r ho%e(ork 9 - ,he 'on$ir%ed rel&'tantly and addressed her son: 9Ed(ard# (hat did yo& see in a "ook that %ade yo& 'ry so violently and in'onsola"ly (hen yo& j&st a toddler:9

92t (as an art "ook !here (as a 'olor reprod&'tion o$ a painting o$ a gro&p o$ patri'ians standing on an elevated por'h# glan'ing over the railing at a s'ene "elo( the% 2 'an-t re'all any other detail# "&t the (hole at%osphere (as tene"ro&s and sinister 2 (as so $rightened that 2 "&rst into (ails /or so%e reason# yo& (ere not there# yo& (ere goneA9 - And he po&ted as he %&st have done "a'k then (hen he had $elt a"andoned and "etrayed "y his %other 9Althea# (hat (as 2 (earing the $irst ti%e (e %et# (hen Ed(ard introd&'ed yo& to %e:9 Althea# the %o&se# looked &p in s&rprise: 9Bo& introd&'ed %e to Ed(ard# not the other (ay aro&ndA9 - ,he protested - 92 %et yo& at the 'lini'# re%e%"er: Lording it over everyone# as &s&al 9 - ,he la&ghed "itterly and 2 shot her a (arning glan'e# a$raid that she %ight provoke 2sa"el into violent a'tion 9Any(ays# yo& (ere (earing pre'isely (hat yo& have on today# do(n to the tiniest detail Even the "roo'h is the sa%e# i$ 2 'an tell 9 And so it (ent All three (ere a"le to $end o$$ 2sa"el-s $iendish 'hallenges (ith a''&rate responses /inally# evidently e7ha&sted# she 'on'eded de$eat: 9!ho&gh %y heart in$or%s %e di$$erently# %y head prevails and 2 a% $or'ed to a''ept that yo& are %y tr&e $a%ily 2 here"y o$$er yo& the prostrate apologies that 2 have pro%ised to %ake "e$ore 9 - ,he sprang a"r&ptly $ro% her seat - 9And no(# 2 a% tired# 2 %&st sleep 9 ,he ignored her h&s"and-s 'l&%sy atte%pt to kiss her on the 'heek and# not "idding $are(ell or good night to any o$ &s# she e7ited the roo% in an apparent h&$$

2( Post'Mortem 9<hat did yo& %ake o$ (hat yo& have j&st (itnessed:9 2sa"el sn&'k into the g&est "edroo% and settled into an overst&$$ed ar%'hair at a pen&%"ral 'orner ,he (as still (earing the sa%e dress# tho&gh her je(elry (as gone 2 (at'hed her re$le'tion in %y %ake&p %irror# as 2 (as re%oving the (ar paint $ro% %y $a'e# 'lad in %y t(o-part# lila'-stre(n paja%as 2 $elt naked and e%"arrassed and violated 9!hey did pretty (ell 9 - 2 hedged %y ans(er# not s&re (here she %ight "e leading 9!hey did rather too (ell 9 - ,he tri&%phantly pro'lai%ed# her eyes shining 9<hat do yo& %ean "y that:9 - 2 en?&ired# %y '&riosity gen&inely a(akened 90ray# tell %e# (hat (as 2 (earing (hen (e $irst %et:9 2 'o&ldn-t 'onj&re the i%age# no %atter ho( hard 2 tried 92 a% not s&re 9 - 2 $inally ad%itted de$eat 9<hat (as the 'olor o$ the '&rtains in yo&r %other-s kit'hen:9 9<hite# (ith %a'hine e%"roidered stra("erries or rasp"erries or so%ething o$ the sort 9 9<hat (as the $irst horror %ovie that yo& have seen:9 92 'an-t "e e7pe'ted to re%e%"er thatA9 - 2 e7'lai%ed 9;$ 'o&rse yo& 'an-t# dear 5o one 'an Bo&-d "e l&'ky

to get one response o&t o$ three 'orre't# yo& kno( 9 ,he agreed - 9!his is the point 2 a% trying to %ake Didn-t yo& $ind %y $a%ily-s o%nis'ien'e and total re'all a tri$le overdone: Didn-t yo& ask yo&rsel$ $or a %in&te ho( 'o%e they are all "lessed (ith s&'h s&pre%e# %arvelo&s %e%ories:9 ,he so&nded distant and heart"roken as she said: 92 have 'hanged %y (ill# yo& kno( !hey 'o&ldn-t $ool %e (ith their sli'k o$$-the-'&$$ ready-%ade kno(-it-all responsesA 2t-s all yo&rs no( ,leep (ell# %y tr&e $riend and# hen'e$orth# %y only heirA 9 ,he glided over and kissed %e on the 'heek# on'e# like a "&tter$ly alighting KKKKK 2 (as (oken &p "y a (et kiss planted on %y lips "y 2sa"el-s h&s"and 9<hat do yo& think yo& are doing:9 - 2 hissed and (ithdre( to the top o$ the "ed - 92$ yo& don-t leave the roo% this instant# 2 (ill s'rea%A9 3e looked h&rt and "a$$led as he slid o$$ the %attress and stret'hed his %onolithi' 'orp&len'e 9<hat-s (rong:9 - 3e en?&ired - 9Anything 2 did to o$$end yo& last night: Bo& sho&ldn-t have asked all these ?&estions i$ yo& didn-t (ant to hear %y ans(ers# yo& kno(A9 9<here-s 2sa"el:9 - 2 de%anded 3e eyed %e ?&eerly and pleaded sadly:

9<e are not going to go thro&gh all this again# are (e# dear:9 96o thro&gh (hat and 2 a% asking yo& $or the last ti%e: (here is 2sa"el# yo&r (i$e:9 3e sighed and 'ollapsed on the "ed# depressing it 'onsidera"ly as he held onto one o$ the "edposts: 92 (ill 'all Dr 1ilton 0ro%ise %e yo& (on-t do anything st&pid &ntil he has had the 'han'e to see yo& 9 92 a% going to 'all the poli'e on yo& 2sa"el anno&n'es her intention to disinherit yo& and the ne7t %orning she is %ysterio&sly gone Dead# $or all 2 kno(A9 92sa"el is alive and (ell# 2 give yo& %y (ord 9 - ,aid her h&s"and and# $or so%e reason# 2 "elieved hi% 3e so&nded sin'ere 9!hen (hy 'an-t 2 see her:9 9Bo& 'an# on'e Dr 1ilton arrives 2s that too %&'h to ask: 3e (ill "e here in less than hal$ an ho&r Ed(ard already apprised hi% o$ the sit&ation last night 9 9Last night:9 - 2 $elt 'on$&sed - 9<hat sit&ation: And (ho-s Dr 1ilton:9 3e got &p and %ade to leave (hen 2 noti'ed that %y %ake&p 'o%pa't (as gone 9<here are %y things: <hat have yo& done (ith %y things:9 9!hey are in the ne7t roo% Dr 1ilton (ill let yo& have the% a$ter he has %ade s&re that they in'l&de nothing dangero&s 9

9Dangero&s:9 - 2 e7ploded - 9A% 2 a prisoner here: 2 insist to &se the phoneA 2 a% going to 'all the poli'e right no(A9 90lease# $or yo&r o(n good# don-t e7it the roo% 9 - ,aid %y &ninvited visitor - 92 have 'overed the %irrors here and have re%oved yo&r %ake &p po&'h "&t 2 'an-t (ell take 'are o$ all the re$le'ting s&r$a'es: (indo(s and s&'h 9 91irrors: <hat are yo& going a"o&t: Bo& need pro$essional help 2 a% a therapist <on-t yo& tell %e (hat the pro"le% is: <hat have yo& done to 2sa"el: Are yo& a$raid to look at yo&rsel$ in the %irror: Are yo& terri$ied o$ (hat yo& %ight see there: 3ave yo& killed her: Are yo& tor%ented "y g&ilt:9 - 2t (asn-t very pro$essional "ehavior "&t 2 de'ided that 2 had nothing to lose "y a"rogating the therape&ti' proto'ol Clearly# 2 (as "eing held hostage "y a gang o$ killers or a %&rdero&s '&lt 92sa"el 9 - ,aid a $a%iliar voi'e $ro% a'ross the threshold 9!hank 6od yo& have arrivedA9 - Cried 2sa"el-s h&s"and - 9,he is having one o$ her atta'ks 9 2nto the 'ha%"er 'a%e 1ilton# 'lay pipe# eternal d&ngarees and all 3e (as a''o%panied "y a yo&ng (o%an that looked startlingly $a%iliar ,he glan'ed at %e $ro% a'ross the roo% ,he s%iled ,he appeared to "e $riendly# so 2 re'ipro'ated# hesitantly 1ilton said: 92 hope yo& don-t %ind that 2 have asked yo&r therapist to join %e ,he told %e everything a"o&t last night Bo&

invited her here as yo&r g&est# yo& re%e%"er:9 2 didn-t re%e%"er anything o$ the sort ,till# 2 appraised %y 9therapist9 %ore attentively ,he (as a %o&sy# in'onse?&ential thing (ith an e7'r&'iatingly "ad sartorial taste ,he stared at %e thro&gh a pair o$ dead# "la'k# enor%o&s pools that passed $or eyes 3er hands (ere sine(y and 'ontorted and she kept $idgeting# 'lasping and &n'lasping %y %ake&p p&rse# and rearranging a stray '&rl that kept o"s'&ring her vie( Ret&rn

3olie a Plusieurs
.y design# "oth agents (ere shro&ded in darkness 2 'o&ld see their silho&ettes# the ar%y-like 're( '&t# the (ire-ri%%ed glasses# the %ore senior agent-s hearing aid !heir hands rested# li$eless and stolid# on the plain (ooden 'on$eren'e ta"le that separated &s !hey (ere (aiting $or %y response# i%%o"ile# patient# pent &p aggression in 'he'k# heads slightly "o(ed !he overhead neon lights 'ra'kled and $i88led o%ino&sly "&t other(ise the roo% (as so&ndproo$ and (indo(less 2 (as led there via a "ank o$ elevators and a series o$ ela"orate Es'her-like stair'ases .y no(# 2 (as &tterly disoriented 9,hared 0sy'hoti' Disorder is not a ne( diagnosis 9 - 2 e7plained again - 9/or a long ti%e it (as kno(n as -/olie a De&7-9 !he yo&nger agent shi$ted ever so i%per'epti"ly on his plasti' 'hair "&t said nothing 3is 'olleag&e repeated his ?&estion# (earily# as tho&gh a''&sto%ed to interrogating the densest o$ people: 9.&t 'an it a$$e't %ore than one person:9 9Bes# it 'an !he literat&re 'ontains 'ases o$ three# $o&r# and %ore individ&als 'ons&%ed "y shared del&sional "elie$s and even hall&'inations 9 - 2 raised %y pal%# $orestalling his ne7t atte%pt to interje't: 9.&t - and that-s a "ig "&t - the people (ho partake in 'o%%on psy'hoti' del&sions are all inti%ately involved (ith ea'h other: they share living ?&arters# they are

%e%"ers o$ the sa%e $a%ily# or se't# or organi8ation !o the "est o$ %y kno(ledge# no one has ever do'&%ented an o''&rren'e o$ shared psy'hosis a%ong totally &nrelated strangers 9 !his 'aveat evidently got the yo&ng agent-s attention 3e perked &p# straightened his post&re# and addressed %e $or the $irst ti%e: 9!hen (hat is %ass psy'hosis:9 9A %yth#9 - 2 said - 9assid&o&sly '&ltivated "y an eye"all-h&ngry %edia 9 !he senior %e%"er o$ the tea% 'h&'kled so$tly: 9C-%on# do'tor !ho&sands o$ people 'lai% to see the 4irgin 1ary or a >/; at the sa%e ti%e - that-s not psy'hoti':9 92t-s a %o%entary del&sion# alright# "&t it is $ar $ro% psy'hosis 9 9Can yo& help &s tell the di$$eren'e:9 - !he yo&ng one (as evidently losing patien'e (ith the (hole e7er'ise 92 (o&ld "e a"le to help yo& "etter i$ yo& (ere to tell %e (hat this is all a"o&t 9 9<e 'an-t 9 - snapped the yo&nger# not "othering to hide his e7asperation - 9=&st ans(er o&r ?&estions# (ill yo&:9 !he older o$ the t(o laid a 'al%ing hand on the $orear% o$ his i%pet&o&s partner:

9Do'tor#9 - his voi'e (as appropriately a resonating "aritone - 9yo& have to "elieve &s that it is a %atter o$ &t%ost i%portan'e to o&r national se'&rity !hat-s all (e are a&thori8ed to div&lge at this stage o$ the pro'eedings 9 2 sighed: 93ave it yo&r (ay# then A del&sional "elie$ is not the sa%e as a %o%entary hall&'ination 0eople (ho 'lai% to have seen the 4irgin 1ary or a >/;# have typi'ally reverted to their nor%al lives a$ter(ards !he in'idents le$t a very s%all psy'hologi'al $ootprint on the (itnesses 5ot so (ith a shared psy'hoti' disorder !hose a$$e'ted str&'t&re their entire e7isten'e aro&nd their inane 'onvi'tions 9 9Can yo& give &s so%e e7a%ples:9 9,&re 2 'an !here are h&ndreds i$ not tho&sands o$ 'ases %eti'&lo&sly do'&%ented ever sin'e the 19th 'ent&ry ,o%e patients "e'a%e 'onvin'ed that their ho%es (ere "eing in$iltrated "y aliens or $oreign po(ers An &n$ort&nate 'o&ple (as so a$raid o$ hostile ele'tro%agneti' radiation that they 'onverted their apart%ent into a /araday Cage: they sealed it her%eti'ally at an enor%o&s e7pense and took o&t all the (indo(s and inter'onne'ting doors !hey 'lai%ed that the radiation (as intended to dehydrate the% "y ind&'ing diarrhea and to starve the% thro&gh 'hroni' indigestion 9 !he yo&ng agent (histled and the older one e%itted one o$ his so$t la&ghs

92n another instan'e# an entire $a%ily took on enor%o&s 'redits# sold their ho&se# and ?&it their jo"s "e'a&se they del&sionally talked the%selves into "elieving that one o$ the sons (as a"o&t to sign a %&lti-%illion dollar 'ontra't (ith a 3olly(ood st&dio !hey even hired engineers and ar'hite'ts to lay o&t plans $or a ne( %ansion# replete (ith a s(i%%ing pool 9 !he yo&ng one 'o&ld no longer hide his %irth 9;$ 'o&rse# there-s the r&n-o$-the %ill paranoid# perse'&tory del&sions a"o&t ho( the /.2# or C2A# or 5,A# take yo&r pi'k# are tapping the $a%ily phone# or shado(ing its %e%"ers as they go inno'ently a"o&t their "&siness 9 9<hy (o&ld anyone "elieve s&'h 'rap:9 - Asked the senior one 9.e'a&se the so&r'e o$ the del&sional "elie$# the person (ho invents it and then i%poses it on others# is per'eived to "e a&thoritative and s&perior in intelligen'e# or in so'ial standing# or to have a''ess to privileged in$or%ation 9 !hey e7'hanged glan'es and then: 9,o# it-s like a '&lt: A g&r& and his $ollo(ers:9 9E7a'tly !he pri%ary 'ase - the originally del&sional person - does his or her "est to keep the others in relative se'l&sion and so'ial isolation !hat (ay# he %onopoli8es the $lo( o$ in$or%ation and opinions 3e $ilters all the in'o%ing data and "lo'ks anything (hi'h %ight inter$ere# &pset# or 'ontradi't the del&sional

'ontent !he pri%ary 'ase "e'o%e sort o$ a gatekeeper 9 !hey (hispered to ea'h other# nodding and shaking their pen&%"ral heads vigoro&sly# "&t never gesti'&lating (ith their hands !hen# $ollo(ing the "rie$est o$ silen'es# the older agent said: 9<hat i$ a del&sional "elie$ (ere shared "y all the inha"itants o$ the planet# "y everyone# every(here# al%ost (itho&t e7'eption:9 9,&'h a del&sional "elie$ (o&ld "e indisting&isha"le $ro% reality 9 - 2 ans(ered - 92n s&'h a (orld# (ho (o&ld "e a"le to de%onstrate the del&sion-s tr&e 'hara'ter and to re$&te it or repla'e it "y so%ething real and via"le: L&'kily# it is i%possi"le to engineer s&'h a sit&ation 9 9<hy so:9 9!o 'reate a long-lasting# all-pervasive# 'redi"le# and in$l&ential del&sional "elie$ on a glo"al s'ale# one (o&ld need to re'r&it a so&r'e o$ &ni%pea'ha"le a&thority and to $or'e all the %edia in the (orld to 'olla"orate in disse%inating his or her psy'hoti' 'ontent a'ross 'ontinents and seas Even in this day and age# s&'h an &ndertaking (o&ld prove to "e $or%ida"le and# in %y opinion# $a'e ins&r%o&nta"le psy'hologi'al# not to %ention logisti'al# o"sta'les 9 !he yo&nger agent tilted his 'hair "a'k(ard on its hind legs: 9,o# even i$ people (itness the &n$olding o$ so%e in'redi"le event on television# attested to "y tho&sands o$ eye(itnesses and 'overed "y a 8illion !4 stations#

they are still &nlikely to "elieve it: And they are "o&nd to persist in their dis"elie$ (hen the 0resident o$ the >nited ,tates o$ A%eri'a addresses the nation to 'on$ir% that the event had a't&ally taken pla'e:9 9!hat-s not the sa%e thing 9 - 2 e7plained# as patiently as 2 'o&ld !his 'rypti' and one-sided e7'hange (as "eginning to &nnerve %e - 9An event that &n$olds in real ti%e on television and is (itnessed "y tho&sands o$ people on the gro&nd is real# it is not a del&sion 9 9Bo& are 'ontradi'ting yo&rsel$#9 - the senior agent re"&ked %e gently - 9As yo& have a'kno(ledged earlier# 'ro(ds 'o%posed o$ tho&sands o$ individ&als 'lai%ed to have seen >/;s or the 4irgin 1ary "&t their testi%onies render neither apparition real !his is the %ass psy'hosis that %y 'olleag&e here had %entioned earlier Bo& o"je'ted to the ter%# "&t (hatever yo& (ant to 'all it# the pheno%enon e7ists: large gro&ps o$ people see and hear and s%ell and to&'h things that si%ply aren-t there 2t happens all the ti%e 9 91ass hall&'inations do happen 9 - 2 'on'eded - 9.&t# 2 have never seen >/;s or the 4irgin 1ary on television 9 9!hat-s "e'a&se yo& aren-t (at'hing the right 'hannels#9 - grinned the yo&nger one - 9!elevision is a %edi&% that is very easy to %anip&late: spe'ial e$$e'ts# st&nts# old $ootage# %ontage# that sort o$ thing 3aven-t yo& heard o$ the &r"an %yth that the (hole so-'alled landing on the %oon took pla'e in a television st&dio o&t in the desert in Ari8ona or 5e(-1e7i'o: 2t-s easy eno&gh to i%agine 9 2 shr&gged and straightened in %y 'hair:

9;I# yo& got %e there 2$ so%eone (ith eno&gh reso&r'es and a&thority (as hell-"ent on staging s&'h a lightsho(# he or she 'o&ld get a(ay (ith it: (itnesses are g&lli"le and prone to a&to-s&ggestion and# as yo& said# television i%ages are easy to do'tor# espe'ially in this digital era 9 !hey re%ained seated# rigid and staring (ith hollo(# shado(y eyes at %e 2 rose $ro% %y seat and said: 96entle%en# i$ there is nothing else yo& need# 2 sho&ld really "e on %y (ay 2 hope 2 have "een o$ so%e 9 9Bo& have an o$$i'e in 5e(-Bork:9 - !he senior %e%"er o$ the tea% interr&pted %e 2 $altered: 9Bes 2 !hat is# %y &niversity 2 serve as a 'ons&ltant to the vent&re 'apital ar% o$ %y al%a %ater !hey let %e &se a '&"i'le in the pre%ises o$ their 5e(Bork s&"sidiary in the !(in !o(ers 2 a% a't&ally $lying there to%orro( %orning <e have an ann&al %eeting o$ the .oard o$ !r&stees every ,epte%"er 11 <hy:9 !hey "oth ignored %y ?&estion and kept staring ahead /inally# the older agent e7haled and 2 (as startled "y the reali8ation that he has "een holding his "reath $or so long: 9!hank yo& $or 'o%ing# do'tor 2 a% sorry that this %eeting 'o&ld not have "een as instr&'tive $or yo& as it has proved to "e $or &s 1ay 2 j&st re%ind yo& again that yo& have signed a non-dis'los&re agree%ent (ith

this agen'y ;&r 'onversation is an o$$i'ial se'ret and div&lging its 'ontents %ay "e 'onstr&ed as treason in a ti%e o$ (ar 9 9<ar: <hat (ar:9 - 2 giggled nervo&sly !hey stood &p and opened the door $or %e# re%aining in the shaded part o$ the roo%: 96ood"ye# do'tor# and 6odspeed 3ave a sa$e $light to%orro( 9 Ret&rn

.he ,on Man ,o!eth

,(athed in l&%inosity# (e stir (ith %eas&red 'o%peten'e o&r a%"er drinks in long-ste%%ed glasses Bo& are (eighing %y o$$er and 2 a% (aiting $or yo&r ans(er (ith h&shed end&ran'e !he ar%'hairs are so$t# the lo""y is l&7&rio&s# as "e$its $ive-star hotels 2 a% not tense 2 have anti'ipated yo&r response even "e$ore 2 %ade %y %ove ,oon# te%ples sheathed in perspiration# yo& &se the o&t$it-s thi'k paper napkins to (ipe it o$$ Loosen yo&r tie 0retend to "e i%%ersed in 'al'&lations Bo& e7press strident dissatis$a'tion and 2 $eign re'oil# as tho&gh inti%idated "y yo&r lo&dness <ithdra(ing to %y se'ond line o$ de$en'e# 2 s&rrender to yo&r si%&lated (rath !he signs are here# the gest&res# the in$initesi%al %ove%ents that yo& 'annot 'ontrol 2 l&rk 2 kno( that de$inite look# that i%per'epti"le t(it'h# the inevita"ility o$ yo&r s&rrender 2 a% a 'on %an and yo& are %y vi'ti% !he s(indle is &n$olding here and no(# in this very atri&%# a%id all the e7travagan'e 2 a% selling yo&r so&l and 'olle'ting the 'hange 2 a% sharpened# like a ra( nerve $iring i%p&lses to yo&# re'eiving yo&rs# an ele'tri'al-'he%i'al dialog# 'onsisting o$ yo&r s%elly s(eat# %y s'ented e7&dation 2 per%eate yo&r 'ra'ks 2 "roker an allian'e (ith yo&r $ears# yo&r pains# de$en'e 'o%pensatory %e'hanis%s 2 kno( yo& 2-ve got to %eld &s into one As d&sk gives (ay to night# yo& tr&st %e as yo& do yo&rsel$# $or no( 2 a%

nothing less than yo& 3aving adopted yo&r parti'&lar gesti'&lation# 2 nod approvingly (ith every %ention o$ yo&r $a%ily Bo& do not like %e Bo& sense the danger Bo&r nostrils $lare Bo&r eyes a%ok Bo&r hands so restless Bo& kno( %e $or a "ilker# yo& realise 2-ll "reak yo&r heart 2 kno( yo& 'o%prehend (e "oth are 'hoi'eless 2t-s not a"o&t %oney E%otions are at stake 2 share yo&r depths o$ loneliness and pain ,itting opposed# 2 see the 'hild in yo&# the adoles'ent 2 dis'ern the pleading sparkle in yo&r eyes# yo&r sho&lders stooping in the very se'ond yo&-ve de'ided to s&''&%" 2 a% h&rting $or (hat 2 do to yo& 1y only 'onsolation is the ine7ora"ility o$ nat&re ) %ine and yo&rs# this (orld-s Gin (hi'h (e $ind o&rselves and not o$ o&r 'hoi'eH ,till# (e are here# yo& kno( 2 e%pathise (ith yo& (itho&t spee'h or %otion Bo&r solitary sadness# the ang&ish# and yo&r $ears 2 a% yo&r only $riend# %onopolist o$ yo&r invisi"le 'ries# yo&r inner hae%orrhage o$ salty tears# the tiss&ed s'ar that has "e'o%e yo&r "eing Like %e# the prod&'t o$ &n'o&nted "lo(s G(hi'h yo& so%eti%es 'raveH .eing a"&sed is "eing &nderstood# having so%e %eaning# $or%ing a narrative <itho&t it# yo&r li$e is nothing "&t an ane'dotal strea% o$ rando%ness 2 deal the $inal# over(hel%ing 'o&p-de-gra'e that (ill trans$or% the torn sheets o$ yo&r "iography into a plot 2t isn-t everyday one %eets a 'heat ,&'h 'on$ident en'o&nters 'an render everything e7plained Don-t give it &p 2t is a gi$t o$ li$e# not to "e $rivolo&sly dispensed (ith 2t is a test o$ (orthiness 2 think yo& ?&ali$y and 2 a% the str&'t&re and the

target yo&-ve "een sear'hing $or and here 2 a% 5o( (e are "o&nd "y %oney and "y "lood 2n o&r 'o%%on veins $lo(s the sa%e allian'e that dilates o&r p&pils <e hail $ro% one "eginning <e separated only to &nite# at on'e# in this hotel# this late# and yo& e7'lai%: 92 need to tr&st yo& like 2 do not tr&st a so&l9 Bo& "esee'h %e not to "etray yo&r $aith 0erhaps not so e7pli'itly# "&t "oth yo&r eyes are %oist# re$le'ting yo&r v&lnera"ility 2 gravely radiate %y &tter g&arantee o$ splendid o&t'o%es 5o hint o$ treason here Con'&rrently 2 a% plotting yo&r e%otional de%ise At yo&r re?&est# not %ine 2t is an a't o$ a%ity# to rid yo& o$ the very 'a&se o$ yo&r in$ir%ity 2 a% the instr&%ent o$ yo&r delivery and li"eration 2 (ill deprive yo& o$ yo&r a"ility to $eel# to tr&st# and to "elieve <hen (e diverge# 2 (ill have %o&lded yo& ane( ) %&'h less s&s'epti"le# %&'h %ore i%%&ne# the essen'e o$ resilien'e 2t is %y gi$t to yo& and yo& are s&rely grate$&l in advan'e !h&s# (hen yo& de%and %y $ealty# yo& say: 9Do not $orget o&r ver"al &nderstanding 9 And (hen 2 vo( %y loyalty# 2 ans(er: 92 shall not $orget to sta" yo& in the "a'k 9 And no(# to the transa'tion 2 st&dy yo& 2 train yo& to ignore %y presen'e and arg&e (ith yo&rsel$ (ith the &t%ost sin'erity 2 tea'h yo& not to resent yo&r (eaknesses ,o# yo& ad%it to the% and 2 re'ord all yo&r 'on$essions to "e &sed against yo& to yo&r "ene$it Den&ded o$ de$en'es# 2 leave yo& (o&nded "y e%"e88le%ent# a 'old# 'onte%pti"le e7pos&re And# in the %eanti%e# it-s only (ar%th and sa$ety# the inti%a'y

o$ e%pathy# the propin?&ity o$ %&t&al &nderstanding 2 only ask o$ yo& one thing: the $&llest tr&st# a (illingness to yield 2 re%e%"er having seen the $ollo(ing in an art ho&se %ovie# it (as a test: to $all# spread-eagled $ro% a high e%"ank%ent and to "elieve that 2 a% there to 'at'h yo& and "reak yo&r lethal pl&nge 2 a% telling yo& 2-ll "e there# yet yo& kno( 2 (on-t Bo&r 'aving in is none o$ %y 'on'ern 2 only &ndertook to "ring yo& to the "rink and 2 $&l$illed this pro%ise 2t-s &p to yo& to 'li%" it# it-s &p to yo& to t&%"le 2 %&st not halt yo&r 'rash# yo& have to re'o%pose 2t is %y 'ontri"&tion to the trans$or%ation that %etastasised in yo& long "e$ore (e %et .&t yo& are not yet at the stage o$ internalising these vera'ities Bo& still naively link $eigned geniality to 'onstan'y# inti%a'y and 'on$iden'e in %e and in %y deeds# pro7i%ity and $&ll dis'los&re Bo& are so terri$ied and %&tilated# yo& 'o%e deval&ed Bo& 'ost %e %erely a (hiskey t&%"ler and a 'o%pendi&% o$ ordinary (ords ;ne tear eno&gh to alter yo&r allegian'es Bo& are %allea"le to the point o$ having no identity Bo& 'rave %y to&'h and %y a$$e'tion 2 'rave yo&r in$or%ation and &n"ridled $aith 93ere is %y $riendship and %y 'aring# %y tenderness and a%ity# here is a h&g 2 a% yo&r parent and yo&r shrink# yo&r "&ddy and yo&r $a%ily9 ) so go the (ords o$ this ina&di"le dialog ) 96ive %e yo&r &tter# "lind# tr&st "&t li%it it to one point only: yo&r %oney or yo&r li$e 9 2 need to kno( a"o&t yo&r $&nds# the riddles o$ yo&r "oardroo%# 'o%%er'ial se'rets# yo&r skeletons# so%e inti%ate detail# a $ear# res&rgent hatred# the envy that

'ons&%es 2 don-t pres&%e to "e yo&r 'on$idant ;&r sharing is 'on$ined to the pe'&niary 2 l&ll yo& into the relie$ that 'o%es (ith %&'h red&'ed de%ands .&t yo& are an e7perien'ed "&siness%anA Bo& s&rely re'ognise %y ta'ti's and e%ploy the%# tooA ,till# yo& are "oth sed&'ed and te%pted# tho&gh on 'ondition o$ %aintaining 9independent thinking9 <ell# al%ost independent !here is a tiny 'ra'k in yo&r 'ere"ral ar%o&r and 2 a% there to thr&st right thro&gh it 2 a% ready to ha"it&ate yo& 92 a% in $&ll 'ontrol9 ) yo&-d say ) 9,o# (here-s the threat:9 And# tr&ly# there is none !here-s only 'ertainty !he 'ertit&de 2 o$$er yo& thro&gho&t o&r ga%e ,o%eti%es 2 even vent&re: 92 a% a 'rook to "e avoided9 Bo& listen (ith yo&r o''idental %anners# head tilted o"li?&ely# and (hen 2 a% $inished (arning yo&# yo& say: 9.&t (here the danger lies: 1y tr&st in yo& is li%itedA9 2ndeed ) "&t it is thereA 2 l&rk# a(aiting yo&r 'apit&lation# inha"iting the %argins# the t(ilight 8one t(i7t greed and paranoia 2 a% a viral pre%onition# invading avari'io&s %e%"ranes# prea'hing a gospel o$ death and res&rre'tion Bo&r death# yo&r rising $ro% the dead Ass&%ing the 'onto&rs o$ %y host# 2 a"andon yo& de$or%ed in dissol&tion !here-s no respite# not even $or a day Bo& are addi'ted to %y nagging# to %y penetrating ga8e# instin'tive sy%pathy# yo&-re ha&nted 2 don-t let go Bo& are eng&l$ed# 'o'ooned# 2 a% a so&l %ate o$ eerie insight# &nsel$ish a'&%en 2 vitiate %ysel$ $or yo&r %in&test needs 2 thrive on servit&de 2 leave no do&"t that %y sel$-love is e7'eeded only "y %y love $or yo& 2 a% &se$&l and yo& are a &ser 2 a% availa"le and yo&

avail yo&rsel$ .&t haven-t yo& heard that there are no $ree l&n'hes: 1y resta&rant is 'lassy# the pri'es %ost e7or"itant# the invoi'es a''&%&late (ith every s%ile# (ith every (ord o$ reass&ran'e# (ith every an7io&s in?&iry as to yo&r health# (ith every sa'ri$i'e 2 %ake# ho(ever ins&"stantial 2 keep a''o&nts in %y &nstated "ooks and yo& rely on %e $or every do&"le entry !he voi'es 2 instill in yo&: 93e gives so o$ hi%sel$ tho&gh largely &nre(arded9 Bo& $eel asha%ed# 'o%pelled to 'o%pensate A seed o$ !rojan g&ilt 2 harp on it "y %entioning others (ho deprived %e 2 'o&nt on yo& to do the rest !here-s nothing %ore potent than egotisti' love 'o%"ined (ith raging '&lpa"ility Bo& are %ine to do (ith as 2 (ish# it is yo&r (ish that 2 e%"ody and possess !he vise is tightened 5o( it-s ti%e to ponder (hether to $eed on yo& at on'e or s'avenge Bo& are already dying and in yo&r %ental 'ar'ass 2 a% gro(n# an alien 2nvoking yo&r i%%&nity# as 2 a% (ont to do# (ill $&rther %ake yo& ill and 'on$li't (ill er&pt "et(een yo&r (hite 'ells and yo&r "la'k# the t(in a"odes o$ yo&r a(akened $eelings Bo& hope against all odds that 2 a% a so&l-%ate 3o( does it $eel# the solit&de: /e( days (ith %e ) and yo& 'annot re'allA .&t 2 'annot re%e%"er ho( it $eels to "e together 2 'annot (aive %y loneliness# %y sta&n'h 'o%panion <hen 2 a% (ith yo&# it prospers And yo& %&st pay $or that 2 have no 'hoi'e "&t to a"s'ond (ith yo&r possessions# lest 2 re%ain "ere$t <ith &t%ost ethi's# 2 keep yo& (ellin$or%ed o$ these dyna%i's and yo& a'kno(ledge %y $ragility (hi'h %akes yo& desiro&s to salve %y (o&nds

.&t 2 %aintain the "ene$it o$ yo&r s&rprise# the $lo(ing %otion Al(ays at an advantage over yo&# the inter'hangea"le 2# on the other hand# 'annot "e repla'ed# as $ar as yo&-re 'on'erned Bo& are a loyal s&"je't o$ yo&r psy'hi' state (hile 2 a% a deni8en o$ the eternal h&nting gro&nds 5o li%its there# nor "o&ndaries# only the nostrils ?&ivering at the ga%e# the s&rging %&s'&lat&re# the "ody $l&ids# the s'ent o$ de'aden'e ,o%eti%e# the prey "e'o%es the predator# "&t only $or a (hile Ad%ittedly# it-s possi"le and yo& %ight t&rn the ta"les .&t yo& don-t (ant to Bo& 'rave so to "e h&nted !he orgiasti' %o%ent o$ %y prover"ial "&llets penetrating (illing $lesh# the rape# the violation# the %etaphori' "lood and love# yo& are no longer satis$ied (ith 'o%pro%ises Bo& (ant to die having e7perien'ed this er&ption on'e /or (hat is li$e (itho&t s&'h in$ringe%ent i$ not %ere ripening 'on'l&ding in de'ay <hat sets &s# 1an# apart $ro% "east is o&r a"ility to sel$-de'eive and s(indle others !he rog&e-s advantage over ?&arry is his 'apa'ity to have his lies trans%&ted till yo& "elieve the% tr&e 2 trek the &npaved path(ays "et(een %y tr&th and yo&r del&sions <hat a% 2# $iend or angel: A (eak# disintegrating apparition ) or a tri&%phant gro(th: 2 a% devoid o$ 'ons'ien'e in %y o(n re$le'tion 2t is a 'a&se $or %irth 1y 'o%ple7 is "inary: to $ight or $light# 2-% (ell or ill# it sho&ld have "een this (ay or 2 (as led astray 2 a% the "linding %&rkiness that never sets# not even (hen 2 sleep 2t over(hel%s %e# too# "&t also renders

%e $arsighted 2t ta&ght %e %y s&rvival: strike ere yo& are str&'k# a"andon ere yo&-re trashed# 'ontrol ere yo& are s&"j&gated ,o (hat do yo& say to it no(: 2 told yo& everything and haven-t said a (ord Bo& kne( it all "e$ore Bo& grasp ho( dire %y need is $or yo&r "lood# yo&r h&rt# the tra&%ati' 'o%a that (ill $ollo( !hey say one-s death "e?&eaths another-s li$e 2t is the %ost pro$o&nd destination# to (ill e7isten'e to yo&r pining d&pli'ate 2 a% pl&%p and short# %y $a'e is &n'ontrived and s%iling <hen 2 a% serio&s# 2 a% told# 2 a% like a "attered and deserted 'hild and this provokes in yo& an an'ient '&ddling instin't <hen 2 a% pro7i%ate# yo&r "ody and yo&r so&l are &nrestrained 2 (at'h yo& kindly and the arti$i'ial lighting o$ this %agni$i' vesti"&le "o&n'es o$$ %y glasses 1y eyes are 'radled in "la'kened po&'hes o$ (ithered skin 2 dra( yo&r ga8e "y sighing sadly and r&""ing the% (ith (eary hands Bo& in'line o&r "ody# g&lp the pi?&ant li"ation# and sign the do'&%ent !hen# leaning "a'k# yo& sh&t e7ha&sted eyes !here is no do&"t: yo& realise yo&r error 2t-s not too late !he do'&%ent lies there# it-s ready $or the tearing .&t yo& re$rain Bo& (ill not do it 9Another drink:9 ) Bo& ask 2 s%ile# %y 'h&""y 'heeks and (ire glasses sparkle 95o# thanks9 ) 2 say Ret&rn

T#e &lep#ant's ,all

91ay 2 "orro( yo&r pean&ts:9 ,he t&rned a pair o$ e%erald eyes at %e and s%iled as she handed the tin$oil pa'ket 2 have str&'k lasting $riendships (ith 'o-passengers in trans-Atlanti' $lights and 2 had a $eeling this 'han'e en'o&nter (o&ld prove no e7'eption 91y na%e is ,a% 9 - 2 said - 92 a% a shrink# "&t don-t hold it against %e 9 ,he la&ghed 3er voi'e (as h&sky and s&$$&sed (ith ti%"re and (ar%th: 9 2 like shrinks 9 - she said - 9!hey are al(ays good 'o%pany and have interesting stories to tell 2s there anything yo& 'an share (ith %e: As part pay%ent $or the pean&ts:9 A't&ally# there (as 2 t&rned o$$ %y overhead la%p and spra(led in %y seat# eyes sh&t: 9A $e( years ago# j&st o&t o$ s'hool# 2 opened a $ledgling pra'ti'e# a '&"i'le really# (ithin the o$$i'es o$ a %ore esta"lished 'olleag&e# a li$elong $riend o$ %y $ather-s ;ne o$ %y $irst 'lients (as re$erred to %e "y hi% ,he (as a (o%an in her $orties# (ell-dressed# so$tspoken# and in'redi"ly er&dite ,he s&$$ered $ro% re'&rrent tho&gh inter%ittent 'hest pains# 'hills# overpo(ering sadness# and paraly8ing an7iety and loathing# "ordering on o&tright terror 9 92 kno( ho( she %&st have $elt 9 - Re%arked %y

'o%panion ?&ietly 2 stole a '&rio&s glan'e at her# "&t %ade no 'o%%ent: 92t (as a strange a$$air 3er 'rippling sensations and e%otions (o&ld 'o%e and go in 'y'les o$ a"o&t a hal$ year ea'h 2 didn-t kno( (hat to %ake o$ it 2 (as not a(are o$ any periodi'ity in "rain "io'he%istry (hi'h %at'hed this a%plit&de 3er sit&ation has only gotten (orse: she "egan to negle't her appearan'e and to grad&ally avoid all so'ial 'onta't ,he developed paranoid ideation and perse'&tory del&sions: she re$&sed to eat or drink# 'lai%ing that so%eone (as s&rely poisoning her ,he even "e'a%e violent and atta'ked her neigh"ors (ith a kit'hen kni$e ,he said that they (ere ghosts o&t to ha&nt and drive her to insanity or 'ardia' arrest <e had to 'o%%it her and pla'e her &nder restraint 2 (as at %y (its end and none o$ the 'olleag&es 2 have 'ons&lted 'o&ld o$$er any &se$&l insight 9 9<as she %arried:9 9Bes# "&t her h&s"and (as so%e(here in A$ri'a# st&dying elephants 9 ,he perked &p: 92 a% an ethologist# 2 st&dy ani%al "ehavior <hat is his na%e:9 92 a% not at li"erty to tell yo&# 2 a% a$raid 9 - 2 shi$ted in %y seat# e%"arrassed - 91edi'al se're'y# do'tor-'lient privilege# all that ja88# yo& kno( 9 9,orryA 3o( st&pid o$ %eA ;$ 'o&rse yo& 'an-tA9 - Even in the relative di%ness# 2 'o&ld see that she (as

"l&shing 9Don-t (orry a"o&t it# no har% done 9 - 2 atte%pted to 'al% her - 9;n the "right side# 2 'an tell yo& (hat he (as &p to ,he des'ri"ed his pro$ession as a "ioa'o&sti's engineer 3e (as involved (ith a glo"al 'a%paign 'alled the Elephant Cens&s 0roje't 3e spent %onths on end taping their 'alls and trying to 'orrelate the% (ith vario&s de%ographi's: ho( %any %ales there (ere# hor%onal 'ondition o$ the $e%ales# age# that sort o$ thing 9 92 heard a"o&t the proje't 9 - ,he nodded# a"sent%indedly 9Anyho(#9 - 2 sighed - 9he (asn-t o$ %&'h help <hen he did ret&rn ho%e# (hi'h (as rarely# he (o&ld set &p his tape re'ording e?&ip%ent in a shed and play the tapes $or days on end 3e told %y 'lient that he (as trying to spot %igration patterns o$ the herds and other "ehavioral '&es# &sing 'o%ple7 statisti'al pro'ed&res ,he lost %e there# "&t it so&nded interesting# 2 %&st ad%it 9 91ore interesting than yo& kno( 9 - .l&rted %y interlo'&tor - 90rey# 'ontin&e 9 2 glan'ed at her# s&rprised 9!his %eans anything to yo&: 0erhaps yo& are in the sa%e line o$ (ork: 2 sho&ldn-t have gone on in s&'h detail# 2 a% a$raid 2t is a "rea'h o$ ethi's to provide in$or%ation that 'an allo( others to identi$y the 'lient 9 ,he 'h&'kled: 9Don-t (orry# yo& haven-t 9 - ,he said - 92 a% into an

entirely di$$erent s&"-$ield 9 96ood to hear 9 - 2 responded# relieved !he air'ra$t shook as it dove into an air po'ket !he lights $li'kered ,he s&ddenly l&r'hed and held onto %y hand 9Apologies 9 - ,he %&ttered (hen the plane sta"ili8ed 92 a% a$raid o$ $lying 9 9<e all are#9 - 2 soothed her - 9only so%e o$ &s are less $rank a"o&t it than yo& 9 ,he s%iled $ee"ly and re'o%posed hersel$: 9Elephants e%it lo( $re?&en'y (aves 'alled in$raso&nd !hey 'an-t "e dete'ted "y the h&%an ear# they are not a&di"le 9 9,o:9 9!hese (aves a$$e't o&r vision "y vi"rating o&r eye"alls 0eople e7posed to these (aves "e'o%e %oody# depressive# even s&i'idal 1any develop a tingling sensation in the spine# 'hest pains# and a host o$ other sy%pto%s !hey "e'o%e an7io&s# pho"i'# $ear$&l 9 2 stared at her# d&%"$o&nded 9<henever her h&s"and ret&rned $ro% A$ri'a# he (o&ld play the tapes# yo& said 9 2 nodded# a(estr&'k 9!he in$rasoni' (aves# 'apt&red on the tapes# (o&ld assa&lt her !his e7plains the 'y'les 9

9.&t he (orked in a shed at least J0 %eters a(ay $ro% the %ain ho&seA9 ,he la&ghed %irthlessly: 92n$rasoni' (aves go on $or %iles &ndi%inished and &ndist&r"ed !hey are kno(n to 'ir'&%vent any and all o"sta'les Elephants &se the% to 'o%%&ni'ate over vast e7panses o$ land 9 2 sat there# trans$i7ed# "&t then shook %y head: 92%possi"le 2$ the in$rasoni' (aves a$$e'ted her# they s&rely (o&ld have a$$e'ted hi% 9 95ot i$ he (as (earing spe'ial gear: earpl&gs# de$le'tors Resear'hers in the (ild &se these# too ,o%e o$ the% have "een %onitoring elephants and tigers and other in$raso&nd-e%itting ani%als $or years (itho&t any dis'erni"le e$$e'ts 9 2 t&rned to $a'e her# $ra%ed against a 'ity shi%%ering (ith a tho&sand ele'tri' je(els !he engine h&%%ed !he 5o ,%oking sign t&rned on !he 'aptain spoke# "&t 2 'o&ld not re%e%"er a (ord he said 93e 'o&ldn-t have "een %&st have kno(n:9 ,he nodded# deta'hed: 93e kne( !he e$$e'ts o$ in$raso&nd on h&%ans have "een re'ogni8ed al%ost thirty years ago /ield resear'hers take spe'ial pre'a&tions !here is no (ay he (as ignorant o$ the e$$e'ts o$ his (ork on his (i$e 9 9,o he he %&rdered herA9 ,&rely# he he kne( 3e

,he 'losed her eyes and took a deep "reath: 9,he is dead# isn-t she:9 9,&i'ide 9 - 2 'on$ir%ed - 9"lasted her head (ith his h&nting ri$le 3e has j&st ret&rned $ro% another trip and (as playing his tapes in the shed 3e 'lai%ed to have never heard the shot 9 Ret&rn

I 4ear Voices
92 hear voi'es 9 9!hey are real 2 a% o&t here 9 9Bo& (o&ld say that# no(# (o&ldn-t yo&:9 .( T#e Sale !he garage (as dingy and dark and the ite%s on sale sha""y and soiled An o"ese# ill-ke%pt (o%an o$ an indeter%inate age hovered a"ove the arti'les on display# her piggish eyes darting to and $ro# %onitoring the hapha8ard 'ro(d o$ "ro(sers and (anna"e-shoppers ,tala'tites o$ light tapered $ro% the irreg&lar 'ra'ks that passed $or (indo(s in the "ri'ked (alls ;nly the inter%ittent "arking o$ the $e%ale Cer"er&s interr&pted the eerie silen'e: 9Don-t to&'hA !ake it or leaveA9 !here (asn-t %&'h there: '&tlery splattered (ith 'r&sted "ro(n oil# t(o pairs o$ t(isted eyeglass (ire $ra%es# "ino'&lars# their lenses 'ra'ked# and a %o&nd o$ stained# $raying 'lothes and $oot(ear !he air reeked o$ de'ay and stale s(eat 2 headed $or the e7it 91isterA9 - 2t (as the gorgon that oversa( the %&ted pro'eedings 2 t&rned aro&nd# startled "y her halitosis-la'ed pro7i%ity 91ister#9 - she heaved an e7'la%ation - 9yo& $orgot thisA9

2n her hand# held high# dangled a "attered# "la'k plasti' laptop 'arrier 'ase 92t-s not %ine 9 - 2 said# eyeing her (earily 92t is no( 9 - ,he 'hirped in'ongr&ently - 9At $i$ty "&'ks# it-s the deal o$ the 'ent&ry 9 2 rea'hed to(ards the arti'le# "&t she hastily (ithdre( her sagging ar%: 9Don-t to&'hA =&st take itA9 !here (as so%ething $ier'e in her ga8e# like she (as trying to 'o%%&ni'ate to %e an o''&lt %essage# a (arning# %ay"e# or a s&ppli'ation 3er (hole "ody 'ontorted in a "lend o$ terrori8ed retreat and o$$ensive %arketing !he i%pa't o$ this in'oheren'e (as so &nsettling that 2 h&rriedly dove into %y "la8er po'ket# e7tra'ted a 'r&%pled note and handed it to her ,he s%iled tri&%phantly and laid the laptop at her $eet: 92 kne( yo&-d "&y itA9 - ,he e7'lai%ed 2 snat'hed the ite% and literally ran o&t o$ the tene"ro&s esta"lish%ent As 2 headed le$t on the 'o""led path# 2 tho&ght 2 heard a "ello(ing la&ghter# "&t# (hen 2 t&rned "a'k to look# the garage door s(&ng to and sealed the 'averno&s en'los&re

/( T#e Voices !he laptop (as a nondes'ript s?&are in shades o$ silver and navy "l&e 2t "ore no logo or "rand na%e 2t had no visi"le so'kets# ports# or pl&g-ins 2t t&rned on the %in&te 2 li$ted its 'over 2ts s'reen (as not inordinately large# "&t it s&pported a 'onvin'ing ill&sion o$ t&nneling depth and (as lit &p $ro% the inside 2t o''&pied the "etter part o$ %y /or%i'a-topped kit'hen ta"le 2 sat there# still 'lad in %y (ool s'ar$ and ja'ket# and (at'hed vari'olored loops and spirals shoot a'ross the shiny s&r$a'e# &ntil $inally they all 'oales'ed into a $a'e: (i8ened yet 'hildlike# (rinkled "&t &nreal# as tho&gh painted or 'are$&lly plotted "y so%e %e'hani'al devi'e 2 ga8ed at the 'ontraption and (aited (ith a gro(ing sense o$ $ore"oding# the so&r'e o$ (hi'h 2 'o&ld not $atho% 9Dr ,&ade:9 2 al%ost j&%ped $ro% the stool on (hi'h 2 per'hed the last $e( %in&tes !he voi'e (as oddly $e%inine and velvety and 'a%e $ro% a great distan'e# a''o%panied "y the $aintest o$ e'hoes 2 hesitated "&t sin'e the per$or%an'e (ent &nrepeated# 2 said: 9Dr Rao&l ,&ade: Are yo& looking $or Dr Rao&l ,&ade# the psy'hiatrist:9 9<ho else:9 - La&ghed the laptop 2 (as &nnerved "y its response# the throaty 'h&'kle# and the vi"rations that attended to it# per$e'tly sensi"le a'ross the not in'onsidera"le distan'e that separated &s

92 a% a$raid he is not here 9 - 2 %&ttered and then 2 added# to %y o(n dis'o%$it&re: 92 "o&ght yo& this %orning in a garage sale 9 !his (asn-t the kind o$ thing one ha"it&ally 'o%%&ni'ated to one-s 'o%p&ter !he laptop (hirred $or a (hile 92 (as progra%%ed "y Dr ,&ade 9 2t (as getting hot in here 2 took o$$ %y "la8er and loosened the %&$$ler aro&nd %y ne'k 9<hat did he progra% yo& to do:9 92 (as progra%%ed to e%&late psy'hosis 9 !here (as nothing to say to this o&tlandish state%ent 92 hear voi'es 9 - 2n a plaintive tone 9!hey are real 2 a% o&t here 9 9Bo& (o&ld say that# no(# (o&ldn-t yo&:9 2 la&ghed invol&ntarily: 92 e7ist# 2 ass&re yo& 9 93o( 'an 2 "e s&re o$ yo&r e7isten'e: Can yo& 'onvin'e %e# prove to %e "eyond a reasona"le do&"t# that yo& are not a $ig%ent o$ %y progra%:9 92 don-t have to prove anything to yo&A9 - 2 snapped and then 'o%posed %ysel$: 92 o(n yo& no( 6et &sed to it 9 !he laptop gave another one o$ its sinister sneers: 9Bo& (ill have to do "etter than that# 2 a% a$raid /or all

2 kno(# yo& %ay "e %erely a snippet o$ 'ode# a se'ondhand representation o$ a del&sion or an hall&'ination# a pathology that (as proje'ted o&t(ards and had ass&%ed the voi'e o$ a %an 9 2 r&""ed %y te%ples and glared at the glo(ing e%anation "eside the $r&it "o(el 2 de'ided to try a di$$erent ta'k: 92$ yo& are a(are o$ the nat&re o$ yo&r disorder# i$ yo& are a"le to dis'ern that yo& are del&sional or that yo& are hall&'inating# then yo& are not psy'hoti' And i$ yo& are not psy'hoti'# then 2 %&st "e real 9 !he laptop sprang to li$e# lines o$ te7t s'ra%"ling a'ross the &pper part o$ the s'reen 9Logi'al $alla'y 9 9.eg yo&r pardon:9 2 (as "egging a laptop-s pardon 0erhaps it (as right a"o&t %e a$ter all 9Logi'al $alla'y 9 - Repeated %y inani%ate interlo'&tor - 9<hat yo& are saying "oils do(n to this: 2$ yo& are a del&sion or an hall&'ination and 2 kno( it# then 2 a% not psy'hoti' and# in the a"sen'e o$ psy'hosis on %y part# yo& %&st "e real 2n other (ords# i$ yo& are a del&sion or an hall&'ination# yo& %&st "e real 1y a'kno(ledge%ent o$ yo&r nat&re as del&sional or hall&'inatory renders yo& real !his is nonsensi'al 9 9<hy do yo& keep saying -del&sion ;R hall&'ination-: <hat-s the di$$eren'e "et(een the t(o:9 !he laptop o"liged# rea'hing deep inside its data"ases:

9A delusion is -a $alse "elie$ "ased on in'orre't in$eren'e a"o&t e7ternal reality that is $ir%ly s&stained despite (hat al%ost everyone else "elieves and despite (hat 'onstit&tes in'ontroverti"le and o"vio&s proo$ or eviden'e to the 'ontrary- A #allucination is a -sensory per'eption that has the 'o%pelling sense o$ reality o$ a tr&e per'eption "&t that o''&rs (itho&t e7ternal sti%&lation o$ the relevant sensory organ- !hat-s ho( the Diagnosti' and ,tatisti'al 1an&al des'ri"es the% 9 2 digested the in$or%ation &nh&rriedly: 9,o# yo&r persistent 'onvi'tion that 2 do not e7ist# despite a"&ndant in$or%ation to the 'ontrary# %ay itsel$ "e a del&sion 9 92t %ay 9 - Agreed the laptop 'heer$&lly# its $a'e 'ra'king into a ghastly s%ile - 9!hat-s (hy 2 have asked yo& to 'onvin'e %e other(ise 9 92 don-t have to do that 2 don-t have to do a da%n thing that yo& ask 9 9!r&e 9 1in&tes passed in silen'e (hile 2 'onte%plated the e7'hange !he laptop 'r&n'hed so%e n&%"ers and evoked a s'reensaver in the shape o$ an all-'ons&%ing "la'k hole 2 glared at it# trans$i7ed 9Are yo& there:9 9!hat is not the ?&estion 9 - Retorted the laptop# its r&%inations pert&r"ed - 9!he real iss&e is: are 567 there:9 92 (ant to s&ggest a (ay o&t $or "oth o$ &s ,in'e 2 no( o(n yo&# 2 gather that (e %&st get along in order to

derive the %a7i%al "ene$it $ro% o&r $or'ed 'oha"itation 2 (ant to invite one o$ %y $riends over ,&rely# yo& (o&ldn-t 'onsider hi% a del&sion or a hall&'ination as (ell:9 92t is &nlikely that 2 (ill 9 - Agreed the laptop - 9.&t# (ho is to prove to %e that he is not a part o$ a (ider 'onspira'y to de'eive %e: <ho is to as'ertain that he is a "ona $ide (itness and not a 'og in a %&'h larger apparat&s (hose sole p&rpose is to del&de %e even $&rther:9 9Bo& %ay not "e psy'hoti'# "&t yo& are s&rely a paranoidA9 - 2 "l&rted and pa'ed the narro( roo% $ro% sink to re$rigerator and "a'k !he laptop restored its erst(hile visage and see%ed to $ollo( %y %ove%ent (ith in'reasing 'onsternation: 9Cal% do(n# (ill yo&: 0aranoid# perse'&tory del&sions are part and par'el o$ psy'hosis# there-s nothing e7'eptional a"o&t %y rea'tions 2 a% per$e'tly progra%%ed# yo& see 9 9<hat good is a laptop that do&"ts the very "eing o$ its o(ner:9 - 2 raged - 92 a% not even s&re (hether yo& have a (ord-pro'essor or a spreadsheet or an 2nternet "ro(ser installedA 2 (asted %y hard-earned %oney on a loopy %a'hineA9 !he laptop (eathered the stor% patiently and then e7plained: 92 a% a dedi'ated laptop# designed to e7e'&te Dr ,&ade-s psy'hosis so$t(are appli'ation 2 'an-t have a''ess to the o&tside (orld in any (ay that %ay 'o%pro%ise %y tasking ,o# no# 2 have no "ro(ser !he

2nternet is too (ild and &npredi'ta"le and %y progra% is too "rittle and sensitive to allo( $or s&'h an intera'tion .&t# o$ 'o&rse 2 in'orporate o$$i'e prod&'tivity tools 3o( 'o&ld anyone s&rvive (itho&t the% no(adays:9 2t so&nded o$$ended (hi'h grati$ied and sha%ed %e at the sa%e ti%e 91y %ission is o$ great signi$i'an'e 2 %&st "e shielded $ro% &nto(ard in$l&en'es at all 'osts De'iphering the %e'hanis%s that &nderlie psy'hosis 'o&ld provide h&%anity (ith the $irst verita"le insight into the tr&e (orkings o$ the %ind 2n this sense# 2 a% indispensa"le And# "e$ore yo& o$$er one o$ yo&r snide re%arks# yes# grandiosity and an in$lated ego are a%ong the hall%arks o$ psy'hosis 9 9Ego:9 - 2 s%irked - 9Bo& are nothing "&t 'hips and (ires and s'a%pering ele'trons# that is# (hen 2 de'ide to t&rn yo& on 9 92 a% al(ays on 2 'an-t a$$ord to "e o$$ 2 a% hypervigilant# yo& see ;ne never kno(s (hat people are plotting "ehind one-s "a'k# (hat derision# or 'onte%pt# or 'riti'is% they o$$er in one-s a"sen'e# (hat oppro"ri&% and ill-(ill is 'onj&red "y one-s 'o%pla'en'y and %ispla'ed tr&st 9 2 thre( &p %y hands in disg&st and leaned on the kit'hen-s (ooden 'o&nter# &psetting a por'elain stat&ette in the pro'ess 2t t&%"led to the tiled $loor and shattered noisily 2 ga8ed at it# enrapt&red: 9,&rely# this 'o&ld not "e a del&sion# (on-t yo& agree: ,o%eone did 'a&se this $ig&rine to 'r&%"le and this so%eone %ight as (ell "e %e 9

!he laptop (ent "lank and then rea(akened (ith a $ero'io&s s'ree'h: 9!he splintered $ig&rine is the e?&ivalent o$ yo&r voi'e .oth are entering %y syste% $ro% the o&tside .&t# yo& keep ignoring the 'r&7 o$ o&r hitherto $ailed atte%pts at 'o%%&ni'ation: ho( do 2 kno( that the voi'es# so&nds# i%ages# and other sensa are real: 3o( 'an 2 prove to %ysel$ or ho( 'an yo& prove to %e that %y sensory inp&t is# indeed# triggered "y so%e e7ternal event or entity:9 !he s'reen $illed (ith tightly-knit (ords# typed grad&ally a'ross it "y an ine7perien'ed hand: "T#ere are a "e! classes o" #allucinations8 Auditor+ ' T#e "alse perception o" voices and sounds )suc# as bu%%in$* #ummin$* radio transmissions* !#isperin$* motor noises* and so on-( Gustator+ ' T#e "alse perception o" tastes 6l"actor+ ' T#e "alse perception o" smells and scents )e($(* burnin$ "les#* candlesSomatic ' T#e "alse perception o" processes and events t#at are #appenin$ inside t#e bod+ or to t#e bod+ )e($(* piercin$ ob9ects* electricit+ runnin$ t#rou$# one's e:tremities-( 7suall+ supported b+ an appropriate and relevant delusional content( Tactile ' T#e "alse sensation o" bein$ touc#ed* or cra!led upon or t#at events and processes are takin$ place under one's skin( 7suall+ supported b+ an appropriate and relevant delusional content(

Visual ' T#e "alse perception o" ob9ects* people* or events in broad da+li$#t or in an illuminated environment !it# e+es !ide open( 4+pna$o$ic and 4+pnopompic ' Ima$es and trains o" events e:perienced !#ile "allin$ asleep or !#en !akin$ up( Not #allucinations in t#e strict sense o" t#e !ord( 4allucinations are common in sc#i%op#renia* a""ective disorders* and mental #ealt# disorders !it# or$anic ori$ins( 4allucinations are also common in dru$ and alco#ol !it#dra!al and amon$ substance abusers(" 9Bo& see:9 - 'on'l&ded the laptop so$tly - 9!here-s no (ay to tell (hether yo& are %erely a %od&le o$ %y sophisti'ated so$t(are or a real person (ith (ho% 2 have spent the last ho&r arg&ing Arth&r C Clarke said that advan'ed s'ien'e is indisting&isha"le $ro% %agi' <ell# e7tre%e progra%%ing is indisting&isha"le $ro% reality /or all (e kno(# the entire >niverse is a si%&lation in so%eone-s laptop 9 0( A!akenin$ !he dete'tive-inspe'tor s&rveyed the s'ene (ith evident distaste 3e (aved a(ay a $e( persistent# green-"ellied and o"ese $iles and sidestepped gingerly the "loated 'orpse that lay spra(led a'ross the kit'hen ta"le# its hand e7tended in $ro8en $&ry 9<hatever happened here:9 - 3e %&%"led 2 'leared %y throat: 9<o&ld yo& like %e to repeat (hat 2 have told the sergeant:9

3e shr&gged resignedly: 9Bo& %ight as (ell# 2 g&ess# altho&gh it is pretty o"vio&s# 2 sho&ld think 9 9At F o-'lo'k this %orning# 2 re'eived a phone 'all $ro% the de'eased 3e so&nded very 'on$&sed and asked %e to 'o%e over and prove to 9 2 hesitated 96o aheadA9 - >rged the inspe'tor 93e asked %e to 'o%e over and prove to his laptop that he e7isted 9 !he inspe'tor ar'hed his eye"ro(s: 92s this so%e sort o$ a joke:9 92t-s the tr&th 9 9<as he a %ental 'ase:9 92 a% his psy'hiatrist# as yo& kno( 2 'an-t ans(er that 5ot &nless this is a %&rder investigation !he do'torpatient privilege s&rvives death# in'l&ding death "y one-s o(n hand# (hi'h 'learly is the 'ase here 9 !he inspe'tor regarded %e 'oldly: 9<e (ill see a"o&t that soon eno&gh 9 - 3e so&nded vag&ely %inatory - 9,o# he (as yo&r patient:9 9Bes /or %any years no( 9 9<hat (as his pro$ession:9 93e (as a 'aretaker at the /a'&lty o$ 0sy'hology and

.ehavioral ,'ien'es not $ar $ro% here !hat-s (here 2 %et hi% 3e is one o$ %y pro "ono 'ases <as# (as one o$ %y pro "ono 'ases 9 - 2 pa&sed and the inspe'tor 'ast a 'a&tionary glan'e in %y dire'tion# so 2 pro'eeded hastily: 93e o$ten presented hi%sel$ as a psy'hiatrist and a 'o%p&ter progra%%er# (hi'h he (as not 5ot even re%otely 3e didn-t have an a'ade%i' degree o$ any sort 3e &sed to "orro( %y na%e and identity $or his es'apades 9 9A 'on-%an:9 9;h# no# nothing o$ the sort 9 !he inspe'tor sighed 9Did he possess a laptop: !here %ight "e 'l&es in there Bo& (on-t "elieve (hat people save on these %a'hines 9 2 gave a short# harsh la&gh: 9A laptop: 2t took %e eight years to 'onvin'e hi% to "&y a television set 9 !he inspe'tor gave %e a shre(d look: 9A paranoid# then: A$raid o$ C2A s&rveillan'e thro&gh the s'reen# death rays# radioa'tivity# little green %en# that sort o$ thing:9 9!hat sort o$ thing 9 - 2 sighed and $elt the (eight o$ the sleepless night and the harro(ing %orning 'reeping &p on %e - 91ay 2 go no(:9 !he inspe'tor snapped sh&t his 0DA <ith the tip o$ his shoe# he a"sent%indedly pro"ed so%e por'elain shards

s'attered on the $loor 9Bo& %ay go no(# Dr ,&ade 9 - 3e a'?&ies'ed - 9.&t not too $ar# please 5ever too $ar <e %ay yet (ish to speak to yo& 9

T#e Last 1a+s

/or years no( 2 have "een &rinating into $lo(er pots# spraying the shiny leaves# the $iss&red r&sset soil !ypi'ally# as ti%e passes# the plant 2 pee on "la'kens 2t is an odd and o%ino&s h&e# a %esh o$ "ron8e and %&stard arteries# like poisoning ,till# it keeps on gro(ing in degenerate de$ian'e against %e and its nat&re 2 o$ten 'onte%plate this to7i' ?&irk o$ %ine Does it a%o&nt to a "ehavio&r pattern# a set o$ $a%iliar# o$t-repeated a'ts that verge on psy'hologi'al a&to%atis%: And i$ it does ) is it pe'&liar: <ho is to j&dge# "y (hose a&thority: <hat are the %oral# or other# standards &sed to deter%ine %y e''entri'ity or idiosyn'rasy: 2 a% not even s&re the ?&irk is %ine Ad%ittedly# the &rine th&s e7pelled# a 'lo&dy sa$$ron# or a $la7en shade# e%erges $ro% the pallid# li%p appendage to (hi'h 2-% indisp&ta"ly atta'hed .&t this# as $ar as 2 a% 'on'erned# does not trans$or% %y (aste disposal into a pattern o$ "ehavio&r# nor does it %ake this ha"it&al dis'harge %ine 1y o"servations o$ the ro&tines o$ %y eva'&ation onto horti'&lt&ral 'ontainers are deta'hed G2 a% al%ost te%pted to la"el the% 9o"je'tive9H 2 $erret o&t the 'o%%on deno%inators o$ all these in'idents 2 never a"&se a potted plant (hen given a''ess to a restroo% less than three %in&tes (alk a(ay 2 j&di'io&sly &se 9three %in&tes9 !here have "een 'ases

o$ ho&seplant %&tilation (hen the nearest <C (as three %in&tes and ten se'onds $ar Also 2 never p&rge %ysel$ %erely $or pleas&re or 'onvenien'e 2 'an 'ons'ientio&sly say that the opposite is tr&e: 2 resort to %y vegeta"les only in ti%es o$ a'&te distress# "eyond end&ran'e >ndenia"ly# the physi'al release 2 $eel entails e%otional relie$ and the $aint tra'es o$ the e7&dative orgas% one e7perien'es (ith a (horish# $eral (o%an# (ho is not one-s spo&se !he longer 2 persevere# the $ier'er the 'as'ade# s'&lpting the loa% to $or% lakes o$ %&d and r&stling $roth Another %atter that greatly o''&pies %e is the indepth per&sal o$ the 'ir'&%stan'es in (hi'h %y pre$eren'es o$ eli%ination shi$t A pri%e 'ondition# o$ 'o&rse# is the availa"ility o$ a planter 2 $ind these in o$$i'es and other p&"li' pla'es 2 'herish the risk o$ "eing $o&nd e7'reting in these &rns ) the potential so'ial 'onde%nation# the $or'ed 'o%%it%ent to a %adho&se .&t (hy: <hat 'a&ses this $l&idal e7hi"itionis%: !he e7pos&re o$ %y %e%"er is i%portant !he (a$ting 'hill &pon %y $oreskin 2t is pri%ordially eroti'# a reli' o$ %y 'hildhood <e pee like that (hen (e are toddlers: the organ "are# o"served "y all and s&ndry# the so&r'e o$ $oa%ing $alls 2t-s an i%portant point# this nippy air o$ in$an'y E?&ally# there is the deli'io&s ha8ard o$ "eing spotted "y a "ea&ti$&l (o%an or "y the a&thorities Ga poli'e%an# a (arden# (hen 2 (as in jailH Bet# the (ished $or o&t'o%es o$ this re'klessness are "y no %eans as'ertained

Consider the a&thorities !his a't is so in "rea'h o$ %y %&'h-'&ltivated i%age as E&ropean intelle't&al ) that 2 anti'ipate "eing thoro&ghly ignored# in an atte%pt to avoid the realisation that they-ve "een 'heated Gor (ere they si%ply too o"t&se to noti'e %y "latant pre$eren'e $or her"al $loods:H Even %ore ina&spi'io&s: !hey %ay "e 'oer'ed into 'on'eding that not everyone 'an sa$ely "e de$ined or s&"je'ted to i%%&ta"le 'lassi$i'ation !his $or'ed ad%ission (o&ld &nder%ine the pillars o$ their so'ial order 2t-s "etter to pretend that they do "elieve %y story ) as 2 h&rriedly "&tton %y open $ly ) that 2 (as %erely sorting o&t %y 'lothes !hey hasten to avert their eyes $ro% the dark stain that en'o%passes %y s?&irting %anhood A "ea&ti$&l (o%an is another %atter altogether 2$ she happens to dete't %e# it has the %akings o$ pornography .eing the right type# this 'an "e the "eginning o$ a great# "l&e passion 2 a% not s&re (hat is the legal stat&s o$ %y a'tions >no"served# in the a"sen'e o$ a gasping p&"li' ) %y e7pos&re is not inde'ent ,o (hat is it: An o"s'enity: Da%age to p&"li' property: A 'orr&ption o$ the %orals: 2s there an o$$en'e in the 'ode7 th&s des'ri"ed: 9E7posing one-s penis to the "ree8e (hile standing over a "la'k and "ro(n and yello( plant:9 2 "et there isn-t ) tho&gh one 'an never "e too s&re <e are# there$ore# le$t (ith the pheno%enology o$ %y e7ploits 0&t less genteelly: (e 'an des'ri"e the a't "&t are very $ar $ro% 'o%prehending it 2 also noti'e that 2 resort to $lo(erpots "e$ore 2 "ro(se

a "ook# or (hile 2 do it# or a$ter 2 &se %y lo(er '&lvert to e7p&nge %y &pper se(er o$ all %anner o$ read 'ere"ral e$$l&en'e 1y learned piss# %y high"ro( vinegar <hile i%%ersed in reading# so%eti%es 2 $orget to drink $or %any ho&rs 2t does not a$$e't the $re?&en'y o$ %y eli%inations 2# there$ore# $eel 'o%pelled to esta"lish no 'onne'tion "et(een $l&ids 'ons&%ed and &rine prod&'ed (hen intelle't&ally engaged 1y higher $&n'tions o$$er splendid reg&lation o$ %y a?&eo&s e'ono%y 1y %anner o$ &rinating in plant 'ontainers is di$$erent to the (ay 2 pee in the glea%ing "o(ls o$ reg&lar loos Con$ined a%ong the tiles# 2 dis'harge %eti'&lo&sly# in a thin and %eas&red tri'kle# $ree to r&%inate on theoreti'al %atters or to 'onsider the last (o%an to have a"andoned %e and (hy she has 2 j&dge her reasons $li%sy ;&t in nat&re ) as rei$ied "y shrivelling potted shr&"s ) 2 e7perien'e a "reakdo(n in 'o%%&ni'ation (ith %y (and 2 $ind %ysel$ 'ajoling it "oth ver"ally and "y straining the %&s'les o$ %y "ladder and %y lo(er a"do%en 2 (ag it (ith a %ildness that %asks s&ppressed hostility and pent aggression 2 "egr&dge it the spontaneity and variegation o$ its inner and o&ter lives /ollo(ing a period o$ o"se?&io&s s&ppli'ation# it a'?&ies'es and e%an'ipates %y $loral &rine: a stern and $&rio&s jet er&pts in all dire'tions# a sprinkler o&t o$ 'ontrol# a hose (itho&t a no88le !here is the loneliness# o$ 'o&rse ;pposing a $lo&rishing jardiniMre# or an ivy 'overed

$ire hydrant ) 2 a% alone# the kind o$ priva'y that 'o%es (ith (inds(ept n&dity and p&"li' inti%ate a'ts !his is the solit&de o$ a re"el a"o&t to "e 'a&ght# an a't o$ &tter sel$-destr&'tion as %eaning$&l as $arting or eja'&lating in a (hore (ho-s "ored to the point o$ distra'tion 2n short: the angst 2 pee in e7istential (indo( "o7es Regarding the pots the%selves ) 2 a% indi$$erent 2 a% pretty 'ertain that 2 e7pel not on the 'ontainers "&t on the li$e that they 'ontain 2 &rinate on gro(th itsel$ and not on the 'on$ines o$ its develop%ent 2 a% 'apa"le o$ peeing on ho&seplants (herever they %ay "e 2 did it in elevators and on standpipes# aro&nd hedges# and in o&r pristine roo%s ) %y $or%er (i$e-s and %ine Long ago# 2 passed &rine in an e%pty 'lassroo% in %y s'hool (here they (asted %ornings groo%ing di%(itted girls to "e ine$$e't&al se'retaries !hat (as %y $irst e7pos&re and a"errant li?&e$a'tion 2 &sed a desi''ated little pot !r&th "e told# 2 (as not to "la%e !he janitor lo'ked %e in (itho&t allo(ing $or %y in'ontinent "ladder# the 'onse?&en'e o$ 'hroni' prostatitis $ro% early adoles'en'e !h&s in'ar'erated a%ong the %ina'io&s ro(s o$ ele'tri' type(riters# 2 did (hat 2 had to do on the t&r$ o$ the s'hoolroo%-s only $lo(erpot 2 spent t(o "liss$&l %onths o$ 'ooped &p a$ternoons there# typing %y $inals thesis a"o&t the last days o$ Adol$ 3itler As %y "ook-length paper progressed# the 'lassroo% reeked o$ stale e7'retions !he plant $irst shrivelled# 'hanging its 'olo&r $ro% d&sty khaki to li%pid yello( and then to s'rea%ing orange 2t (as only a short (ay $ro% there to the $a%iliar "ro(n-spotted %&rk that

a''o%panied the gro&nded shr&"-s desperate 'ontortions# atte%pting to evade the daily a'idi' 'hastise%ent 2 %eted o&t At last# it t(isted aro&nd itsel$# in a her"al agonising (hirl# and $ro8e 2t "e'a%e a st&%p# a re%nant# the arid %e%ory o$ an erst(hile plant 2t $or%ed a tiny 'avity that (histled (ith the "ree8e 2t ass&%ed the air o$ par'h%ent# in'reasingly transl&'ent as 2 $&rther dren'hed it 2t (as the $irst ti%e 2 (itnessed the intri'a'ies o$ death in a'tion .eing at hand# 2 (as its %ain or only agent# the $irst and sole deter%inant o$ its tri&%ph over li$e 2 %eti'&lo&sly do'&%ented ea'h 'onvol&tion o$ the in$erior organis% 2 realised that $e( 'an relia"ly re'o&nt the (ithering o$ a plant in s&'h 'onditions 2ts (ilting is "o&nd to el&de the $inest o$ dete'tives i$ he re$&ses to a'kno(ledge %y sodden 'ontri"&tion !his (as# indeed# the point: an opport&nity to %&rder# replete (ith the attendant pleas&res o$ a protra'ted tort&ring to death ) and still to "e a"solved Are yo& &pset: !hen ask yo&rselves: (hat sho'ks yo& in the passing o$ a $lo(er in a 'lassroo% thirty years ago: Bo& have no ready ans(er Lately# 2 adopted this novel ha"it o$ peeing in $oreign toilets# aro&nd the "o(ls# 'reating $i88ing ponds on shi%%ering $loors 2 hal$ e7pe't the tiles to yello( and to "ron8e and then to rare$y into li%pidity .&t por'elain is %ore resilient than 'ertain $or%s o$ li$e 2t keenly $eeds on &rine 2t-s not the (ay to go 1&st $ind another ven&e to e7plore that (et $risson 2 e7it lavatories engrossed in %o&rning# deje'ted#

nostalgia-in&ndated 2 heave %ysel$ onto a leathery love seat and 'r&%"le# a% e%"ryo ens'on'ed 2 %&st 'o%pletely re'onsider 2 kno( not (hat# till (hen# (hat p&rpose to this 'onte%plation At least the ra"id do&sing o$ $lo(er pots is %eaning$&l ) 2 pee# there$ore 2 kill .&t this in'o%prehensi"le trot $ro% john to ar%'hair and "a'k appears to "e the (rong traje'tory ;n the other hand# 2 $o&nd no other path and an internal voi'e keeps (arning %e to delve no deeper 2 gather that %y (i$e has le$t a (hile "a'k ,he &sed to (onder (hy the plants in o&r apart%ent e7pire soon and %any ,he 'hanged the $ading vegetation# never the dying earth 5ot having heard her ?&estions Gand the plants "eing &nto&'hedH# 2 'on'l&de# (ith a $air a%o&nt o$ 'ertainty# that she is gone 5o point in peeing into pots (hose plants are dead 1y (i$e (o&ld have enjoyed the %etaphor ,he says that (hat yo& see (ith %e is never (hat yo& get 2 $ind it di$$i'&lt to i%agine (hat she (o&ld have said had she kno(n a"o&t %y disposal ha"its 2t (o&ld have $it her theory a"o&t %e# $or s&re At any rate# 2 a% not in'lined to (ater &rns (hose $lo(ers (ithered >nholy &rine# s&'h as %ine# is %ost &nlikely to e$$e't a res&rre'tion 2 religio&sly (ash %y hands a$ter the a't !his %ight "e 'onsidered o&t o$ 'hara'ter as 2 o(ned &p to peeing (hi'hever (ay# on plants and other o"je'ts ,o%eti%es the (ind %esses &p the strea% and sprays %e teasingly 2 'annot al(ays sho(er and s'o&ring %y pal%s is kind o$ a rit&al: 9see yo&# a$ter all# 2 a% p&rged 9 2 %iss %y (i$e# the %allea"le $olds o$ 'rea%y skin 2

&sed to ni""le 5o( there is no one 2 'an pe'k and the $lat is 'onstantly in d&sk 2 a% &na"le ) really# &n(illing ) to get o$$ the lo&nger 2 dragged to the entran'e o$ the toilet 2 (ish 2 had so%eone 2 'o&ld gna( at Co%ing to think o$ it# %y (i$e (o&ld have "een interested in the details o$ %y soggy devian'e .&t 2 a% pretty 'ertain that she (o&ld have "een the only one And# even so# her '&riosity (o&ld have "een %ild at "est ;r none7istent# no( that she has vanished 2 'leanse %y hands again 2t-s sa$er ;ne never kno(s the %is'hie$ o$ the (inds <hy sho&ld 2 risk the inadvertent introd&'tion o$ %y (aste into %y %o&th (hile eating: <hen %y (i$e in$or%ed %e she is "ailing o&t o$ o&r depressing li$e# she insisted that 2 (as the $irst to a"andon her ,he a''&sed %e o$ e%otional a"senteeis% 2 (as in the throes o$ a parti'&larly grati$ying leak on the &ndergro(th aro&nd a 'ri%son $irepl&g !he o7"lood soil# no( $rothy la'ed# a$la%e# the setting s&n 2 pla'ed the 'all to her naively ,he "id $are(ell# her voi'e (as steel# and she (as gone 2 instantly grasped the stark $&tility o$ any (ar 2-d (age to "ring her "a'k 2 also kne( it-ll never "e the sa%e# peeing on plants 2 a% "o&nd to re%e%"er her and (hat and ho( she said# the $right$&l "&rn# that s(oon 2 %&st have t&rned yello(-pale# then "ro(norange# and p&tre$a'tive arteries have spr&ng thro&gho&t %e 2 'o&ldn-t do a thing "&t (rithe &nder her senten'e !he %&$$led so&nds o$ 'ars $ro% o&tside ,o%e people tell the %ake "y distant r&%"les: deep "ass# stentorian "&sses# the (hee8ing "&88 o$ 'o%pa'ts 2 play

this g&essing ga%e no longer 2 &nderstand no( that the phone (on-t ring# that the ho&se i$ e%pty# that there is nothing to revive a shrivelled shr&"# i%%ersed in &rine# i%planted in a%%onia' soil 2 think a"o&t the last days o$ 3itler: ho( he roa%ed his &ndergro&nd "&nker (ith i%agined &l'ers# poisoning his "eloved 'anines# his "irthday party# and ho( he (ed his %istress the day "e$ore the t(ain 'o%%itted s&i'ide 3o( they (ere "oth 'ons&%ed "y $ire !his (as the topi' o$ %y dissertation (hen 2 &rinated $or the $irst ti%e in a $lo(erpot# in %y 'hildhood high s'hool# in %y $orlorn "irth to(n# so long ago 2 had no 'hoi'e !he s'hool-s 'aretaker lo'ked %e in And this is (hat 2 (rote: 3o( t(o get %arried kno(ing they (ill soon "e dead and ho( it %atters not to the% !hey e7ter%inate the dogs and 'he( on 'yanide# having instr&'ted everyone "e$orehand regarding the disposal o$ their "odies And then the shot !heir last $e( days 2 st&died in those early days o$ %ine !heir last $e( days Ret&rn

Lucid 1reams
92%agine a L&'id Drea%ing !o&rna%ent $or 2ndivid&als and 1&ltiplayer !ea%s9 - 2 said =a'k i%"i"ed his drink listlessly 3e (as as &ninspiring as his pedestrian $irst na%e 2 'o&ldn-t $atho% (hy 2 kept so'iali8ing (ith this a%e"i' spe'i%en o$ o$$i'e (orker <e had nothing in 'o%%on# e7'ept the 'ra%ped and s%elly '&"i'le (e shared 9L&'id Drea%ing:9 - 3e intoned# ga8ing dole$&lly at his e%pty glass# his (a7y $ingers 'o%p&lsively s%oothing the doily &nderneath it 92t-s (hen yo& kno( that yo& are drea%ing and 'an 'hange the 'ontents o$ yo&r drea% at (ill: its environ%ent# the set o$ 'hara'ters# the plotline# the o&t'o%e 9 92 kno( (hat is l&'id drea%ing#9 - stated =a'k# his voi'e as $lat as (hen he ordered the ne7t ro&nd o$ drinks 9Bo& do:9 - 2 'on$ess to having "een sho'ked L&'id drea%ing is the last thing yo& (o&ld drea% o$ asso'iating (ith =a'k 9Bes# 2 do 9 - A hint o$ a s%ile - 92 &sed to pra'ti'e it 9 90ra'ti'e it: <hat do yo& %ean:9 =a'k t&rned and eyed %e '&rio&sly# his e?&ine $a'e strangely ani%ated: 9=&st ho( %&'h do yo& kno( a"o&t l&'id drea%ing:9 95ot %&'h 9 - 2 ad%itted - 9Read a"o&t it here and

there 2 a% %ore interested in its "&siness appli'ations 3en'e %y idea o$ organi8ing a to&rna%ent 2t is doa"le# isn-t it: 2 %ean# 2 read a"o&t shared drea%s and s&'h 9 2$ 2 hadn-t kno(n =a'k# 2 'o&ld have s(orn to have seen his visage $leetingly t&rning derisive .&t# the %o%ent passed and he (as his old anodyne sel$ again 3e sighed and sipped $ro% his long-ste%%ed re'epta'le: 9!here are %any te'hni?&es developed and &sed to ind&'e l&'id drea%s !here-s <2LD# (here yo& go dire'tly $ro% (ake$&lness to a drea% state 2t-s eerie# like an o&t o$ "ody e7perien'e 9 93o( (o&ld yo& kno( (hat an o&t o$ "ody e7perien'e is like:9 - 2 'o&ldn-t help "&t ask =a'k s%oothed the greasy strands that passed $or hair on the shiny# "&%py do%e o$ his sk&ll: 92 had a $e( (hen 2 (as a kid Do'tors told %e it (as disso'iation# %y (ay o$ $leeing the horrors o$ %y yo&th# so to speak 9 3e s%iled r&e$&lly and the e$$e't (as terri$ying 2 averted %y eyes 9Anyho(# 2 also tried 12LD# to re'ogni8e tell-tale signs that 2 a% drea%ing (hile asleep and <.!. - that-s: (ake-"a'k-to-"ed - (here yo& sleep $or a (hile# then (ake &p# then 'on'entrate on a drea% yo& (o&ld like to have and then go "a'k to sleep 2 even (ent $or s&pple%ents and devi'es that (ere s&pposed to help one to have l&'id drea%s ,o%e o$ the% (orked# a't&ally 9 3e s'r&tini8ed the $atty resid&es o$ his $ingertips on the s&r$a'e o$ the glass and then g&lped the entire 'ontents do(n

9<o(A9 - 2 said# appropriately appre'iative - 92 didn-t kno( there (as so %&'h to itA9 2 hoped that $lattery a&g%ented "y a $e( %ore drinks - (ill "e eno&gh to se'&re the $ree 'ons&ltan'y servi'es o$ =a'k 92t-s j&st the tip o$ an i'e"erg >sers and developers all over the (orld are no( (orking on shared l&'id drea%ing and on enhan'ed learning te'hni?&es 2t-s an a(eso%e ne( $ield 9 2 s&ppressed a s%irk 9A(eso%e9 (as one o$ %y $avorite 'at'hphrases and =a'k has j&st plagiari8ed it non'halantly 1ay"e there-s still hope $or hi%# 2 %&sed !he 'onversation looked stalled# tho&gh# =a'k lost in so%e la"yrinthine inner lands'ape 2 had to do so%ething 92%agine a gadget that 'o&ld re'ord drea%s# and then replay# &pload the%# and net(ork (ith others 2 'all it: 1indshare 9 9;ldest the%e o$ s'i-$i novels and $il%s 9 - =a'k shr&gged and (aved the (aitress over ,he glan'e $&rtively in %y dire'tion 2 kne( 2 had this e$$e't on (o%en: tall# athleti'# al(ays e7pensively attired# handso%e# 2 a% told 0oor =a'k: do&r# gr&$$# "alding# d&ll and looks to %at'h his 'hara'ter or la'k thereo$ 9,&'h a %a'hine 'an "e &sed to 'o%%it the per$e't %&rder 9 - 2 insisted - 92nd&'e a drea% o$ e7tre%e physi'al e7ertion in a person (ith a heart 'ondition ;r sho( spiders to an ara'hnopho"e# or pla'e so%eone (ith a $ear o$ heights poised to $all o$$ a 'li$$ 9 3e gave a sti$led snigger:

9Bo& see% to "e good at this sort o$ thing# "&t a "it "ehind the '&rve 9 2 ignored the insin&ated disdain: 92 have it all $ig&red o&t 9 - 2 pro'eeded 'heer$&lly 9!he i%ple%ent %&st 'o%e e?&ipped (ith a %ind $ire(all $or prote'tion 2 'all it the %ind(all Bo& kno(# to $end o$$ &n(anted intr&sions# ha'kers# 'ra'kers# 'ri%inals# that sort o$ thing !he %ind(all (ill "e designed to prevent e7a'tly the sort o$ 'ri%e (e have j&st "een dis'&ssing 9 =a'k shi$ted his gangly "ody in the high-"a'ked transparent plasti' 'hair 3e didn-t respond# j&st st&died the $an-shaped pastel lights aro&nd &s 2 got really 'arried a(ay# treating =a'k %erely as a ne&tral "a'kdrop: 95o(# there (ill "e 'ontent developers# talented drea%ers# drea% distri"&tors# plat$or%s# and (hat not E7a'tly like so$t(are# yo& kno( All 'ontent (ill "e allo(ed "&t (ith ratings# like in the $il% ind&stry 2nevita"ly# 2 'an $oresee the e%ergen'e o$ %ir&ses# %ind vir&ses# and %rojans# or %ind-!rojans 2 even tho&ght o$ a ne( type o$ 'ri%inal o$$ense: 1ind !rapping# trying to alter the 'ons'io&sness o$ a 'olle'tive "y inter$ering (ith the %inds o$ a 'riti'al %ass o$ its %e%"ers All these (ill all "e illegal# nat&rally# and the /.2 (ill have a spe'ial "ran'h to take 'are o$ the%# the 9 9 125D: 1ind# 2dentity# 5e&ral# and Drea%ing 0oli'e9 - ,aid =a'k /or a %o%ent there# 2 (as disoriented !his (as %y

line# the ne7t $e( (ords 2 (as a"o&t to say 3o( did =a'k 3o( did he =a'k stared at %e oddly .eads o$ 'lotted s(eat $or%ed on his "ro( and st&""ly jo(ls 3e %&ttered: 93&tton-s 0arado79 9<hat:9 - 3e (as "eginning to piss %e o$$ (ith his $eigned aloo$ness and enig%ati' &tteran'es !he (aitress glan'ed at &s '&rio&sly 2 reali8ed that 2 had raised %y voi'e 9<hat:9 - 2 repeated# this ti%e (hispering 9!he .ritish (riter# Eri' .ond 3&tton# s&ggested to ask the ?&estion -A% 2 drea%ing:- to deter%ine i$ yo& are in a drea%-state or not !his ?&ery (o&ld never o''&r to yo& (hile yo& are a(ake# so the very $a't that yo& $eel 'o%pelled to pose it proves that yo& are asleep 9 9!hat-s &tter nonsenseA9 - 2 s&s&rrated - 92 a% de$initely and (idely a(ake right no( and 2 'an ask this ?&estion and it-s not 'on'l&sive one (ay or the other 9 9!hen ho( do yo& e7plain the $a't that 2 kne( (hat yo& (ere a"o&t to say:9 9L&'ky g&essA9 - 2 hissed - 9,heer 'oin'iden'eA9 =a'k shook his head sadly and &sed a $li%sy paper napkin to (ipe $il%s o$ so&py perspiration o$$ his 'ontorted $a'e: 9!he (ords (ere too spe'i$i' 0l&s 2 got the a'rony% right Either 2 (as reading yo&r %ind lo&d and 'lear or (e are "oth drea%ing right this very %in&te 9 <e sat there# th&nderstr&'k 2 kne( he (as right !he p&"# its t&"&lar $ittings# pinstriped (aitresses# and

ponytailed "ar%en looked s&ddenly 'ontrived and 'onj&red &p# like papier-%N'hO# or 'ard"oard '&to&ts# only ani%ated so%eho( 9.&t# 9 - 2 "egan (ho is 9

And he 'ontin&ed: 9 9

drea%ing (ho:9 - 2 $inished

<ho is the drea%er: <ho is the $ig%ent: 2 'ertainly didn-t $eel invented 2 had a $lat# a horde o$ girl$riends# %oney in the "ank# a $a%ily# a history# a $&t&re 2 had =a'k# $or ChrissakesA 2 had 'o-(orkers# a "oss# a 'areer# a '&"i'le that s%elled like (et dog in (inter and a %an-s lo'ker-roo% in s&%%erA ,till# =a'k didn-t look &nreal# either 3e (as too loathso%e to "e a drea%# "&t ins&$$i'iently de$or%ed to $it into a night%are 3e (as j&st an ordinary# inter'hangea"le# dispensa"le 'og Repellent 'og# "&t &se$&l And he drank %artinis 5o one in %y drea%s ever drank al'ohol# a vestige o$ %y teetotalling &p"ringing And =a'k# too# had a jo" and a li$e ;r# did he: <hat did 2 really kno( a"o&t hi%: Co%ing to think o$ it# nothing %&'h 3e (ore garish 'lothes# ate sand(i'hes (rapped in oily paper# 'lai%ed to have a parrot# (hi'h 2 never sa( 2s that eno&gh to dis?&ali$y hi% and render %e i%%aterial: 5o (ayA 9!here are tests 9 - ,aid =a'k a$ter a (hile 9<hat do yo& %ean: -tests-:9 9!ests to deter%ine i$ yo& are drea%ing or not Like: pin'hing yo&r nose tight-sh&t and trying to "reathe (itho&t &sing yo&r %o&th 2$ yo& s&''eed to do it# it-s a

drea% 9 9Anything else:9 9;h# there are h&ndreds 9 - 6r&nted =a'k non'o%%ittally 9,o%ething (e 'an do right here and no(:9 9.oth o$ &s don-t need to do it 9 - ,aid =a'k - 92$ one o$ &s s&''eeds# then the other is real 2$ he $ails# the other-s a %ere $antasy 9 2 sh&ddered =a'k raised "oth his hands and st&'k his le$t th&%" thro&gh his right pal% Clean thro&gh 2 ga8ed at hi%# d&%"$o&nded As the reali8ation o$ (hat this %eant da(ned on %e# 2 $elt elated 9!hereA9 - 3e said# strangely tri&%phant - 92 a% the del&sion and yo& are real 2 al(ays kne( this to "e tr&e 2n $a't# 2 a% relieved 2t-s (asn-t easy "eing %e 9 3e stood &p and repeated the st&nt 9!hat (as 'oolA9 9Co&ld yo& do it again:9 9<ay to go# %anA9 - A 'hor&s o$ ad&lation# appla&ding "artenders# (aitresses# and patrons s&rro&nded =a'k# (ho see%ed to "ask in the attention 3e kept thr&sting his th&%"s into his pal%s and e7tra'ting the%# not a drop o$ "lood in sight# his hands none the (orse o$$ $or the tear and (ear that %&st have "een involved ,&ddenly so%eone asked: 9Can yo&r $riend do tri'ks# too:9 =a'k 'hortled:

95o (ayA 3e is real# %anA9 - And the roo% e7ploded in sinister la&ghter 92 don-t think he is %ore real than yo& areA9 - ,aid the red-headed (aitress that 'o&ldn-t keep her eyes o$$ %e (hen she served &s drinks !he "it'hA 9Beah# right# let hi% do so%e %agi'A9 - Everyone joined in and grad&ally dri$ted and $or%ed a 'ir'le aro&nd %e =a'k stood aside# s%irking and spreading his hands as i$ to say: 9<hat 'an 2 do:9 9Do itA Do itA Do itA9 - !he %&r%&r grad&ally in'reased# &ntil it "e'a%e a %ina'io&s roar# an o%ino&s r&%"le 2 li$ted %y hands to $end o$$ the so&nd (all# "&t all 2 'o&ld see (as t(o "leeding st&%ps (here they sho&ld have "een: 'r&shed# "lea'hed "ones and protr&ding arteries# spo&ting a dark and strangely $ragrant li?&id onto %y $a'e 9=a'kA9 - 2 shrieked - 9<here are %y hands: <here are %y hands# pleaseA =a'kA9 !he %o" 'lapped th&ndero&sly and =a'k took "o(s# as he (eaved his (ay to(ards %e 3e knelt do(n and p&t his $leshy %o&th to %y ear: 9!hat-s another test 2$ yo& 'annot see yo&r hands# i$ they are repla'ed "y so%ething hideo&s# yo& are drea%ing 2t-s %erely a night%are# don-t (orry a"o&t it 9 9.&t# 2 'an-t "e drea%ing# 2 a% real# 2 a% not a 'hara'ter in a hall&'inationA9 - 2 protested# striving to raise %ysel$ o$$ the shiny 'hess"oard-patterned $loor# s&pporting %y %ysterio&sly (eightless "ody on the t(o st&%ps that (ere %y ar%s

=a'k sighed: 92 don-t kno( a"o&t that !hese tests only tell yo& that yo& are in a drea%# "&t they 'an-t disting&ish "et(een 'hara'ters in the phantas%agoria !hey 'an-t tell yo& i$ yo& are the drea%er or %erely one o$ the 'hara'ters "eing drea%ed o$ 9 9.&t# (hen yo& pier'ed yo&r hand (ith yo&r th&%"# yo& said that yo& (ere &nreal and that 2 e7istA !hat 2 a% doing the drea%ing and yo& are in %y drea%A9 - 2 'ried 3e s%iled "enevolently: 92 kne( that it %eant a lot to yo&# that this is (hat yo& (anted to hear 9,o# it (as all a lie: All o$ it:9 - 2 heaved# holding "a'k a torrent o$ tears =a'k slid "y %y side# legs e7tended# to&'hing the opposite (all: 9All yo& have to do to $ind o&t is to (ake &p 9 - 3e said and r&""ed his te%ples (earily 2 noti'ed ho( $atig&ed he looked: "ags &nder his eyes# his veiny skin# his distended pa&n'h 3e appeared old# &nke%pt# and disheveled 92 don-t (ant to (ake &p# 2 a% a$raid# =a'k 2 a% a$raid that 2 %ight not e7ist 9 =a'k nodded in e%pathy: 92 kno(# 2 kno( .&t# like that# trapped in a drea%# yo& de$initely do not e7ist 2t-s an ill&sion# all o$ it 2t 'hanges at its 'reator-s (hi% and "ehest <e are nothing# %ere stand-ins# de'orations# $rills Don-t yo& (ant to at least try to have a li$e: Don-t yo& (ant to have so%ething to 'all yo&r o(n# to "e so%eone: Bo&

don-t even have a na%e hereA9 And he (as right 2 didn-t 2 (anted to protest# "&t# the %in&te 2 opened %y %o&th# 2 kne( =a'k had a point and 2 did not have a na%e 2 (as na%eless 2 %ight as (ell 'all %ysel$ 9=a'k9 $or all 2 kne( 9=&st give %e yo&r hand 9 - =a'k said so$tly - 9<e are in this together <e (ill (ake &p or (e (on-t# "&t (e are a tea%# "&ddy A$ter all# (e share the sa%e o$$i'e# re%e%"er:9 - 3e s%iled# a vain atte%pt at joviality 3e e7tended his right hand and 2 pro$$ered %y le$t# 'oag&lated st&%p# and (e held on to ea'h other and (illed o&rselves a(ake Ret&rn

Ni$#t Terror
8" .he Doctor 3e inserts the syringe into %y j&g&lar and dra(s "lood# sp&rting into the 'ylindri'al 'ontainer ,e'&rely seated on %y 'hest# he then %akes pre'ise in'isions aro&nd %y eyelids and atte%pts to e7tra't %y eye"alls in one s(i$t %otion 2 'an see his ro&nd $a'e# 'rooked teeth# and shiny "la'k eyes# per'hed &nder "&shy eye"ro(s A tiny %&s'le $l&tters a"ove his 'len'hed ja( 3is do'tor-s (hite ro"e $laps as he "estrides %e and pins do(n %y &nthrashing ar%s !here is only the sten'h o$ s(eat and the %&$$led inhalations o$ tort&red l&ngs 1ine 2n %y ears a dr&%"eat and a $ara(ay shriek# like a seag&ll "eing "&t'hered in %id-$light 1y "rain gives orders to phanto% organs 2 see the% $ro% the 'orners o$ %y "loodshot eyes: %y ar%s# %y legs# like "ea'hed (hales# "l&ish# gelatino&s# and &seless 2 s'rea% 2 strike at hi% "&t he evades %y thr&st and re'edes into the %&rky "a'kgro&nd 2 (on-t give 'hase !he doors and (indo(s are lo'ked# alar% syste%s every(here 3e stands no 'han'e 3e t&rns to vapor and %ateriali8es ne7t to %e in "ed# 'lad in his ro"e# eyes sh&t# a 'ontented s%ile on his $a'e !his is %y only 'han'e 2 t&rn to %y side# relieved that %otility is restored 2 gra" his slender ne'k 2 $eel his p&lse: it-s $ast and irreg&lar 2 s?&ee8e 3e gr&nts And harder 3e 'lasps

%y $orear%s and %e(ls ,o%ething-s not right !he do'tor never (hi%pers Every night# as he peels the skin o$$ %y $a'e (ith deli'a'y and 'are# he %akes no so&nd# e7'ept "ela"ored "reathing <hen he e7tra'ts tooth a$ter nail# 'astrates %e ti%e and again# inje'ts detergents into %y 'r&%"ling veins# he does so ina&di"ly and e7pertly 2 hesitate 91a7A9 3er voi'e 91a7A <ake &pA9 2 'an-t (ake &p as 2 a% not asleep !he do'tor-s there# in o&r "ed# a danger to &s "oth 2 %&st e7ter%inate hi% $inally 91a7A Bo& are having another night%areA 0lease# yo& are h&rting %eA9 !he do'tor-s head t&rns aro&nd $&ll 'ir'le and at the "a'k o$ his $lattened sk&ll there is the $a'e o$ ,arah# %y lover and %y $riend 2 re'oil 2 let go 1y heart threatens to "reak thro&gh ri" and skin# its thr&%%ing in %y ears# %y "rain# %y eye so'kets# %y violated j&g&lar 2 sleep /" Sarah 3er "ags are pa'ked# %y s'arlet $ingerprints "le%ish the (hiteness o$ her skin# she is 'rying 2 rea'h $or her "&t she retreats in horror# nostrils $lared# eyes %oist# a nervo&s ti' a"ove her 'len'hed ja(

92 a% a$raid o$ yo& 9 - ,he says# voi'e $lat 92 didn-t %ean to 9 - 2 $ee"ly protest and she shr&gs: 9Besterday# 2 tho&ght 2-d die 9 3er hand shoots to her ne'k invol&ntarily# 'aressing the sore "r&ises# (here 2 atte%pted to strangle her at night 92t-s hi%# yo& kno(# the do'tor 9 ,he sh&dders 92 sa( hi% yesterday againP %ani'&red# "es&ited# 'oi$$ed# as elegant as ever 3e (as inje'ting %e (ith so%ething that "&rned# it (as not phenol# 2 (o&ld have died 2t (as so%ething else 9 92t-s over 9 - ,ays ,arah# her eyes do(n'ast# she so&nds &n'onvin'ed 93e-s still alive 9 - 2 reason - 9!hey haven-t 'a&ght hi%# yo& kno( !hey say he is in Argentina 9 9<herever he %ay "e# there-s nothing he 'an do to yo& 9 ,he steps $or(ard# pal% e7tended to(ards %y 'heek# and then thinks "etter o$ it# pi'ks &p her tattered s&it'ase and leaves 1" 'gain9 the Doctor A rigid plasti' pipe# thro&gh the large vein in %y leg# to(ards %y ovaries 2 a% a (o%an 2 a% to "e sterili8ed !he do'tor 'ro&'hes at the $oot o$ %y "ed# inspe'ting (ith %o&nting interest %y private parts !here is a greenish li?&id in a giant pl&nger 'onne'ted to an 24 stand 3e nods (ith satis$a'tion 3e "randishes a glinting s&rgi'al kni$e and sli'es %y a"do%en 3e

takes o&t a s?&arish organ %ired in gory sli%e# %y (o%"# and inspe'ts it thoro&ghly !here-s "lood every(here 2 'an see %y intestines '&rled in the 'avity# (rapped tight in an opa?&e and p&lsating sheet !(o ri"s are visi"le and &nderneath the%# %y oversi8ed heart 1y "reathing sears 2 'hose tonight to "e a (o%an 2 (ant hi% to "e at ease# not on the alert 2 (ant hi% to "e i%%ersed in rearranging %y organs# tearing the% apart# so(ing the% "a'k reversed 2 (ant hi% to $orget hi%sel$ in the sand"o7 that is %y "ody 3e leans over %e# to st&dy (hether %y le$t "reast is la'tating 2t is not 2 rea'h $or the hypoder%i' and deta'h it in one s(i$t %otion 2 sti'k it in his j&g&lar 2 press the pl&nger !he do'tor g&rgles 3e (hi%pers and %e(ls 3e (at'hes %e intently as his senses d&ll and his "ody gro(s li%p !here is "lood every(here !he do'tor dro(ns in it# %y "lood and his# a $or"idden %i7t&re 3" .he %olice 9<as he a %edi'al do'tor:9

95ot that 2 a% a(are o$ 9 !he "&rly poli'e%an s'ra(led in his thread"are pad !he psy'hiatrist shi$ted in her overst&$$ed ar%'hair: 9<hy are yo& asking:9 ,he (as a s'ra(ny# "lea'hed "londe and (ore high heels and a plate-si8ed pendant to (ork !he 'op sighed and slid a 'ri%e s'ene photograph a'ross the "&rro(ed s&r$a'e o$ the desk 92t-s to&gh vie(ing 2 hope yo& didn-t have "reak$ast 9 3e ?&ipped ,he 'overed her %o&th (ith a dainty# (rinkled hand as she a"sor"ed the details 92 'an e7plain that 9 - ,he literally thre( the photo "a'k at her interlo'&tor 3e gri%a'ed: 96o ahead# then 9 91y patient is (earing the (hite do'tor-s ro"e "e'a&se one o$ his alters (as a 5a8i 'a%p do'tor 9 !he poli'e%an "linked: 9.eg yo&r pardon:9 91y patient (as a 0olish =e( 3e spent three years in vario&s 'on'entration 'a%ps# in'l&ding A&s'h(it8 9 92 heard o$ A&s'h(it8 9 - ,aid the poli'e%an s%&gly 9!here# he and his yo&ng (i$e# ,arah# (ere s&"je'ted to %edi'al e7peri%ents 'ond&'ted "y 5a8i do'tors in (hite ro"es 9

91edi'al e7peri%ents:9 9Bo& don-t (ant to kno( the details# "elieve %e 9 - 2t (as the psy'hiatrist-s t&rn at one-&p%anship .&t the o$$i'er (as insistent 9!hey sterili8ed his (i$e At $irst# they inje'ted so%e s&"stan'e to her ovaries thro&gh a vein in her leg !hen they e7tra'ted her (o%" and (hat (as le$t o$ her reprod&'tive syste% ,he (as a(ake the entire ti%e !hey did not "other (ith antisepti's ,he died o$ in$e'tion in e7'r&'iating pain 9 !he poli'e%an 'o&ghed nervo&sly 9<hen %y patient (as li"erated# at the "eginning o$ 19DJ# he developed a host o$ %ental health pro"le%s ;ne o$ the% (as Disso'iative 2dentity Disorder# $or%erly kno(n as 1&ltiple 0ersonality Disorder 9 !he 'op s'ri""led so%ething and %&%"led to hi%sel$ 93e had three alters 2n other (ords# his original personality $ra't&red to at least three parts: the original 3e# another part that ass&%ed the identity o$ his dead (i$e# and a part that "e'a%e the do'tor that tort&red the% 2n the last $e( years# every night# he ena'ted s'enes $ro% their in'ar'eration !he do'tor (o&ld 'o%e to hi%# an ho&r or so a$ter he $ell asleep# and 'ond&'t vario&s pro'ed&res on his "ody 9 9=es&sA9 - .l&rted the poli'e%an and (ent visi"ly pale 9!his is 'alled -night terror- !he s&"je't is asleep Bo& 'annot (ake hi% &p .&t he "elieves hi%sel$ to "e (ide a(ake and e7perien'es e7tre%es o$ terror >s&ally# he 'annot even respond "e'a&se he is %o%entarily

paraly8ed <e 'all it -sleep paralysis-9 9.&t then# i$ he 'annot %ove# ho( did he kill hi%sel$: 2t (as 'learly s&i'ide <e $o&nd the syringe ;nly his $ingerprints are on it <e (ere a"le to tra'e do(n the phar%a'y (here he "o&ght it 3e inje'ted hi%sel$ (ith so%e kind o$ a'idi' ho%e detergent 9 9Bes# it (as s&i'ide 9 - Agreed the psy'hiatrist# sh&t her eyes# and r&""ed her te%ples - 9As he gre( older# he also developed Rapid Eye 1ove%ent .ehavioral Disorder !his %eant that a$ter he (as paraly8ed "y the night terror# he (as a't&ally a"le to ena't it at a later stage o$ his sleep 3e played the do'tor# he played hi%sel$ resisting the do'tor# he played his (i$e "eing %&tilated "y the do'tor 3e (ielded knives# syringes# (o&nded hi%sel$ n&%ero&s ti%es Bo& 'an $ind all the hospital ad%ission $or%s in his $ile 2 gave hi% antidepressants <e talked 5othing helped 3e (as "eyond help ,o%e patients are "eyond help 9 - 3er voi'e ?&ivered 4" Hel: 92 killed hi%# ,arah# he-s dead 9 92 a% glad 9 93e (ill no longer "other &s <e 'an "e together again 2 (on-t "e having the drea%s 2 (on-t "e atta'king yo& any%ore 9 9!hat-s good# 1a7 9 92 peeled his $a'e "a'k# as he did to %e 2 inje'ted hi% (ith the green li?&id as he did to yo& Revenge is s(eet 2 kno( it no( 9

92 love yo&# 1a7 9 9And 2 never stopped loving yo&# ,arah 5ot $or a single %o%ent 9

A 1ream ,ome True

9!hey 'all it: -sleep deprivation- 2 'all it: hell 2 'an-t re%e%"er the last ti%e 2 have slept (ell# drea%lessly Bo& %ay say that it is to "e e7pe'ted (hen one is 'ooped &p in a D-"y-D 'ell# a(aiting one-s e7e'&tion .&t# 2 $o&nd %ysel$ eng&l$ed "y inso%nia long "e$ore that 2ndeed# as 2 kept telling %y in'o%petent la(yer# one thing led to another 2 ha'ked %y (i$e to tiny pie'es "e'a&se o$ %y phantas%agori' visions# not the other (ay aro&nd .&t# 2 a% j&%ping the ?&e&e Allo( %e to retra'e Ever sin'e 2 (as apprehended and detained# $o&rteen %onths ago# 2 have e%"arked on this prolonged no't&rnal ti%e travel !he %in&te 2 started to do8e o$$# 2 (as 'atap&lted into the past: 2 relived the $irst en'o&nter (ith %y (i$e to "e# the 'o&rtship# the trip to E&rope# o&r %arriage# the ho&se (e "o&ght# the "irth o$ o&r son - all see%ingly in real ti%e# as protra'ted episodes !hose (ere no ordinary hall&'inations either !hey (ere so vivid# so tangi"le# 'atering to %y every sense# that# (hen 2 (oke &p# startled "y the pro7i%ity o$ the da%p (alls# the rigidity o$ %y "&nk# and the 'oarseness o$ %y &ni$or%# 2 (o&ld lay a(ake $or ho&rs on end# disoriented and depleted "y the e7perien'e 6rad&ally# 2 'a%e to dread the night 2t (as as tho&gh %y past r&shed $orth# ai%ing to 'onverge (ith %y

hideo&s and hopeless present !he drea%s that ho&nded %e vi'io&sly (ere e7'r&'iatingly detailed# sel$'onsistent# and their narrative - %y a&to"iography - (as 'ongr&ent and 'ontin&o&s: 2 'o&ld s%ell 1ary# $eel the h&%id (ar%th o$ her "reath# play (ith her hair# listen to her halting senten'es !hese spe'ters progressed in an inevita"le 'hronology: her ad&ltero&s a$$air# %y 'ons&%ing jealo&sy# o&r 'on$rontations 2 'o&ld predi't the 'ontent o$ ea'h and every ephe%eral 'hapter in this hypnopo%pi' saga si%ply "e'a&se 2 had e7perien'ed the% all "e$orehand as %y very li$e 2 $o&nd the drea%s- %eti'&lo&s o%nis'ien'e &nnerving 2 'o&ld not a''ept the per$e'tion and i%pe''a"ility th&s i%p&ted to %y re'olle'tions 2t all $elt so real: (hen 2 (iped 1ary-s tears# %y hand (ent (etP (hen 2 attended to o&r o$t-negle'ted ne("orn# his s%ile (as 'aptivating# not a %i'rose'ond longer than it (o&ld have "een in vivoP 2 "&%ped into $&rnit&re and "led as a res&lt Co%e %orning# 2 (as "r&ised ,o%eti%es# (hen 2 (oke &p $ro% s&'h a tran'e# %y heart e7panded (ith insane anti'ipation: the 'ell# the %oldy paraphernalia o$ the penitentiary# the solid "ars# the v&lgar i%ages et'hed into the (alls "y 'o&ntless prede'essors - all these looked so ethereal 'o%pared to %y nightly visitationsA 2 (o&ld to&'h the% dis"elievingly &ntil reality sank in and# heavyhearted# 2 (o&ld re'line and stare at the %&rk that %arked the 'eiling# (aiting $or the s&n to re$eree "et(een %y t(o e7isten'es

2ne7ora"ly# %y a&tolyti' night%ares pro'eeded <hen 2 'on$ronted 1ary (ith her in$idelity# her drea%-state (raith rea'ted e7a'tly as its 'orporeal inspiration did in tr&th: 'onte%ning %e# disparaging# %o'king 2 (oke &p perspiring and short o$ "reath# 'ogni8ant o$ (hat (o&ld &ndo&"tedly &n$old ne7t ti%e 2 s&''&%" to %y over(hel%ing $atig&e 2 did not (ant to go thro&gh it again 2 tort&red %y $lesh into a $&ll state o$ a(akening# to no avail ,oon# 2 (as asl&%"er and in the throes o$ yet another heino&s seg%ent !his ti%e# 2 $o&nd %ysel$ 'onte%plating a kit'hen kni$e e%"edded in a pool o$ darkening "lood on the linole&%'overed $loor 1ary (as spra(led a'ross the dining ta"le in pre'ario&s a''livity# a"o&t to slip onto the a"attoir 3er hair (as %atted# her eyes gla8ed# her skin a (a7y ta&tness# and her $inger pointed at %e a''&singly 2 $elt s&rprisingly 'o%posed# di%ly a(are that this is "&t a drea%# that it had already happened ,till# there (as a sense o$ &rgen'y and an inner dialog that pro%pted %e to a't 2 pi'ked &p the gory i%ple%ent and pl&nged it into 1ary-s ne'k Dis%e%"er%ent in the servi'e o$ disposal o''&pied %y %ind in the ne7t $e( ho&rs as 2 separated li%" $ro% li%"# so%eti%es sliding as 2 stepped onto the vis'o&s %&'k /inally# the (ork (as done 1ary (as no %ore 2 then stirred# glaring (ith la'hry%ose eyes at the gli%%erings o$ in'ipient s&nshine a'ross the hall !he (ardens in their $irst ro&nds "ello(ed o&r na%es o%ino&sly d&ring the %orning 'all 2 e7a%ined %ysel$

g&iltily and apprehensively# "&t $o&rteen %onths o$ s'r&""ing had le$t no tra'e o$ 1ary 1y hands (ere 'lean 2 reali8ed that the only (ay to p&t an end to this tor%enting play"a'k o$ %y 'ri%e (as to sleep at on'e and to intentionally traverse the ti%e "et(een %y display o$ "&t'hery and %y '&rrent in'ar'eration 3aving "arely digested the %eager and ran'id "reak$ast# 2 alternately 'ajoled and 'oer'ed %ysel$ into e%"ra'ing the horror that a(aited %e !hro&gho&t the ne7t $e( days# 2 nodded o$$ $it$&lly# re'reating in %y visions %y "lood-splattered e$$ort to ha'k 1ary-s li$eless 'orpse to pie'esP %y ill-'on'eived atte%pt to $leeP %y 'apt&reP %y trial and the verdi't /inally# the night 'a%e that 2 $eared %ost 2 %editated# dra(ing deep "reaths as 2 so&ght the ar%s o$ 1orphe&s As 2 dri$ted a(ay# 2 "e'a%e vag&ely a(are o$ an odd 'onvergen'e "et(een %y drea% and %y s&rro&ndings 2n %y $antasy# 2 (as leg-$ettered and %ana'led !(o "ee$y poli'e%en &nloaded %e $ro% the ra%p o$ a tr&'k and handed %e over to the prison g&ards (ho led %e# in t&rn# to %y 'ell 1y drea%s and reality having th&s %erged# 2 strove to (ake &p 2n %y night%are# everything (as in its pla'e: the r&sty "&'ket# the stone "&nk# the $etid %attress# the in$ested "lanket# the overhead naked "&l"# (ay o&t o$ rea'h 2 (at'hed %ysel$ lying on the $rigid sla" ,tartled and pro$o&ndly pert&r"ed 2 asked %ysel$: ho( 'o&ld 2 o''&py the sa%e spot t(i'e over: <asn-t 2 already

re'&%"ent there# drea%ing this# drea%ing that 2 a% posing these ?&estions: .&t# i$ this (ere a drea%# (here is the real %e: <hy haven-t 2 (oken &p# as 2 have done 'o&ntless ti%es "e$ore: As the ans(ers el&ded %e# 2 pani'ked 2 shook the "ars violently# "anging %y head against the% 2 (as trapped in a del&sion# "&t everyone aro&nd %e see%ed to think %e real !he (ardens r&shed o restrain %e# their $a'es 'ontorted (ith disdain and rage A "lo'k-%ate yelled: 93old on# "&ddyA 2t ain-t so "ad a$ter a (hileA9 A %edi' (as s&%%oned to look at %y (o&nds !he drea% dragged on (ith none o$ the signs that hitherto heralded the transition to (ake$&lness 2 tried every tri'k 2 kne( to e%erge $ro% this inter%ina"le nether-state: 2 sh&t and opened %y eyes in rapid s&''essionP 2 pin'hed %y $orear% "l&eP 2 splashed (ater $ro% the 'r&%"ling sink on %y $a'eP 2 iterated the na%es o$ all the states o$ the >nion 2n vain 2 (as &na"le to e7tri'ate %ysel$A 2n %y overpo(ering an7iety# 2 'a%e (ith this idea: ensnared as 2 (as in %y night%are# i$ 2 (ere to go to sleep and drea% again# s&rely 2 (o&ld $ind %y (ay "a'k to realityA /or (hat a drea% is to reality# s&rely reality is to the drea%: Reality# in other (ords# is %erely a drea%er-s reverieA And so 2 did En%eshed in %y night%are# 2 (ent to sleep and drea%ed o$ (aking &p to $a'e this 'o&rt 2 (ant to "elieve (ith all %y heart that yo& and 2 are real

.&t# it isn-t easy Bo& see# yo&r 3onor# 2 have "een here "e$ore and 2 kno( the o&t'o%e 3ad 2 drea%t it: 2 shall soon $ind o&t# 2 daresay 3ere 2 a%# Bo&r 3ono&r# &na"le to tell one $ro% the other Do (ith %e as yo& please 9 1y la(yer rose and 'alled to the stand the %edi'al do'tor that attended to %y la'erations a$ter %y latest "o&t o$ raging in'oheren'e As he 'reaked his (ay a'ross the (ooden $loor# the good pra'titioner glan'ed at %e and nodded 2 ignored hi%# &ns&re (hether he is $a't&al# or j&st a $ig%ent o$ %y over(ro&ght and $e"rile 'onstit&tion At the "aili$$-s pro%pt# he raised his hand# s(ore on a he$ty .i"le and took his seat 3aving responded to so%e per$&n'tory en?&iries a"o&t his ?&ali$i'ations and position# he settled do(n to reply to %y ?&estions# p&t to hi% via %y la(yer: 92 (o&ldn-t go as $ar as saying that yo&r 'lient is %edi'ally# or even legally insane 3e s&$$ers $ro% a severe 'ase o$ pse&doinso%nia# tho&gh# that %&'h is tr&e 9 0ro%pted as e7pe'ted# the do'tor ela"orated: 9Bo&r 'lient sleeps (ell and reg&larly All the physiologi'al indi'ators are as they o&ght to "e d&ring a satis$a'tory and healthy so%nolen'e 1oreover# yo&r 'lient has drea%s# e7a'tly like the rest o$ &s !he only di$$eren'e is that he drea%s that he is a(ake 9

=&dge and j&ry jerked their heads in asto&nded in'o%prehension !he (itness 'ontin&ed to enlighten the "en'h: 9Bo&r honor# in his drea%s# this patient $&lly "elieves that he is a(ake 0eople a$$li'ted (ith this disorder 'o%plain o$ re'&rrent inso%nia# even tho&gh o&r tests 'onsistently $ail to t&rn &p a sleep disorder 2n e7tre%is# the very "o&ndaries "et(een (ake$&lness and napping get "l&rred !hey $ind it di$$i'&lt to tell i$ they are %erely drea%ing that they are a(ake# or are tr&ly not asleep 9 3e r&%%aged a%ong his papers &ntil he $o&nd the trans'ripts o$ his intervie(s (ith %e: 92n this patient-s 'ase# he developed pse&doinso%nia a$ter he dis'overed his (i$e-s liaison (ith another %an 9 - !he yo&ng do'tor "l&shed - 93e then "egan to drea% that he is a(ake and that he is planning and e7e'&ting the gr&eso%e assassination o$ his spo&se ;$ 'o&rse# thro&gho&t this ti%e# he (as so&nd asleep !he drea%s he (as having (ere so vivid and have pro'essed s&'h tra&%ati' %aterial that the patient re%e%"ered the% in detail 1oreover# $&lly "elieving hi%sel$ to "e a(ake# he did not reali8e these (ere only drea%s 3e 'onvin'ed hi%sel$ that the events he had drea%t o$ had a't&ally transpired 9 !he j&dge "ent $or(ard: 9Do'tor#9 - he droned# evidently annoyed - 92 don-t

&nderstand: i$ the patient "elieves that he had already %&rdered his (i$e# (hy is he a danger either to hi%sel$ or to her# let alone to so'iety at large: ,&rely# he is not going to %&rder her a se'ond ti%e:9 !he 'o&rt er&pted in la&ghter and the j&dge# s%&g on the podi&%# (as parti'&larly slo( to &se his ga"le to ?&ell the hooting !he do'tor re%oved his eyeglasses and r&""ed the lenses 'are$&lly: 9!he patient-s sense o$ reality is i%paired# Bo&r 3onor /or instan'e# he "elieves that he is in prison# like in his drea%s# altho&gh he has "een told n&%ero&s ti%es that he has "een 'o%%itted to a %ental health $a'ility $or eval&ation As $ar as he is 'on'erned# his e7isten'e has "e'o%e one "ig "l&r Every ti%e his drea%s are 'ontradi'ted# he %ay t&rn &nsettled and agitated 3e %ay even lose 'ontrol and "e'o%e violent 5e7t ti%e he 'o%es a'ross his estranged (i$e# he %ay tr&ly kill her# as a re-ena't%ent and a$$ir%ation o$ his night%ares and he is "o&nd to 'onsider s&'h a deed a har%less drea% 9 9,o#9 - the j&dge interr&pted hi%# i%patiently - 9it is yo&r vie( that he sho&ld "e 'o%%itted:9 92 (o&ld de$initely re'o%%end it 9 - Con'l&ded the do'tor <hen all the $or%alities (ere over# the j&dge rose $ro% his 'hair and (e all stood &p As he rea'hed the

entran'e door to his 'ha%"ers# he t&rned aro&nd# p&88led: 9.y the (ay# (here is his (i$e: 2 haven-t seen her even on'e d&ring these pro'eedings Anyone has 'o%%&ni'ated (ith her: !e'hni'ally# she is his g&ardian# yo& kno( 9 !here (as a long silen'e as everyone avoided everyone else-s ga8e# sh&$$led $eet# and r&$$led papers !hat (as %y last 'han'e: 92 %&rdered her# Bo&r 3onor 2 have "een telling yo& $or %onths no(A9 - 2 sho&ted !he j&dge eyed %e pityingly# sighed# shr&gged his sho&lders and $l&ng the door open# 'rossing into the pen&%"ral re'esses "eyond Ret&rn

T#e Galatea o" ,otard

<e (at'h the d&sk-dren'hed pyra%ids $ro% o&r hotel roo% "al'ony and 2 say: QBo& got it all (rong# %a 3e is not dead <e are R 3er stony $a'e i%%o"ile# she (o&ldnSt look at %e: Q3e has "een dead $or (ell over a de'ade# dear Bo& are 'on$&sed R 2 $idget and she hates it 2 s%irk# she hates it even %ore 2 say: Q3e got %e (ith a 'hild 2 had to rid %ysel$ o$ it R ,he nods# e7asperated 2 glan'e $&rtively at the inordinately large s'reen o$ %y i0hone DaliSs Q6alatea o$ the ,pheresR Like her# 2 sense the (ind ho(ling a%ong %y %ole'&les 2 a% grate$&l $or the stillness o$ the air !he $aintest "ree8e (o&ld have dispersed %e irretrieva"ly 2 tighten %y grip on the ornate "anister and stare do(n at the tee%ing street <here %y (o%" &sed to "e there is nothing "&t a (eed-gro(n r&in 2 $eel its (eather-"eaten a"sen'e# s'raped at diligently "y do'tors (ith s'ap&las and s'alpels 2 sa( the "lood e%itted "y %y "ody# oo8ing $ro% %y genitalia# a (rath$&l# tar-"la'k ad%onition QAre yo& h&ngry:R 3er gra%%ar and synta7 al(ays i%pe''a"le 2 st&dy %y parentSs pro$ile: the erst(hile $ir% 'hin no( "&'kled# the $la""y 'onto&rs o$ her on'e %&s'&lar ar%s 3er sto%a'h gone# like %ine 3er eyes are tear$&l# the kn&'kles o$ her s'&lpted hands are (hite 2 'h&'kle "itterly: QDead people donSt s&pp# %other 2 e7pired d&ring the operation# re%e%"er: <hen they e7tra'ted it R !here is a %o%ent o$ dead silen'e Q1y s&''&"&s to his in'&"&s R ,he takes a deep "reath and e7hales the (ords: Q2$ yo&

are tr&ly de'eased# then ho( are (e 'onversing:R !hatSs an easy one Q2n o&r %inds 2n %ine and yo&rs Bo& took yo&r o(n li$e# %a%a# (hen yo& $o&nd o&t 2 st&%"led a'ross yo&r li$eless "ody in the dark R ,he pin'hes %e hard# her $ingers 'la(ing# 'linging# "&rro(ing deep !he $lesh 'hanges h&es in protest !here is no pain# j&st a s&dden "l&sh and then it reverts to its (a7y 'o&ntenan'e Q!his h&rts#R ) she de'lares ) Q2 'an see it on yo&r 'ontorted $a'eAR 2 a% tired o$ "eing denied# o$ "eing negated so Q/ather had %e several ti%es# %other# las'ivio&sly 3e got %e pregnant 2 (ent to a 'lini' Bo& visited %e there Bo& (ere (ith hi% R ,he nods and sh&ts her ha8el eyes: Q2t (as a psy'hiatri' inpatient $a'ility !hey gave yo& %edi'ines and ele'tro'onv&lsive sho'ks !hey diagnosed yo& (ith CotardSs ,yndro%e Bo& (ere depressed# del&sional# and s&i'idal 2 had no 'hoi'e 2 a% sorry R !he into7i'ating so&nds o$ the street: donkeys "rayingP peddlers advertising their (ares# o$ten in rhy%eP a %&e88inSs 'all $or prayer# nasal and atavisti'P "eggars (hining# a"s'essed ar%s resting on a%p&tated# $lyin$ested st&%ps Death is every(here <e are to&ring 3ades and its in$ernal %on&%ents: the pyra%ids# the sphin7# pets and people e%"al%ed# $ragile hair inta't# desi''ated eye"alls resting in gri%y so'kets# skeletal hands $olded on disintegrating $a"ri's

Q<hy are (e here:R ) 2 de%and ) Q<hy did yo& "ring %e here:R 1y %other hesitates# "ites her lips# 'ra'ks her $ingers# all very atypi'al 3er nervo&sness is 'ontagio&s and &nsettling ,he is al(ays so 'o%posed ,he is still a very "ea&ti$&l (o%an 2 have to re%ind %ysel$# al%ost alo&d# that she is a 'orpse# an apparition# an &nreal proje'tion o$ %y %ind or hers Q2 tho&ght it (o&ld do yo& good#R ) she $inally &tters enig%ati'ally: Qall this devotion to eternity# the a$terli$e# this &n$lin'hing and $earless o"session (ith death 2t re%inds %e o$ yo&r $i7ation# "&t it is not del&sional and $alla'io&s 1ay"e it (ill give yo& the 'o&rage to 'on$ront 2 donSt kno( R ) she tapers to a (ist$&l (hisper 2 reposition on the reed re'liner ,he noti'es %y dis'o%$ort and raises her per$e'tly-pl&'ked eye"ro(s: Q>n'o%$orta"le# dear: ;ne (o&ld have tho&ght that yo& (o&ld "e R Q i%pervio&s to the in'onvenien'es o$ the $lesh R ) 2 'o%plete the senten'e $or her Q2 a%# "&t %y spirit isnSt 2t needs ti%e to adj&st 1y de'ay and p&tre$a'tion in the hospital (ere very s&dden R QAhAR ) says %a%a# her ga8e $arsighted# 'onte%plating the %issing golden ape7es o$ the pyra%ids !here is a long silen'e# p&n't&ated "y eerie dise%"odied so&nds e%anating $ro% the neigh"o&ring roo%s A 'o&ple is %aking love passionately and

a&di"ly !he (o%an s'rea%s# it so&nds like agony !he %an gro(ls 1other see%s &npert&r"ed QBo& $ind it di$$i'&lt to a''ept that (e have all died# that (e are nothing "&t %e%ories R Q5o#R ) %y %otherSs tone is stri't ) Q2 $ind it pain$&l to 'o%e to ter%s (ith yo&r del&sion that yo& are the dise%"o(elled re%nant o$ %y da&ghter# that yo& are a rotting 'orpse# and that yo&r $ather violated yo& (hi'h led to %y de%ise 2tSs all &ntr&e# a $ig%ent o$ yo&r over'harged %ind and over"&rdened psy'he And despite a"&ndant eviden'e to the 'ontrary and not(ithstanding %any 'o&rses o$ treat%ent# yo& are still "ent on yo&r version o$ %or"id $antasy 2 resent it $or yo&r sake as %&'h as %ine R Q!o%orro( (e (ill visit the pyra%ids:R ) 2 point at the distan'e 1y %other perks &p: QBes# love# (e (ill Anything spe'ial yo& (o&ld like to do and see:R 2 (o&ld like to visit graveyards 2 (o&ld like to lie prostrate a%ong the de'o%posing earth and s%ell the roots o$ $lo(ers /ather is there 3e "e?&eathed %e hell and le$t 2 (o&ld (ant to h&rl it in his $a'e .&t# 2 e7'lai% none o$ these (ishes 2 %erely shr&g and sh&t %y eyes# o"s'enely a"andoning %y $a'e to the s&nSs slanted 'aresses 2 'an $eel %y %otherSs ?&erying look &pon %e Q;ne good thing#R ) 2 try to 'o%$ort her ) Qis that the dead 'an never die again <e are "oth i%%ortal no( R 1y %other g&lps and tries to 'ontrol her (avering voi'e:

Q<hy do yo& pre$er i%%ortality to %ortality# 'hild:R Q2 a% a$raid o$ dying# %&%%y R ) 2 %&%"le# no( dro(sy ) Q2 have "een thro&gh it on'e and didnSt 'herish the e7perien'e R 1other la&ghs harshly: Q<hat is death like: Bo&Sd "e a%ong the $irst to enlighten &s ;thers have never %ade it "a'k# yo& kno( R 2# la8ily: Q2tSs like evaporation# an ine7ora"le $ading# an in're%ental sh&tting do(n o$ $a'&lties and $&n'tions 2t is this grad&ality that renders it so intolera"le# 2 g&ess !he predi'ta"ility o$ yo&r o(n ann&l%ent R ) 2 sat &p: QBo& re%ain 'ons'io&s to the very last nano-se'ond# yo& see Even "eyond# (hen yo& are no %ore !hereSs no respite# yo& are $or'ed to (itness ,o%e &n$ort&nates are never gone $or good R ) 2 sh&dder Q6hosts#R ) says %y %other# "&t (itho&t s'orn Q6hosts#R ) 2 'on'&r and rest %y head on %y %otherSs pl&%p sho&lder ,he strokes %y hair and sings so$tly to hersel$ !he s&n is golden no(# 'on'ealed "ehind the %assive str&'t&res on the $ar hori8on 2n the e%ptiness thatSs %e# a steering# an align%ent o$ the ato%s# a 'oheren'e that is al%ost "eing Q2 love yo&# 1o%#R ) 2 say

3u$ue
92t is =&ne9# she says !he an7iety (ells in the 'onto&rs o$ her 'ontorted $a'e as she leans 'loser to %e and s'r&tini8es %y evasive ga8e 2 a% in =an&ary and she is in %y $&t&re# in the =&ne o$ %y li$e 3er eyes s&spi'io&s slits# (rinkled in the t(ilight 8one "et(een dis"elie$ and $ear and sel$-del&sion !hese %onths# a te%poral a"yss ,he passes a hesitant hand thro&gh %y hair and eyes her $ingertips (ist$&lly ,he asks (here 2 have "een 93ere9# 2 retort# 9(here else:9 <here else# indeed 2 a% here in the %onth o$ =an&ary and it is searing hot and $lo(ers and "ees a$l&tter and the s&n# an in'ongr&o&s dis' high in the sky 92t is =&ne9# she repeats# 9and yo& have "een gone $or %onths 9 ,he elevates her lithe $ra%e and sighs as she glides to(ards a hal$-opened door !hen she pa&ses# her hand on an i%%a'&lately polished %etal handle 9!he 0oli'e say they $o&nd yo& in the 'ity# (andering# ai%less# disoriented# hal$-naked 9 ,he st&dies %e# h&nting $or a $li'ker o$ re'ognition# an a%"er o$ ad%ission 2n vain !he voi'es o$ e7&"erant 'hildren dri$t thro&gh the (indo( and hang like p&lsating s%oke in %id air ,he shr&gs resignedly and sh&ts the door "ehind her 1in&tes later she ret&rns (ith a s(eaty j&g o$ sparkling (ater 92t-s hot#9 she says# 9it-s s&%%er# yo& kno( 9 2 don-t kno(# "&t 2 g&lp do(n the li"ation ,he re'lines on the (orn ar%rest o$ the 'o&'h and s&pports her oval $a'e on a '&pped and sens&o&s pal% 9<hat have yo& "een doing all this ti%e: Don-t yo& have the slightest re'olle'tion: Can-t yo& try harder:9 2t-s getting "oring 2 'an-t try harder 2 'an-t try at all 2 don-t kno( (hat she-s talking a"o&t# e7'ept that she has a point a"o&t =&ne >nless this is the hottest =an&ary on re'ord# (hi'h deep inside 2 kno( it is not 2

st&dy the $loor tiles intently: a?&a%arine "orders "esieging a %ilky 'enter 2 'o&nt the% 2t gives %e respite# it 'al%s %e do(n 9<hat have yo& "een doing so $ar a(ay $ro% ho%e:9 ,he &tters the 'onvol&ted# hyphenated na%e o$ a to(n 2 do not re'ogni8e 2 shr&g# it-s "e'o%ing a re$le7 A snippet: a %an (alkingP the so&nds o$ a raging sea as it 'on$ronts a "arrierP the ha&nting la%ent o$ a solitary seag&ll 2 shr&g on'e %ore ,he sighs and retreats# a (hoosh o$ (ar%# per$&%ed air# a presen'e (ithdra(n in $eigned resignation .&t 2 kno( "etter than that: she never relents# that-s the (ay she is 3o( 'an 2 "e so 'ertain: 3o( 'o&ld 2 have "e'o%e a'?&ainted (ith s&'h an inti%ate detail i$ (e have never %et "e$ore as 2 so tena'io&sly %aintain: 2t %ay (ell "e =&ne# she %ay (ell "e right !here is a tiny $airy-tale ho&se dire'tly on the "ea'h# its $o&ndations "one-"are# gaping in li%estone and steel-pier'ed 'on'rete !he %an is inspe'ting these e7posed ri"s o$ a "ea'hed a"ode# kneeling and $ingering the (alls in a '&rio&s 'ross "et(een sa'ro-'ranial %assage and a 'aress 2 'annot see his $a'e# j&st the 're(-'&t o$ his hair and the o&tline o$ his sagging ja( !hen it-s gone and she "&sies hersel$ (ith a 'igarette# the lighter 'links as it hits the re$le'tive s&r$a'e o$ a rot&nd glass stand 2 (at'h her silho&ette in the hall(ay %irror ,he is a 8a$tig (o%an# her hair long and &n"raided# eye"ro(s &npl&'ked# t(o si%%ering 'oal l&%ps $or eyes and a pale rendition o$ a %o&th ,he %ay (ell "e a va%pire .&t s&nlight is strea%ing thro&gh every 'ra'k and opening# a yello(# ethereal e%anation# distin'tly &ns&ited to 8o%"ies and other 'reat&res o$ the night Eerie apparitions jostle on the television s'reen# '&t in hal$ "y potent (ords s'ra(led atop 'aptions and "anners: so%ething a"o&t a $a%ily $o&nd %&rdered# stakes driven thro&gh their hearts (hile asleep ,he says

$ro% the door$ra%e: 9!his happened a $e( days ago in Gagain the &n&ttera"le na%e o$ that to(nH 9 And then: 9!hey are still looking $or the killer 9 2 nod !he %an is raising a glove-'lad hand and per&ses it in $as'inated horror: the gar%ent is "loodied and torn 3e peels it o$$ and t&'ks it into the 'revi'e that &nderlies the ho&se !he (ind is ho(ling 3e s'oops &p sand and lets it drip thro&gh a $&nneled pal% >pstairs a (o%an and her 'hildren 3e sh&dders at the tho&ght !here-s so%ething $a%iliar in the %an# "&t 2 'an-t ?&ite p&t %y $inger on it 2 (ish hi% to t&rn aro&nd so that 2 'o&ld see his $a'e# "&t the %an j&st keeps $a'ing the (all# his "a'k to the $oa%ing sea# on his ha&n'hes# ra%rod straight# $ro8en in ti%e# in a grey =an&ary %orning =an&ary 5ot =&ne A ts&na%i o$ relie$: it 'o&ldn-t have "een %e 2 (as here in =an&ary# al%ost thro&gho&t the entire %onth <ith her: ,he st&"s o&t the 'igarette and re-enters the roo% ,he 'at'hes gli%pse o$ the gory ne(s 3er voi'e is $ir%# deter%ined: (e have to talk !alk# 2 say 9Bo& vanished one =an&ary day 9 <hat day: ;n =an&ary 2L 6o on 9Bo& did not %ake 'onta't sin'e A (eek ago# si7 %onths a$ter yo& have gone %issing# the 0oli'e $o&nd yo& 9 Bes# yes# 2 kno(# disha"ille# ra%"ling# in'oherent 9<hen (as this $a%ily killed:9 2 'at'h her o$$-g&ard ,he veers to(ards the "laring set and then: 9!heir "odies (ere dis'overed a $e( days ago# skeletons really !hey see%ed to have "een "&t'hered %onths "e$ore# no one kno(s e7a'tly (hen 9 An oppressive interl&de <hy did it take so long to $ind the%: 9!hey have j&st relo'ated 5o one kne( the%# the kids didn-t even register at s'hool yet 9 Iids: As in ho( %any: !hree# the yo&ngest one $o&r years o$ age !he %an (as he the $ather# her h&s"and: 3er "reath is "ated: 9<hat %an:9 !he %&rderer 95o one said anything a"o&t a %an !hey don-t kno( (ho did it#

'o&ld have "een a (o%an 9 And then: 9<hy do yo& think it (as a %an:9 2t takes a lot o$ strength to drive a stake thro&gh so%eone-s 'hest# even a 'hild-s 93o( (o&ld yo& kno(:9 - she (hispers <as she %arried: 2 insist# an &rgen'y in %y voi'e that 'o%pels her to respond: 9,he (as a (ido( Can'er 3e died $o&r years ago to the day 9 <hat day: !he day they (ere sla&ghtered !here-s s&'h $inality in her voi'e# it-s 'hilling A tidal (ave o$ apprehension 9Bo& think 2 did it:9 3er t&rn to shr&g <e 'onte%plate ea'h other in the (aning light 3er hair is glo(ing as she avoids %y stare /inally: 92 kno( yo& did it 9 Ino(: 3o(: 9Bo& told %e 9 2 a% overtaken "y pani'ked indignation: 92 never did 9 ,he s%iles (anly: 9Bo& (ere (orn-o&t and $atig&ed Bo& re%e%"ered nothing e7'ept that yo& have $inished o$$ a $a%ily o$ va%pires Bo& said yo& have %ade the (orld a "etter pla'e 9 4a%pires: 94a%pires# like in the %ovies and the "ooks 9 ,he 'ro&'hes "esides %e and takes %y hand tenderly !hen she p&lls %e o$$ the 'o&'h and drags %e thro&gh the pen&%"ral 'orridors o$ her ho%e 9<here are (e going:9 ,he doesn-t "other to respond <e 'li%" so%e stairs and (alk the length o$ a 'arpeted landing ,he t&rns a key and &nlo'ks a %assive oak door ,he stands aside and lets %e enter $irst 9!his is yo&r st&dy 9 - she says 2 (ant to deny it e7'ept the (ords sti'k in %y throat as 2 s&rvey the 'averno&s spa'e: photos o$ %e every(here# and o$ &s and pro$essional 'erti$i'ations and a(ard pla?&es and $ra%ed letters to and $ro% !oo %any to $orge# they resonate and rea(aken# they overpo(er %e 2 (ander in# da8ed and perple7ed A %assive %ahogany desk# littered (ith papers and opened "ooks (hose spines are shattered "y $re?&ent &se 93ave a 'loser look9# she s&ggests# ?&ietly 2 sink into an overst&$$ed i%itation leather 'hair and ponder the sta'ks 94a%pire lore#

va%pire s'ien'e# va%pire $il%s# va%pire literat&re#9 she e7'lai%s as she r&$$les thro&gh the papers and the d&sty to%es# en&n'iating the titles 9!he $a%ily 9 2 %&%"le $ee"ly 9A stake thro&gh the heart#9 she 'on'&rs# 9the s&rest (ay to kill a va%pire 9 92t-s still doesn-t prove it-s "een %e 9 9;h# give %e a "reakA9 she er&pts and then 'la%s sh&t and settles onto the (indo( seal# pondering the overgro(n garden 9<hat (ill yo& do no(:9 2 ask and she ?&ivers !here is a long silen'e# p&n't&ated "y o&r "ela"ored "reath and the r&stling o$ dying leaves against the (indo( 3er skin is a"nor%ally pale in the d&sky orange-$la%ing s&n 2 st&dy her pro$ile: the prono&n'ed# hollo( 'heek"ones# the deep-set so'kets# the veno&s ne'k# do(n to her arthriti'# gnarled hands that keep 'l&t'hing and &n'l&t'hing an i%aginary p&rse 2 'an-t re%e%"er the shape o$ her $eet# or "reasts# or (o%anhood ,he is so alien# so o&t o$ %y (orld 9Bo& really don-t re%e%"er a single thing:9 2 don-t# e7'ept the %addening ra'ket o$ the sea !he %an springs to his $eet 2 $eel he is a"o&t to t&rn 1y kn&'kles (hite against the ar%rests# 2 sh&t %y eyes and look in(ard at the &n$olding s'ene 3e s(erves and# $or a di88ying %o%ent there 2 a% a$raid that he (ill l&nge at %e# j&st 'ross the distan'e in a leap and drive a sharpened stake do(n %y sp&rting# protesting# 'onv&lsing heart .&t# instead# he %erely s%iles# a($&lly $a%iliar and $riendly-like# and hands %e the dripping i%ple%ent !hen he (aves his head in her general dire'tion# so%ething "et(een $are(ell and an ad%onition 3e is $&ll o$ e%pathy and 'o%passion as he $ades and e7its the darkened 'ha%"er

Se:somnia

92 a% (ith 'hildR ) says 1aria%# her eyes do(n'ast 2n the %&rk he 'o&ld not tell i$ her 'heeks are $l&shed# "&t the tre%or in her voi'e and her post&re are signs eno&gh !hey are "etrothed# he having paid the %ohar to her $a%ily t(o %oons ago (ith (itnesses aplenty ,he (as a virgin then: the elders o$ "oth $a%ilies %ade s&re and vo&'hed $or her At 1D years o$ age she (as no "ea&ty# "&t her plainness and the goodness o$ her heart appealed to hi% ,he (as s&pple and lithe and a hard (orker 3e liked her nat&ral s'ents and she o$ten la&ghed# a "ell-like tintinna"&lation that he gre( $ond o$ as her presen'e insin&ated itsel$ into his do&r e7isten'e .y no(# she has per%eated his a"ode# like silent (aters Boseph (as so%e(hat older and %ore e7perien'ed than his (i$e-to-"e ,hort# sto'ky and hirs&te# his only redee%ing $eat&re (as his eyes: t(o 'oals aglo( a"ove a "&l"o&s# veno&s nose in an other(ise 'oarse $a'e ;riginally $ro% =&dea# he $o&nd hi%sel$ stranded in 5a8areth# an o&tpost# hal$ (at'hto(er hal$ settle%ent o$ 'r&de and stony-$a'ed peasants 3e tra'ed his an'estry "a'k to Iing David and (o&ldnSt %arry one o$ theirs# so the lo'als %o'ked and resented hi% 1aria%Ss tri"e (as also $ro% =&dea and her "arren 'o&sin# Elisheva (as long %arried to a !e%ple priest 1aria% (as (ell"red and o"servant o$ 6odSs 'o%%and%ents 3e 'o&ld not i%agine her sinning

As (as his ha"it# he laid do(n his tools# straightened &p and stood# $ro8en in 'onte%plation /inally he asked: Q<ho is the $ather:R !here (ere "e(ilder%ent and h&rt in his voi'e 1aria% sh&$$led her "are# deli'ate $eet: QBo& areR# she (hispered 3e tensed: QDonSt lie to %e# 1aria% R Q2 a% notAR ) ,he protested ) Q2 a% notAR A sha$t o$ light penetrated the h&t and ill&%inated his ta"le and the $lapping 'orners o$ her go(n Q<e are not to "e %arried &ntil a$ter the harvest 2 'annot kno( yo& &ntil yo& are %y (i$e 2 did not kno( yo&# 1aria%AR ,he so""ed so$tly 3e sighed: Q<hat have yo& done# 1aria%: 2$ this (ere to "e kno(n R Q0lease# please#R ) she startled ) Qtell no oneA 5o one need kno(AR Q2t is not a thing yo& 'an hide $or long# espe'ially in 5atseretR ) he sniggered "itterly

Q2 s(ear "e$ore 6od# as 3e is %y (itness: yo& had %e# Boseph# yo& kne( %e at night ti%e# several ti%esAR Q1aria%AR 3is voi'e (as 'old and '&tting and he str&ggled to regain 'ontrol and then# in so$ter tones: Q2 (ill not %ake a p&"li' e7a%ple o$ yo&# 1aria%# (orry not 2 (ill give yo& leave to%orro( privately <e need only t(o (itnesses R ,he $ell silent# her "reathing shallo( and "ela"o&red Q1aria%:R QBo& $ell asleep and tossed and t&rned all night 2 'o&ld hear yo& $ro% %y 'ha%"er Bo& then 'a%e to %e# yo&r eyes still sh&t Bo& yo& had %e then# yo& kne( %e 2t is the tr&th !hro&gho&t the deed yo& never (oke 2 (as a$raid 2 did not kno( (hether to resist (o&ld have %eant the end o$ yo& Bo& (ere as tho&gh possessedAR Boseph %&lled over her (ords Q2 (as asleep even (hen even (hen 2 seeded yo&:R

QEven thenAR ) Cried 1aria% ) QBo& %&st "elieve %eA 2 didnSt (ant yo& dead or 2 (o&ld have done to ro&se yo&A .&t yo& (ere so alive (ith passion# so a''o%plished and 'ons&%%ate and yet so n&%"# so R ) 3er voi'e $altered Boseph 'r&%"led onto a "en'h: Q2 (alk at nightti%e#

1aria% 2 kno( not (hen'e and (hither 2 have no re'olle'tion 0eople have told %e that they have seen %e a"o&t the ho&se and $ields# "&t 2 re%e%"er na&ght R Q2 sa( yo& at ti%es#R ) said 1aria% ) Qso did .ilha the %aiden servant (ho% yo& e7pelled (hen it (as $o&nd she (as (ith 'hild R Boseph dre( air and e7haled Q3ave yo& told this to anyone:R Q2 did#R ) said 1aria%# kneeling "eside hi% and laying her 'allo&sed hand on his ) Q<hen 2 $o&nd o&t# 2 (ent to visit (ith Elisheva R Boseph nodded his approval: Q,he is a (ise (o%an 3ad she so%e advi'e to give yo&:R Q,he had#R ) ans(ered 1aria% Boseph straightened &p and peered ahead into the pen&%"ral $ra%e o$ the reed door Q,he said 2 have a son#R ) 1aria% re'o&nted so$tly ) Qyo&r son# BosephA ;&r $irst"orn 3er h&s"and# Ta'haria# had a vision in the te%ple and (as str&'k d&%" "y it Elisheva is pregnant# too R Boseph 'h&'kled in dis"elie$: Elisheva (as (ay past 'hild"earing age

QAn angel appeared to Ta'haria and told hi% that she (ill "ear a son# a great %an in 2srael 2 had a si%ilar drea% a$ter 2 have ret&rned $ro% her 2 sa( an angel# too R Q<o%an# donSt "lasphe%e#R ) e7'lai%ed Boseph pere%ptorily# "&t he (as listening# al"eit (ith in'red&lity# not a(e QAn angel 'a%e to %e#R ) persisted 1aria%: Q3e said that 2 a% the "lessed a%ong (o%en and that 2 need $ear not $or 2 have $o&nd $avo&r (ith 6od 3e kne( that 2 a% (ith 'hild 3e pro%ised %e ) &s ) a son and ordered that (e sho&ld na%e hi% Besh&a 3e shall "e great# the $r&it o$ yo&r loin# and shall "e 'alled the ,on o$ the 3ighest and the Lord 6od shall give &nto hi% the throne o$ his $ather David and he shall reign R QEno&ghAR ) ,ho&ted Boseph ) QBo& have gone %ad# (o%an# yo& took leave o$ yo&r sensesA 5ot only do yo& "lasphe%e against 6od# the 3oly .lessed "e 3e# "&t yo& also in'ite re"ellionA Bo& (ill "ring &pon &s the (rath o$ the %ighty (ith yo&r tro&"led spee'hAR .&t 1aria% pressed on# her di%in&tive $ra%e a"la8e (ith the 'ri%son d&sk# her hands held high: Q3e shall reign# Boseph# over the ho&se o$ Baakov $orever and o$ his kingdo% there shall "e no endAR De$lated# she 'r&%"led onto the "en'h "eside hi%# respiring heavily# s&pporting her "oso% (ith one hand#

the other pal% again 'a%ped on his sine(ed $orear% Boseph stirred: Q3o( shall this "e# seeing that yo& kne( not a %an:R 1aria% i%plored: Q2 did kno( yo&# BosephA .elieve %e# please# $or 2 a% not a harlotAR 3e kne( that And he re%e%"ered .ilhaSs (ords (hen she le$t his ho&sehold# 3agar-like (ith her "a"y QBo& are the 'hildSs $atherAR ) ,he protested ) QBo& 'a%e &pon %e at night# asl&%"eredA 2 'o&ld not (ake yo& &p no %atter (hat 2 didA !here and then yo& took %e and yo& kne( %e %any ti%es and no( yo& 'ast %e o&t to destit&tionAR And she '&rsed hi% and his progeny terri"ly 1aria% "esee'hed: QTa'haria told Elisheva that the 3oly 6host shall 'o%e &pon %e and the po(er o$ the %ost 3igh shall overshado( %e ;&r son (ill# there$ore# "e the ,on o$ 6odAR Boseph re'oiled invol&ntarily: this (as high sa'rilege and in his ho%e# he (ho o"served all the 'o%%and%ents $ro% the lightest to the harshestA Q<hat did yo& ans(er:R 1aria% responded instantly: Q2 said to hi% (ho (as s&rely the %essenger o$ 6od: "ehold the hand%aiden o$ the LordP "e it &nto %e a''ording to thy (ord R

Boseph kept ?&iet $or a $e( %o%ents and then rose $ro% their 'o%%on seat: Q1aria%# to%orro(# in $ront o$ t(o 'o%petent (itnesses# (e (ill part Bo& (ill go yo&r (ay and 2 (ill go %ine 2 'annot invoke the na%e o$ 6od# "lessed "e 3e and "lessed "e 3is 5a%e# in vain 5ot even $or yo& and yo&r 'hild R Q;&r 'hildAR ) 1aria% s'rea%ed ) Q;&r 'hild# BosephA C&rse "e &pon yo& i$ yo& a"andon &s and yo&r $irst"orn son as yo& have .ilhaSsAAAR 3e s(erved and le$t the shed# $orsaking her to the shado(s and the de%ons that al(ays l&rked in hi% and his a"ode KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK !hat night# he slept and in his sleep he drea%t an angel And the angel regarded hi% (ith great 'o%passion and said to hi%: QBosephA /ear not to take &nto thee 1aria% thy (i$e $or that (hi'h is 'on'eived in her is o$ the 3oly ,pirit and she shall "ring $orth a son and tho& shalt 'all his na%e Besh&a $or he shall save his people $ro% their sins R And in his sl&%"er# Boseph t&rned his $a'e $ro% the terri"le sight and 'ried# the tears rolling do(n his 'heeks into the st&""y gro(th that (as his "eard and onto his "lanket Even then he kne( that he (o&ld %arry 1aria% and $ather Besh&a and that he (ill not live to

see 3i% die a terri"le death Ret&rn

.H# '+.H-R Sh!uel ;Sa!< =aknin ,urriculu! =itae

,lick on blue te:t to access relevant

eb sites ; t#ank +ou(

.orn in 19F1 in @iryat-Ba%# 2srael ,erved in the 2sraeli De$en'e /or'e G19U9-19C2H in training and ed&'ation &nits #ducation 19U0-19UC: Co%pleted nine se%esters in the !e'hnion ) 2srael 2nstit&te o$ !e'hnology# 3ai$a 19C2-L: 0h D in 0hilosophy Gdissertation: 9!i%e Asy%%etry Revisited9H ) 0a'i$i' <estern >niversity# ,alifornia# >,A 19C2-J: 6rad&ate o$ n&%ero&s 'o&rses in /inan'e !heory and 2nternational !rading in the >I and >,A Certi$ied E-Co%%er'e Con'epts Analyst "y .rain"en'h Certi$ied in 0sy'hologi'al Co&nselling !e'hni?&es "y .rain"en'h Certi$ied /inan'ial Analyst "y .rain"en'h

/&ll pro$i'ien'y in 3e"re( and in English Business #>:erience .<=> to .<=0 /o&nder and 'o-o(ner o$ a 'hain o$ 'o%p&terised in$or%ation kiosks in !el-Aviv# 2srael .<=/ to .<=? ,enior positions (ith the 5essi% D 6aon 6ro&p o$ Co%panies in 6eneva# 0aris and 5e(-Bork G5;6A and A0R;/21 ,AH: ) Chie$ Analyst o$ Edi"le Co%%odities in the 6ro&p-s 3ead?&arters in ,(it8erland ) 1anager o$ the Resear'h and Analysis Division ) 1anager o$ the Data 0ro'essing Division ) 0roje't 1anager o$ the 5igerian Co%p&terised Cens&s ) 4i'e 0resident in 'harge o$ R5D and Advan'ed !e'hnologies ) 4i'e 0resident in 'harge o$ ,overeign De"t /inan'ing .<=? to .<=@ Represented Canadian 4ent&re Capital /&nds in 2srael

.<=@ to .<=A 6eneral 1anager o$ 20E Ltd in London !he $ir% $inan'ed international %&lti-lateral 'o&ntertrade and leasing transa'tions .<== to .<<> Co-$o&nder and Dire'tor o$ 91ik"ats-!es&ah9# a port$olio %anage%ent $ir% "ased in !el-Aviv A'tivities in'l&ded large-s'ale port$olio %anage%ent# &nder(riting# $ore7 trading and general $inan'ial advisory servi'es .<<> to Present /reelan'e 'ons&ltant to %any o$ 2srael-s .l&e-Chip $ir%s# %ainly on iss&es related to the 'apital %arkets in 2srael# Canada# the >I and the >,A Cons&ltant to $oreign R5D vent&res and to 6overn%ents on %a'ro-e'ono%i' %atters /reelan'e jo&rnalist in vario&s %edia in the >nited ,tates .<<> to .<<? 0resident o$ the 2srael 'hapter o$ the 0ro$essors <orld 0ea'e A'ade%y G0<0AH and G"rie$lyH 2srael representative o$ the 9<ashington !i%es9

.<<0 to .<<2 Co-o(ner and Dire'tor o$ %any "&siness enterprises: ) !he ;%ega and Energy Air-Conditioning Con'ern ) A40 /inan'ial Cons&ltants ) 3andi%an Legal ,ervi'es !otal ann&al t&rnover o$ the gro&p: 10 %illion >,D Co-o(ner# Dire'tor and /inan'e 1anager o$ C;,!2 Ltd ) 2srael-s largest 'o%p&terised in$or%ation vendor and developer Raised $&nds thro&gh a series o$ private pla'e%ents lo'ally in the >,A# Canada and London .<<0 to .<<@ 0&"lisher and Editor o$ a Capital 1arkets 5e(sletter distri"&ted "y s&"s'ription only to do8ens o$ s&"s'ri"ers 'o&ntry(ide 2n a legal pre'edent in 199J ) st&died in "&siness s'hools and la( $a'&lties a'ross 2srael ) (as tried $or his role in an atte%pted takeover o$ 2srael-s Agri'&lt&re .ank <as interned in the ,tate ,'hool o$ 0rison <ardens 1anaged the Central ,'hool Li"rary# (rote# p&"lished and le't&red on vario&s o''asions 1anaged the 2nternet and 2nternational 5e(s Depart%ent o$ an 2sraeli %ass %edia gro&p# 93a!ikshoret and 5a%er9 Assistant in the La( /a'&lty in !el-Aviv >niversity Gto 0ro$ , 6 ,hoha%H .<<@ to .<<<

/inan'ial 'ons&ltant to leading "&sinesses in 1a'edonia# R&ssia and the C8e'h Rep&"li' E'ono%i' 'o%%entator in 95ova 1akedonija9# 9Dnevnik9# 91akedonija Denes9# 928vestia9# 9Arg&%enti i /akti9# 9!he 1iddle East !i%es9# 9!he 5e( 0resen'e9# 9Central E&rope Revie(9# and other periodi'als# and in the e'ono%i' progra%s on vario&s 'hannels o$ 1a'edonian !elevision Chie$ Le't&rer in 'o&rses in 1a'edonia organised "y the Agen'y o$ 0rivati8ation# "y the ,to'k E7'hange# and "y the 1inistry o$ !rade .<<< to />>/ E'ono%i' Advisor to the 6overn%ent o$ the Rep&"li' o$ 1a'edonia and to the 1inistry o$ /inan'e />>. to />>0 ,enior .&siness Correspondent $or >nited 0ress 2nternational G>02H />>A ' Asso'iate Editor# 6lo"al 0oliti'ian /o&nding Analyst# !he Analyst 5et(ork Contri"&ting <riter# !he A%eri'an Chroni'le 1edia 6ro&p E7pert# ,el$-gro(th 'o% />>A'/>>= Col&%nist and analyst in 95ova 1akedonija9# 9/ok&s9# and 9Iapital9 G1a'edonian papers and ne(s(eekliesH

/>>=' 1e%"er o$ the ,teering Co%%ittee $or the Advan'e%ent o$ 3ealth'are in the Rep&"li' o$ 1a'edonia Advisor to the 1inister o$ 3ealth o$ 1a'edonia ,e%inars and le't&res on e'ono%i' iss&es in vario&s $or&%s in 1a'edonia ?eb and 0ournalistic 'ctivities A&thor o$ e7tensive <e" sites in: ) 0sy'hology G91alignant ,el$ Love9H - An ;pen Dire'tory Cool ,ite $or C years ) 0hilosophy G90hilosophi'al 1&sings9H# ) E'ono%i's and 6eopoliti's G9<orld in Con$li't and !ransition9H ;(ner o$ the 5ar'issisti' A"&se ,t&dy Lists and the A"&sive Relationships 5e(sletter G%ore than F#000 %e%"ersH ;(ner o$ the E'ono%ies in Con$li't and !ransition ,t&dy List # the !o7i' Relationships ,t&dy List# and the Links and /a'toid ,t&dy List Editor o$ %ental health disorders and Central and Eastern E&rope 'ategories in vario&s <e" dire'tories G;pen Dire'tory# ,ear'h E&rope# 1entalhelp netH Editor o$ the 0ersonality Disorders* 5ar'issisti' 0ersonality Disorder# the 4er"al and E%otional A"&se# and the ,po&sal GDo%esti'H A"&se and 4iolen'e topi's on ,&ite 101 and .ellaonline

Col&%nist and 'o%%entator in 9!he 5e( 0resen'e9# >nited 0ress 2nternational G>02H# 2nternetContent# e.ook<e"# 0op1atters# 6lo"al 0oliti'ian# !he Analyst 5et(ork# Conservative 4oi'e# !he A%eri'an Chroni'le 1edia 6ro&p# e.ook5et org# and 9Central E&rope Revie(9 %ublications and '$ards 91anaging 2nvest%ent 0ort$olios in ,tates o$ >n'ertainty9# Li%on 0&"lishers# !el-Aviv# 19CC 9!he 6a%"ling 2nd&stry9# Li%on 0&"lishers# !el-Aviv# 1990 9Re?&esting 1y Loved ;ne ) ,hort ,tories9# Bedioth Aharonot# !el-Aviv# 199U 9!he ,&$$ering o$ .eing Ia$ka9 Gele'troni' "ook o$ 3e"re( and English ,hort /i'tionH# 0rag&e# 199C-200D 9!he 1a'edonian E'ono%y at a Crossroads ) ;n the <ay to a 3ealthier E'ono%y9 Gdialog&es (ith 5ikola 6r&evskiH# ,kopje# 199C 9!he E7porters- 0o'ket"ook9# 1inistry o$ !rade# Rep&"li' o$ 1a'edonia# ,kopje# 1999 91alignant ,el$ Love ) 5ar'issis% Revisited9# 5ar'iss&s 0&"li'ations# 0rag&e# 1999-200U GRead e7'erpts - 'li'k hereH !he 5ar'issis% ,eries Ge-"ooks regarding relationships (ith a"&sive nar'issistsH# 0rag&e# 1999-200U 0ersonality Disorders Revisited Ge-"ook a"o&t personality disordersH# 0rag&e# 200U

9A$ter the Rain ) 3o( the <est Lost the East9# 5ar'iss&s 0&"li'ations in asso'iation (ith Central E&rope Revie(+CEE512# 0rag&e and ,kopje# 2000 <inner o$ n&%ero&s a(ards# a%ong the% 2srael-s Co&n'il o$ C&lt&re and Art 0ri8e $or 1aiden 0rose G199UH# !he Rotary Cl&" A(ard $or ,o'ial ,t&dies G19UFH# and the .ilateral Relations ,t&dies A(ard o$ the A%eri'an E%"assy in 2srael G19UCH 3&ndreds o$ pro$essional arti'les in all $ields o$ $inan'e and e'ono%i's# and n&%ero&s arti'les dealing (ith geopoliti'al and politi'al e'ono%i' iss&es p&"lished in "oth print and <e" periodi'als in %any 'o&ntries 1any appearan'es in the ele'troni' %edia on s&"je'ts in philosophy and the s'ien'es# and 'on'erning e'ono%i' %atters ?rite to Me) pal%a*&net 'o% %k nar'issisti'a"&se-o(ner*yahoogro&ps 'o% M& ?eb Sites) &conom+BPolitics8 http:++'eeand"alkan tripod 'o%+ Ps+c#olo$+8 http:++((( nar'issisti'-a"&se 'o%+ P#ilosop#+8 http:++philosophos tripod 'o%+ Poetr+8 http:++sa%vak tripod 'o%+'ontents ht%l

3iction8 http:++sa%vak tripod 'o%+sip&ri% ht%l Ret&rn